To think MN is full of really stupid advice/ideas?

[StupidAdvice]

For starters:

"Kick him out and change the locks" (you mostly can't just do this - especially not if you jointly own the property).

"You're his common law wife so you are entitled to half of everything" (no, no, no).

"You're entitled to stay in the family home if you separate" (maybe, but probably not).

"Keep all the evidence of him cheating because you'll need it when you negotiate a settlement" (no you won't, and you're wasting your time: the law doesn't care who cheated or why or when).

"Just take the kids and leave him" (it's mostly not that easy).

There's lots of brilliant advice too, obviously - but AIBU to want to bang my head on the desk when people repeatedly trot out a pile of bollocks as if it were fact?

You should read some of the things posters tell others to put on burns…

Even spouses don't get 'half of everything.'

The only thing you should put on burns if you can is sterile irrigation fluid but tap water will do. Run it under the cold tap for as long as possible. I once burnt my fingers soo bad my fingerprints changed and my phone wouldn't recognise them.

LTB seems to be the standard advice for every minor niggle in a relationship. It'd be funny if it wasn't so potentially destructive. Don't get me wrong - some situations are genuinely awful, but the majority of the time it's excessive to say the least.

MN is full of people offering strident advice they’d never follow themselves.

YABU, because you forgot to tell the OP to take in some extra ironing, hire an au pair and go on a spa day - all fantastic pearls of wisdom.

You forgot - "get an hours free legal advice". If everywhere offered that no work would ever get done.

I've been on mumsnet a while under different usernames and I've never once seen anyone advise they're a common law wife and entitled to half, yet I have seen multiple posts complaining about people wrongly advising this. I must be looking on different threads to everyone else!

But yes of course there's going to be some shitty advice, but if you asked friends and family or anyone really for advice there'd always be people with bad advice no matter how well intentioned, mumsnet is no different, plus the forum is anonymous so some people do throw out some ludicrous suggestions. I usually find though that the consensus is pretty much right, so if you ask for advice and get dozens of responses, it will be helpful as you can usually see a clear consensus. But if you only have a couple/handful of close friends to ask for advice on something, it's much harder to gauge, especially if they're trying to be nice about it.

I've been on mumsnet a while under different usernames and I've never once seen anyone advise they're a common law wife and entitled to half, yet I have seen multiple posts complaining about people wrongly advising this. I must be looking on different threads to everyone else!

I agree. It’s almost exclusively the exact opposite - you need to be married or you’ll be fucked if you separate and have taken a hit in earnings while being a SAHM.

And FWIW I am one of those who advises someone to LTB at the first sign of abuse. Because I have lived it and I recognise it. If you don’t, you’re very lucky. You can tell the posters who have no idea about how domestic abuse starts and escalates as they’re usually the lone voice advising the OP to try counselling with her abuser

"Kick him out and change the locks"

Trying to evict somebody from their own property will get you up before a magistrate.

I never mention my job but find some of the medical advice on here questionable. If you don’t know why would you advise people?

Guess it’s the same for other advice people hand out

Solution is at your fingertips.

Post what you think is the right advice on the thread itself

I find it depressing how many women genuinely believe there's some sort of common law wife status whereby if you just stick with a bloke long enough and have kids you get actual legal protection.

No, no, no.

I've been on mumsnet a while under different usernames and I've never once seen anyone advise they're a common law wife and entitled to half, yet I have seen multiple posts complaining about people wrongly advising this. I must be looking on different threads to everyone else!

Agree. The only person who I have ever seen state they are a common-law spouse is the OP of a thread who is corrected by everyone else!

@cuno

I've been on mumsnet a while under different usernames and I've never once seen anyone advise they're a common law wife and entitled to half, yet I have seen multiple posts complaining about people wrongly advising this. I must be looking on different threads to everyone else!

But yes of course there's going to be some shitty advice, but if you asked friends and family or anyone really for advice there'd always be people with bad advice no matter how well intentioned, mumsnet is no different, plus the forum is anonymous so some people do throw out some ludicrous suggestions. I usually find though that the consensus is pretty much right, so if you ask for advice and get dozens of responses, it will be helpful as you can usually see a clear consensus. But if you only have a couple/handful of close friends to ask for advice on something, it's much harder to gauge, especially if they're trying to be nice about it.

Exactly this ^^ Anyone mentioning common law wife will be contradicted by a dozen posters as soon as they hit send. If you need to leave a bad marriage or a dangerous one, you will get excellent advice on Mumsnet, along with some rubbish.

YABU, and welcome to the internet.

@pictish

MN is full of people offering strident advice they’d never follow themselves.

THIS

@pictish

MN is full of people offering strident advice they’d never follow themselves.

Oh god yes.

You do sometimes get posters trying to make the OP feel better too much and tell them they've nothing to apologise for when the OP has done something a bit strange or offensive.

Or expecting people to be way too accomodating to people who are taking the piss.

You're his common law wife so you are entitled to half of everything

No, I think MN is pretty red hot on this one, actually.

I just treat MN as a sort of trashy magazine like you would read at the hairdresser and then forget. Nobody would actually take advice from here surely?

I asked for medical advice on MN once (which with hindsight I can see was twattish) and had a lot of people tell me I’d be a selfish time waster for going to A&E. I ended up going anyway. Good job, as I had sepsis.

Lucky I ignored the nest of vipers .

Posts demanding posters LTB for very minor reasons, even if the poster has nowhere to go, no money, no support, no family or friends. Then demanding updates from the OP asking if they've left yet, and if not, why.

Also, according to MN, spa days/ weekends are the solution to all of life's problems.

I always see the "MN tells people to LTB for farting in the car" thing and I just don't agree at all.

MN is such a vital resource for women in abusive or unhealthy relationships because it gives them a massive instant peer group of other women. Bad relationships can be very isolating and abusive men, having isolated you, can then work to skew your perceptions of what is normal and what is not. MN can offer a reality check and a reset of expectations where it's desperately needed. I've only ever seen a thread peppered with "LTB" posts where the OP really does need to hear it, and every time I do see it, I think "Thank goodness she posted here, and I hope she gets out".

Going low or no contact with relatives and in-laws for any behaviour less than absolutely perfect. Sure, separate your kids from all their cousins and grandparents because your sister in law snubbed you once, sounds like a great plan.