Will get vaccine for holiday but not family

[tinkletoots]

DD refused to get vaccine due to not knowing what was in it so I have not seen new grandchild as I did not wish to meet if she was unvaccinated due to my own health (ofcourse things are now changing and now living with the virus cautiously).

She has announced she will now get vaccinated as she wants to go on holiday.
AIBU to think I have missed out on seeing my grandchild when all along she was capable of being vaccinated.

Hang on, so baby was born around the time the first vaccines came out, which was early 2021 if I recall correctly. We are now in 2022 and you STILL have not seen your Grandchild? Why not!?

You can't control what people do much less their reasons for doing it . And it seems emotional blackmail backfired too

The fearmongering from the media has turned regular people into hypochondriacs, it’s tragic how propagandised people have become.

If someone unvaccinated is more likely to have Covid (I doubt that anyway) you could have asked your DD to take a LFT before seeing them. You chose not to on the basis of hype about the disease even though vaccines greatly reduce the chance of being hospitalised. And she could have had Covid even if vaccinated, like millions have.

I don’t get people who act like this. Surely you’d just see your family?

Anyway, you missed out.

@okthx and @fairylightsandwaxmelts I’m not arguing the OP made right or even good decisions but I can see how it would be a kick in the teeth to have your own daughter refuse to vaccinate for reasons you believe affect your health but then happily vaccinate to get a couple of weeks on the beach.

All the stuff about vaccination efficacy is just padding, her dd wouldn’t entertain a vaccine when it was just her mother that was a peripheral consideration but would for a holiday. She’s not opposed to vaccination enough to forgo a holiday which suggests she was being stubborn with the OP’s concerns rather than being particularly concerned about the vaccine itself.

That’s the DD’s choice and absolutely her right but it doesn’t suggest that they’ve got a particularly healthy dynamic going on.

@Cornettoninja
I agree, there’s no healthy dynamic out there. I really do think there is a long backstory to this.

www.thelancet.com/journals/lanepe/article/PIIS2666-7762(21)00258-1/fulltext?s=08#

The epidemiological relevance of the COVID-19-vaccinated population is increasing

Günter Kampf
Open AccessPublished:November 19, 2021DOI:doi.org/10.1016/j.lanepe.2021.100272

High COVID-19 vaccination rates were expected to reduce transmission of SARS-CoV-2 in populations by reducing the number of possible sources for transmission and thereby to reduce the burden of COVID-19 disease. Recent data, however, indicate that the epidemiological relevance of COVID-19 vaccinated individuals is increasing. In the UK it was described that secondary attack rates among household contacts exposed to fully vaccinated index cases was similar to household contacts exposed to unvaccinated index cases (25% for vaccinated vs 23% for unvaccinated). 12 of 31 infections in fully vaccinated household contacts (39%) arose from fully vaccinated epidemiologically linked index cases. Peak viral load did not differ by vaccination status or variant type 1. In Germany, the rate of symptomatic COVID-19 cases among the fully vaccinated (“breakthrough infections”) is reported weekly since 21. July 2021 and was 16.9% at that time among patients of 60 years and older 2. This proportion is increasing week by week and was 58.9% on 27. October 2021 (Figure 1) providing clear evidence of the increasing relevance of the fully vaccinated as a possible source of transmission. A similar situation was described for the UK. Between week 39 and 42, a total of 100.160 COVID-19 cases were reported among citizens of 60 years or older. 89.821 occurred among the fully vaccinated (89.7%), 3.395 among the unvaccinated (3.4%) 3. One week before, the COVID-19 case rate per 100.000 was higher among the subgroup of the vaccinated compared to the subgroup of the unvaccinated in all age groups of 30 years or more. In Israel a nosocomial outbreak was reported involving 16 healthcare workers, 23 exposed patients and two family members. The source was a fully vaccinated COVID-19 patient. The vaccination rate was 96.2% among all exposed individuals (151 healthcare workers and 97 patients). Fourteen fully vaccinated patients became severely ill or died, the two unvaccinated patients developed mild disease 4. The US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identifies four of the top five counties with the highest percentage of fully vaccinated population (99.9–84.3%) as “high” transmission counties 5. Many decisionmakers assume that the vaccinated can be excluded as a source of transmission. It appears to be grossly negligent to ignore the vaccinated population as a possible and relevant source of transmission when deciding about public health control measures.

@OnlyAFleshWound

“I don't think anyone is questioning that the op's daughter has made all her decisions based on her own interests and no one else's.

Which is her prerogative, but I see why her mum is upset by it.“

Which is exactly what her mum did too, she was only thinking of herself when she made the choice to not see her GD.

[quote Cornettoninja]**@okthx* and @fairylightsandwaxmelts* I’m not arguing the OP made right or even good decisions but I can see how it would be a kick in the teeth to have your own daughter refuse to vaccinate for reasons you believe affect your health but then happily vaccinate to get a couple of weeks on the beach.

All the stuff about vaccination efficacy is just padding, her dd wouldn’t entertain a vaccine when it was just her mother that was a peripheral consideration but would for a holiday. She’s not opposed to vaccination enough to forgo a holiday which suggests she was being stubborn with the OP’s concerns rather than being particularly concerned about the vaccine itself.

That’s the DD’s choice and absolutely her right but it doesn’t suggest that they’ve got a particularly healthy dynamic going on.[/quote]
Hmm, I agree the dynamic is unhealthy but on OP's side, not the daughters'.

