Tracking teenagers

[glittergrrl]

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

@RedToothBrush

Carrying a tracker doesn't keep them safe!

If someone wanted to kidnap, rape, mug, assault, murder or otherwise harm you, you will not have a magic force field around you that stops it happening!!

Obviously carrying a tracker doesn't keep you safe. What it does mean is that if someone is in danger eg if they are supposed to be walking to school and are suddenly travelling at speed (ie in a car) in a different direction, then loved ones can be aware that something is wrong, and make attempts to contact the person or intervene to prevent something worse happening, rather than not knowing there is a potential problem until after your child has been raped/murdered/assaulted.

It's not like I sit there staring it whenever my children are out of my sight. But in the event of them not being where they are expected to be at a particular time then I will have a look to see where they are. This can provide reassurance eg they are still walking from the station to school or raise a question - they are heading towards the park instead - which would lead me to check up on them that they are okay.

It pings to tell me they have arrived at school. Since parents are legally responsible for their children's school attendance I think that knowing they are at school when they should be is indeed called good parenting, and just assuming they are there when actually you have no idea where they are would be called 'piss poor parenting.'

Wow. Some strong reactions. We have Life360. I don't religiously monitor my teenagers. I look at it sometimes if I'm trying to work out when they'll need picking up from the station or timing tea if we have a quick turnaround.

I really don't see it as that big a deal, nor do my kids. They've chosen to have my credit card on their Samsung pay accounts so frankly I have more visibility of their locations from that, as it pings me when there's a payment.

Do it, don't do it. But I don't see it as a massive red flag. My kids have plenty of freedom, I don't use the app to track them around their nights out. It's just useful on some occasions and saves me calling them to ask what time they'll be home if it's tight time wise.

Obviously carrying a tracker doesn't keep you safe. What it does mean is that if someone is in danger eg if they are supposed to be walking to school and are suddenly travelling at speed (ie in a car) in a different direction, then loved ones can be aware that something is wrong, and make attempts to contact the person or intervene to prevent something worse happening, rather than not knowing there is a potential problem until after your child has been raped/murdered/assaulted.

But if someone is going to attack/rape/murder your child, they're going to switch the phone off and dump it at the first opportunity - so why would a tracker help?

It's not like I sit there staring it whenever my children are out of my sight. But in the event of them not being where they are expected to be at a particular time then I will have a look to see where they are. This can provide reassurance eg they are still walking from the station to school or raise a question - they are heading towards the park instead - which would lead me to check up on them that they are okay.

And what if they'd decided to switch their phone off or disable tracking?

It pings to tell me they have arrived at school. Since parents are legally responsible for their children's school attendance I think that knowing they are at school when they should be is indeed called good parenting, and just assuming they are there when actually you have no idea where they are would be called 'piss poor parenting.'

And again, what if they turn it off? Or turn up at school and then walk out again later with their phones off/tracking disabled?

Tracking only tracks the device, not the person. So if you rely on tracking to know where your child is, what are you going to do when it fails or they turn it off?

You could check and see your child is at Joe's house, and think they are, but in reality they could have gone out and purposefully left their phone behind, putting them in even more danger as they're now out with no way of contacting you for help.

It pings to tell me they have arrived at school. Since parents are legally responsible for their children's school attendance I think that knowing they are at school when they should be is indeed called good parenting, and just assuming they are there when actually you have no idea where they are would be called 'piss poor parenting.
You appear to have very little trust in your children's ability to find and turn up at their school.

@Photolass

It pings to tell me they have arrived at school. Since parents are legally responsible for their children's school attendance I think that knowing they are at school when they should be is indeed called good parenting, and just assuming they are there when actually you have no idea where they are would be called 'piss poor parenting. You appear to have very little trust in your children's ability to find and turn up at their school.

I'd go further than that and say outright that if you have to use a tracker to ensure your kids have gone to school as they are supposed to, I would say you have well and truly already failed at parenting!

