Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

Ds1 is in Y2 and DD is in Reception. The amount if pressure you are describing is madness. Ours do tiny bits if homework and we do lots if reading and stories with them. They do other things they like - collect nature things- cones, leaves, shells, pebbles, acorns, fossils etc and find out about them. Anything they are interested in we find out about but in an interesting way. Lots of talking about 'why'. Nothing formal. It's madness what we do to small children.
They go on lots of walks, nature reserve visits, museums etc but as fun.
DH and I are both teachers and we are not doing it any other way. Bugger 'meeting expectations'. Children need to be interested in the world and how it works, understand other people, learn how to solve problems and be inquisitive. Time and patience is what they need from you and it sounds like they get it in abundance.

of not if 😀

Good God. Children at 5and 7 should spend most of their time outdoors, making mud pies and running around. I didn’t send mine to private school but I never made them do homework at this age. They seem fairly well adjusted.
Some countries don’t even start formal education until 6, but prioritise playing, as that is what children should be doing and it’s how they learn to be socialised and about the wider world.
I don’t know what has gone wrong with todays parents but they seem so intense. Let children be children, they are not mini professionals!

Probably against the trend but I think it’s really important for dc to spend family time experiencing family activities rather than school at home. If they’re not academic at this point then reading is important but otherwise it’s good to give them a break from the thing they struggle with. Instead encourage what they enjoy at home.

Dh and I are academic and in professional roles where good English is essential… dd3 just about “meets expectations” but the number of times she fails to use a full stop at age 10 is infuriating! However, she’s an amazing dancer/performer. Encourage their loves and keep on reading. They’re so young to worry too much.

Christ! Ease up or they will be SO sick of working they will switch off totally, that’s an absolutely crazy amount of homework for a Year 1 child he must be exhausted 😢 I also have a Year 1, 5 year old late summer born boy and i can tell you after school he is tired! We do 20 around mins homework 3 nights a week and that’s plenty at that age! We do read with him every night (except Fridays) in addition to this in his bed, he reads his book to us then we read it back to him which takes no more than 10 mins. It’s a known fact that summer born boys really often find school work a bit harder for the first few years don’t push him he will catch up when he’s a bit older. My son is similar ( he’s just a tiny bit below median in some areas though secure in some others) and his teacher isn’t concerned and she’s very experienced.

Try not to worry. My daughter was average/below in some areas at this stage. She got top grades at GCSE, A level and doing a fantastic degree. The main thing I did with her was lots of reading stories and times tables, but absolutely nothing else.?

Not read the full thread… so sorry if I’ve repeated other people!

Some primary schools (stupidly) give reports based on where they are now but the target is end of the school year, could it be that? So they’re behind where they need to be by July, but where they should be now. Like I say, awful way to report it, but I’ve seen it previously.

As an aside, don’t worry, the fact you are shows they will be fine. They all level out at different ages. X

Some kids are average.
Some kids are bright.
It matters so little.

I have one of each, My average child worked her socks off and has a degree and good job.
It is a good day if my brightest is not contemplating suicide,
Be grateful for what you have.

Try using the CGP books for their year. It supports their learning from home and matches the curriculum. We’ve found them really helpful. Just half hour a week maybe more in the holidays. My late summer born daughter is on the cut off day and was behind. We use these for maths/ literacy plus reading and spellings and anything else school sends and she’s doing really well now. The books cover every subject but you can buy each subject separately or bundle deals which work out good value.

My ds is currently in year 11 but he's an end of August born.

He didn't meet expectations until year 5. His phonics screening and year 2 SATS were below average but in year 6 he was average. GCSE wise his predictions are 6 and 7 (B and C grades)

Looking back, I knew that I should have been treating education as a marathon rather than a sprint but quite frankly he wasn't ready for school and back then deferring wasn't a thing. If he was entering school now then I would defer so there would be less pressure on him and less worrying for him. I should have focused more on his positive qualities (he gets along with most people)

Have they improved since the beginning of the year? Have you done sight and hearing tests ? 45 minutes a night is a lot.

I think that year 1 is quite young to worry about a lot of extra curricular learning. We did read to our children from a young age and I've always felt that it's good grounding to do so but I wouldn't have thought of doing too much at 5 years old.

Read and enjoy stories. That’s all you need to do other than have

@speakout what a moving post. Puts things in to perspective

I think if you are worried about sensory issues you need to get them assessed and if appropriate taken on for OT. Made the world of difference to my little one with SPD and in particular stopped him feeling frustrated and stressed out at school. I think it is really important to identify and address and my only regret is that I didn’t do so as soon as I started to worry.

My goodness, give them a break. They're only 5 and 7.

I find it hard to believe this is real. You are doing 45 minutes homework with children of this age? I have two primary age children slightly older and they have never done any homework whatsoever (school policy and it's Ofsted outstanding) - other than encouraging reading.

year 1??? They can't possibly be 'behind' in year one - unless you are measuring them against ludicrous school created targets. Calm down and let your children enjoy themselves.

I think you approach, with respect, may be the problem. By going all the extra study, you may be causing them to loathe it and associate learning with boredom and pressure.

It depends on what the issues are, try games instead that involve concentration and promote thinking and problem solving, me it fun. Make reading a treat, get them involving in picking books, searching for ones on topics they are interested in.

Raising happy, confident, well rounded, resilient children is far more important than academic achievement. Also, your own standards should not be their standards. Just because you are academically gifted doesn't mean they will be. Focus on trying and just doing their best.

Do your dcs do any after school clubs or sport to balance all the academics? You don't want to turn them off.

Also instructured time is really important for development too.

*unstructured

They probably switch off after doing a full day at school. They are probably bored of your droning about a growth mindset.

I understand your concern but think you may be comparing you and your DP's destination (Masters) with the start of your DC's journey. Plenty of high achievers have a slow start, equally plenty of early academically successful plateau. Encourage your DC to read and enjoy learning and enjoy your time with them. Different children click at different times and the skills for tertiary and secondary success build on but are not necessarily differentiated by primary. One of the brightest boys at my primary is a car mechanic (nothing wrong with that, just wasn't academic).

I was on the 'thick' table til yr6. Then seemed to get it and moved to the bright table. That was what everybody called them. 🙄

I just didn't get stuff until then.

Some people bloom late.

Find something they love and are good at and continue to praise them, and chill. They are both so young.

DN is 6, summer born (August), has ADHD and is top of his class at everything. DS doesn’t just do homework with him, they read to each other (she tries to get him one new book to finish each week and tell her about it), they play word games (Wordle is the thing RN), and do things that help gain mathematical skills like playing memory games, puzzles, and cooking. Bil has another skill set and focusses on their physical fitness and ensures they have enough exercise which has massively helped reduce his anxiety and build confidence.

My child (11) is still slowly being assessed for autism but I finally after years of pushing got it in writing that they at least have sensory processing issues. They now get extra time for work and extra resources, even though sometmes I have to remind the school that they are entitled to that.

I would let your kids relax and find their own passion for education if it is indeed there. Computer games with the writing messages to friends really has helped my child. education can be so boring these days so it is small wonder kids dont want to write stories anymore, thats why I encourage it at home, but if my kid doesnt want to do it I never forced it. Now they write stories every now and then , and are much more eager at school.

I wouldnt force primary school kids to do tests etc or even homework that isnt fun - especially when they have ADHD and anything else that means they learn in a different way.

Instead of making them conform to neurotypical behaviour, insist the school accomdates them and you do the same.