Lots of people weren't keen to be vaccinated, especially if they were pregnant or breastfeeding. And at the end of the day, that decision has nothing to do with anyone except the DD.

But I can't ever imagine my child being unvaccinated stopping me from visiting (and cuddling with) my own grandchild. I really can't. That's just all kinds of messed up to me.

OP are you saying you have never held/touched/hugged your grandchild??

If i was your daughter i would be so hurt

You chose not to see your grandchild.

If my parent insisted on me doing something with my body I wasn't comfortable doing as a condition of seeing me then I would have felt blackmailed and I would have been less likely to do what they were demanding. Getting vaccinated to go on holiday would have felt much more like my choice.

What @AutumnLeaves21 said!! Makes no difference to you whether your daughter has the vaccine or not?? Doesn't stop the spread any only protects YOU. Your the one who chose not to have the vaccine

I meant to say your the one who chose not to see your grandchild

Maybe so @fairylightsandwaxmelts but I do suspect that if the OP had relented and seen her GC she’d still be feeling the same way iyswim. It’s more about the fact that it appears her dd has no issues about the vaccine in principal but does have issues with her mother setting boundaries.

I can well imagine that the dd has perceived it as emotional blackmail, which is understandable, but as it turns out it wasn’t really because she’s had her vaccination when she’s needed it for something else so it wasn’t something that she was entirely opposed to in the right circumstances which didn’t include her mothers concerns. Depending on why the OP was concerned that’s pretty hurtful.

YABVU.

Was she breastfeeding when she refused the vaccine? Considering having another baby? Her reasons for not taking it then were hers and it was her decision to make. Not to mention the fact that the baby would have been unvaxxed, so would that have been too high risk for you?

It’s also her decision now and it’s not for you to pass judgment.

You were vaxxed and fully protected. You made your decisions. She is not to blame for the decisions you made.

I can't imagine not seeing my grandchild and hugging them because their mother decided not to get a vaccine. I think you're the unreasonable one here.

Really surprised by the replies to this.

Regardless of whether you think OP was reasonable to stay away, her daughter has shown that she is more willing to get vaccinated to go on holiday than to reduce the risk of giving Covid to her mum.

I'd be hurt too OP.

Maybe so fairylightsandwaxmelts but I do suspect that if the OP had relented and seen her GC she’d still be feeling the same way iyswim. It’s more about the fact that it appears her dd has no issues about the vaccine in principal but does have issues with her mother setting boundaries.

But it's nothing to do with OP as to why her daughter wasn't vaccinated. She's taking it personally when I very, very much doubt her DD refused to vaccinate just to spite her mother grin

I can well imagine that the dd has perceived it as emotional blackmail, which is understandable, but as it turns out it wasn’t really because she’s had her vaccination when she’s needed it for something else so it wasn’t something that she was entirely opposed to in the right circumstances which didn’t include her mothers concerns. Depending on why the OP was concerned that’s pretty hurtful.

But again, it's none of OP's business why she didn't vaccinate. It's her body, her choice - it's nothing to do with anyone else.

Choosing not seeing your grandchild because of your DD's medical choices is pretty grim behaviour IMO.

I honestly can’t believe how much flack the OP has received here.

If the OP has health issues you have all assumed these are minor health issues but to prevent a grandmother from seeing her grandchild I would imagine the health issues to be pretty major and worrying to the OP.

Contrary to popular opinion I think the daughter is being selfish refusing to have the vaccine, refusing to meet outdoors for a walk and refusing to take an LFT/LFD test so her mum would feel less worried and anxious and be able to see her GC. Then now suddenly she lays aside her strongly held beliefs to have the vaccine as it enables her to go on holiday.

I got vaccinated so I could go on holiday and live my life. You had the choice to see your grandchild and you blamed your daughter. She’s getting it now. Restrictions have ended its time to move on.

@Skilovingmama

If someone unvaccinated is more likely to have Covid (I doubt that anyway) you could have asked your DD to take a LFT before seeing them. You chose not to on the basis of hype about the disease even though vaccines greatly reduce the chance of being hospitalised. And she could have had Covid even if vaccinated, like millions have.

I don’t get people who act like this. Surely you’d just see your family?

Anyway, you missed out.

Read OP posts She asked her DD to take a test, though as I said, I do understand why someone wouldn't.

It's my understanding that being vaccinated doesn't stop people from getting the virus or spreading it; it just makes the symptoms less bad. I am triple vaccinated and am isolating with covid at the moment as I am infectious. Getting vaccinated in my opinion was important as it meant there was less of a strain on the NHS if I got Covid and less upset for my family, as I wouldn't be so poorly. This 2nd bout has been less bad that when I got it pre vaccination. Surely the main thing is for your daughter to test before she sees you? That is safer than seeing someone who is vaccinated and who is not testing regularly. However this is not always accurate, as it takes a couple of days to show up on LFT. The safest thing I think is to test, wear masks and keep a few metres away.

Double standards by her for sure regarding vaccination when it suits her but totally your choice not to see your grandchild.

@Svara

You chose not to see your grandchild.

If my parent insisted on me doing something with my body I wasn't comfortable doing as a condition of seeing me then I would have felt blackmailed and I would have been less likely to do what they were demanding. Getting vaccinated to go on holiday would have felt much more like my choice.

This is how I would feel.

If you had wanted to see your grandchild, you would have by now. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour.