Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

[unfeelingwife]

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

What I'm saying is, you have assumed that women who are nervous are all afraid of being judged by people (i.e. men). However, they might just be nervous because driving at speed is a huge responsibility and an accident could kill you.

This was the biggest factor In why I wasn’t keen on driving.

I don't drive - tried learning when I was 17, didn't enjoy it, thought "not for me". I don't expect DP to drive me anywhere (just as well because he doesn't drive either!).

Same here. I have never had the urge nor felt this supposed freedom that I’ve heard so many drivers talk about. I remember learning and being yelled at or had jokes made from my parents despite learning and doing all right with an instructor. Also, seeing a ridiculous amount of angry drivers behind the wheel, being in car accidents, the lack of drivers even following the laws and/or driving dangerously, the cost, on top of the worry about maintenance, petrol prices, and parking, I’d rather keep to walking and taking public transport because I really don’t want that much added angst and stress in my life. I have been in more accidents being in a car than being on public transport.

Also to add r.e. driving slowly... it's going to become the default given the new Highway code.
I'm not saying you should do 20 in a 50 zone dual carriageway (you can fail a driving test for that) but it's not hard to drive at high speed on suitable places, like large dual carriageways or motorways. On wide roads there are loads of other things that can slow you down like cyclists and learners, if other drivers are good enough then they should just overtake. No need to get angry.
It's DIFFICULT in places like bendy country roads, wider residential roads. locals zoom about. HOWEVER with the amount of cyclists, scooters and random animals it's not a good idea to go too fast. The majority of new driver crashes happen by losing control at high speed, in the dark/around bends.

Last time I was driving on country roads a car zoomed past me... I turned out of a bend only to see it pootling in front behind some cyclists. Props to them, they were polite and pulled over to let us pass but you can't see anything at all, while speed limits are 70 it's impossible to do more than 30 on some stretches. That car was lucky to not hit them. Another time turning a bend a large SUV was coming towards me, if I'd been driving the speed limit there'd have been a collision.

Isn't driving significantly more dangerous for women as all the safety features are designed for male bodies?

unfeelingwife

calling anyone "pathetic" is hardly a way to encourage them to do anything .

Your thread is not about a genuine concern, or a will to empower women or anything of the sort.

it's just goady and you need to make yourself feel better and more important because YOU tell yourself are a good driver. And again, confident driver never meant being a GOOD driver.

@AbaloneShell My panic attack occurred soon after a close family bereavement and 2 other close family members had been seriously ill. My GP put my panic attack down to that but with hindsight I also wonder if the menopause was partly to blame. I haven't thankfully experienced anxiety in any other situation apart from driving.
@Inspectorslack my GP prescribed propranolol at the time just to be used when I needed to drive. I took them for a short time but tbh I ended up worrying about the effects of the drugs as well so didn't continue with them.
I have a friend who is happy to drive to places but to get honest she is such a bad driver that none of us will take up the offer of a lift with her now. So OP, I think I'd rather have a friend who knows her limitations and opts out of motorway or night driving than a friend who's happy to do it but really shouldn't be!

I don't think being scared of driving is as pathetic as you seem to think. Driving is a theoretically dangerous activity and I don't think there is anything wrong with people being cautious of it.

This is such a passive aggressive thread. If someone is a nervous driver then not driving is the most sensible and selfless course of action. Hesitant drivers who second guess themselves are unsafe on the road and cause accidents and nobody should force themselves into that situation just to appear brave.

@Pedalpushers

I don't think being scared of driving is as pathetic as you seem to think. Driving is a theoretically dangerous activity and I don't think there is anything wrong with people being cautious of it.

Right! I wish more people were too scared to drive, to be honest - there are so many stupid and dangerous drivers out there.

I think much of it arises from applied misogyny and the fact that many women, especially when they have small children, have decisions around cars taken from them. I recall buying a new car when dc were small (the family car that I drove) other mothers at school who were degree educated and often working being horrified that my dh had left the purchase entirely to me. Probably 20 years ago now but nevertheless. Oh and all the comments about how cross Jeremy of Johnnie would be about a scratch or a parking ticket.

"I know at least 5 women in my circle who don't drive when it's dark"

I avoid driving at night if I can help it because my night vision is so poor that I'm a liability - to myself and others. No issues whatsoever during the day.

Judging by the disproportionate percentage of fatal RTAs that occur at night, I imagine this is a problem quite a few people have. It's not because night time is spooky and scary.

I can drive brilliantly, day or night, motorway or country lanes, no bother to me.
Parking, however, is a whole other story.........

@Confusedtraveler

unfeelingwife

calling anyone "pathetic" is hardly a way to encourage them to do anything .

Your thread is not about a genuine concern, or a will to empower women or anything of the sort.

it's just goady and you need to make yourself feel better and more important because YOU tell yourself are a good driver. And again, confident driver never meant being a GOOD driver.

Well said!

I have driven at least 300,000 miles over the last 44 years. I do drive at night but try to limit it to routes I know well or London which is always well lit. My night vision is not what it was. The same applies to many men I know.

I've also had many men tell me I was brave and wow how amazing it was that I was so confident to drive long distances alone and that they don't know women who would ever dare...

Really, OP? "Many" men have actually said this to you?

I have never, in 20 years of driving experienced a man reacting with amazement and wonder to me driving long distances. Maybe it's because the men I'm friends with aren't patronising twats. Or maybe because it's a completely unremarkable thing to do, the vast majority of men actually couldn't give a shit, and it doesn't make you "brave" or special at all.

I don't. But if it's caused by men intimidating them on the road, then it's a real shame.

