Will get vaccine for holiday but not family

[tinkletoots]

DD refused to get vaccine due to not knowing what was in it so I have not seen new grandchild as I did not wish to meet if she was unvaccinated due to my own health (ofcourse things are now changing and now living with the virus cautiously).

She has announced she will now get vaccinated as she wants to go on holiday.
AIBU to think I have missed out on seeing my grandchild when all along she was capable of being vaccinated.

@MarbleQueen

It’s sad you’ve chosen not to see your grandchild.

The media absolutely whipped this up into a frenzy.

Said at the time, the media should be strung up and held accountable for the damage they've done.

You're both awful. Her for not getting vaccinated, you for refusing to see your own daughter and grandchild despite being vaccinated yourself.

The OP could have put her daughter and grandchild first instead of being ridiculous.

Whoever posted the table from scotland conveniently failed to notice the footnote in red that said these figures should not be used to infer about vaccine efficiency.

Page 31 of the same report shows how effective vaccine is and where there is insufficient data to infer anything.

Lies, damned lies, and mumsnet misinformation on covid.......

I think if that was my mam, I wouldn’t be rushing off to meet her now I’d been vaccinated. YABVU OP!

@SomeDyke

Whoever posted the table from scotland conveniently failed to notice the footnote in red that said these figures should not be used to infer about vaccine efficiency.

Page 31 of the same report shows how effective vaccine is and where there is insufficient data to infer anything.

Lies, damned lies, and mumsnet misinformation on covid.......

I didn't say anything about vaccine efficiency. I said the number of cases are higher in vaccinated people, double in some age groups.

She didnt demand.

No, she just behaved like a toddler and refused to see her own grandchild even though she was fully vaccinated.

Her daughter had an (uneducated) view on vaccines and backtracked on them when it then became an inconvenience. Of course OP can be upset. Probably over what a dimwit she raised

But why does her DD's vaccination status have anything to do with OP seeing her grandchild?

Lots of people chose not to get vaccinated when they were pregnant. She now wants to travel and needs to be vaccinated so went and got jabbed - I really don't see it as something to get upset about.

But then, unlike what appears to be most of MN, I don't see other people's medical history as any of my business whatsoever..

You decided not to see your grandchild your daughter didn’t stop you.

Your daughters vaccination status is her business not yours.

I take it you haven’t left the house for 2 years including going to work or to the shops?

It was your choice not to spend time with them. If I were her I wouldn't be fussed for you coming to visit after getting the vaccine.

Sorry, OP, that must feel bad.

You are not alone. I have seen many patients with remarkably strong opinions about vaccine safety when sharing houses with patients who are CEV suddenly push to have it when holidays are involved. Most upsetting for the patients. Anecdata but I have see a generational difference with younger adults who are anti-vax prioritising holidays.

That said, I have witnessed some contortions by patients to try and travel without being vaccinated to countries with firm requirements - 'Can you please complete this exemption request?'. 'What would I need to have for you to complete this exemption form'. 'What would you need to be told' and so on. One chap refined his conversation across 20+ phone calls without realising the HCPs in the practice spoke to each other and the requirements for an exemption are reasonably clear cut. Would respect them more if they owned their decisions.

Also back in the day, had several trying to have the vaccine ahead of schedule last year by trying to piggy-back on the elderly - 'I'm her main carer'. 'No you're not, I never see you from one year to the next. The only reason you came is because you want to go skiing'. ' Can I have the vaccine without this waste of space, please?'. Some elderly can be remarkably direct with family.

I don’t share your daughter’s view, in particular the bit about not knowing what is in the vaccine. I have never known the chemical makeup of any vaccine or medication I have ever received as it is not my field of expertise. I think that is a really idiotic thing to say.

But this is all on you. You made the decision not to see your granddaughter. Your daughter is entitled to make decisions based upon her own needs and should not have to get vaccinated because of your irrational fears and emotional blackmail of refusing to see your granddaughter. I think your daughter has far more right to be angry with you than the other way around.

You’ve refused to meet your grandchild and support your daughter when she’s just had a baby because she didn’t want to have a new vaccine when she was either ttc, pregnant or recovering? Seriously? And you think your dd is the one in the wrong here?

Your daughter was probably much more hurt that you refused to come and see her and her baby than you are now

That. During lockdown I used to stand outside my DD's living room window while she and her DH held my DGD up so I could see her (and them) and wave. They have a beautiful photo taken from indoors with me beaming through the window! And as soon as it was possible we met, distanced, outside.

