To think MN is full of really stupid advice/ideas?

[StupidAdvice]

For starters:

"Kick him out and change the locks" (you mostly can't just do this - especially not if you jointly own the property).

"You're his common law wife so you are entitled to half of everything" (no, no, no).

"You're entitled to stay in the family home if you separate" (maybe, but probably not).

"Keep all the evidence of him cheating because you'll need it when you negotiate a settlement" (no you won't, and you're wasting your time: the law doesn't care who cheated or why or when).

"Just take the kids and leave him" (it's mostly not that easy).

There's lots of brilliant advice too, obviously - but AIBU to want to bang my head on the desk when people repeatedly trot out a pile of bollocks as if it were fact?

@AuntyBumBum

"Trust your gut" is generally questionable advice.

Yes. Some people have very strange guts.

@lightand

And even I know, as someone who doesnt post much, that there are a handful of posters who regularly give their two penneth rubbish advice, across the MN Board.

There’s one poster in particular who seems to mention on every thread that she has a legal background in that particular field- employment law, probate, family law, contract law… everything.

It’s amazing.

Now, the advice she posts, is bullshit and she won’t answer if you ask her to cite the legislation that she’s referring to.

But fair play to her getting all of those degrees. She must have dozens.

I'm always at the advice when someone has got about £12 to last them til pay day, which is a week away.
Change job (as if that's super quick and easy)
Move house (ditto. In fact moving house in the first instance usually costs money before you see any savings....apart from the fact it also might add costs to your commute or be entirely inconvenient for kids school/established childcare)

Take in ironing (again not an instant fix and not practical)
Sell stuff on ebay (people in this position are rarely likely to have huge amounts of high value stuff they can sell).

Before joining MN I had no idea

• that it’s completely irresponsible to drink in the evening if you have DC because you might need to drive them to hospital

• if there’s a knock at the door and you’re not expecting a visitor it’s reasonable to not open under any circumstances.

• you should call non emergency police to log suspicious behaviour such as a stranger sitting in a car on your street.

• taking in a lodger (alongside ironing) is a quick and simple way to make money if you are struggling. Alternatively “just move to a cheaper part of the country”. If you live in London you can easily move 300 miles away to somewhere in the North where housing is cheap and plentiful. If you’re not prepared to do that…well you’re just not trying.

This site is a parallel universe

There's a lot of excellent advice on here. And even the ltbs are worth it because no-where else tells women it's ok to leave.

A stopped clock is right twice a day

I think there is way to much LTB for sure. Some for bizarre things. Or others where maybe it would come to that, but as a first thing to do, before say, talking about the issue, it bizarre.

I think you might have stepped into the territory, OP. The first key point for many legal/matrimonial issues is jurisdiction. In the UK, your points would be valid but not in all jurisdictions where posters may live.

Just about anything to do with adoption outside of the adoption board is questionable at best, harmful at worst.

@AuntyBumBum

"Trust your gut" is generally questionable advice.

Actually, that is the advice I got when for a brief while I was dating someone who was showing early signs of being abusive. When I reported him to the police, the police officer assured me that I should always trust my gut.

Actually, that is the advice I got when for a brief while I was dating someone who was showing early signs of being abusive. When I reported him to the police, the police officer assured me that I should always trust my gut.

But there's a thread at the moment about a man who refuses to accept that but father is a paedophile, despite a conviction. Should he trust his gut? Or women who make excuses for their partner's bad behaviour? Or women who are irrationally jealous or controlling or unreasonable themselves?

@StupidAdvice Agree 100%. SO many stupid-as-fuck things are written on here. There's lots of laughs and fun and help and good advice, but lots of shyte too.

1. Yep the LTB advice trotted out daily, often for innocuous reasons, with stories of how THEY/their aunt/their colleague/their neighbour left their husband of 25/35/45 years, at the age of 50/60/65, and have never been happier. They have a new glossy life, a new bunch of friends, an amazing new career, and a sexy new man 30 years younger, and she just can't keep all the young men away, because she's so HOT and SEXY now.

2. All the bizarre suggestions that 44-48 is a perfectly good age to start having babies, and everyone in their social circle had 3 babies after the age of 45. In real life, virtually NO-ONE has known more than 2 to 5 people who have had babies past 45-46.

3. How it's absolutely FINE to start a new job at 6 months pregnant, and especially fine to not tell your new employer, because it's a pregnant wumman's right innit?

Oh and just change jobs if yours doesn't pay enough, take in ironing, put glitter on plastic champagne glasses and sell them on ebay, just adopt if you can't get pregnant,

There is WAY more!

In the main the advice offered is pretty good and comes from a good place.

I voted YABU simply cos no one thinks the common law wife thing. No one.

