Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move because dh inherited property?

641 replies

bowmejen3 · 11/02/2022 12:46

So I'm born and bred in Hackney. Met my husband here who is originally from south Manchester in one of the largest council estates In Europe apparently.

We've been married 10 years and have two children. (4 and 2 months)

We rent privately and was looking forward to getting on the shared ownership scheme this year! 4 year old settled in nursery waiting for reception etc! However DH has been very stressed and with rising living costs. We have not got much to spare each month after saving for our deposit.

Now here is my aibu.
Dh father recently died and left his house (ex council but bought) to dh. It has no mortgage left.

Dh thinks this is the best thing ever as we could move there (3 bed semi detached, big garden, driveway, extra room for washing etc)
Be mortgage free, near his family and have essentially more disposable income to enjoy life, holidays, other ventures etc.

I know I know it sounds perfect on paper... but I always envisioned raising my children in London but dh claims we are actually being selfish because potentially they will never be able to afford to live near us in the future and we may only ever own 25 percent of a flat!
And the area he is from has not got a great reputation...

I believe he could sell the house for around £240,000 (from Rightmove) and put it down for a deposit on a house in London!

Dh thinks I'm being ridiculous to want to not be mortgage free just for the sake of "London" and being snobby towards his childhood area? (Which I'm not)

Aibu?

OP posts:
HeyItsPickleRick · 11/02/2022 13:19

I definitely wouldn't move there just because it's inherited BUT £240k is a great deposit in loads of other places. Why not consider another English city or a nicer area of Manchester with a smaller mortgage than you'd have in London? Or put it into a London property? If you already have savings and affordability surely now with the £240k you can now afford more than 25% of a London flat?

Ivyonafence · 11/02/2022 13:20

If you love London you won't be happy in Manchester. It's just not the same.

I don't buy DH's argument about how your children won't be able to afford to live near you in London- that's decades away- anything can happen. They might want to live in Dubai or Sydney or Texas. Don't base your decision around that, it's all so hypothetical

GrolliffetheDragon · 11/02/2022 13:21

I think I'm with your DH. A secure home you can't lose is pretty much priceless imo.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 11/02/2022 13:21

Inheriting the actual house is a red herring here, the location in Wythenshawe shouldn't make any difference, because you could sell it and then live anywhere. You've basically added £240k or whatever to your housing pot, whatever that looks like.

I find it really odd that you haven't discussed where you want to raise your children in the last 10 years, given you're from different places. I presume you could easily have moved to Manchester years ago and reduced your living costs if you'd both wanted to. So after all that time and no keenness to move in that direction, I would also presume that DP didn't really want to.

I'm also somewhat bewildered by everyone saying they wouldn't consider raising their kids in London. It's a massive and hugely varied city, loads of kids get raised here quite safely all the time. They can get around independently really easily, and there's loads to do that's cheap/free.

That said, I'm not the biggest fan of Hackney, I'd probably sell the Wythenshawe house and use the cash as a deposit on something in zone 4 Grin

bagelsandcheese · 11/02/2022 13:21

I'm with your dh
if your not keen on the area in Manchester sell that and buy another and have a very cheap mortgage. you are very lucky op!

MimiSunshine · 11/02/2022 13:21

I would move to the inherited house on the provision it’s a 1 year try before you buy so to speak.
Think of how much you can save while not paying rent in that year and make sure you do.
Then use the year to get to know the Northwest better and decide where you want to live.
You may fall in love with having Manchester, Chester, Liverpool and Leeds practically on your doorstep, not to mention the Peaks, the Lakes and north Wales all within touching distance and decide to stay but sell up and move to a house of both your choosing. Or move back down to london.

TokyoSushi · 11/02/2022 13:22

Not RTFT, I wouldn't necessarily move to Wythenshawe, But I would sell the Wythenshawe house and move up North using the proceeds as a massive deposit to have a really small mortgage.

Echobelly · 11/02/2022 13:23

I'd be with DH, but I'm pragmatic that way and believe in getting rid or mortgage if possible. It must be said, shared ownership is generally not a great deal, and while you could get a deposit in London, unless you both earn quite a lot you might have a hard time finding a family sized home with that as a 50% deposit, for example.

I resented DH for a while because he refused to live in my mortgage-free terrace in East London when we were first together/starting our family (I kept it and let it instead) but ultimately it probably was the right decision for various reasons. Plans sometimes need to change.

Gizacluethen · 11/02/2022 13:23

I agree with him 100%.

SaySomethingMan · 11/02/2022 13:24

You mention DH is stressed over roaming costs. Are you not? Are you also working and contributing? Surely , where you’re spend your money should count too.
I do agree with those saying they’d choose mcr over London.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/02/2022 13:24

Wythenshaw isn't the nicest place in Manchester. Hackney is a hell hole. Out of the two, I'd opt for Manchester but think it would make more sense to sell up and pick somewhere you are both happy with.

astoundedgoat · 11/02/2022 13:24

Mortgage free is so tantalising, but the location of the house isn't hugely appealing.

