DS Last one picked in PE

[GoldenLightNights]

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP I agree you should contact the school. It's shocking that any teacher these days thinks this kind of humiliation of their pupils is acceptable. It is effectively them endorsing and encouraging bullying. I'd be livid (and my kids are sporty).

I’d say something. I feel that this stuff has put me off organised sports for life and put me off exercise until I was in my late 20s as I always felt like I’d be rubbish.
I was very fit but not great and throwing and catching. I would have enjoyed sports if it hadn’t been for the ritual humiliation of letting the popular kids pick teams. One day my best friend left me until last. Another day 2 male pe teachers picked teams and left me until last.

Yes it’s good to give children who are good at sports the chance to shine but not by bullying others. It wouldn’t be acceptable to do this in an academic class.

YANBU, it can feel really brutal, especially for the kids who are regularly picked last (that was me, a skinny kid with no confidence, it put me off team sports for life).

This archaic practice is one of the reasons why PE teachers have sometimes been portrayed as insensitive thugs in films made in the 70s/80s, because they used this lazy method, and seemed not to care about the effect on the kids who were routinely humiliated.

Bloody hell. I trained 30+ years ago ago and there would have been a riot in the staff room if a teacher did this. Definitely not ok.

I'd raise it with school to ensure this teacher doesn't do it again - for the sake of all the kids, not just yours.

It isn't JUST the being picked last.

It's being picked last EVERY time.
It's your friends being made to feel shitty if they pick you and the rest of the team disagrees, or shitty if they don't...
It's walking towards a group of people who are sighing and giving you evils and glaring at you like you are the worst piece of shit...

No amount of knowing that logically even if you were great at sports, even if everyone available was brilliant at sports, someone would have to be last, takes away the humilation of walking towards a group muttering something nasty and sighing and glaring at you.

And no, it makes no fucking odds if you're great at something academic, because thats ANOTHER thing to get abuse from other kids for.

No one gets bullied for being good at team sports.
Plenty of people get bullied for being good at maths or english!

So for those bad at sports and good OR bad at academic stuff.. you lose whichever way!

I must be living in a different universe. We can’t all shine at everything and if you’re not athletic you’re just not. If kids are competing in teams they want to win. You have to give others a chance to be good at things and understand that’s life. One day he’ll go out into the big wide world and he’ll need the tools to cope.
Are these children we’re talking about or fluffy bunnies. As for contacting the school - you have too much time on your hands if this is a big issue.

@appleturnovers

DD did once tell me who had been on her four-a-side football team and I was horrified that it seemed to be all the weakest kids together.

Tbh I always much preferred lessons where we were sorted that way. I was able to actually enjoy doing a bit of sport rather than just be publicly humiliated and shunned by the athletic kids who resented having me on their team.

Ditto. If streaming into sets for maths is acceptable, why not PE.

I much preferred PE lessons when teams were (in rare cases) based on ability and actually felt more relaxed about trying harder (it was much more enjoyable knowing I wouldn't immediately fail compared to being in a team with those with natural ability).

@chocolatemademefat

I must be living in a different universe. We can’t all shine at everything and if you’re not athletic you’re just not. If kids are competing in teams they want to win. You have to give others a chance to be good at things and understand that’s life. One day he’ll go out into the big wide world and he’ll need the tools to cope. Are these children we’re talking about or fluffy bunnies. As for contacting the school - you have too much time on your hands if this is a big issue.

Again, nobody is saying that every child must be told they are equally good at all things. However, there’s very few other subjects where the children are encouraged to ostracise their peers for being poor at it. Maths doesn’t involve basically rating all your classmates on how good their times tables are. English doesn’t allow for the kids to choose who is in their group, leaving the children who struggle until last.

The children will already know who is good at football and who is not. And it doesn’t make any odds to the children ‘wanting to win’ because this is PE class, not the junior football league. The children who aren’t very good still need to play and join in, so making sure they know they’re not wanted on their team isn’t helpful and doesn’t help the more athletic children shine.

Ditto. If streaming into sets for maths is acceptable, why not PE.

Top set maths students aren't generally encourage to form a tram to compete against bottom set maths students in a competition, are they?

