Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

OP, please don't worry or overthink this (especially in comparison to your own childhood achievements).

Your DC live in a loving home with parents who are engaged and care. You are what's necessary to them at this point. What you're doing is fantastic.

I cannot read my DC's printing, much less handwriting. DC isn't interested in school or homework. DC has decided low grades are preferable because they don't want to be "corporate" like me and DH. My DC is very capable, just chooses not to demonstrate it in academic settings.

AND my DC was accepted into the uni of choice and a very, very niche programme. DC is going to slay this. Truly phenomenal at their craft. It took me a while to get comfortable with the fact that their learning style and how they measure academic success isn't what mine was. But they are SLAYING their craft.

So, carry on and support and engage with them and LOVE them. Provide opportunities and experiences. Don't get caught up with competitive parenting/education. Showing them your trust in them, your confidence in them and support will be more worthwhile than worrying.

Sorry, I missed your update that it is a private school. They will probably have their own standard of "expected" which may differ from the national expectations in a state school. Is it a selective school , or does it become selective further up? I believe some private schools try to "weed out" pupils that they don't feel will meet rigorous standards so have an up-front conversation with their teachers if this could be the case with your particular school.

I agree that 45 minutes homework per night for a Year 1 pupil is far too much.

Try not to worry. I am a professional (lawyer) and eldest DC is under achieving at high school, my husband doesn’t think he will get enough GCSEs to make Sixth Form. This makes me feel awful as I was always a hard worker and loved university for the opportunities it gave my and independence. But I am not my son. I give him a happy, safe and cosy house with a loving family, give his encouragement and remind him to do his homework but can’t really do more than that. I have other children and physically can’t sit over him making him do his homework. He is an anxious boy with little confidence which I don’t think helps his focus at school.
I do think that maybe your school is a bit of a hot house and the children that you are comparing your children with may not represent the norm and may be being hot housed. Do your best, that’s all you can do x

Just to add so I don’t sound like an absolute dragon! My children are encouraged to play with their Barbies, make crafts, make potions (mess), colour in and have fun. It’s about them being the best they can be. Don’t despair though because they can change a lot through primary.

Keep a family diary. Writing down something from each day, maybe drawing a picture to go with it, or cutting out something etc. Lovely to look back on, and good writing practice .

45 minutes a day? Think that’s a bit much...my DGD is year 1 ....she’s reads her school book for 5 mins 4 times a week ( Monday to Thursday) ....that’s it.....she gets all her spellings right on a Wednesday so she must be doing ok but school don’t do a report until the end of the year.... maybe just chill a bit with the homework....I’m sure they will be fine

I'm a teaching assistant and can tell you that most kids are not where they currently should be because of the impact of the lockdowns. I am in year 6. Our brightest ones who should be exceeding are only just making expected progress.
I also have three children. One of whom was summer born and a bit behind in everything. They are now year 7 and doing well.
My youngest is year 2 and his writing is appalling. His reading however is awesome but I honestly think his writing has been severely impacted by the lockdowns. He lost most of his reception year. I was a very conscientious home learner with them but I couldn't replicate school. Try not to worry - they all flourish at different times. Read with them every day, five minutes of spelling/writing. That's honestly enough. They'll get there. X

We all develop at different rates and peak at different times. I had a boyfriend in a bottom set of 8 in high school who had a Phd by the age of 30. My eldest scraped through his GCSEs (one of the few, I expect, who benefitted from teacher grades in 2020) and could never settle in school. He is now thriving academically, doing what he wanted to do in college, all day every day. My ex husband was hard of hearing and very, very dyslexic in the 70s and didn't get any additional support - he acheived his degree by the age of 35. I am someone the system worked for, got all my exams, went to uni and have never earned very much at all as I worked for years in the voluntary sector and have been teaching for about 10 years now.

Try not to worry. Keep supporting your children but don't overload them. They will be fine.

They will be being assessed in accordance to year end standards. It is only Feb - don't worry. Our school did this in my kids' reports too and I worried until they told me the stupid bollocks system they were using and including in the pointless report.

This is not an age you need to be worrying about their academic abilities. My son is due to sit his GCSE’s this year, in primary school he was behind in English and he has been predicted a grade A in English language based on his recent mock exams. I think that the home work you are doing is far too much, reading 5 times a week is sufficient at the age.

OP, good learners are people who believe in their own abilities, enjoy having their achievements recognised, are able to recognise and build on prior success, are willing to tackle new learning, are not afraid to fail.

Your children spend 6 hours a day at school reading, writing, thinking, making connections. Then when they come home they have to do 45 minutes of the same. What are the messages that you are giving them?

You didn’t do well enough at school today.
You didn’t learn anything new.
You didn’t remember anything from yesterday.
You failed.
You now need to spend 45 minutes of your home time to make up the deficiency.

How do you expect your children to become confident learners if those are the messages you are giving them?

I think you need to relax. No homework and ask for more assistance in school if needed.

My children's primary school (state) used to give reports based on 'end of year' or even 'end of key stage' expectations.

It is hardly surprising that they are not meeting expectations if they haven't been taught what they need to to meet them.

