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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move because dh inherited property?

641 replies

bowmejen3 · 11/02/2022 12:46

So I'm born and bred in Hackney. Met my husband here who is originally from south Manchester in one of the largest council estates In Europe apparently.

We've been married 10 years and have two children. (4 and 2 months)

We rent privately and was looking forward to getting on the shared ownership scheme this year! 4 year old settled in nursery waiting for reception etc! However DH has been very stressed and with rising living costs. We have not got much to spare each month after saving for our deposit.

Now here is my aibu.
Dh father recently died and left his house (ex council but bought) to dh. It has no mortgage left.

Dh thinks this is the best thing ever as we could move there (3 bed semi detached, big garden, driveway, extra room for washing etc)
Be mortgage free, near his family and have essentially more disposable income to enjoy life, holidays, other ventures etc.

I know I know it sounds perfect on paper... but I always envisioned raising my children in London but dh claims we are actually being selfish because potentially they will never be able to afford to live near us in the future and we may only ever own 25 percent of a flat!
And the area he is from has not got a great reputation...

I believe he could sell the house for around £240,000 (from Rightmove) and put it down for a deposit on a house in London!

Dh thinks I'm being ridiculous to want to not be mortgage free just for the sake of "London" and being snobby towards his childhood area? (Which I'm not)

Aibu?

OP posts:
averythinline · 11/02/2022 15:56

You couldn't pay me to live in parts of Manchester or London...and I do live in London...and have lived in Manchester

I would suggest looking at it as a whole...if u sold it how much, how easy to get jobs, good schools etc all the way through...

As a whole the money would go further out of London but it doesn't have to be Manchester..it would go even further in Leicester for example...

Work out what it is you both want then where.....

Glowtastic · 11/02/2022 15:56

For a council estate wythenshawe isn't bad going, mostly houses not flats, wide roads, gardens, plenty of greenery. It was built as a garden estate to assist with the slum clearance of Central Manchester (Hulme and ancoats) in the 1960s. The main problem is it's a bit cut off from the rest of Manchester due to being on the other side of the m60 and there isn't much there apart from houses. The shops in civic aren't great and then there's just Aldi and Tesco. However the park is fabulous and it's better connected now with the tram.

I grew up in Stoke and there's another notorious council estate there that makes wythenshawe look like Chelsea.

mushroom3 · 11/02/2022 15:56

I would suggest you sell the house and choose one you both like in Manchester. Then it's a place you both like and fits your needs (even if you then have a mortgage it won't be a huge one_ Think of getting one over 10 or 15 years so that you are mortgage free when your child is reaching adulthood.

Saz12 · 11/02/2022 15:57

You like London, he likes Manchester. Neither preference is “wrong”. Just different.

If he had £240k, would he buy that particular house? Probably not.

So... how much could you borrow as a mortgage? Work it out, do an online agreement in principle with a high street bank.
What would that buy you in preferred areas?

If you did a household budget, what would be a “small” mortgage - and what kind of house would that buy you?

If you’ve reasonable employment opportunities (not a niche role in dying industry) then I’d try not to be too dazzled by “mortgage free”. A relatively small mortgage with some “rainy day” savings isn’t a bad thing. Many posters (any who live south!), could sell up and move to a one-bed flat in Dundee and have no mortgage AND plenty savings, but I’m guessing it’s not appealing.

Personally I’d rule out shared ownership as an option, it seems crazy if you could buy without.

oviraptor21 · 11/02/2022 15:57

No way I'd move to Manchester.
London is just so diverse - I'd miss it way too much.
Are your family and friends here OP?
What's the problem with having a mortgage? You've got a healthy deposit so wouldn't need to go shared ownership now. It's a wonderful chance.

Blossomtoes · 11/02/2022 16:00

It’s silly to not take advantage of crazy low mortgage rates!!

Crazy low mortgage rates that are only going one way. Shocking advice when you have the opportunity to be mortgage free.

SuperheroBirds · 11/02/2022 16:00

I grew up in London, and loved it. As an adult, I moved to Yorkshire and love it here. You can have a good life wherever you choose, but I can’t help but think that being mortgage free or only having a tiny mortgage would really help make life a bit easier and happier.
If you don’t have much family support in London anymore, and your husband wants to be near to his, that would definitely be another thing swaying me to the Manchester area.
But I would probably want to sell the inherited house and use the money towards something I could choose myself.

astroboy45 · 11/02/2022 16:01

Why would you not live in a mortgage free house just to live somewhere in London?? I’m from South London (born and bred) and even I wouldn’t decline a MORTGAGE FREE house to live here. It’s so expensive, I really don’t see what’s so great about here that you’ll be willing to pay for a mortgage here. It doesn’t seem to make much sense

Jvg33 · 11/02/2022 16:01

Where do your family live op? Where did you meet dh? These are important things. If you met DH in London why would you have expected the relationship to take you to Manchester?

