Wedding gift etiqeutte

[JaffaCake70]

Good Morning

A question that has probably been asked before:

Is is appropriate to ask for cash gifts for my wedding?

I'm 51, my partner is 47, we're getting married in May. We live together and don't need any household goods etc.

We really don't want anyone to waste money on items that we will probably just disgard at a later date due to lack of space.

I feel cheeky asking for money but it would come in very handy for our honeymoon spending money.

Is there a way of tactfully asking my guests for cash gifts? Should I add a little note to the invites or something?

I'm really not sure how to broach this, any advice and opinions would be much appreciated.

YABU - It's rude to ask for cash gifts.

YANBU - It's absolutely fine to ask for cash gifts.

I agree with don't ask, or even mention gifts at all.

I've been married twice and I cringe that I did both times (first mid-nineties had a wedding list card thing that I put in with the the invitation, genuinely thought that this was the done thing! It was all parts to a dinner service). Got married again less than a decade later and did the whole want your presence not presents thing - but then suggested JL gift vouchers if they really insisted or wtte. I just absolutely cringe now and wish I had said absolutely nothing at all!

I think it is more standard now to give cash so you'll probably get cash anyway.

www.brides.com/story/top-honeymoon-registries

Lots of friends have used these types of things recently.I think it's a lovely hybrid of asking for what you prefer but letting people choose to pay for a meal or towards the cost of an experience rather than just straight up currency. You can also personally thank people with a picture or something after enjoying the experience they gifted you. They provide nice inserts for wedding invitations too.

YANBU. I wouldn’t expect to attend a wedding (whether all day or just evening) without giving some sort of gift, and I certainly wouldn’t be offended if someone asked for cash/vouchers instead of a toaster! I’d hate to think the married couple end up with a load of tut they don’t want.

Don’t say anything and you’ll be given cash/ vouchers by people who want to buy something

@babyjellyfish

We wrote, "Some of you have asked us about gifts. We do not have a gift list because we already have everything that we need. If you would like to get us something, a gift or a small contribution towards our honeymoon would be gratefully received, but is in no way expected."

Some of our guests gave us nothing at all, most gave us cash (in varying amounts) and a small number gave us presents, which were actually very nice and thoughtful.

This is the best option.

A poem is tacky.

Cash instead of gift means I don't have to rack my brains thinking of something to buy or wade through a wedding list of things that I wouldn't choose to give, or with only the expensive items left.

I don't mind when I get an invite asking for cash because it seems to the 'the norm' nowadays . But It does make me slightly cringe . I personally didn't want to ask for money from people after they had already forked out to attend etc. When I got married we put on our invites that we didn't want any gifts at all, just their company. We still got quite a lot of cash gifts and cash in the currency of the country we were going on honeymoon to. Also some lovely small personal gifts. But I know my guests gave because they wanted to and not because they felt they had to .

Don't say anything about gifts and people will likely give you cash anyway.

And do not put in a bloody poem.

Really rude, just say no gifts!

Just ask for no gifts, if people want to give you money as a nice gesture they will.

Asking for money gifts in your 40s/50s comes across as quite odd and rude and most people will assume you’re both comfortably settled in your careers/lifestyle/home by then and don’t need money. Younger couples may be trying to get on the property ladder, or set up a home, just starting out in their professions etc so money for a honeymoon or house deposit is needed rather than wanted.

Can you not afford the honeymoon of your choice?

YABU.

Most people will give a gift. Saying you don't want presents is pretty much code for "show me the money"!

Please don't do a poem. They are bloody awful.

I find it really rude that people ask for gifts without being prompted. I don't go around giving my wish list for my birthday.

I tend to give more if there's no ridiculous verse and no order for gifts.

Thank you everyone.

I knew opinions would be mixed about the rudeness/manners side of things.

As we really don't want to be gifted anything for the house and we also don't need any John Lewis vouchers (or vouchers for anywhere else for that matter, we really do have everything we need!) we feel that we do need to say something in our invites.

It's silly to just not say anything as obviously people are going to want to give gifts and we don't want their money to be wasted on items that will probably be disgarded in the near future (as I said in my original post).

Our home isn't huge and we are quite minimalist and don't like a lot of stuff lying about (ornaments, photo frames etc).

I like your response @babyjellyfish and as I'm sorting my invites today, I will write the same thing that you wrote in your invites word for word on mine. I'm not going to stress about it any more. Decision made! I have many other things to stress about, my wedding is in ten weeks!!.

Thank you everyone for your advice and opinions though, everyone who took time out of their day to reply is much appreciated :-)

IMO, wish lists/registries etc should only be given if someone asks what you would like.

Thank you @WhoppingBigBackside I 100% agree!

Ask away. I don't like having to choose gifts, try and be thoughtful etc. Carry it to the wedding and hope that they like it... but I also don't want to seem thoughtless, so If the couple don't specify they would prefer cash I'll buy them something for the house.

I so much prefer giving cash it is far easier for me but I need you to mention you would prefer that, so as I feel I can.

Don't be embarrassed, it's fine and expected these days.

And looking at it from the angle of someone attending a wedding, I'd much rather send cash so that the bride and groom can have a couple of cocktails on their honeymoon, than a gift that isn't wanted/needed.

I hadn't thought of it that way before, but now that I have, I think I could've answered my own question!!

Wedding gifts are very rarely about setting people up in a new home nowadays. I know people say it is grabby about asking for something in your wedding invite, but honestly how many people go to a wedding (especially if you are invited to the reception) and don’t give something to the bride and groom. That would be rude.

If no mention in the invite then you only end up asking them what they want!

Thank you @Hopefullyoneday12 When I read the replys here and thought about what I would prefer to do as a guest, I completely agree with you and feel the same.

@babyjellyfish

We wrote, "Some of you have asked us about gifts. We do not have a gift list because we already have everything that we need. If you would like to get us something, a gift or a small contribution towards our honeymoon would be gratefully received, but is in no way expected."

Some of our guests gave us nothing at all, most gave us cash (in varying amounts) and a small number gave us presents, which were actually very nice and thoughtful.

Do this. Mumsnet hate poems, i dont particularly care either way. I had a gift list, people give gifts at weddings its what you do so i dont mind being told what you want!

Thank you @toomuchlaundry I feel a lot better about it now :-)

@girlmom21

Don't ask for gifts or cash. People will gift what they want either way.

this

I think if people ask what you'd like you can say you'd appreciate cash if they want to give you a gift but imo it's rude to ask or put it on the invitation

Mumsnet will tell you are are being unreasonable for even thinking about wedding gift, but gifts are a wedding custom in the UK so anticipating them isn’t ‘grabby’. While I wouldn’t do a poem (that’s more because I think the poems are bad poems), I don’t see anything wrong with saying if your guests were considering giving a gift, you would appreciate money. For my wedding we just didn’t mention gifts at all and we mostly got money. As people typically aren’t setting up a home anymore, I think money is the default option.

Hmm is this a second marriage given your ages? I'd think it was a bit presumptuous to ask for money to be honest

Baffled by all the comments on this thread about older brides/couples deserving less. I’ve usually given cash but never considered the age of a couple as a reason to give less!

No way.

weddings are expensive for guests.