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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MN is full of really stupid advice/ideas?

203 replies

StupidAdvice · 09/02/2022 20:14

For starters:

"Kick him out and change the locks" (you mostly can't just do this - especially not if you jointly own the property).

"You're his common law wife so you are entitled to half of everything" (no, no, no).

"You're entitled to stay in the family home if you separate" (maybe, but probably not).

"Keep all the evidence of him cheating because you'll need it when you negotiate a settlement" (no you won't, and you're wasting your time: the law doesn't care who cheated or why or when).

"Just take the kids and leave him" (it's mostly not that easy).

There's lots of brilliant advice too, obviously - but AIBU to want to bang my head on the desk when people repeatedly trot out a pile of bollocks as if it were fact?

OP posts:
BrambleRoses · 10/02/2022 18:41

I find that one depends on the thread because of the propensity to give the OP a hard time.

So if a teacher posts asking if they were unreasonable to shout at a child, it’s ten pages that they are in the wrong job, I was that child and teachers like you put me off French or history or physics for life, have you reported yourself to OFSTED yet and so on.

Post that the teacher shouted at your child and who would be a teacher nowadays, no wonder teachers are leaving in droves, have you sent a personalised gift card for a spa day yet OP and so on.

School threads on MN are best avoided.

StupidAdvice · 10/02/2022 19:05

@LadyCleathStuart

I posted on the doghouse a while ago about an issue with my youngest dog and the first reply suggested that I quit my job to spend more time with him! wtf?

Generally I have found there to be very good advice on Mumsnet.

Thankfully lots of excellent advice followed.

Sorry, but PMSL at the idea that you would give up your job to spend more time with the dog (and I am a dog lover and dog owner...)
OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 10/02/2022 19:14

I always enjoy a good bit of batshit parking advice: someone’s blocked you in briefly? Enlist all your neighbours, even if you’ve never spoken before, all of you buy several old bangers for cash and block the offender in, smear Vaseline on his windscreen, then all get raucously drunk at 2 in the afternoon and answer the door with a head tilt and a tinkly laugh saying you can’t move the car, you’re on holiday til 2023.

CatJumperTwat · 10/02/2022 19:17

If a poster mentions GDPR they almost certainly have no clue about it.

I don't think much advice to leave is ridiculous though. I think a lot of women have incredibly low standards and will put up with a lot of crap they shouldn't.

CatJumperTwat · 10/02/2022 19:19

Oh, and "report to OFSTED". As if OFSTED has a call centre with customer service reps eager to log complaints about nurseries and schools. Everybody knows that's what 101 is for anyway

DogInATent · 10/02/2022 19:42

It's the internet. The 50% rule applies.

midsomermurderess · 10/02/2022 19:43

Some people turn up on a thread and say I don't really know about this, I'm no expert but ... Well, feel free not to offer your 'advice'.

pictish · 10/02/2022 20:14

“School threads on MN are best avoided.”

If only because it’s the dullest fucking topic there is.

BrambleRoses · 10/02/2022 20:18

Oh, I quite like twenty pages of outrage because someone’s child had an illicit day off to go to Florida twenty four hours early thus saving the family thousands Grin

pictish · 10/02/2022 20:22

I cba with the schoolophiles at all.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/02/2022 20:23

The medical advice on here is appalling.

I despise that people give advice and they're very clearly not qualified. I also call people out on it. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/02/2022 20:25

The worst are a few posters who think they know everything about the law “because dd is training to be a barrister”

See also medical advice and 'my husband is a GP'

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 20:29

@StormBaby

I realised that I needed to take everything posted with a huge pinch of salt when I clocked three people that I know in real life in here, all living lives that are completely fabricated.
How? How on EARTH did you 'clock' three people you know in real life on here? Did they tell you their usernames on here, and then you went through their posts? Coz that's the only way you can have known them.
HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 21:08

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

I'm 44 and not sure about adulting still , so how an 18 year old is meant to cope is beyond me

Well that's kind of the point. We don't hit 26 and - Bing! - our frontal lobes are matured and that's adulthood achieved. We learn throughout our lives; our brains are incredibly plastic and continue to develop. A 44 year old is more cognitively mature than a 26 year old, who is more mature than an 18 year old. That doesn't mean that an 18 year old is not an adult.

Throughout history, adults under 26 have been the mainstay of much of society. They have raised families - a woman who had her first baby over 25 was considered an elderly primigravida, right into the late 20th century. They won WW2. Most great art was created by people under 30.

It is infantilising and disempowering to tell young adults they are not fully adult.