Thewindwhispers · 11/02/2022 16:02

Hi OP 👋 I’m from Hackney too! Moved now tho.

Anyway. I reckon London isn’t much fun if you’re very tight for cash. I know a lot of the attractions are free, but you still have to pay transport to get to them. And as your children get bigger you’re all going to drive each other nuts in a flat, having a garden is fab.

That said, I can’t see myself agreeing to move all that way just to be on the biggest council estate in europe either 😬

I’d probably ask DH to sell his house and buy something slightly smaller and of similar value in a nicer location. You don’t have to live in that house to be mortgage free.

If jobs aren’t an issue I’d move to a cheap Southern seaside town eg Hastings or Portsmouth or something.

LittleGwyneth · 11/02/2022 16:04

@godmum56

"LittleGwyneth I think people who don't like London probably need to try to understand that the OP does like London, and so saying 'I would move because London is shit' is colossally unhelpful."

I don't think at all that London is shit although I don't want to go back there myself....I do think though that envisaging staying the whole of your life in the place you were brought up is kind of crazy

I think it's a bit different when that place is London because it's got the best employment for most jobs, the bulk of the country's cultural attractions, and it's more like a series of villages than one homogenous place.
SartresSoul · 11/02/2022 16:06

240k for a house in Wythenshawe, really? That’s surprising.

I wouldn’t want to move there at all but Hackney also isn’t a bed of roses. It’s a tricky one but I don’t think you should uproot to Manchester and definitely don’t think you should move to Wythenshawe if you do. I’d sell up and use the money to buy a house in a nicer area. You will already know this but you won’t get much for your money in London compared to the North.

Viviennemary · 11/02/2022 16:06

I doubt you will like living in Manchester after London.

caringcarer · 11/02/2022 16:07

Never heard of Wythernshaw but I'd move to Manchester. It is a huge city. Live in house for a couple of years, save lots of money, then move a few miles to better area if you don't like that particular area. Why would you prefer to live in a high crime area where you will never be able to afford a nice house with garden? Paying no mortgage you could give your children so much nicer a lifestyle.

SartresSoul · 11/02/2022 16:08

@astroboy45

Why would you not live in a mortgage free house just to live somewhere in London?? I’m from South London (born and bred) and even I wouldn’t decline a MORTGAGE FREE house to live here. It’s so expensive, I really don’t see what’s so great about here that you’ll be willing to pay for a mortgage here. It doesn’t seem to make much sense
Do you know Wythenshawe? I don’t think you’d be saying this if you did 😂
torquewench · 11/02/2022 16:08

If I was in your position I'd be on my up the M6 right now

Blackberrybunnet · 11/02/2022 16:09

Sell the Manchester house. £240,000 will buy you a brilliant mortgage-free house almost anywhere in rural Scotland. It's great here and never more than an hour from a city or the beach! We even have broadband now!

Foxglovers · 11/02/2022 16:11

I’ve lived in London and Manchester and would much prefer to live in London!!

Can you compromise- move to a more suburban area out of London? Bucks/Berkshire etc? With a good train in but have a more “family friendly” living arrangement too (this with selling the house and using the money?) then you could still go into London on weekends.
To be honest I’m not sure I could stay in the north forever - also the weather there is horrendous!! It’s what I missed first when I left london for Manchester!
And I moved back after selling up!!

Itsnotdeep · 11/02/2022 16:11

I wouldn't move anywhere just for a house tbh. Do you actually have a support network, friends and families in London? Do you have them in Manchester?

It's just a house, and if you don't like the city and know no one, why go there?

If you love London, I'd use the house as a deposit and stay put. (I'm biased - I live in London and have made the decision to bring my children up in London, but absolutely have no regrets).

saleorbouy · 11/02/2022 16:11

I'm with DH, if you're not keen on the area why not sell and move somewhere else in the NW. If you look at places on the West Coast mainline you'll be only a 2.5-3hr trip to London.
Personally I don't understand the rat race to live in London when you can have a far better quality of life with less financial stress and more outdoor space and amenities elsewhere up the country.
11years ago I was paying £250 a month for a bedsit in Carlisle, it allowed us to save easily and get well up the property ladder.

LowlandLucky · 11/02/2022 16:13

I would be packing now. Manchester and every other town and city outside of London has museums and plenty to do. I take it you have never spent many nights outside of London ? Your DH is right your children will need outstanding incomes to afford to live in London in 20 years time.

candycane222 · 11/02/2022 16:13

Manchester is a wonderful city but your life is in London. Also a wonderful city Having the extra capital should make your life in London easier, surely? So the stress your dh feels would be less (though clearly you wouldn't be mortgage free)

I am not sure why so many people have suggested moving to Manchester when this wasn't apparently on the table before this inheritance, when money was effectively even tighter? If you are going to sell the house, you could potentially move to all sorts of places. Would buying a very small place in London still be right out of reach?

