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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
LindaEllen · 10/02/2022 08:58

I was always picked last at school, too, and I just prayed for either the teacher to pick the teams, or for me to be the one picking.

But honestly.. you shouldn't make a fuss about it. It happens.

Foxglovers · 10/02/2022 08:58

I’m a Kay stage 2 teacher and would never do this! In fact I think it would be looked down upon by other teachers to do this? I would contact the teacher

LlamaLucy · 10/02/2022 09:05

It must be nice for the kids who aren’t gifted at maths and science etc, to finally be celebrated for something they are good at.

Welcome to life. Good lesson in resilience. This is the reality of our economic system. You sit in a long line waiting for your interview slot, and employer picks the ones they want for their team.

He may go to graduate recruitment fairs one day, where they literally tell the rejects to go home half way through the day’s activities, and one by one whittle it down.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/02/2022 09:07

PE teachers do this because, logically, they were likely the first to be picked. That and lack of empathy.

ElftonWednesday · 10/02/2022 09:07

YANBU. Teachers did this 30, 40 years ago and I thought things had moved on. I would email the school about this practice, it's outdated and I'm sure it isn't recommended in teacher training.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 10/02/2022 09:10

Do you think the parents of those who are better at sport contact the school when their child comes last in a maths or science test? You can't fight your sons battles - accept that he's better academically than physically and explain to him it's OK to be last sometimes.

ElftonWednesday · 10/02/2022 09:12

@LlamaLucy

It must be nice for the kids who aren’t gifted at maths and science etc, to finally be celebrated for something they are good at.

Welcome to life. Good lesson in resilience. This is the reality of our economic system. You sit in a long line waiting for your interview slot, and employer picks the ones they want for their team.

He may go to graduate recruitment fairs one day, where they literally tell the rejects to go home half way through the day’s activities, and one by one whittle it down.

Fuck sake, that's helpful, Alan Sugar.

There are other obvious ways to celebrate sporting achievement without making the ones that don't excel feel shit.

I've never been to a competitive graduate recruitment fair and will make sure my DDs don't, if such a thing exists. What a load of horrible corporate bollocks.

There are a lot of years between being nine years old and a job interview.

ElftonWednesday · 10/02/2022 09:14

Do you think the parents of those who are better at sport contact the school when their child comes last in a maths or science test?

Yes, parents of children with learning disabilities or who struggle in a particular subject are often in regular contact with the school.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 10/02/2022 09:16

@ElftonWednesday

Do you think the parents of those who are better at sport contact the school when their child comes last in a maths or science test?

Yes, parents of children with learning disabilities or who struggle in a particular subject are often in regular contact with the school.

You seem to be deliberately missing the obvious point I am making.
ittakes2 · 10/02/2022 09:16

I have twins at different schools - one is sporty and one is not. The sporty one gets picked and yes it boosts his confidence - the non sporty one does not and yes it damages her confidence.
I used to think this was bad except....this stuff happens in life. You don't get picked. The true test is building emotional resilience as an adult shit will happen and it won't be fair. Better they get this in school than as an adult.

kittensinthekitchen · 10/02/2022 09:16

Yeah, that's not great practice is it?

When I ran a club of sorts, for kids age 5-9ish , when we were doing team games, I used the time setting up for the kids to arrange themselves into teams without them knowing the way it would be split. A simple 1,2,1,2 is too obvious and you'll get kids deliberately arranging themselves to get the teams they want (or don't want).

E.g. everyone line up from shortest to tallest.
everyone line up in the order of your birthdays
Stand in that corner if your birthday falls on an odd number and that corner if it's an even number

Then split them accordingly, so sometimes then doing a 1,2,1,2 split, sometimes two groups naturally fell into same size crowds, etc.

Gives you time to set up, but also gets them thinking and working together to get into an order.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/02/2022 09:19

I didn't think schools did this 'picking' thing any more. I didn't in over 30 years of teaching. I was always that person last to be picked, it was miserable at the time but didn't affect the rest of my life.

StrictlySinging · 10/02/2022 09:20

Ffs can’t believe teachers still do this :(

I

Grida · 10/02/2022 09:21

The waiting to be picked is as bad as being picked last. Any teacher that thinks that this is an appropriate way to divide the class into teams is either cruel or incompetent. We always strongly objected and refused to do it when our secondary sports teacher tried to make us pick teams.

Kizty · 10/02/2022 09:23

All the people saying it’s great that the kids who are good at sports and not so good at maths finally get to shine. I hate this. I have tended to find that normally kids who shine in class also shine in sports, so it’s just the same kids getting praise. What about the ones who aren’t particularly good at anything obvious?

Also when do you get a maths lesson where you pick teams according to how good you are at maths?

Unfortunately teachers do still do this though. I would work on your child’s resilience as he will need to get used to it. Tell him at secondary being good at other things becomes more important.