@chocolatemademefat

I must be living in a different universe. We can’t all shine at everything and if you’re not athletic you’re just not. If kids are competing in teams they want to win. You have to give others a chance to be good at things and understand that’s life. One day he’ll go out into the big wide world and he’ll need the tools to cope. Are these children we’re talking about or fluffy bunnies. As for contacting the school - you have too much time on your hands if this is a big issue.

Yeah, you are in a different universe. One that lacks compassion by the sound of it.

Are you one of these who calls people "snowflakes" and says "we didn't have mental health issues in my day"?

Or are you simply unkind and see no problem with deliberately and unnecessarily a child's self esteem, for no purpose?

Unnecessarily trashing a child's self- esteem, that should have said.

And no, it makes no fucking odds if you're great at something academic, because thats ANOTHER thing to get abuse from other kids for.

No one gets bullied for being good at team sports. Plenty of people get bullied for being good at maths or english!

So for those bad at sports and good OR bad at academic stuff.. you lose whichever way!

Totally agree. Well said.

This is teacher-enabled bullying.

I can’t believe this still happens. I vividly recall being among the last to be picked and wishing the earth would swallow me up.

@DPotter

Been here when I was at school and it's awful.

School put me off team sports for life. My hackles really get aggravated when I hear people saying how wonderful school team sports are for building team work, team spirit, health, fitness etc. Bollocks.

Team school sports only do that if you're in the team; for many- school team sports are a lesson in public humiliation. I was not good at school sports, in fact I was considered a lost cause by the PE teachers and my peers too, but I won a national competition in a non-school sport at the age of 14, was knocking on the door of county standard for another and earnt my living in part as a T'ai Chi instructor for 10 yrs or more.

Let your son try lots of other sports until he finds his 'thing'.

I agree with you, my experience of team sport at school was the same. When I did online dating, I always seemed to match with PE teachers. No way would I have dated a PE teacher, so deep is my dislike of them!

OP, I would speak to the school, there are other ways of picking teams.

If you raise it I'd just mention he was a bit upset and if they're going to stick with choosing teams this way could he be one of the choosers next time. Might make them think about the less sporty kids' feelings. I do think it's just part of life though.

Ugh yes this is a brutal way of humiliating children that just sit there hoping they won't be last to be picked. Even worse when it is a friend who is the captain.

It is unfair but I think you are massively over reacting. "Ritual humiliation"? No, it really isn't, just poor practice.

I was always the last, or one of, and I still remember it to this day 35 years later. I thought that crap didn’t happen now.
It’s humiliating and hurtful - teams should be chosen randomly by the teacher, always.
Funnily enough I enjoyed PE in sixth form when we did things like table tennis and badminton & I wasn’t too awful at them, but I don’t take part in any team sports now - even casually (like rounders at a work thing).

@AndAnotherNewOne

It is unfair but I think you are massively over reacting. "Ritual humiliation"? No, it really isn't, just poor practice.

It bloody well is.

I was often picked last of sports teams. I just want that good 🤷‍♀️

I had other strengths though and in life I've been picked over others where they've counted.

Teach him resilience. You aren't the best at at that sport so are the last person to be chosen for that team. You are good at ...... so get picked for that.

Lots of people hate this picking teams but it does teach so much. It also teaches the captains to choose talent over friendship (if they want to win!) which is another hard lesson to learn.

Even if a teacher picks 2 teams someone is out into a team last!

I don't think anyone can empathise unless they are rubbish at pe/last one picked etc.

My dd is absolutely shit at sports. She has PE four times in one week as the timetable alternates, so four times one wee and one time the next week.

It's horrible. Last one picked, nobody passes the ball etc. It makes her feel like absolute shit and practically nearly every day in 1 week is sould destroying for her.

If it hasn't happened to you or one of your kids, you just don't get it at all.

I was always one of the last to be picked (rightly so really, I was utterly shit with no hand/eye coordination!). I still think it's an over reaction to contact the teacher over something that's happened once.

If it was a regular occurrence with my child always being last I would contact them but on a one off, no.

If your DS had come home and said "X and Y picked teams this week and X picked me first!" would you be contacting the school to say it's unfair on the child picked last or would you just "congratulate" your DS and share his excitement?