Also not being funny but the sun does not shine as much in Manchester as it does in London, and that would actually be a consideration for me.

dratsnotyouagain · 11/02/2022 16:14

I'd sell the house and buy in London or in the commuter belt. I wouldn't want to leave London for Manchester.

Graphista · 11/02/2022 16:16

What @ShittyFingers said

Yabu to push to stay in London really it seems just for the sake of it.

We are honestly just at the START of the cost of living increases, read business journals etc don't just rely on msm and govt. The people that really DO know about this stuff are predicting 2 more energy price rises at least, price hikes in other utilities and general cost of living rises (groceries etc) of between 20-40% (calculations vary but most seem to think there will be significant increases). If you haven't much spare money now it's going to be getting a lot worse in the next 12-18 months

Be very interesting for you I think yo sit and do a "prospective soa" for living in Manchester - so not only the mortgage free aspect but also look at council tax rates, average home running costs (prices do vary around the country), transport costs (even if you drive it'll be handy to know for when the kids are teens), entertainment costs, even grocery priced can vary MASSIVELY In different areas. My friends in London and other parts of the south east pay much higher prices on groceries than I do - at the same shops! (You can change address on online accounts and do a "dummy run" or I'm sure a friendly mner living in the area could give you a run down)

Your desire to live at "home" doesn't trump your husbands to do the same, and he has sound, valid reasons why a move north would be good for your family.

Be less rigid and more open minded, London really isn't the be all and end all.

I've lived in London I've also lived all over uk and in other european countries, trust me London is not the only nice place to live!

I had a great childhood, went to school on the tube by 13. Went to museums most weekends. As a teenager, I was NEVER BORED. Always something new to explore.

The same is/would be true of any large city. I'm not very familiar with Manchester but based on pps and some googling where his parents house is isn't particularly central but you could move to a more "Manchester proper" place for considerably less money than getting a place in London

My "home city" is arguably Glasgow (long story didn't grow up there but family originally from there and still have family there now), it's a fantastic city with tons to see and do.

I've also lived in/near other big cities in uk (which I won't name as the combination of all the info would be too outing) and they were perfectly good too in terms of plenty to see and do especially for kids but also adults.

London doesn't have the preserve on this or on many other things it's just another big city.

And with having more spare money in Manchester you'd be ABLE to do a lot more and so would dc!

No point staying in London but too skint to do stuff!

I find the narrow minded attitudes of a certain type of Londoner at the very thought of living elsewhere quite odd! And prejudiced and usually based on incorrect beliefs/information

I still have friends in London or who've recently moved away from there and from living there myself (as a young single woman albeit almost 30 years ago) I wouldn't want to live there I certainly wouldn't want to raise kids there. My friends the ones that are still fans don't have dc, the ones with dc want out! Or have already left. They're telling me it's much worse there now for raising dc than when I lived there.

I find it really odd that you haven't discussed where you want to raise your children in the last 10 years,

I get the feeling op has just always assumed they'd stay in London and the dh hasn't felt they had the...power? To raise elsewhere as a possibility until now

Or...the dh has raised it and op has repeatedly dismissed and now dh feels more able to be a bit more pushy on the subject?

I don't know wythenshawe but I sort of know Hackney and I find it hard to believe wythenshawe is worse than Hackney! - but people familiar with both would be better placed to comment

Have you ever NOT lived in London?

I was wondering this, also getting the sense the op isn't exactly...well travelled?

So possibly has a limited perspective on life outside London generally?

I think if you don't do this op, you'll regret it and dh could feel resentful.

@SarahAndQuack that's an attitude certain types of Londoners have and always have had certainly in my experience and not always the older ones either. As if modern life doesn't EXIST outside of London. It's very strange

Glasgow eg has tons of museums, art galleries, theatres etc always stuff to see and do, much of it free/very cheap.

So your family aren't even in London any more? Then sorry but you're mad to stay then!

You could probably get a VERY nice house somewhere between Birmingham and Manchester.

I prefer Manchester to Birmingham myself but admittedly don't have loads of experience with either. There are also a number of other lovely cities and towns from the area of the midlands upwards.

Honestly don't be SO set on London that you fail to even consider somewhere that you and your family could potentially love living in and would mean you are geographically near to relatives.

With all the info you've given I really don't understand why you're so set on staying in London.

And I don't hate London I had a great time generally while living there but I just don't think it's the ONLY great city to live in within the uk!

Beachbabe1 · 11/02/2022 16:16

Team DH. Wouldnt live or want to bring my children in London if you paid me!! Get out while you can!