This. SO many people are different.

I know a 27 y.o. woman who has a good job with the civil service, (very flexible and well paid,) and she also has a wonderful youtube channel, with 300,000 subscribers, and has recently been to several events where she has met a number of famous people. She is buying a house with her boyfriend, and has a new car and is loving life. She went to uni, and has travelled abroad extensively, sometimes alone.

I also know a 22 y.o. who has a 3 y.o. and a 1 y.o. and who got married at 18, and had her first baby at 19. She and her husband have a home too, and she is the most natural mother who adores her kids, and looks after her family, cooks and bakes every day, looks after the home, and looks after her elderly nan (who lives 5 doors away,) doing shopping and housework for her. She has never left her town apart from a few Welsh day trips.

No way in HELL would the 27 y.o. have EVER have been able to cope with a baby at 19, and 2 babies by 22. OR looking after an elderly relative, OR never leaving her home town except for a few day trips to West and North Wales. If she was left with a baby to look after, she'd have a breakdown.

People are different. People mature at different levels. The 27 y.o. is very bright, uni educated, well travelled, and has a successful career, and a budding career in media and the arts, but would have a breakdown if she had to cope with a baby, because in some ways she is immature, and like a teenager.

But the young mum would not be able to cope with travelling around the world alone, and the stress of maintaining a youtube channel with 300,000 subscribers, and the hectic social life the 27 y.o has. Nor would she be able to do the civil service job the 27 y.o. does.

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 21:59

The poster I was responding to said she’s never seen it despite being here years. I pointed out that I have the opposite experience, see it all the time, and even saw it as recently as tonight.

But the point is being made that 1 post referring to it in 100s that noted it doesn’t exist or gave actual good advice, doesn’t really compute as “MN giving bad advice” All that means is there are always a tiny minority who post stupid things.

stevalnamechanger · 10/02/2022 22:02

@Whatup

The only thing you should put on burns if you can is sterile irrigation fluid but tap water will do. Run it under the cold tap for as long as possible. I once burnt my fingers soo bad my fingerprints changed and my phone wouldn't recognise them.
biafine ? thefrenchpharmacy.co/products/biafine-emul-hyp-186g

🤣🤣

BoredZelda · 10/02/2022 22:03

LTB seems to be the standard advice for every minor niggle in a relationship.

Given the vast majority of posts where I’ve see an LTB have been in abusive situations, or where a partner is treating OP like a slave and refusing to engage in family life whatsoever, I’m concerned at what you put up with in life and treat as a “minor niggle”

Workinghardeveryday · 10/02/2022 22:13

Always always - LTB even if it’s clear you are totally skint and have nowhere to go.

Ask for help on money advice as you have zero in your bank and kids to feed, no bus fare for school run - get a taxi, do online shop but be thrifty and don’t buy top end steak

Ask why husband isn’t interested in sex - gay, affair, doesn’t find you attractive anymore

Don’t have time to do all housework and deal with work and kids but skint - get a cleaner and nanny
🙄

LadyPropane · 10/02/2022 22:42

I realised that I needed to take everything posted with a huge pinch of salt when I clocked three people that I know in real life in here, all living lives that are completely fabricated.

Maybe they are different people to who you think they are, and are telling the truth about their lives. Surely that makes more sense?

CatJumperTwat · 10/02/2022 22:47

I'm always very skeptical when people say they've identified their friends on MN. It's much more likely to be confirmation bias.

RobertaFirmino · 10/02/2022 22:48

Ask why husband isn’t interested in sex - gay, affair, doesn’t find you attractive anymore

Either that or he is wanking too much. To porn.

iklboo · 11/02/2022 11:41

I'm always very skeptical when people say they've identified their friends on MN. It's much more likely to be confirmation bias.

My friend & I identified each other - neither of us had spoken about MN before. We recognised our writing styles as being the same as when we message.

Monopolyiscrap · 11/02/2022 12:33

I identified a friend. We had the exact same conversation that she posted on here with a relevant anecdote.
Someone recognised me on here and told me. I denied it, but they were right.

StormBaby · 11/02/2022 16:09

@HelloFrostyMorning all three of them posted very identifying information. For example, one posted about her very specialist technical job and the foreign country she emigrated to. I knew straight away there was a chance it was her, so remembered her username. Every time I see her post it just confirms it(mentions children’s ages, what their hair colour is, what car they drive). The other two was a very similar story. Maybe I am just observant. 🤷🏻‍♀️

rwalker · 11/02/2022 16:12

Don’t understand people ask things in here they could clear find the CORRECT answer by google

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