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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
Landlubber2019 · 09/02/2022 22:37

I would only contact the school of this happens persistently and I would look at ways to build your son's resilience in the meantime.

sheiselectric · 09/02/2022 22:39

I'm shocked there are teachers who still do this. I remember the horrible feeling of being last when I was at school. There are so many ways to pick groups- this should not be one of them. I would contact the teacher (I'm a teacher btw).

Dillydollydingdong · 09/02/2022 22:40

It's very hurtful to be picked last for a team. Luckily they didn't do that when I was at school, but I'd certainly ask for some other method to be used. What would you suggest though?

apolaty · 09/02/2022 22:40

Oh come on 🙄

SparkleSpangle · 09/02/2022 22:40

It is horrible bit I would just let it go. It will happen more often in secondary. Help him develop a thicker skin. He shouldn't have to but such is life.

DingDongDenny · 09/02/2022 22:45

I was also picked last for teams at school. I was the smallest skinniest kid in the class and it really knocked my confidence. I actually wasn't bad at sports, but was judged on my appearance.

I think there is always going to be a last kid, it can put you off team sports for life, far better to take an inclusive approach

sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 22:46

Surely anyone with half a brain knows that this is appalling practice Shock

None of the teachers I trained with/know would even consider doing this. It's completely outdated and for very good reason.

Ignore the "suck it up" brigade, you could post that your child had had his legs sawn off as part of a Maths demonstration and they would say the same.

Developing your son's resilience, while useful in its own right, isn't the point here. It's not his responsibility to be able to tolerate humiliating, shoddy practice without getting upset. I would certainly complain to the school about this happening during PE lessons and I would expect them to put a stop to it. Whole generations of kids have negative associations with sport and exercise because of this sort of nonsense.

Original poster
GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:47

apolaty I take it that means you think I couldn’t contact the school?

I have obviously spoken to him and told him that sometimes things like that happen and he needs to shake it off etc but I just am incredulous that they still use this method in PE!!
Yes it was my son today but there’s always going to be someone left to the last! I think they teacher could number the children 1,2,1,2 then all 1’s in one team, 2’s in the other!
Just seems a bit cruel tbh and the svhool is always bleating on about ‘mental health’ etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:51

sadpapercourtesan thank you so much for that. I really appreciate your response.
DingDongDenny I’m sorry that happened to you, I am worried that this sort of thing will put him off sport altogether.

OP posts:
DPotter · 09/02/2022 22:54

Been here when I was at school and it's awful.

School put me off team sports for life. My hackles really get aggravated when I hear people saying how wonderful school team sports are for building team work, team spirit, health, fitness etc. Bollocks.

Team school sports only do that if you're in the team; for many- school team sports are a lesson in public humiliation. I was not good at school sports, in fact I was considered a lost cause by the PE teachers and my peers too, but I won a national competition in a non-school sport at the age of 14, was knocking on the door of county standard for another and earnt my living in part as a T'ai Chi instructor for 10 yrs or more.

Let your son try lots of other sports until he finds his 'thing'.

Original poster
GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 23:00

Bless you DPotter that’s fantastic to hear !
I am annoyed that such an archaic method is still in use maybe because I was the last one picked many times during PE and I know just how shit it makes you feel.
I’m going to contact the school and just flag it with the class teacher, she’s lovely and I’m sure she’ll have a word.

OP posts:
lanthanum · 09/02/2022 23:02

Picking teams like that is just laziness. A decent teacher should be able to put them into balanced teams without that whole ordeal.

People's bad memories of school PE usually boil down to three things - picking teams, skimpy PE kit (especially in winter), and compulsory showers. I thought these had been eradicated - they certainly have at DD's schools.

(DD did once tell me who had been on her four-a-side football team and I was horrified that it seemed to be all the weakest kids together. However she then explained that the teacher had first told them to decide for themselves whether they were expert/okay/not much good at football. Her team were playing the other four in the latter category, which made much more sense - they probably saw the ball a lot more than if the teams had been mixed ability!)