I track my kids. They agree and consent to it. It's helpful particularly as they have a long journey to school, that I can see they've got the bus and got into school ok.

Each to their own though.

We have life 360. No big deal. Got it originally in case of lost phone and was useful when ds was out and about when he was a pre teen to see when he was on his way home for dinner etc.
Now I insist he has it on when I go out as I like to go hillwalking alone and would like to be found should I have an accident. So basically my teen tracks me now I'm a middle aged liability .

@Jeyesfluid

I track my kids. They agree and consent to it. It's helpful particularly as they have a long journey to school, that I can see they've got the bus and got into school ok. Each to their own though.

Why can't they just...text you if there's a problem? And surely school will ring if they don't turn up? What does the tracking achieve?

Obviously carrying a tracker doesn't keep you safe. What it does mean is that if someone is in danger eg if they are supposed to be walking to school and are suddenly travelling at speed (ie in a car) in a different direction, then loved ones can be aware that something is wrong, and make attempts to contact the person or intervene to prevent something worse happening, rather than not knowing there is a potential problem until after your child has been raped/murdered/assaulted.

You are at work. You are not constantly looking at your child's tracker to make sure something funny isn't happening (or at least I hope you aren't and actually do some work). You happen to look at your phone when you get a moment about 9.45am. You think 'huh' whats going on. You then do what exactly? Ring the police and say 'my child's phone track is in the wrong place'? Talk to your boss and decide to nip out of work to check the location of your child's phone? If you do go and check up on your child, what exactly are you going to be able to do if, in the unlikely event, they have been kidnapped? How do you tell the difference between bunking off school and being kidnapped? If your child is bunking off school and get caught in this way, do you think they will be dumb enough to do this again? Or do you think they will disable the tracker / leave it somewhere else? If they are bunking off, you've already failed on the parenting and are now going to have to do some actual parenting which you should have done before installing said tracker.

Honestly, I don't get the insane logic of any of this. Its a parental anxiety manager thats all. And in a couple of years your darling is still going to be leaving home and having a life (hopefully without still being tracked). How are you going to cope with that then?

We have a mass culture at the moment which seems intent on profitting off anxieties which would be better managed in different ways. Worse still they offer false senses of security, whereby little darlings are more likely to do things that cover their tracks if they are up to no good, rather than communicating with parents or leaving a trail which, if god forbid something did actually happen, could potentially waste more time than it saved (lets all go on a wild goose chase for a device rather than a child).

You should be building up and fostering trust and a proper relationship, and not relying on devices as your primary way to ensure you know what your kids are up to and who with.

The logic and thought processes going on here are completely back to front.

Perfectly said @RedToothBrush.

It just gives people a false sense of security and an easy way out.

I have to check my DD has arrived at school. Parents who don't have a school refuser should count themselves lucky.

@RedToothBrush

Thank you so much for putting it so eloquently. In the children's homes I've worked at it would be unethical, lazy and entirely inappropriate to track them by their mobile phones constantly. And these children are far more vulnerable than the average Mumsnetter's darlings, and honestly not nearly impossible they might be kidnapped or some such. Yeah I don't think anyone on here is tracking their 16 year old with the genuine fear they might be kidnapped and tracking will save the day... and surely you'd have to be watching it like a hawk to notice something was wrong, if you're checking it when you would usually do a call or text what difference does it make. In fact their phone could be thrown away somewhere innocuous that you wouldn't think twice about while they're halfway across the country. Ludicrous. And to think people are subjecting their partners to this, christ alive.

The family I know who all track each other have two kids who are the most well behaved kids going.

The Dad is over authoritarian and gets pissy if his wife does something like go to the pub without him knowing in advance. He's generally a bloody nice guy, but he has moments where he acts like he owns the family and they must obey him. To an unhealthy degree. (Yes we have challenged over it in the past and are making some progress).

