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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

753 replies

unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 10:11

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 12/02/2022 21:22

Mumdiva99

It's all the aggressive arseholes.on the road that make it scary. The ones who drove up.your backside, the ones who won't gove way, the ones who don't know which lane to be in. The ones who post on local groups about 'why can't everyone drive at 60mph if that's the speed limit' and the ones that agree with them. The ones that push out into tiny gaps....etc etc If road users were more accommodating, less aggressive and just slowed down a little bit it might help....

I teach people to drive so am on the road all day and you have hit the nail on the head

mathanxiety · 12/02/2022 21:23

It's culturally acceptable as a signifier of British femininity in the UK to say you're a nervous driver.

There is good public transport elsewhere - you can easily live without a car in many American cities and other cities around the globe. Yet you don't hear American women expressing fears around driving - it's considered unAmerican, and driving is a very unisex activity in the US, where the majority of teens get driving lessons in high school.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/02/2022 21:25

"Manslaughter, death by da heroes driving?"

Oh well if it's just manslaughter, that's OK is it? Knowing you've taken someone's life and going to prison. Just great.

Original poster
unfeelingwife · 12/02/2022 21:30

@mathanxiety

It's culturally acceptable as a signifier of British femininity in the UK to say you're a nervous driver.

There is good public transport elsewhere - you can easily live without a car in many American cities and other cities around the globe. Yet you don't hear American women expressing fears around driving - it's considered unAmerican, and driving is a very unisex activity in the US, where the majority of teens get driving lessons in high school.

Good point
OP posts:
pinkhousesarebest · 12/02/2022 21:51

I was always a confident driver. Live in Central Europe and have driven all over, often alone and with babies/ young children. Don’t know how/ when it start d to bother me driving at night/ on the motorway. I recently had to drive our sick cat to an emergency vets at 4 in the morning - the other side of our city and I was petrified. Is it an age thing? I think it is really important to not give in as the circle of what you are comfortable with diminishes quickly but it is hard work.

bruffin · 12/02/2022 22:40

@mathanxiety

It's culturally acceptable as a signifier of British femininity in the UK to say you're a nervous driver.

There is good public transport elsewhere - you can easily live without a car in many American cities and other cities around the globe. Yet you don't hear American women expressing fears around driving - it's considered unAmerican, and driving is a very unisex activity in the US, where the majority of teens get driving lessons in high school.

Probably why they have such a rate of fatal crashes compared to the UK
countrylifer · 12/02/2022 22:51

It's fine for women to say they're nervous drivers and therefore make other independent travel arrangements. The thing I find quite mind blowing is how many women rely on husbands to drive them everywhere instead. MIL is one. She "doesn't drive on motorways" so FIL drives her. He's a few years older, will most likely go before her and then she'll be stuck.

It's uncharitable, but I find the self inflicted weakness so irritating. Stop relying on men for such basic things as driving on a long straight road where the oncoming traffic is even helpfully divided from you by a metal barrier. If you can't even do that, how on earth will you manage with general life when your husband has gone?

How many men say "I'm scared of motorways so my wife drives me on those, and I stay local"? Exactly.

countrylifer · 12/02/2022 22:55

@pinkhousesarebest

I was always a confident driver. Live in Central Europe and have driven all over, often alone and with babies/ young children. Don’t know how/ when it start d to bother me driving at night/ on the motorway. I recently had to drive our sick cat to an emergency vets at 4 in the morning - the other side of our city and I was petrified. Is it an age thing? I think it is really important to not give in as the circle of what you are comfortable with diminishes quickly but it is hard work.
Have you had your eyes tested? I'm late 40s but realised I needed glasses for driving when I found night driving uncomfortable and tiring. Glasses made the world of difference and can now do a long journey overnight again with no problem.
Ameanstreakamilewide · 12/02/2022 23:26

@yellowflowersintherain

YANBU OP.

I'll say this here but I can't say it in real life. My MIL stopped driving 30 years ago because she found it scary, so she let her husband do all the driving instead. Unfortunately he then died suddenly and relatively young (early 60s) and now she's on her own in a rural area, nearest tiny shop is a 20 minute walk up a huge hill, nearest GP is an hour away. Unreliable bus service. Nearest family (us) two hours away.

She is always saying she is lonely and can't go anywhere but any suggestion that she might pick up driving again is immediately written off. I find it incredibly frustrating.

I can sympathise entirely.

My MIL is in a similar predicament, although she isn't widowed.
But she has relied on my FIL to do all the driving and now has very little confidence in driving herself.
And the trouble is, that my FIL's driving licence hasn't been renewed, so they're up the Swanny now.

It's the tip of the iceberg, really.

RampantIvy · 12/02/2022 23:39

And that is why I am perennially grateful that DH made me drive out of my comfort zone in my early driving days. He now has memory issues, and is happy to drive in daylight on routes he is familiar with, and on motorways, but when it comes to town driving or needing to use the satnav he can't do it any more. I now drive 99% of the time.

Volhhg · 13/02/2022 00:27

I have done some fairly intrepid things in my life that most of the men I know would consider beyond them. Unfortunately I cannot pass my driving test and really I am scared of hurting someone and myself. I don't know why really

mathanxiety · 13/02/2022 00:28

Probably why they have such a rate of fatal crashes compared to the UK

...which makes the British female skittishness about driving even more irrational.

