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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to borrow some money?

158 replies

dogaibu · 10/02/2022 19:01

Feel like I might BU but I want to check.

My dad died in Feb 21 and I received an inheritance of around 20k. Since then, it appears I've been footing yhr bill for everything. I have Ds11 and he has dss9 and dss12 and it seems that every time they need anything- clothes, bedding, computer games, anything at all- I've been paying for it. We have a dog and a cat and the cat had cancer recently- I footed the entire £1,000 bill.

The house desperately needs painting, the carpet needs shampooing, the deck outside needs power washing, the boys need some new bedroom furniture. It's looking like I'm to foot the entire bill again.

Dh has very little spare money as he pays nearly £450 a month for his Dc, child maintenance, our rent is also pretty high. I obviously have more money than him due to my inheritance but AIBU to ask him to either get a bank loan or use his credit card to pay half of all these household expenses?

OP posts:
Riverlee · 10/02/2022 19:18

You need to get better money management as a family.

Dh needs to say no to unnesscery demands such as computer games, although it’s not unreasonable to give extra for school uniforms etc.

Can dh get a better job and bring in more money? Or get an evening job one or two days to get more money?

I can see you are beginning to resent being the main breadwinner in the family, and that you want to use your inheritance to improve your house, and have some for your dc, rather than paying for the dss.

cheekychaplin · 10/02/2022 19:19

If he needs to borrow money to get by day to day I think you need to take a look at your outgoings. If you didn't have the inheritance how would you be managing? £20k won't go far

OnaBegonia · 10/02/2022 19:19

You shouldn't be buying for his D.C., they have two parents to do that.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 10/02/2022 19:19

@dogaibu

Feel like I might BU but I want to check.

My dad died in Feb 21 and I received an inheritance of around 20k. Since then, it appears I've been footing yhr bill for everything. I have Ds11 and he has dss9 and dss12 and it seems that every time they need anything- clothes, bedding, computer games, anything at all- I've been paying for it. We have a dog and a cat and the cat had cancer recently- I footed the entire £1,000 bill.

The house desperately needs painting, the carpet needs shampooing, the deck outside needs power washing, the boys need some new bedroom furniture. It's looking like I'm to foot the entire bill again.

Dh has very little spare money as he pays nearly £450 a month for his Dc, child maintenance, our rent is also pretty high. I obviously have more money than him due to my inheritance but AIBU to ask him to either get a bank loan or use his credit card to pay half of all these household expenses?

Irrespective of who pays for what and the size of your inheritance if either party needs a loan or credit card for "household expenses" you have much bigger problems.
honeylulu · 10/02/2022 19:20

Decide how much you want to put aside for your DS and invest it in a LISA or something. If you want to earmark something for you then do similarly. Do it quick because £20k can be burned through very quickly.

The rest of it I think you should put towards work on the house. If your husband hasn't got the money to contribute then he just hasn't. It would be one thing if he was pissing loads of money up the wall on a hobby but it sounds like the only way he can pay for renovations is to borrow which is really not a good idea. Part of the reason he's short of cash is because of CM he pays, but you knew that when you met him I presume.

You shouldn't be forking out of your inheritance to buy new gear for your stepkids. That's their own mum and dad's responsibility.

Do you work? If so what do you earn? You seem to imply he doesn't earn enough as a lot if his salary disappears on rent but do you also share that cost? If you don't it's a bit rich that you benefit from his earnings but when you come into some money you don't want to share it! Apologies if I'm presuming wrongly but my MIL was like that. Didn't work, FIL shared all his income with her but when she inherited a small fortune she told him it was hers and she wasn't sharing! I was astonished.

TidyDancer · 10/02/2022 19:24

I think more info is needed.

What is the work situation? Who contributes what and how? How were expenses covered before the inheritance?

Generally though, getting into debt paying household costs when there's money sitting in the bank isn't the best plan.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 10/02/2022 19:25

Would you not have been better using the inheritance for a deposit on a house? Because there's no way in hell id be replacing carpets or decorating a house that wasnt mine 😳

IncompleteSenten · 10/02/2022 19:26

Talk to him.
If you are paying for items for his son, stop. That's his responsibility.