@Daphodils

Actually, that is the advice I got when for a brief while I was dating someone who was showing early signs of being abusive. When I reported him to the police, the police officer assured me that I should always trust my gut.

But there's a thread at the moment about a man who refuses to accept that but father is a paedophile, despite a conviction. Should he trust his gut? Or women who make excuses for their partner's bad behaviour? Or women who are irrationally jealous or controlling or unreasonable themselves?

Yes, there is a humungous amount of evidence that we all overestimate the reliability of instincts.

If you think someone is creepy or dangerous, it makes sense to trust your gut because doing so will keep you safe if your gut is right, and there is usually no downside if you are wrong.

But that doesn't mean that it's a good idea to trust your gut in all scenarios. Plenty of women are killed by men whom they trusted.

I've been on mumsnet a while under different usernames and I've never once seen anyone advise they're a common law wife and entitled to half, yet I have seen multiple posts complaining about people wrongly advising this. I must be looking on different threads to everyone else!

Yep. Same with mythical “spa day”, it isn’t a common response.

Nor do people say LTB over minor things. Almost every LTB I’ve seen has been from a woman in varying degrees of an abusive relationship.

The only advice I’ve ever taken on board on MN was Mrs Badgers fashion advice and she been missing in action for at least 10’years

@RitaFires

One of my favourites I forgot : If your neighbour is threatening you bake them a cake or bring them flowers. It's up there with give your house to the tenants as shittest advice I have seen.

The "give them the house" is the stuff of legend on here. It was a single post and it was a sarcastic response to an OP who had inherited a house with sitting tenants and didn't want to spend any money on repairs.

"Trust your gut" is generally questionable advice.

It really is. Especially when it comes to “that guy who said hello to my son in the supermarket” type scenarios. So many trust your gut responses when actually your gut is not instinct, it is judgement.

I actually received a very good piece of advice on here regarding my baby’s health that I would not have known otherwise. I’m very grateful to whoever that was

Oh GOD the lodger thing on mumsnet drives me literally crazy. A lot of people suggest getting a lodger as a way to solve financial woes, yet you can 100% tell that these people have never ever had to share houses with anyone other than their immediate family, because the same mad fuckers then turn up on other threads about minor problems with lodgers screeching about how the OP should give notice, NOW. You only need to give a week, you know….

(Yes I know signing up to be a lodger is very different to a house share, but they’re still human beings who deserve to be able to relax in the house they pay to live in! They’re not just an ATM for mumsnetters who need a bit of extra cash).

The whole Interwebz is full of stupid advice! And there are pockets of outstandingly good advice. You just have to be able to tell which is which.

The worst I saw was bake your own bread to save money. Like a loaf is what £1.10? Bread ingredients would be more plus the faff plus the risk you'd fuck it up anyway.

In general, the more definitive the advice, the less likely it is to be right.

On threads about medical things, you can spot the actual HCPs, because they usually avoid diagnosing (unless it's a genuine emergency and the OP needs to do something immediately) and instead gently suggest sources of further advice. By contrast, there are loads of non-medical posters, talking out of their arse, who love suggesting the worst possible diagnosis and scaring the shit out of the OP.

OP: I've had pins and needles since I woke up 2 hours ago, should I be worried?
HCP response: the nerve probably got a bit squashed from how you were sleeping. It''ll probably wear off but, if it keeps happening, have word with your GP.
Fuckwit poster: IT"S M.S OR A BRAIN TUMOUR.

@SantaClawsServiette

I think there is way to much LTB for sure. Some for bizarre things. Or others where maybe it would come to that, but as a first thing to do, before say, talking about the issue, it bizarre.

Agree! ^

@Glugglejug

Oh GOD the lodger thing on mumsnet drives me literally crazy. A lot of people suggest getting a lodger as a way to solve financial woes, yet you can 100% tell that these people have never ever had to share houses with anyone other than their immediate family, because the same mad fuckers then turn up on other threads about minor problems with lodgers screeching about how the OP should give notice, NOW. You only need to give a week, you know….

(Yes I know signing up to be a lodger is very different to a house share, but they’re still human beings who deserve to be able to relax in the house they pay to live in! They’re not just an ATM for mumsnetters who need a bit of extra cash).

This!

People saying no-one ever says LTB for trivial reasons are talking shit btw. I see it all the time on relationships, chat, AIBU, 30 days only, 90 days only etc. They can say they never SEE these posts, but to say they don't exist is just ridiculous. Why would so many posters mention these posts if they don't exist?

Similarly denying 'take in ironing' and 'book a spa day for yourself' and similar suggestions don't exist is stupid too. I see these type of posts a few times a month on here, and I don't spend as much time on here as some!