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Original poster

Tracking teenagers

410 replies

glittergrrl · 11/02/2022 21:27

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 12/02/2022 17:27

@LuckyAmy1986

I track DH. With his permission…. It was very handy the other day when he lost his phone and we were able to track It at the shop we had been in 20 minutes earlier. Very handy
But surely he remembers where he'd been and would just retrace his steps, or call the phone itself?
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 12/02/2022 17:28

@megletthesecond

I have to check my DD has arrived at school. Parents who don't have a school refuser should count themselves lucky.
Why do you need to check? Surely the school ring you if she doesn't arrive?
BuddhaForMary · 12/02/2022 17:30

I think there is a deeper issue here - we think it's totally innoccuous to track people we love because we just want to know they are safe. But when did we begin to feel anxious/ unsafe if we didn't constantly know where people were - ie. to the exact pinpoint on a map?

The more we rely on this stuff the less secure any of us will feel.

We are teaching teenagers that they are 'unsafe' all the time. It's interesting that someone mentions their daughter wanting to be tracked .
This links in to children not playing so freely and with autonomy as in previous generations - we are beginning to develop fearful minds and a belief that unless we are 'seen' and 'known ' every minute we are at risk

Think of the joy of being a growing teen - I remember it! - knowing that you are 'off grid' 'really hanging out with your mates in a new bubble your mum doesn't know exactly where you are and what you are doing - that is part of developing the independence that makes you a resilient and confident adult

When we say to teens - you are only safe if i know exactly where you are at all times (and I do wonder what 'safe' means here? kidnapping?! getting lost? ) - what are they internalising about their own capabilities to manage risk in the world.

I love every word of this post @Wondergirl100

We're walking into a world of normalising day to day surveillance. Making teens feel they're only safe if someone is watching their every move. Not sure I like where that's heading.

justanothermanicmonday21 · 12/02/2022 17:36

I track my 12 year old son, he's diabetic and we have both agreed to this incase anything was ever to happen to him I would know where he is but tbh I hardly ever use it as he's really good at telling me where he is and keeping in contact. As he gets older we will probably change it as I doubt I'll be tracking him at 16!!

megletthesecond · 12/02/2022 17:39

bit I won't know for 20 mins or so if I wait for the school. If I can see her phone is at school at 8:20 I know I don't have to panic. I don't want her "missing" for 20 mins if she hasn't arrived. We're in CAMHS and self harm hell at the moment.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 12/02/2022 17:41

@megletthesecond

bit I won't know for 20 mins or so if I wait for the school. If I can see her phone is at school at 8:20 I know I don't have to panic. I don't want her "missing" for 20 mins if she hasn't arrived. We're in CAMHS and self harm hell at the moment.
I have to ask, though, what's to stop her giving her phone to a friend to take to school for her, or simply turning it off? How would you know where she was then?
JustLyra · 12/02/2022 17:42

The only one of our children that was tracked was our DD with narcolepsy as a way to give her more freedom safely. It was her suggestion.

However, she turns it on and off whenever she likes and it’s only ever actually been used once when she was an agreed/set amount of time late home. Tracking her generally isn’t on.

My biggest concern with this tracking stuff is two fold. Firstly the number of people who use it to see when someone will be home for dinner plans - it takes minute to text or call when on the way home. Using technology to allow people to get lazy and/or rude isn’t a good thing.
Secondly it’s an abusers paradise. I’ve made it absolutely clear to mine that a partner insisting on tracking you is not normal. I’m very thankfully that DD instantly dumped a boyfriend who kicked off that her tracking app wasn’t on when she was out with friends - she was with friends so it wasn’t needed.

Jeyesfluid · 12/02/2022 17:43

Why can't they just...text you if there's a problem? And surely school will ring if they don't turn up? What does the tracking achieve?

Well they could do that, but I'm happy with the tracker. Then they don't need to bother to remember. Also the school don't ring when they don't turn up. They sent a message through their app. Which often doesn't arrive until the afternoon. So it works for me to know they've got in safely without a gap of some hours before I know if there's a potential problem. But obviously if other people don't feel comfortable using trackers then it's up to them. Each to their own.

Cameleongirl · 12/02/2022 17:57

I can completely understand tracking if your child has a physical or mental health condition that makes them especially vulnerable.

Jeyesfluid · 12/02/2022 17:59

No my children don't have either of those things. Although potentially useful for those groups of children too.

But other people don't really need to understand it really. It's a choice individual families make for themselves, just like anything else.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2022 18:04

@JustLyra

The only one of our children that was tracked was our DD with narcolepsy as a way to give her more freedom safely. It was her suggestion.

However, she turns it on and off whenever she likes and it’s only ever actually been used once when she was an agreed/set amount of time late home. Tracking her generally isn’t on.

My biggest concern with this tracking stuff is two fold. Firstly the number of people who use it to see when someone will be home for dinner plans - it takes minute to text or call when on the way home. Using technology to allow people to get lazy and/or rude isn’t a good thing.
Secondly it’s an abusers paradise. I’ve made it absolutely clear to mine that a partner insisting on tracking you is not normal. I’m very thankfully that DD instantly dumped a boyfriend who kicked off that her tracking app wasn’t on when she was out with friends - she was with friends so it wasn’t needed.

Yep, normalising tracking as a child means that if its suggested by a partner as an adult, you wouldn't necessarily pause for thought as to whether it might be used for nefarious reasons.
SE13Mummy · 12/02/2022 18:07

I don't ask/expect my teens to share their location with me. In part it's because I trust them to be where they say they will but also because I want them to take responsibility for turning up at meeting places at agreed times, and to make at least some effort to do their own problem solving e.g. work out an alternative route home. Teens need their freedom and I think being able to go out for a few hours and not have parents know where they are is part of that. Mine know how to share their location e.g. 17-yr-old has their location accessible to particular friends via Snapmaps and shared location with me when struggling to navigate the right way along a very long road with few distinguishing features. If I'm doing a long drive and DC1 is home alone, I sometimes share my drive via Waze if they want an idea of when I'll be home.

