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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will get vaccine for holiday but not family

164 replies

tinkletoots · 10/02/2022 13:51

DD refused to get vaccine due to not knowing what was in it so I have not seen new grandchild as I did not wish to meet if she was unvaccinated due to my own health (ofcourse things are now changing and now living with the virus cautiously).

She has announced she will now get vaccinated as she wants to go on holiday.
AIBU to think I have missed out on seeing my grandchild when all along she was capable of being vaccinated.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2022 17:21

You are the only one who prevented yourself from seeing your grandchild. You're being ridiculous.

LaChanticleer · 10/02/2022 17:37

YANBU.

Does your DD scrutinise every single bit of processed food she eats? Does she eat out, or get take-aways?

If so, she’s put a lot more dangerous stuff into her body than 3 doses of a vaccine that has gone through rigorous ethical review, and clinical testing, and is produced under far cleaner conditions than most of the food she eats.

As a PP says, the stupidity of some people …

WorriedGiraffe · 10/02/2022 17:42

YABU it was your choice not to meet your grandchild, not hers. She has every right to do what she wants with her body for whatever reason, vaccines have been out for over a year now with very few major side affects so it makes sense some people who were hesitant at first arnt as worried now.

If you are vaccinated but she wasn’t the ‘extra’ chance of her passing covid to you is very small, but you decided your own health was the priority and that’s your decision. I think it’s ridiculous that you would have potentially never met your grandchild if she never chose to get vaccinated.

FromEden · 10/02/2022 17:47

YABU, you made the choice not to see your unvaccinated daughter. If that was my mother I'd be extremely hurt that she would put her irrational fear of the "dirty" unvaccinated above her family bonds. Shameful behaviour.

Also, the person on the first page is giving vaccines to coerced people and doesn't seem to care. That's great.

miltonj · 10/02/2022 17:50

I would say it's her choice what she decides to put in her body, when and for what reason. And it's your choice wether to see her or not. But that choice is on you, not her.

okthx · 10/02/2022 17:51

I would never refuse to see my grandchildren because of my personal health anxiety. Especially if I were vaccinated. You’ve hurt your daughter emotionally and now you wonder of why she treats you the same. Learn your lesson.

GabriellaMontez · 10/02/2022 17:52

Yabu and ridiculous. You are entirely to blame for not seeing your grandchild.

Especially about a pregnant, nursing mother.

And why wouldn't you hug the baby?

whatnumber · 10/02/2022 17:52

A bit of time has passed now. Maybe she feels safer getting the vaccine now as she has seen other people get it and be ok.

newmum2be101 · 10/02/2022 17:55

YABU. it's your daughter's choice what she does with her body and not seeing your new grandchild even though you are vaccinated yourself is mad.

OnlyAFleshWound · 10/02/2022 17:58

@Starlight86

Honestly.....If i was your daughter i would be disgusted with YOUR behavior.

YOU chose not to see your grandchild.

How dare you blame your daughter for making a choice based on her body.

People truly do amaze and dismay me all at once.

Her daughter felt strongly enough about it not to have a vaccine to see her mum.

But going on holiday means it's fine.

Her priorities are clear.

Biker47 · 10/02/2022 17:58

I only got vaccinated because I knew I'd need it for going abroad, had no interest in getting it done otherwise.

OnlyAFleshWound · 10/02/2022 17:59

@AnEpisodeOfEastenders

It was your daughters choice not to get vaccinated but your choice not to see them. No your daughter wants to go on holiday and being vaccinated is a requirement for that so she makes her choice again with her best interests in mind. The only person who stopped you seeing your grandchild was you.
I don't think anyone is questioning that the op's daughter has made all her decisions based on her own interests and no one else's.

Which is her prerogative, but I see why her mum is upset by it.

CheltenhamLady · 10/02/2022 18:02

I think a lot of pregnant women were hesitant to get the vaccine because at the outset the advice was contradictory.

That said, it is entirely her choice what she puts into her body, especially if she is a first-time mum and breastfeeding. It is a very anxious time and she needs support.

I would not have made the choice you did, nor vilified her for choosing differently.

Sirzy · 10/02/2022 18:03

Scrutinising reasons for wanting the vaccine and judging when you don’t like the reason is hardly going to encourage uptake!

VelvetChairGirl · 10/02/2022 18:04

@tinkletoots

DD refused to get vaccine due to not knowing what was in it so I have not seen new grandchild as I did not wish to meet if she was unvaccinated due to my own health (ofcourse things are now changing and now living with the virus cautiously).

