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AIBU?

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Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 09/02/2022 23:58

I have always taken my shoes off as soon as I go in, ask now as I have just had new carpets that are very pale, whereas before I didn’t care

If they can’t I ask them to show me the bottom of the shoe to make sure it’s clean

When visiting I know which friends like shoes off and which are not bothered

Envoitrevisage · 10/02/2022 00:45

Shoes on in my house please! I don’t want anyone’s clean socks dirtied by my floors; there isn’t a carpet in sight except mynDC bedroom, and we live on a farm.

CandyFloss31 · 10/02/2022 03:51

YANBU. I had a similar problem. I find it hard to be confrontational though, so hung a little plaque outside that read “as little fingers touch our floor, please leave shoes at the door” and didn’t answer the door immediately so people had time to read it! I absolutely HATE it when people walk around my house in shoes!

Ceramide · 10/02/2022 04:25

Shoes on unless really muddy. Doormat at front door for everyday dust.

LaBellina · 10/02/2022 04:38

Yes everyone takes their shoes off in our home. We also have slippers available for guests (washed after each use). I also take my shoes off in other peoples homes if they require that. If they don’t I keep my shoes on.

StrawberryFever · 10/02/2022 04:39

Just ask them to remove them.
Anyone who's been brought up with any manners will ask you on entry to your house if you would like them to remove their shoes.

If they can't manage that basic courtesy I definitely wouldn't be worried about being thought rude by asking them to remove them.

StrawberryFever · 10/02/2022 04:52

I'm curious as to the age of those saying it's a generational thing. As long as I can remember it's been normal/ expected to remove shoes when visiting people.

Suzi888 · 10/02/2022 04:52

@bandek

Also have wood floors. My time is more important than cleaning mud and dirt off the floor after others, especially on rugs🙄
^ Have wood floors and expensive rugs, leave your shoes at the door or don’t come in Wink I’m not bothered either way! Why should I clean up the potential dog shit/piss (don’t tell me you never step in it with the amount of bloody dog shit threads on here!) mud, debris, vomit, snot, weird black moss stuff etc because you have to keep your shoes on. Can’t reach your feet? No problem I’ll just pop these blue plastic decorators booties on you.
SquirrelG · 10/02/2022 04:56

Anyone who's been brought up with any manners will ask you on entry to your house if you would like them to remove their shoes.

I can assure you that all of my friend and acquaintances have been brought up with manners, but generally they don't ask if they need to remove their shoes. Muddy boots yes, ordinary shoes, no. Here we live in homes, not show places! You must have extremely filthy footpaths in the UK. If there is dog poo on a footpath here I see it and don't walk in it, it's easy to avoid.

SquirrelG · 10/02/2022 04:58

In fact, shock horror, people here wander around barefoot - even on the footpaths at times!

Norgie · 10/02/2022 05:02

@TatianaBis Don't worry, I always wear socks and I've never had athletes foot or a verruca yet 🙂

BadLad · 10/02/2022 06:13

Shoes off here - my wife is Japanese, and will not have it any other way. Guest slippers are provided, and nobody bats an eyelid.

At other people's houses I'll do whatever they prefer.

Anklebiter999 · 10/02/2022 06:40

@bandek

Hate shoes indoors. It's so rude to trample around someone's house with shoes on- if you're unsure, ASK.

No shoes here.

It may be 'rude' to you, but not everyone has been bought up to remove shoes, so they would not think themselves rude. Some very strange responses to this aibu; how some manage to get through the day without a meltdown is miraculous!
whereonthestair · 10/02/2022 06:54

Shoes on, my son where's splints he needs his shoes. Slippers don't work, shoes off means he can't (physically) walk. He is only 11 but for him shoes off means he can't come in. He may be an extreme case but for many shoes are actually a necessity.

RampantIvy · 10/02/2022 07:01

You must have extremely filthy footpaths in the UK. If there is dog poo on a footpath here I see it and don't walk in it, it's easy to avoid.

Where is this dog poo free utopia where you live?

Dog ownership in the UK has exploded since the first lockdown. While most dog owners are responsible and clean up after their dogs, a significant minority don't. You can't always see dog poo especially if it is covered in dead leaves or on a muddy path.

Original poster
PlantMummy87 · 10/02/2022 07:26

@CandyFloss31 thank you, I really like the idea of a polite sign saying 'since little fingers touch these floors, please remove your shoes at the door, thank you'. Thanks for the idea I'll look into it!

OP posts:
2kl4skl · 10/02/2022 07:42

@TatianaBis

Please don’t, I don’t want you walking around with smelly verruca/athlete’s feet.

More likely in those wearing shoes all day. How do you leap to that? Is it normal to have verrucas and athletes foot all the time? This is honestly so wild. The great Mumsnet show debate, everyone 😂

2kl4skl · 10/02/2022 07:42

Oh I forgot, people only shower weekly in the sink too.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 10/02/2022 07:47

We ask everyone to take shoes off. PIL don't at their home, but are polite and bring their own slippers to be comfy. My DP and one sibling won't take their shoes off. It's annoying, but they don't visit often so we put up with it. I'd push them on it if they were coming round every week.

Spidey66 · 10/02/2022 07:49

Not this again.

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Whether I do or not depends on comfort not floors. I don't demand it of others and don't know anyone who demands it. If people took their shoes off in my house, I'd probably laugh at them making themselves at home.

MimiDaisy11 · 10/02/2022 07:51

I have this issue OP as the people visiting keep their shoes on in their house so I guess don’t think. It’s even worse when they stand on the baby’s play mat with their shoes as that goes in the wash when they leave.

Spidey66 · 10/02/2022 07:57

@StrawberryFever

Just ask them to remove them. Anyone who's been brought up with any manners will ask you on entry to your house if you would like them to remove their shoes.

If they can't manage that basic courtesy I definitely wouldn't be worried about being thought rude by asking them to remove them.

I was brought up with manners thanks. But because I was brought up in a household where such things don't matter, and those in my world aren't bothered by the whole shoes on/off thing, it doesn't occur to me to ask. I have been asked before (I work as a community nurse and do home visits sometimes) and of course I'll comply if someone asks me too but tbh it just doesn't occur to me. Just because some of us were brought up to have different values doesn't mean we're rude.
SquirrelG · 10/02/2022 08:02

Where is this dog poo free utopia where you live?

Where did I say it was dog poo free? I said if it is on the footpath I can see it.

(shakes head at people who seem unable to comprehend plain English!)

Some very strange responses to this aibu; how some manage to get through the day without a meltdown is miraculous!

It makes you wonder doesn't it.

planteen · 10/02/2022 08:04

If you don't even ask, you are most definitely rude. God help you if you turn up at an African or Asian household, you will not be coming in.

Barring necessity like disability, ask. Nobody cares what your preference is. I like shoes off, but I'll wear them if my host insists I do so.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 10/02/2022 08:06

[quote OchonAgusOchonOh]**@AllThingsServeTheBeam* - I'll continue being rude. Can't abide sitting with my shoes on*

Your choice. Presumably you have no issues with people choosing to leave their shoes on in your house then if that is their preference?[/quote]
No not at all as long as they aren't covered in shit or mud.