Moonface123 · 10/02/2022 09:24

The lesson here is there"s nothing wrong in coming last. So what ? Its not important. Your making it out to be alot worse than what it is. l was sometimes picked last yet l could outrun a greyhound, it hasnt left any life long scars, if l had told my Mum, she would have said "So what?"
With all due respect life can be extremely hard and challenging at times being last is the least of your worries.

appleturnovers · 10/02/2022 09:24

@chocolatemademefat

I must be living in a different universe. We can’t all shine at everything and if you’re not athletic you’re just not. If kids are competing in teams they want to win. You have to give others a chance to be good at things and understand that’s life. One day he’ll go out into the big wide world and he’ll need the tools to cope. Are these children we’re talking about or fluffy bunnies. As for contacting the school - you have too much time on your hands if this is a big issue.
  1. Having the team leaders pick their team individually in front of the whole class has NOTHING to do with letting sporty kids shine.
  1. If there was some sort of streaming, say if the teacher discreetly sorted the kids into good, crap and average - or, as a PP mentioned happened with her DD, asked the kids to self-classify themselves - then actually the most athletic kids would have a much better chance of being able to shine and a much better competition, because they'd be competing with and against kids of similar ability rather than carrying a load of dead wood and passing the ball to someone who can't even kick it in a straight line. The athletic kids would have more fun and stretch themselves more, the less athletic ones would have more fun, learn more and not be ritually humiliated.
  1. I can't think of a single instance in my adult life where my peers have been encouraged to publicly discuss how shit I am and how much they don't want me on their team in front of an audience, so no, this sort of thing does not prepare you for the wide world. All it does, as numerous PPs have attested to, is put the unathletic kids off exercise for a very long time.
catscatscatseverywhere · 10/02/2022 09:25

I will tell you something that might change your perspective a bit, because I can see your husband has different point of view than you. I am like you. I would see the teacher in a heartbeat, because I could not stand my child being upset. And I am always like that. When I read an article that children were bullying a boy for having his favourite teddy bear with him on school trip or summer camp, I said I would burn the school down and my husband said "you can't just give your 9 year old son a teddy bear. You have to explain that teddy will wait home until he's back, but under no circumstance allow your son to pack the bloody toy for school trip, otherwise he will be laughed at for years". And it's always like this- when I am horrified hearing stories happening in schools etc. and immediately telling "our kids will be in home ed", my husband's like "you can't protect children from everything. Give them tools to protect themselves so they can assess the risks and make decisions". I think your husband has a point here. I am expecting lots of shit being thrown at me after this, because it's MN, so I won't come back reading replies, but I wanted to maybe give you something to think about. Take care x

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2022 09:25

I’m surprised at voting I thought this kind of thing had been left behind

It’s awful to be picked last, there are better ways to sort teams

SueSaid · 10/02/2022 09:26

'Stupid, bullying bullshit. Can't believe it still goes on. I think some teachers either must get off on humiliating kids or are spectacularly thick. Why on earth would they do this?'

This.

Contact the school and tell them to stop this draconian crap.

Imagine if they did it in the classroom. For example they have a maths quiz and the brainy kids choose teams, leaving the less academic ones last. It just rightly would not happen.

Arucanafeather · 10/02/2022 09:28

@sadpapercourtesan - totally agree.

sashh · 10/02/2022 09:29

@Petsop

Think you are helicoptering here. When you are academically bright as it sounds like your son is, he gets to be great in the classroom several times a week. Top set. Great grades. Better life prospects. Other kids in his class will spend all their time in the classroom not being the bright ones - and don’t they know it. Streamed into the bottom set, never getting more than a C even with their biggest effort. Being made fun of for being the ‘thick ones.’

On the sports pitch, sometimes this is those kids time to shine. And your sons turn to feel what it’s like to not be the best and how to treat others. Needs to work both ways.

From someone who was shit academically but a natural sportswoman :)

Did anyone make you stand up against a wall and get two academic kids decide who they wanted on their maths team?

Some kids are not academic and are still crap at sports. I'm dyslexic so this just reinforced my crap image of my abilities.

These days we don't send children to special school because they have a disability, a descent teacher should be able to include a child with a disability into the lesson.

OP

I would be contacting the school, there are many many ways to pick teams and but this is the worst.

Picking a bit of paper out of a hat or bag is easy and learning where to use people's talents is a much better way to learn team leading.

Motivating those who don't think they are good at sports to be part of a team that achieves is much more valuable life skill.

ElftonWednesday · 10/02/2022 09:29

You seem to be deliberately missing the obvious point I am making

You seem to have total ignorance of the entire topic, and have just come here to give off at parents, as many posters do.

hangrylady · 10/02/2022 09:30

It's shit OP, I used to get picked last in school for PE. Part of me thinks speak to the teacher but another part thinks that it's part of life and he needs to build up resilience. He might not be good sport but he's academic so the less bright kids probably feel like shit when they don't do well in tests for example.

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2022 09:33

The most important thing for all dc is that they exercise and their enjoyment isn’t dulled by this kind of stuff

Dc know what they are good at usually, or vice versa, they don’t need it reinforced on this way. It’ll just put them off exercise or teams further and what’s the point in that?

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