Selling the house and borrowing 100k would take you to a nice, if modest home in Sale, Prestwich or Altrincham, with a very small mortgage and good schools nearby.

It doesn't sound like you can afford to stay in London, but the country doesn't descend into famine and civil war outside the M25, and with some family connections, Manchester, which is a pretty cool city, would be a great starting point.

Are your jobs both "portable"? Would you both be able to get work easily enough there?

chipshopElvis · 11/02/2022 13:24

Come to Wythenshawe! It's got a bad reputation but quite a bit of it is nice. I moved here from London, give it a go!

Suzi888 · 11/02/2022 13:24

I’d want to stay in London over Manchester, but I can see it from both sides.

astoundedgoat · 11/02/2022 13:25

Shared ownership is absolutely NOT the route I would be pinning all my hopes and dreams on if I had the option of owning outright elsewhere in the country. It's such a gift.

Gizacluethen · 11/02/2022 13:25

The idea of using 240k as just a deposit when you're not exactly flush is insane. You could buy my house TWICE for that. I have a lovely house in a lovely area, lots of space. Lots of green space nearby.

Georgeskitchen · 11/02/2022 13:25

I would be tempted to sell and use the proceeds to put a large deposit on a house in outer London where the prices are more competitive. I'm not a Londoner but a lived there for a few years back in the 80s and I loved it. Regretted leaving but hey ho.
To be honest the knife/gun crime is pretty horrendous in Manchester at the moment and also in a lot of other towns/cities.
No point being mortgage free if you are not happy in the city you live in

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/02/2022 13:25

Have you ever NOT lived in London? It was moving away that made me realise that there is more to life than cities.

You've got a great opportunity here to find a balance. £240k can buy a lot or be a great deposit. So no need to rush.

GabriellaMontez · 11/02/2022 13:26

I wouldn't live in Wythenshawe or choose a school there.

Important things to consider are schools, work, family support, your personal interests/networks.

At the bottom of the list is how your children will afford to buy in London. How does he know what they'll afford? What will happen to housing? He's trying to distract you from what matters now.

Sell the house. Use it for a deposit. Or look at a totally different location.

CloudPop · 11/02/2022 13:27

I agree the house isn't the actual issue here. The good news is that you have a chunk of cash available to help with your housing going forward.

The question is, where do you want to live? You want London and he wants Manchester. That's the point that needs to be resolved.

London is a fantastic place to bring up children, as I'm sure Manchester is.

ginnybag · 11/02/2022 13:27

The obvious choice is to sell the inherited house and then, when the cash is in your bank (and I'd split this up between different financial groups so its protected) sit down and decide where you actually want to be.

If you're close to the deposit for the flat in London, you have some money already, so you'll have a great deposit wherever you choose to live in the country.

I'm from the other side of Manchester, and that deposit plus a small mortgage gives you all end of choice local to me. I like Manchester, and it has a lot of plus point, but I do agree that Manchester is not London in terms of access to museums/jobs/schools/events. That said, there's loads to do here, and London is a 2 hour (soon to be shorter) train ride away.

godmum56 · 11/02/2022 13:27

so a rental flat in London on a tight budget with a stressed DH with the best you can hope for is a shared ownership scheme or a deposit on something in London.....OR own nice house in a nice area no mortgage and more income.

I am a Londoner born and bred and i want to scream ARE YOU MAD? Go! leave now! immediately!! You want to stay there just because its something you envisaged????? that's batshit. You have a chance to experience living somewhere else and having more money while you do it and you are turning it down for what?
Excluding my birth home and college residence I have lived in 5 houses spread over three counties and also spent time in the USA. Give you head a wobble and start packing.

Stickitupua · 11/02/2022 13:27

Another one with DH. I've never liked London, ok for a weekend visit but constantly worrying about being my child being stabbed! I'll pass. You could move for a couple of years and see if you like it or not.

Gowithme · 11/02/2022 13:28

I taught in a school in Hackney once as a supply teacher . London is a grey, depressing, unfriendly, violent, polluted place to live IME. It's not so bad if you're young and loaded I guess but I hated it for the two years I was there. Not to mention for the price of our 3 bed semi with large garden, views and beautiful walks you could buy a cupboard in London. I'm would not consider for one minute bringing kids up there so I'm with DH.

godmum56 · 11/02/2022 13:28

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Have you ever NOT lived in London? It was moving away that made me realise that there is more to life than cities.

You've got a great opportunity here to find a balance. £240k can buy a lot or be a great deposit. So no need to rush.

thsi oh this

"have you ever NOT lived in London"