JustLyra · 12/02/2022 18:13

Yep, normalising tracking as a child means that if its suggested by a partner as an adult, you wouldn't necessarily pause for thought as to whether it might be used for nefarious reasons.

Yep. Exactly that.

I don’t want my kids, girls or boys, to be unaware of that. Especially as so many people I know who do it have said “I mean the kids agree and if they don’t we’d stop” and yet the only time I’ve known teens remove it it’s caused WWIII!

I also don’t want them to be rude enough that a partner at home making tea is the one that has to check when they’ll be home. Manners are important.

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/02/2022 18:13

@Bitofachinwag @fairylightsandwaxmelts

It was in a retail park so could have been in one of several shops. And his phone was on vibrate only. Anyway it made what could have been a very stressful hour or so quite easy. Plus if someone had walked out the shop with it we could have followed them and taken it back (if we felt brave enough) or given the police the location! Can’t do that without the tracking on. Do you really not see how handy that is?!

Cameleongirl · 12/02/2022 18:14

Fair enough, @Jeyesfluid, I’m just saying that I personally might track my child if they were especially vulnerable. As they’re not, I choose not to. As you rightly say, it’s an individual decision.

JustLyra · 12/02/2022 18:15

[quote LuckyAmy1986]**@Bitofachinwag* @fairylightsandwaxmelts*

It was in a retail park so could have been in one of several shops. And his phone was on vibrate only. Anyway it made what could have been a very stressful hour or so quite easy. Plus if someone had walked out the shop with it we could have followed them and taken it back (if we felt brave enough) or given the police the location! Can’t do that without the tracking on. Do you really not see how handy that is?![/quote]
DH did that with my phone when he lost his. Logged in with his details and tracked his phone.

Doesn’t necessarily need tracked from someone’s phone to do that.

gogohm · 12/02/2022 18:16

I grew up pre mobile phones, my parents didn't know where I was, my children grew up before smartphones became commonplace so whilst they had a phone I didn't track them. In emergency I have the find my iPhone details for both of them so I could find out where their phone is, but I've never done it. They are adults now.

Honestly U.K. the person who tracks her husband in particular, trust!

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/02/2022 18:17

@JustLyra I didn’t say you needed it. Did I? Just v handy. That was just one of the many times it has come in very useful.

JustLyra · 12/02/2022 18:18

[quote LuckyAmy1986]@JustLyra I didn’t say you needed it. Did I? Just v handy. That was just one of the many times it has come in very useful.[/quote]
And I was just pointing out that that benefit can be obtained without constantly having tracking on.

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/02/2022 18:19

@gogohm personally me and DH trust each other enough to know that we don’t have it on because we don’t trust each other! It’s not a lack of trust! It’s being secure in our relationship that allows us to have it on and know there is nothing dodgy going on.

LuckyAmy1986 · 12/02/2022 18:25

@JustLyra of course it can! Lucky you were together that time.

I lost my phone out and about a few years ago now and called DH from a shop (kind shop owner) He located it for me. It was actually in that shop! So I suppose if you aren’t with someone it can be even more handy! Of course I could have given him my details to log in to find my iPhone. Or asked a stranger if I could use their phone to put my details in to track it (but dodgy if it’s a stranger I suppose) but to be honest with you it was just a whole lot easier asking him where it was Smile

nokidshere · 12/02/2022 18:28

I didn't use a tracker for my sons - now 20 & 23 but I text them every now again to see if they are alive. When DS1 was at uni I barely heard from him in weeks, DS2 is at uni and he messages all the time with pics of his dinner or his night out.

I have to say it was very tempting though

I don't see the problem if everyone is in agreement and it's not underhand although I can see how it might become untenable in the wrong hands.

sjj257 · 12/02/2022 18:29

We have the find my phone thing set for a family. I’ve never tracked any of them (DH and two teenagers) but found out my daughter tracks me if i’m home late 😳

JustLyra · 12/02/2022 18:37

[quote LuckyAmy1986]@JustLyra of course it can! Lucky you were together that time.

I lost my phone out and about a few years ago now and called DH from a shop (kind shop owner) He located it for me. It was actually in that shop! So I suppose if you aren’t with someone it can be even more handy! Of course I could have given him my details to log in to find my iPhone. Or asked a stranger if I could use their phone to put my details in to track it (but dodgy if it’s a stranger I suppose) but to be honest with you it was just a whole lot easier asking him where it was Smile[/quote]
Not everyone would know that. And given how much tracking is used by abusive partners it’s always worth pointing out.

DeckardK · 12/02/2022 18:48

I am quite shocked actually at how many people on here seem to think this is normal and acceptable. If my parents had tried this with me as a child it would have made home life unbearable - and I can't begin to imagine my reaction if DH wanted to track me Confused

It is normalising being tracked for a whole generation and is really unhealthy. The current backwards slide for women is so rapid it is scary and this is not going to help in the long run, no matter how comforted you are by knowing where your child is at all times now. This is for your anxiety/life admin only and is damaging in the long run - think of the bigger picture.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/feb/10/apple-warning-airtag-users-not-to-track-people?CMP=fbgu&utmmmedium=Social&utmsource=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR1QTHXSunqGN9I66oqponpzYFcKAQqBfFwNbDlL4Vae76oB7Uzf50Y67H8#Echobox=1644563237