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Original poster

Tracking teenagers

410 replies

glittergrrl · 11/02/2022 21:27

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

OP posts:
NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 13/02/2022 11:13

Both my children know mine and dh's mobile number, they have done for years.

Same.

Fedupsotired · 13/02/2022 11:15

@NoneOfYour32Potatoes I think it's from all the years we used to write it on their arms when we went to busy places 🤣

Jeyesfluid · 13/02/2022 11:15

Yeah my kids know my mobile. They have done since they were about 5. Just in case they accidentally got lost somewhere when we were out. Would always recommend teaching kids that at a young age, along with their address.

NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 13/02/2022 11:17

[quote Fedupsotired]@NoneOfYour32Potatoes I think it's from all the years we used to write it on their arms when we went to busy places 🤣[/quote]
Ha! I was just thinking the same thing.

I am the one now who has to have a written list of phone numbers with me. And sometimes I just write the feckin numbers on my arm (I do usually wear long sleeves!)

NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 13/02/2022 11:22

I would love some journalist to properly investigate the whole subject

There are probably plenty of journos who have written about this. I would enjoy reading research from a social anthropologist, social psychologist or child social psychologist (if such a profession exists).

lovelyupnorth · 13/02/2022 11:22

Why would you. Occasionally my dds will share locations as can help with pick up or once when lost I could direct them out more easily. Other than that is their life.

But we live in a society that’s ridiculously over protective of their kids.

catwomando · 13/02/2022 11:41

@cookiemonster2468 no it's not. She was showing a terrible breaking of trust by lying to me. It's my job as her parent to keep her safe. Staying over at a strangers house without parental knowledge at that age is not OK. It's no different to me ringing the parent of the house she claimed to be staying at to check up - which was what happened when I was a kid.

The only reason I checked was because I suspected she was lying. I was right and would do the same again in a heartbeat if I still had a child that age. Regular 'tracking' of every movement is weird and unnecessary but to check up when parental spidy senses were telling me something was up is totally within bounds.

As an adult I agree that it's an invasion of privacy, but she was a child.

catwomando · 13/02/2022 11:47

@PinkSyCo not proud but accept that it happens. When you are a kid with a fledgling sex life, creeping around is part of the process and to be expected that there will be a certain cat and mouse with the adults in your life 🤷‍♀️

To expect teenagers to be celibate (I know some are though) is just not realistic.

Oh, and if you read my post you'd know that she didn't know I was spying on her. I just called her to chat and make sure she was OK. Then I wheedled it out of her.

She's an adult now and a lovely, sensible person with a (different) and very lovely BF. We have a brilliant relationship.

DeckardK · 13/02/2022 12:38

Good post @RedToothBrush

Reminds me of Jurassic Park...to paraphrase 'just because you could, you're not stopping to think whether you actually should'

Jeyesfluid · 13/02/2022 13:04

But we live in a society that’s ridiculously over protective of their kids.

If that were true parents would get their kids off social media, especially tik tok.

SE13Mummy · 13/02/2022 13:05

@RedToothBrush

I'd like people to ponder the following :

You have a 14 year old daughter who you track.
She is mugged and her phone is stolen. Or she otherwise loses her phone.
You are out and about and contactable via your mobile.

Does she know you mobile phone number by heart thus giving her the ability to call you when she needs you in the absence of her phone?

I suspect its actually a surprising number of people who don't know the mobile number of any one but themselves by heart.

Yes, both DCs know my number and their Dad's. It's been useful when DC1 ended up with a dead phone after a shooting incident locally meant the bus they were on was rerouted and I was stuck the other side of the incident so neither of us were going to be able to get to our meeting point. DC1 was 13/14 and asked an elderly couple on the bus if she could call me. When her old phone, with its poor battery life, regularly died on her, she'd use a friend's phone to call me from London to say which train she'd be on. In terms of safety, knowing a parent's number (and friends having the numbers for each other's parents) feels more useful than tracking.
Cameleongirl · 13/02/2022 13:21

I think you either get it it you don't. If you think it's invasive or untrusting or 'red flag' I would suggest you might have some trust issues.

@SkyDragon. Opting not to track doesn’t indicate a lack of trust ( at least in my case), I don’t use it because I don’t think it’s necessary and as PP have pointed out, I personally don’t think it would make my DD safer in any way. Plus I do trust her to make sensible decisions.

Anyway, it’s a personal choice, like any any other, people do what suits them.

RedToothBrush · 13/02/2022 14:46

@Jeyesfluid

But we live in a society that’s ridiculously over protective of their kids.

If that were true parents would get their kids off social media, especially tik tok.

We live in a society where parents and kids don't really fully understand technology.

Its all the stuff about get things 'for free' that particularly annoy me.

People also don't understand how things are marketed on social media well enough or how algorhythms work.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00149j7
I recommend, the Instagram Effect on iplayer atm.

The education EVERYONE gets on social media is exceedingly poor even know.

Its not an issue of over protective kids. Its over dependence on technology without properly understanding it.

NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 13/02/2022 15:10

People also don't understand how things are marketed on social media well enough or how algorhythms work.

My DCs do, I do. My DH does. My DSs knew about algorithms in early teen age and understood targeted marketing, etc. They grew up with this tech.

I grew up with Lotus 123 and C prompts Blush

What do you mean by this:
Its all the stuff about get things 'for free' that particularly annoy me.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 13/02/2022 15:56

@Jeyesfluid

But we live in a society that’s ridiculously over protective of their kids.

