Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gift etiqeutte

131 replies

JaffaCake70 · 12/02/2022 09:34

Good Morning

A question that has probably been asked before:

Is is appropriate to ask for cash gifts for my wedding?

I'm 51, my partner is 47, we're getting married in May. We live together and don't need any household goods etc.

We really don't want anyone to waste money on items that we will probably just disgard at a later date due to lack of space.

I feel cheeky asking for money but it would come in very handy for our honeymoon spending money.

Is there a way of tactfully asking my guests for cash gifts? Should I add a little note to the invites or something?

I'm really not sure how to broach this, any advice and opinions would be much appreciated.

YABU - It's rude to ask for cash gifts.

YANBU - It's absolutely fine to ask for cash gifts.

OP posts:
Airyfairymarybeary · 12/02/2022 16:36

Those poems make me want to vomit.
What about travel company vouchers?

MumWithYOPD · 12/02/2022 16:49

Congratulations

Read this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4461981-What-does-MN-have-against-money-poems

Personally I wouldn’t ask for ££ but if you do (your day, your way) be honest and just ask for the currency for wherever you’re going. Poem is a no-no.

KarmaStar · 12/02/2022 17:07

I would not dream of asking for others to subsidise our spending money.What on earth are you thinking?
Gifts were originally for couples who had nothing and to furnish an empty home,now it appears to be seen as an entitlement.Yes,greedy is a good word for this.A poem makes no difference to your actions.
Focus on your wedding and why you're getting married.Hopefully it's not for a free holiday .

DappledThings · 12/02/2022 17:19

Gifts were originally for couples who had nothing and to furnish an empty home,now it appears to be seen as an entitlement.
No, now gifts are seen as a totally normal and standard thing to bring to a wedding. People don't get married in otder to get gifts but it's ridiculous to think guests don't generally expect and want to buy a gift. And if you can make that nice and easy by suggesting what that gift could be, such as a registry list or option to contribute something then that's just fine.

I do think the number of people being prissy a out this is thankfully on the decline.

Ohyesiam · 12/02/2022 17:19

Definitely don’t mention it in the invitation, or do a poem, they are really naff. But I would be more than happy to give cash towards a honeymoon in a “ if you want to contribute, no pressure” kind of way.

toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 17:19

@KarmaStar do you give a wedding couple a present if you go to their wedding?

awaynboilyurheid · 12/02/2022 19:54

Really puzzled as to why money should be given to charity just because bride groom are a bit older! How many weddings have they probably been to where they probably gave money if asked or a present if there was a gift list! But somehow when it’s their wedding they must give it to a charity !?!

It’s really up to the couple and in the real world not mumsnet most people know that if you go to a wedding you give cash or contribute to their gift list without being really annoyed it’s not going straight to charity.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/02/2022 00:33

@toomuchlaundry

I'm not expecting any gifts as it's a 2nd marriage and I'm a grown woman in my 40s, not starting out. If anyone asks I'd appreciate a donation to acharity close to my heart as I've lost most of my family

I can't speak of other cultures but in my culture no I won't give cash. I'd like to hope no one I'd know getting married would stoop to ask.

Cocogreen · 13/02/2022 03:30

@Teeturtle

I think a 51 year old and 47 year old asking for money is particularly grabby, although I would not appreciate it from anyone. You are old enough to have everything you need for the house, you are also old enough to pay for your own flipping honeymoon.
This
bonetiredwithtwins · 13/02/2022 06:23

Whilst it's your first marriage I'd be cringing on your behalf at a cash gift request at your ages - I don't get how you can spend potentially £1000's On a wedding then expect guests to stump up for holiday spending money - not so bad I guess when it's a "young" couple as likely they have had help from parents to pay for the wedding, and may have other cash pressures like trying to buy first home, paying off uni fees, or saving to have kids.....but at your ages you won't have those life costs presumably

JustJam4Tea · 13/02/2022 07:46

This place is strange. It’s a cultural norm in most parts of the U.K. that when someone gets married you get them a present.

2pinkginsplease · 13/02/2022 07:52

Please don’t use one of those naff money poems, they are so cringeworthy.

I would always give money as a wedding gift unless they provide a naff money poem and then I would buy a naff gift. I hate those poems.

We got married 22 years ago and most people gave us money then and we both previously had lived at home with our parents.

KaptainKaveman · 13/02/2022 07:54

There is something really vulgar and crass about middle aged people asking for money. Benidorm types.

justustwoandmoo · 13/02/2022 07:58

I'd just say nothing tbh. I'm really not a fan of those poem things. People think it's a sweet way of asking for money but it really isn't.

If u say nothing then people will just give what they can\want to.

Congrats btw 🎉🎉

DappledThings · 13/02/2022 08:13

I don't get how you can spend potentially £1000's On a wedding then expect guests to stump up for holiday spending money
It's not about expecting. It's simply acknowledging that 99% of wedding guests will want to and plan to give a gift of some kind and that giving a little steer to them to make that gift useful and most wanted is both sensible and very helpful for guests.

justustwoandmoo · 13/02/2022 08:20

@KaptainKaveman

There is something really vulgar and crass about middle aged people asking for money. Benidorm types.
Harsh comment.
justustwoandmoo · 13/02/2022 08:20

@2pinkginsplease

Please don’t use one of those naff money poems, they are so cringeworthy.

I would always give money as a wedding gift unless they provide a naff money poem and then I would buy a naff gift. I hate those poems.

We got married 22 years ago and most people gave us money then and we both previously had lived at home with our parents.

😂😂 love this!
AuntieStella · 13/02/2022 08:26

This is where you need a nice gossipy family and friends.

So you can tell a couple of people that you really want cash, and rely on them to spread the word.

Asking directly for money is always a bit off, so I'd send nothing with invitations, but would respond to all enquiries by saying that you want to be given money.

If anyone is insistent on wanting to get you a thing, it might be handy to think of what you're likely to want over the next year or so so you do have a suggestion or two for that as well.

elliss1 · 13/02/2022 08:29

We asked for cash from guests at our wedding, but we specified what it was for we needing new carpets and flooring for our home. Guest were happy to gift money

UsernameInTheTown · 13/02/2022 08:39

Please don't use a trashy poem OP, they are bum clenchingly cringe and embarassing.

DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 13/02/2022 08:46

Money is the best gift. Unless a couple had a specific gift list, I always give money. It's always a pleaser!

LadyGAgain · 13/02/2022 09:39

A simple "No boxed gifts" should tell the receiver all they need to know!

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 13/02/2022 09:53

I don't think you need to ask at all. I think nowadays people tend to do cash anyway. We didn't mention gifts at all and probably 90% gave cash or vouchers. I would much rather give cash but i do cringe when someone includes a give me your money poem. Some people ask what you would like if you don't mention a
Registry and at that point absolutely fine to say cash.

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 09:55

@LadyGAgain

A simple "No boxed gifts" should tell the receiver all they need to know!
We established on the poems thread this isn't the case as some of us literally thought it meant they wanted items out out of boxes so they didn't need to deal with recycling or whatever Grin
bonetiredwithtwins · 13/02/2022 12:17

@JustJam4Tea

This place is strange. It’s a cultural norm in most parts of the U.K. that when someone gets married you get them a present.
Yes present not cash

Even vouchers would be more preferable - I don't have an issue with things like B&Q vouchers etc which have been requested at weddings I've been to before because I know they clearly need something but cold hard cash for them to spend on a holiday.....in their 40s and 50s is a totally different matter