Its far from being about making sure the kids are ok. Its asserting control over family members.

In this sense, I think the ability for it to be misused, far outweighs any (non-existent) benefits it might have.

We had mutual tracking when they first got their phones but my son took the app off and that was that. My daughter never had enough memory to have it work, but she has no objection to it. It can be useful in that 'I expected them home hours ago' situation, but I do think it's an invasion of privacy too.

@Bakewelltart987
With consent my mum and i track each other, whilst it doesn't keep her safe it can provide reassurance to me that she hasn't fallen or is unwell and needing assistance, which she hasn't been able to alert us to. The tracker simply telling me she hasn't left the home in 24 hours would be huge flag for me especially if she hasn't answered the phone or texts. I don't care where she goes and I don't care to spy on her either....

@RedToothBrush

Carrying a tracker doesn't keep them safe!

If someone wanted to kidnap, rape, mug, assault, murder or otherwise harm you, you will not have a magic force field around you that stops it happening!!

I completely agree.

I track DH. With his permission….
It was very handy the other day when he lost his phone and we were able to track
It at the shop we had been in 20 minutes earlier. Very handy

It does mean is that if someone is in danger eg if t (ie in a car) in a different direction, then loved ones can be aware that something is wrong, and make attempts to contact the person or intervene to prevent something worse happening, rather than not knowing there is a potential problem until after your child has been raped/murdered/assaulted

It's not like I sit there staring it whenever my children are out of my sight. But in the event of them not being where they are expected to be at a particular time then I will have a look to see where they are

But unless you are "sitting there staring at it" when "they are supposed to be walking to school" you won't know if they "are suddenly travelling at speed in a car".

@megletthesecond

I have to check my DD has arrived at school. Parents who don't have a school refuser should count themselves lucky.

Won't the school tell you if she hasn't arrived?

@RedToothBrush I agree with absolutely everything you've written.

Using Life 360 has helped my son on two occasions. I'm glad we have it

I think its very Intrusive and I'm glad it wasn't a thing when my DC were young teenagers. They need to find their own way in the world and learn personal safety.
I think its also likely to increase parent anxiety rather than reducing it. Better to recognise that we live in a relatively safe country and learn to relax rather than drive yourself mad with helicoptering.

@LuckyAmy1986

I track DH. With his permission…. It was very handy the other day when he lost his phone and we were able to track It at the shop we had been in 20 minutes earlier. Very handy

Yes I see your point, but surely he knew he'd been in that particular shop 20 minutes earlier and that his phone might be there?

@Wondergirl100

I think there is a deeper issue here - we think it's totally innoccuous to track people we love because we just want to know they are safe. But when did we begin to feel anxious/ unsafe if we didn't constantly know where people were - ie. to the exact pinpoint on a map?

The more we rely on this stuff the less secure any of us will feel.

We are teaching teenagers that they are 'unsafe' all the time. It's interesting that someone mentions their daughter wanting to be tracked .
This links in to children not playing so freely and with autonomy as in previous generations - we are beginning to develop fearful minds and a belief that unless we are 'seen' and 'known ' every minute we are at risk

Think of the joy of being a growing teen - I remember it! - knowing that you are 'off grid' 'really hanging out with your mates in a new bubble your mum doesn't know exactly where you are and what you are doing - that is part of developing the independence that makes you a resilient and confident adult

When we say to teens - you are only safe if i know exactly where you are at all times (and I do wonder what 'safe' means here? kidnapping?! getting lost? ) - what are they internalising about their own capabilities to manage risk in the world.

100% agree

I will say that the parents I’m friends with who track their older teens are more anxious types who worry a lot about their children, even though they appear to be well-functioning, attend school regularly, etc. One of DD’s friends is turning 18 later this year and I wonder whether she’ll refuse to be tracked once she’s an adult-and how her Dad will react. He’s the anxious parent, her Mum finds his attitude annoying! He’s a lovely person, but very protective.