Marzipanfruit · 09/02/2022 23:09

I am a teacher and don't know anyone who would still use this method to pick teams. I never would have, even in the past, due to my own childhood experience. I will never forget being picked last, even by friends, and think it can lead to a lifelong aversion to sport. If it happens to the same children week after week it is, in my opinion, a type of bullying. Hope you get it sorted out -it is good you have a lovely teacher who will understand.

navydear · 09/02/2022 23:09

It's an awful practice , no forward thinking, mental health aware, decent adult would ever consider doing this to any child. I absolutely would say something to this ridiculously out dated teacher. Even if only to make him aware so that he make think twice about using this method in the future and save another kid going through that horrible experience or your own child again.

momls20 · 09/02/2022 23:12

That's so sad, the ones who say YABU probably never experienced it. It's a horrible way to chose teams and I would be contacting the teacher too.

ShavingTheBadger · 09/02/2022 23:12

That’s awful. I was always the last one picked - our school only ever did rounders or netball for girls and I have really bad hand-eye co-ordination so can’t catch, throw, bat or shoot. It just made me even more introverted and shy than I already was.

Katya213 · 09/02/2022 23:16

I was always picked last! I didn’t care, my talents were in dance but definitely not anything that required a ball. It didn’t affect me OP, in fact I laugh about it today!

Petsop · 09/02/2022 23:18

Think you are helicoptering here. When you are academically bright as it sounds like your son is, he gets to be great in the classroom several times a week. Top set. Great grades. Better life prospects. Other kids in his class will spend all their time in the classroom not being the bright ones - and don’t they know it. Streamed into the bottom set, never getting more than a C even with their biggest effort. Being made fun of for being the ‘thick ones.’

On the sports pitch, sometimes this is those kids time to shine. And your sons turn to feel what it’s like to not be the best and how to treat others. Needs to work both ways.

From someone who was shit academically but a natural sportswoman :)

appleturnovers · 09/02/2022 23:22

It's not just the being picked last. IME the worst part is the rest of the team who've already been picked whispering to the team leader "pick her, pick her, no, not her, oh I hope we don't get her, oh god, no, not her, OH FOR F**K'S SAKE" and then giving you dirty looks and sulking when you go to join their team.

ICUDoc · 09/02/2022 23:22

I remember being picked last for team sports often… I was a geek, into music, drama and got on with the teachers, not to mention teenage acne… in my case it was a form of bullying by a certain clique of kids.
It’s such a horrible practice. I remember my parents getting me to focus on my strengths, ignore this kind of silliness and rise above it. Worked for me. I would flag it up.

Original poster
GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 23:24

Thanks all, I don’t think anyone really understands the sting of it until it’s happened to them.
He’s a great kid and will probably be fine in the morning but as with most mothers I don’t like to see my son upset due to someone else’s (sporty teacher’s) lack of planning/ forward thinking/ empathy. Clearly it would never have happened to him.

OP posts:
appleturnovers · 09/02/2022 23:25

DD did once tell me who had been on her four-a-side football team and I was horrified that it seemed to be all the weakest kids together.

Tbh I always much preferred lessons where we were sorted that way. I was able to actually enjoy doing a bit of sport rather than just be publicly humiliated and shunned by the athletic kids who resented having me on their team.

Zandra123 · 09/02/2022 23:31

I can't believe they still do that! Couldn't believe it when my now 26 year old had to endure it. He hated p.e but was very academic, it really didn't encourage his love of sports, just made it a miserable experience.

I say let school know know how it's made him feel.

Original poster
GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 23:32

Petsop thanks for your perspective on it. I agree with you to an extent, my elder son is extremely sporty and I’ve always thought Sports Day etc was a day for the sporty children to shine and it’s absolutely right that they do.
Although I see this quite differently, it’s ritual humiliation for one child in particular, it just doesn’t sit right with me.

OP posts:
OldClothes · 09/02/2022 23:32

My BF once told me he was frequently picked second last for football in primary school. The boy nearly always picked last had severe learning difficulties.

It makes me sad actually that nobody ever, or hardly ever, had the empathy to pick them a bit earlier.