What were their end of academic year reports like last year? If okay, then it's so likely that they will be again this year.

ADHD absolutely does impact academic ability Who came out with that crock of shit?!

I would focus on the basics & make any work at home games based etc rather than trying to top up school type worksheets etc. Make sure they get plenty of sleep too.

Kids can always improve so dont lose hope. Progress in things like reading and writing aren't linear, you are often waiting for things to "click". Reading often enables writing. Children can't write well until they can read well. At yellow level your youngest probably hasn't "clicked" yet with reading and got a bit more fluency. It's a bit of a self perpetuating cycle where slow reading speed means they cant manage a longer book etc so read fewer words in a sitting than a child on blue or green.

Are their phonics solid? What they will be doing in class will have moved on and this wont help. Go on phonics play website and do loads of the games on phase 3 & 4 sounds to really get them familiar - its worth paying for the subscription to access everything.

Yes yes to playing games!! Also for maths do oral maths blast games - 5 questions, give them a buzzer/doorbell to answer questions and set a timer going and reward them for beating themselves etc.

I think what you're doing is fantastic - if you were sitting them down and forcing them to fill out work books for 45 minutes every day that would be one thing, but a bit of reading, a game, a bit of writing for a purpose all sounds amazing - if only more parents did that! I'd also recommend you read to them every day as well as them reading to you - there are so many amazing kids books. Take them to the library if you don't already. With all the support you've given them with regard to reading and with the possible ADHD in the eldest I'd be wondering about possible dyslexia - ADHD, ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc are all linked. Mine has ASD and dyspraxia.

Ridiculous feedback from the school and I'd be really angry. It's this sort of stupid labelling that gives kids a complex and they end up pigeon joking themselves. Don't give it a second thought. Everyone is different and they'll get there in their own time.

I think your expectations are high .. from my understanding from 5 to 7 learning is play based.
Your children will be aware that they are not meeting these high expectations. Giving them lots love and spending time is more important- I would cut back on the 45 minutes per day.

My Year 9 (age 13) doesn’t get 45 mins of homework each day! And he’s at an Outstanding secondary school which gets good results. He’s doing well too.
I have 3 children, the eldest (mentioned above) never met expectations until year 6. He is August born, no SEN but wasn’t especially interested in formal learning. All we encouraged him to do was read, most days. As I said above, he’s doing well now. Not SUPER academic but has been predicted good GCSE grades.
My middle child is Year 6 now and severely dyslexic, she’ll never meet expectations but we encourage her in other ways which are just as important.
My youngest is in Year 2 and is bright, academically - he’s met all expectations since starting school. We also only encourage reading and only do the homework if it interests him.
What I’m saying is all children are different and all you can do is nudge them (don’t push) then in the right direction. They will all get there in the end, given the right resources and positivity. Children age 7 and under (possibly older) shouldn’t be doing homework other than reading in my opinion

Private schools will have higher expectations.
45 minutes a day is too much.
The pressure they’re under from their parents and teachers at such a young age seems really awful to me. At that age they should be focused on playing, friendships, social skills not spending all day striving to be academic.

That's too much homework an eve. We read for 15 minutes and that's it... Are you putting them off by pushing possibly? Without realising?

No pressure on your children then. Mine would have been devastated if I had even hinted at being disappointed in them. The pressure is even harder for the one who possibly has add and sensory issues. Do them a favour and do some research into early years expectations. There's a course called "incredible years" offered by local hsc trusts and it benefits parents of all educational attainment levels. Even over achievers. (Although if that's true why aren't you at least in possession of a doctorate?)

Please, just stop.

Read, read, read with them. They read to you; you read to them.

Play games / do arts and crafts where they have to use their hands to build up strength in them.

And go outside a lot. Tree climbing, walk, pond dipping, etc You can count things as you go. You can use descriptive language with them as you go. But learning via play is still appropriate at those ages.
The rest will come. But 45 minutes a night of homework at those ages is nuts.

So am a KS 1 teacher.
Please do not do 45 mins of after school work with children this age. That is not age appropriate and actually may hinder learning because they will come to resent it early on.
The most important thing by a country mile is reading. Read read read. Read to them every day. Get them to read and decode words with you.
Yes you can also do some fun maths activities. A good one for times tables (or counting in 2,5 and 10 for the younger one) is placing the times tables of say 5 each on its own half A4 bit of paper and sticking round a large room or garden. Then you call out 2x5 (or which ever table you like in the 5’s) and they have to run to it and slap the number and run back. That sort of thing.
Some children don’t meet expectations but catch up in a later year. Some never meet expectations academically AND THAT IS OK!! we can’t all meet the average expectations.
Reading, some maths games and taking them to as many fun and interesting places as possible is more than enough!

Keep reading to them and with them and fostering a love of books (model your own love of reading). Read signs, menus, etc. in everyday life.

Let them write for 'fun' e.g. birthday cards or postcards to family members.

Count things in everyday life and do everyday maths e.g. count how many grapes there are and share them with the family, weigh 100g of pasta.

Talk to them and listen to them and encourage their interest in the world around them - plants, animals, music, art, cars, trains, etc.

Don't worry too much about 'targets' when they're so little.