No-one was vaccinated then, the risk was greater, but jeeze, it was my daughter and her baby - my granddaughter.
It feels to me as though you just wanted to punish your daughter. I can't understand why you wouldn't at least met them outside, when you're vaccinatedvaccinated.

She was capable of being vaccinated, and chose not to. In the process she was weighting up your preferences to see your grandchild on condition of her being vaccinated against her choice not to be vaccinated.

Now she has done the same weighting, but in this case with her preferences not to be vaccinated against her option to go on holiday.

Whilst YANBU in this context, the choice to be vaccinated is a complicated one for some people, and I think if you are able it is kindest to approach that with compassion, try to turn a blind eye to the announcement about holidays, and try to squeeze in a visit with your GD before they go.

'Her daughter had an (uneducated) view on vaccines and backtracked on them when it then became an inconvenience. Of course OP can be upset. Probably over what a dimwit she raised'

I have to try really hard not to despair when reading comments like this

Myself and my brother are the only family members who are not vaccinated. I had covid before the vaccines came out (mild), and never caught it since. My brother has never had it. The triple vaxxed family members have been the poorliest of all, some of them catching it more than once. This is of course anecdotal but seems to be many others saying the same.

Although I have chosen not to be vaccinated, I happily take any other precautions that my cautious family members would like from me (wear a mask to visit, socially distance/garden visit, LFT etc). However, if any family member expected me to take the vaccines to 'keep them safe' then I wouldn't be seeing them again.

YABU

It’s fine to think she’s a bit silly and selfish only getting vaccinated to go on holiday, rather than to help protect members of her family who are clinically vulnerable…..

BUT I think it’s appalling that you’ve chosen not to meet your new grandchild. When someone has a baby, family support is often really important. You’ve withheld this, and not even met the new baby?! I think that’s horrific personally. You could have done lateral flows etc as a minimum. But choosing to miss out on this new time with the baby is awful, imo. So I’m not surprised you’re not that close, and she’s getting vaccinated for her own reasons.

There’s no way in hell my mum would refuse to see her new grandchild, no matter what my opinion was on anything

You can still catch and spread it when vaccinated. I had it a couple of months ago despite being triple jabbed. It was like a very mild cold, had much worse colds. Granted, I’m young and not medically vulnerable so probably easy for me to be arrogant. Your DD has autonomy of her own body and clearly decided the vaccine wasn’t for her. I imagine lots of people are feeling forced into it because they want to travel, I don’t really blame them.

We do have to learn to live with it now.

I would be a bit upset but presumably your grandchild is unvaccinated so it seems a little pointless to worry so much about your daughter’s vaccine status.

Children dont get vaccinated so why you are so worried about your daughter? You've had your vaccines so you have no one to blame but yourself for missing out on time with your DGCs.

Keep in mind this was when vaccines came out. I have offered to meet outside but been told no as I said I would not hug little one just yet. And I have also asked her to do a lateral flow and she refused as she didn't beleive in the whole covid thing so I have tried.

You chose not to see her despite being vaccinated yourself. Lots of people are now chosing to be vaccinated, it's been out over a year and people are feeling more confident. When and if she choses to be vaccinated against anything is her choice. Not seeing your grandchild is yours.

@tinkletoots

Keep in mind this was when vaccines came out. I have offered to meet outside but been told no as I said I would not hug little one just yet. And I have also asked her to do a lateral flow and she refused as she didn't beleive in the whole covid thing so I have tried.

It sounds like you've also really hurt her feelings.

I can't imagine my own mum refusing to hug her grandchild - do you not see how upsetting that must be for her? Or was her vaccine status more important than your relationship with your daughter?

@tinkletoots

Keep in mind this was when vaccines came out. I have offered to meet outside but been told no as I said I would not hug little one just yet. And I have also asked her to do a lateral flow and she refused as she didn't beleive in the whole covid thing so I have tried.

I wouldn’t want to meet up with my newborn outside either.

Tbh it doesn’t sound like you and your daughter are very close anyway.

That doesn't make it better OP, your poor daughter, many women need thier mum just after they have given birth. Why would you want to meet outside with a new mum and baby? I hope she has an otherwise good support network.

It was your daughters choice not to get vaccinated but your choice not to see them. No your daughter wants to go on holiday and being vaccinated is a requirement for that so she makes her choice again with her best interests in mind. The only person who stopped you seeing your grandchild was you.