This nervousness is a cultural affectation.

mathanxiety · 13/02/2022 00:34

It's uncharitable, but I find the self inflicted weakness so irritating. Stop relying on men for such basic things as driving on a long straight road where the oncoming traffic is even helpfully divided from you by a metal barrier. If you can't even do that, how on earth will you manage with general life when your husband has gone?

How many men say "I'm scared of motorways so my wife drives me on those, and I stay local"? Exactly.

Couldn't agree more, @countrylifer

mathanxiety · 13/02/2022 00:38

...my brother is incredibly confident. He lost his licence for driving without due care and attention twice, had to retake his test to get it back, pays thousands in insurance every year because of that, and even after that he wrapped his car around a tree while speeding along a winding coastal road in the pitch black

That's not confidence. It's arrogance and stupidity, and nobody is applauding that sort of driving.

TatianaBis · 13/02/2022 00:51

Probably why they have such a rate of fatal crashes compared to the UK

A quick Google indicates that 3 times more men die on US roads than women which is in line with worldwide stats.

ALongHardWinter · 13/02/2022 00:52

And here we go again.....

merrymelodies · 13/02/2022 02:34

I love to drive! It feels so good, like freedom.Grin

RampantIvy · 13/02/2022 08:07

It's uncharitable, but I find the self inflicted weakness so irritating. Stop relying on men for such basic things as driving on a long straight road where the oncoming traffic is even helpfully divided from you by a metal barrier. If you can't even do that, how on earth will you manage with general life when your husband has gone?

And limiting. I do remember feeling daunted by motorway driving, and exhilarated after the first time I drive on one, so I understand the initial fear, but it does need to be overcome. Once on a motorway driving is much easier than you think.

JoieDeLivres · 13/02/2022 08:30

It's culturally acceptable as a signifier of British femininity in the UK to say you're a nervous driver.

THIS. Am sure it comes from the same bit of the brain as pretending not to be able to read long words aloud (among late school-age girls/young women at university). We're conditioned very, very early on to shrink from embracing our own intelligence or strength; anyone who does is weird, arrogant or unladylike. Takes a lot in those adolescent years to just be your own person, and whether or not you manage to do that has massive ramifications for later life.

Having said all that - I can't drive 😂. Never learned as a teen and yep have lived in places with cheap, reliable public transport ever since, so haven't felt the need. But I DO recognise that not feeling the need is turning over time into "being scared of taking the plunge", and fully intend to jump off the deep end this year. Thank you OP for the prod!

RosesAndHellebores · 13/02/2022 08:37

I drive the periphique; dh won't.

The first time I drove around Hyde Park Corner, there were no lights in 1979, I took a deep breath tucked behind a black cab and made sure there was no more than 3 feet between the cab and my car. I didn't know where he was going of course but I discovered a marvellous background to Sloane Square.

I recall 40 years ago being told there were two ways to drive in London. Purposefully and a tiny bit faster/ahead of everyone else or nervously and slowly waiting for people to give way/let you in and get left far behind.

MrsToadflax · 13/02/2022 09:09

I'm happy to drive everywhere except cities. I live rurally and travel on motorways and drive to large towns etc, but on the handful of times I've needed to drive in cities I've found it incredibly stressful. I don't think that is 'ridiculous.' It's a very different environment. I find it overwhelming with the many different road configurations, endless street signs, multiple lanes of traffic going in different directions, roads that suddenly become one way only, huge volume of cars, not knowing where to park etc. It's not that I'm incompetent or flustered, it just takes all the joy out of driving for me. Instead, I drive to a train station, find my pre-booked seat, drink coffee, read and arrive relaxed and refreshed.

ShiftingSands21 · 13/02/2022 09:14

This thread is really infuriating me.

Thing is, I know plenty of men that don’t drive. They don’t claim it’s due to being nervous but I imagine in some cases that is the reason and in some cases it isn’t. There’s probably myriad reasons. Who cares. It’s up to them.

I don’t drive. I have a license which I achieved with great difficulty on an automatic. People have always commented that I’m not using it because I’m a nervous driver and it is wearisome to correct them because that’s the only explanation people’s imaginations appear able to extend to. Whatever. The actual reason, I now know, is ADHD, a condition I was diagnosed late with because, basically, chronic sexism is everywhere, like on this thread.

BABAHOTEL · 13/02/2022 09:17

@RampantIvy

It's uncharitable, but I find the self inflicted weakness so irritating. Stop relying on men for such basic things as driving on a long straight road where the oncoming traffic is even helpfully divided from you by a metal barrier. If you can't even do that, how on earth will you manage with general life when your husband has gone?

And limiting. I do remember feeling daunted by motorway driving, and exhilarated after the first time I drive on one, so I understand the initial fear, but it does need to be overcome. Once on a motorway driving is much easier than you think.

Agreed straight long road, nothing to fear!
ShiftingSands21 · 13/02/2022 09:22

And limiting. I do remember feeling daunted by motorway driving, and exhilarated after the first time I drive on one, so I understand the initial fear, but it does need to be overcome. Once on a motorway driving is much easier than you think.

If I had a penny for every time I heard someone say they were nervous and overcame it and has no idea why their particular experience isn’t universal and doesn’t just magically apply to everyone.

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