She has announced she will now get vaccinated as she wants to go on holiday.
AIBU to think I have missed out on seeing my grandchild when all along she was capable of being vaccinated.

YABU the vaccine protects you, if you have had it why does it bother you if someone else has, I assume you have been leaving the house and going about your business thus in contact with loads of people whos vaccination statues you dont know, plus is the grandchild in nursery? if so thats the person must likely to catch it, schools and nurseries are full of it.
ItsCanardBruv · 10/02/2022 18:06

Given we’ve yet to vaccinate babies, you’d probably best stay away. What if the baby gives you covid?

Cornettoninja · 10/02/2022 18:11

The efficacy of the vaccine is neither here nor there really as far as I can tell.

The OP had a boundary that her dd was unwilling to maintain for the sake of the OP’s wishes/comfort but will do the one thing she required for the sake of a holiday. The dd is entitled to do as she pleases but it clearly shows her priorities and that whatever her reasons for choosing not to vaccinate were had nothing to do with anything that outweighed the benefits of a holiday. Clearly her and her newborn seeing her mother didn’t have the same appeal.

EmmaH2022 · 10/02/2022 18:19

OP I can see other reasons for refusing to test

tbh I'd be nervous of doing a lateral flow in case a positive came up and I was stuck isolating for ten days - while feeling fine, and after the WHO called asymptomatic transmission "vanishingly rare". I've done two PCRs when I had symptoms, no problem - I wasn't well so I wasn't going to spread germs whether covid or not.

But doing a lateral flow to meet someone...only did that for a family friend who was terminally ill.

I have also turned down outdoor meetups. Although I am vaccinated, one very worried person suggested it and still wanted to keep distance, so I said no. It sounds like a very not relaxing experience just for me on my own. With a baby, probably tired etc, it is probably harder.

We have to respect each other's choices.

I am pleased to see the responses here. Even people on MN are calming down, that's not something I thought I'd see.

EmmaH2022 · 10/02/2022 18:20

I can't seem to quote any posts

There's also a fear with meeting someone who is so nervous....if they do get it after meeting up, you will be blamed. It just doesn't make for a nice meetup.

saraclara · 10/02/2022 18:22

I'd have sold my soul to cuddle my baby granddaughter during lockdown. I'm absolutely stunned that you told your daughter that you wouldn't hold yours if you met, when you have the luxury (compared to me and my daughter at that time) of being vaccinated.

No wonder she turned down your outdoor meeting.

okthx · 10/02/2022 18:23

@Cornettoninja
Am I the only one who’s got no “boundaries” as such but a primal feeling of NEEDING to see my children and future grandchildren no matter what? How can anyone really resist hugging their grandchildren? Don’t they have a heart? And no, my child’s life is theirs to live. I don’t expect them to face side effects of vaccination for the sake of my anxiety. Im yet to see a proof that OP is truly clinically vulnerable. Is she? I’m sure most of residents in homes didn’t want this “protection” for them when they were banned from seeing their loved ones. Covid is not the only virus. I have a viral pneumonia and I’m far far far more sick than I was with covid, I was almost symptom free. Is OP concerned about this virus too?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 10/02/2022 18:23

@Cornettoninja

The efficacy of the vaccine is neither here nor there really as far as I can tell.

The OP had a boundary that her dd was unwilling to maintain for the sake of the OP’s wishes/comfort but will do the one thing she required for the sake of a holiday. The dd is entitled to do as she pleases but it clearly shows her priorities and that whatever her reasons for choosing not to vaccinate were had nothing to do with anything that outweighed the benefits of a holiday. Clearly her and her newborn seeing her mother didn’t have the same appeal.

Equally, the OP was fully vaccinated and still decided not to see her daughter or newborn grandchild.

I think it's pretty fucking sad that people refused to see their own kids and grandkids because of COVID, tbh. My own dad did the same (even though we were all fully vaccinated) and it totally destroyed our relationship.

SoupDragon · 10/02/2022 18:28

You were the one who chose not to see your grandchild. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ArtOfTheImpossible · 10/02/2022 18:30

Her Body, Her Choice.

What are your views on abortions?

Either you believe in bodily autonomy / the right to choose, or you don't

okthx · 10/02/2022 18:33

@Butteryflakycrust83
When your mum refuses to hug her grandchild outdoors is… a point of no return. Vaccine or not.