If that were true parents would get their kids off social media, especially tik tok.

I don't think the use of TikTok means people aren't over-protective - more that lots of people don't actually understand social media/the internet and what dangers it can present.

And I think the same applies to tracking. People see "I can see where my kids are - great!" but don't stop to think what dangers can occur from that.

So, you as their parent might be able to track your child and be reassured, but what's to stop your child meeting someone dodgy or unpleasant and then allowing them that ability too? So the tracking could actually put the child in even more danger.

As someone upthread said, just because we can do things, doesn't mean we should do them.

RedHelenB · 13/02/2022 15:58

@glittergrrl

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?
No I don't. I find it odd that anyone does tbh.
SallyLondon · 13/02/2022 16:07

@Theluggage15

Ugh yes, hadn’t thought of what PPs are saying, normalising being tracked is not a healthy thing to be teaching youngsters.
But they all track each other on Snapchat?! Ask your teenager to show you this week while it's half term, and you'll see teens on family holidays all over the country (and world) - you can see the location of their accommodation, what restaurants and attractions they're visiting. I don't suppose their parents know that everyone can see exactly where they are while they're away!

I really don't think that many teenagers are bothered about the concept of privacy in the way that some of us older folks are.

Jeyesfluid · 13/02/2022 16:09

And I think the same applies to tracking. People see "I can see where my kids are - great!" but don't stop to think what dangers can occur from that.

I think the majority of people can understand it's not going to keep kids 100 percent safe. It's not that hard to work out really Confused But it goes some way towards it. Clearly when kids are out there on their own there are going to be risks present to them. But for me, it's not a reason to think, oh well, they're at risk anyway, I might as well remove the tracker. There's been a number of occasions, as my kids are still quite young, that it's got them out of a difficult situation. Soo, I'm going to carry on. It doesn't mean I'm going to track them into adulthood. But at the moment, I will be continuing.

So, you as their parent might be able to track your child and be reassured, but what's to stop your child meeting someone dodgy or unpleasant and then allowing them that ability too? So the tracking could actually put the child in even more danger

Nothing to stop them. Although I do actually trust my children not to do that. I also check my child's phone periodically, as per the rules of having a mobile that I pay for, and if, in the very unlikely event, someone else was on there tracking, they would be removed swiftly. Although as I've already had that conversation with them, I'd be very surprised if they did do that.

Jeyesfluid · 13/02/2022 16:10

But they all track each other on Snapchat?!

My kids don't tbf. Conversation already had about that one.

JustLyra · 13/02/2022 16:42

But they all track each other on Snapchat?!

None of my older kids (younger ones don’t have social media yet) allow their people to track them on Snapchat.

In fact it was my eldest who flagged up to me when it became known that that was a thing as he found it so creepy that it was possible.

mummymei · 13/02/2022 16:58

We have each other on find my iPhone, but I don't obsssively check it. However, it has its uses.

We live in a market town, my two daughters (15 and 18) go to school in another town about 10 miles away and do a regularly hobby in the larger town about 15 miles away from both our home town and school town.

As I work rurally, I don't get text messages at work, often no reception and DD2 unreliable. but gps does work. As DD1 drives DD2 to school and hobby, it is handy to check when I finish work whether I am driving 15 miles in one direction to collect DD from her hobby or 10 miles home in the other direction. As DD has a health condition, she often doesn't go. I could text, but she wouldn't respond as she's not allowed to use her phone at the hobby.

On occasion she has to get the bus to go to the hobby. Find my iPhone has come in handy more than once when she missed her stop and ended up in the dark in the middle of a town she doesn't know, we could see where she was and go to collect her. She did phone to say she was lost, but had no idea where she was. We've had to do that a few times!

Finally, my dad has dementia and has ended up in odd places a few times and not known how to get home. Thankfully, he usually has his phone on him, so we can just go and collect him. Only once did have we had to call the police, because he forgot his phone. For people with dementia, getting lost can be life threatening, so it's not paranoia. It's keeping them safe.

DC don't mind having the trackers on their phones. Until recently, they were totally dependent on us for lifts, so it's not like we don't know where they are at all times. That's the joy of living rurally.

Only time is has been an issue was before DDs 18th. She kept spying on us to find out where we going to get her car for her birthday....

However, we do have a policy of not looking unless we have need to, and they can check on us... so they're happy with that. As they have snap maps on too (but restricted to close friends) they have a different sense of privacy to us anyway.

Fedupsotired · 13/02/2022 17:10

To be honest we need find my iPhone for when they leave their phone in random places 🙄🤣

mummymei · 13/02/2022 17:15

@Fedupsotired

Yes, that is the most common use of it in our house too!

minionsrule · 13/02/2022 17:26

Whats the issue as long as all parties are ok with it?
We all have it turned on, ds is 16 and doesn't care. I honestly have never tracked him but if he goes off to a party and is very late without getting in touch I at least can see where his phone is and if really worried could go out to find him in the extreme.

Bitofachinwag · 13/02/2022 19:36

@minionsrule

Whats the issue as long as all parties are ok with it? We all have it turned on, ds is 16 and doesn't care. I honestly have never tracked him but if he goes off to a party and is very late without getting in touch I at least can see where his phone is and if really worried could go out to find him in the extreme.
Read the thread.