Does he pay his share of all bills?

What would have happened re the improvements you want to make had you not had the inheritance?

honeylulu · 10/02/2022 19:28

@TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil

I just twigged - they are renting. So why on earth would they invest in expensive renovations? Madness!

1224boom · 10/02/2022 19:29

If I was in your situation I would stop spending the money for a while and live within you and your husbands means. That money is a large sum and could be used for something big like a deposit I think it would be a shame to spend it on bits and bobs here and there personally.

Tohaveandtohold · 10/02/2022 19:30

I don’t understand how you wish to spend that much money on a house you don’t own.
I think you need to take a proper look at your finances and live by your means, assuming you don’t have the inheritance.
I also feel that we need more information on who pays for what. If you don’t work and your DH normally pays for everything then it won’t be fair for you to keep all your inheritance to yourself. It all depends

gamerchick · 10/02/2022 19:33

How did you both pay for stuff before?
Tbh it sounds like a deposit on a house would be the best bet. A mortgage might be cheaper than a grand a month rent.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 10/02/2022 19:33

In one of your previous threads you said you inherited approximately £45000, did you decide to go forward with the new build with £25000 deposit or has that money been spent on the little stuff you talk about here?

If you still haven't purchased a house I'd definitely be plugging for that. It would be a better inheritance for you DS and the SS (of course protecting your invested but joint investment goes to all) in the long term. As others have said debt is a terrible idea if there's already money in the bank and money is tight otherwise.

You did also say in a previous thread that jointly you earned approximately £50000 joint, why are you struggling so much? Are you actually living within your means or at the limits of your means if you can't afford to hire a carpet cleaner or pressure washer?

Aprilx · 10/02/2022 19:34

If my husband asked me to take out a bank loan because I had no money for household expenses, I would not only think he is quite dim (because you know expenses are joint once married) but I would also just consider the marriage to be over. Not a partnership.

AffIt · 10/02/2022 19:37

So if he's on £29k per annum, then his monthly take-home is about £1900.

Factor out £450 for CM and £500 for his half of the rent leaves him with £900, give or take. Let's knock another £400 off for expenses (share of bills, food, commuting etc).

That still leaves £500 a month spare, which, while not exactly megabucks, still isn't 'borrowing money at every opportunity' territory.

Yuckypretty · 10/02/2022 19:37

You should invest that money or a large portion of it so it doesn't get sucked up. To make money you need money and you've got it. There's no point it just sitting there waiting to be spent on stuff when it could be growing instead.

TabithaTiger · 10/02/2022 19:40

It's difficult to have a view without more information. How much do you earn? Do you get CM from your child's Dad? If DH pays £450 a month CM, he should still have around £1500 left. Your rent is £1000, how much are your rent and bills in total?

qualitygirl · 10/02/2022 19:43

Would you not have been better using the inheritance for a deposit on a house? Because there's no way in hell id be replacing carpets or decorating a house that wasnt mine 😳

Yes! This!! Why are you not purchasing a house OP! What an absolute waste!!

CocoCookieCream · 10/02/2022 19:48

Your relationship/family doesnt sound rock tbh. Me and my husband always do the best we can for each other. E.g. I need a new car, husband bought it for me. Husband needed money as struggling with unexpected bill, I gave him £xk, etc....

Similarily, we both will save for our children together. Not seperately.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 10/02/2022 19:53

I’d be interested to know how much OP earns and how things were paid for before the £20k.

Merryoldgoat · 10/02/2022 19:55

This makes no sense to me as a married couple with a family.

Why would you want your husband to be in debt when you have money?

Chely · 10/02/2022 19:56

Get in to debt or use what you have in savings. YABU

PurplePinecone · 10/02/2022 19:59

Why aren't you saving that money to try and buy a house?

wishingitwasfriday · 10/02/2022 20:02

What do you normally (pre inheritance) contribute to the household financially?

anon12345678901 · 10/02/2022 20:05

How much do you bring in wage wise? If it's nothing and you don't pay for the rent etc, then yes I'd expect you to contribute. Why should you not? If you work and have got a decent wage too then I don't understand why you're both struggling so much. £1k rent isn't that much for 2 incomes in the pot.

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