So as an answer you think intimidating ,shaming them and calling them name to get them to drive more will work?

Really?

@neverbeenskiing

I've also had many men tell me I was brave and wow how amazing it was that I was so confident to drive long distances alone and that they don't know women who would ever dare...

Really, OP? "Many" men have actually said this to you?

I have never, in 20 years of driving experienced a man reacting with amazement and wonder to me driving long distances. Maybe it's because the men I'm friends with aren't patronising twats. Or maybe because it's a completely unremarkable thing to do, the vast majority of men actually couldn't give a shit, and it doesn't make you "brave" or special at all.

Seriously. Not friends, but older colleagues have said it to me many times when I've hired cars on business trips and taken road trips by myself in the US for example. Or when they've found out I've driven to Spain etc.

If someone isn't confident to drive everywhere, but is happy to drive locally is that such a bad thing? (Me).

I know someone who was overconfident (she passed on her tenth driving test) and she killed someone in the car coming towards her by overtaking and not seeing the oncoming car.

Before this accident and any knowledge I was driven by her and vowed never to do it again. She was a reckless driver.

So I'm saying it is better to know your limits and not to drive if you are not up to it.

That should be admired not looked down upon.

@RosesAndHellebores

I think much of it arises from applied misogyny and the fact that many women, especially when they have small children, have decisions around cars taken from them. I recall buying a new car when dc were small (the family car that I drove) other mothers at school who were degree educated and often working being horrified that my dh had left the purchase entirely to me. Probably 20 years ago now but nevertheless. Oh and all the comments about how cross Jeremy of Johnnie would be about a scratch or a parking ticket.

Exactly. You see it all the time...family car is extension of man's penis. There's been a lot of emotional reaction on this thread, TBF the OP hasn't exactly been diplomatic. But the slant is more of how people are being held back. Again, it's a personal decision, but a shame on a systemic level.

Just like how women talk themselves out of applying for stretch roles, obviously a personal decision but bit of a waste.

@ZealAndArdour

Wonder how many of them have had a dad/boyfriend/husband/male sat in the passenger seat criticising their driving at some point (or continually) which has had a cumulative effect on their confidence on the roads, when combined with acts of road rage from other road users, and non-courteous driving inflicted on them?

My driving is constantly criticised by my dad or my boyfriend, the the point now that if I’m having even the slightest bad day or feeling a bit off colour my boyfriend will do a patronising “shall I drive?” and head tilt thing insinuating that I’m not capable.

The only accident I’ve ever had in 15 years of driving was taking it too tight into my dads drive way one time in the dark and scraping the side of my car, so that would suggest I’m not really a danger to anyone else on the road. Yet the frequent criticisers have had a variety of points and fines and accidents.

My DH learnt the hard way when he did this to me.I am a very confident driver as i drive for work and all manner of roads including daily very rural narrow ones .He patronized my driving one day knowing full well i do more miles a year than him, he went in the supermarket so i drove of home and left him told him get a taxi then , the nearest supermarket is 20 min drive .I did after an apology go back .I know i am a safe driver he has had one prang so i take no shite.He tends not do it now lol when in my car.

Men think they're so much better at driving

Just reminded me too thinking of misogyny, i have a story to tell.Because my job involves driving to houses i have honed parallel parking i can literally park anywhere i have men watch me smirking and that soon drops when i just whizz my car in .I live on a small village street so sometimes parking can be tight .This one day i got home from work and there was a space just about enough for my car behind DH van .As my BFF says most people would not attempt it then there is me. Whilst i reserved in a man was waiting to go past in a 4x4 with a woman in the passenger seat not old say early 40's.I nipped my car neatly in no messing in one go as goes past he pulls along side as i get put of the car and he says that is honestly the best ever parking i have ever seen that space was tight and especially you being a woman too .My answer yes i am excellent at parelell parking better than most men actually including my husband and strode of .

Reversed not reserved

The only thing "super pathetic" is your shitty attitude. Bully for you that you are a fantastic driver and don't give a fuck about anyone else, not everyone is as confident.

My fear of driving has nothing to do with men, its to do with trauma outside my control.

I'm already embarrassed and ashamed enough about it, I don't need your judgement.

@Autumnalblooms

Just reminded me too thinking of misogyny, i have a story to tell.Because my job involves driving to houses i have honed parallel parking i can literally park anywhere i have men watch me smirking and that soon drops when i just whizz my car in .I live on a small village street so sometimes parking can be tight .This one day i got home from work and there was a space just about enough for my car behind DH van .As my BFF says most people would not attempt it then there is me. Whilst i reserved in a man was waiting to go past in a 4x4 with a woman in the passenger seat not old say early 40's.I nipped my car neatly in no messing in one go as goes past he pulls along side as i get put of the car and he says that is honestly the best ever parking i have ever seen that space was tight and especially you being a woman too .My answer yes i am excellent at parelell parking better than most men actually including my husband and strode of .

Haha no doubt everyone will say you're goady and pleased with yourself for telling that story.... how dare you acknowledge one of your strengths..

For what it's worth, I'm not that good at parallel parking. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. But there's one thing I'll make damn sure of, that I won't let other people huffing and puffing at waiting for me to do it, put me off. They can fucking wait a second.

@LolaLuffnagal

The only thing "super pathetic" is your shitty attitude. Bully for you that you are a fantastic driver and don't give a fuck about anyone else, not everyone is as confident.

My fear of driving has nothing to do with men, its to do with trauma outside my control.

I'm already embarrassed and ashamed enough about it, I don't need your judgement.

Sorry about your trauma. I have plenty of trauma too that I regularly get judged about.