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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 09/02/2022 21:57

I think it is extremely rude to remove your shoes without asking when you arrive at someone's house. If you want to remove your shoes ask is it OK to do so. Not everyone wants your bare/stockined feet on display.

Original poster
PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 22:00

Wow there are some really rude people on here. I wasn't making this post to cause a debate and say anyone was right or wrong but some really have gone out of their way to call people disgusting names. I've literally just had a baby and my cat nearly died as so poorly, so no I don't want to be called mental, prissy, neurotic, undereducated, limited, unworldly, illogical, small minded, humourless, bedint, cleaning obsessed germophobe, prissy, prinky, cruel (for having a indoor cats) and that I'm a bad mum for even think of this as clearly I want my child to grow up in a germ free, sterile environment, which I never said. I clearly wanted to be as kind to visitors about this as possible hence why I was considering different options.

I also think most people that do not wear shoes around someone's house (unless they host is happy for you to wear them) are also considerate enough to wear or bring socks to pop on.

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 09/02/2022 22:00

@5128gap

Its meant to be very WC to ask for shoes to be removed, on the basis that WC struggle more to buy things and so are more preoccupied with preserving them. Higher social classes don't care about material things as much as the comfort of their guests and they can afford to replace them. Plus a houseful of people in their socks looks a bit low rent. However, I couldn't be more WC and don't care less about shoes in my house, so make of that what you will
Interesting!!! I didn't know this. I was a poorer child at a fancy school and the first time I saw shoes off in the house was at "fancy friends" houses...

As adults I would say we are the less fancy end of our reasonably middle class set...
Most of our friends have baskets of guest slippers and take houses off at each others houses, as do we....

Personally if the guest in question is a golden oldie I don't mind if they keep shoes on if it's downstairs as we have hardwood floors but there are NO shoes upstairs ever.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 09/02/2022 22:01

@OchonAgusOchonOh

I think it is extremely rude to remove your shoes without asking when you arrive at someone's house. If you want to remove your shoes ask is it OK to do so. Not everyone wants your bare/stockined feet on display.
I'll continue being rude. Can't abide sitting with my shoes on
watchingrnfire · 09/02/2022 22:05

Defo shoes off! Who knows what they've stepped on outside!! Especially during covid when dog owners got lazy cleaning up their dog shit, it was awful, am very mindful when walking outside but I know most people are not like me, so inevitably they would step on to it.
My mil came round once, she usually takes her shoes off, they're easy slip ons, but one day she just walked in and didn't take it, stepped on my rug and then left very shortly after. I had the biggest anxiety ever as I know the path she walks tends to have dog shit. Cleaned excessively after she left.
I honestly hate inviting anyone round to my house, for fear of them not taking their shoes off, or what they do, they take their shoes off and upon leaving they wear their shoes and go back walking around the house to say goodbye to the kids. Really pisses me off

SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 09/02/2022 22:30

@OchonAgusOchonOh

I think it is extremely rude to remove your shoes without asking when you arrive at someone's house. If you want to remove your shoes ask is it OK to do so. Not everyone wants your bare/stockined feet on display.
If someone asked me to keep my shoes on because they didn’t want to see my feet I would think they were a total weirdo!
pinchylobster · 09/02/2022 22:32

@watchingrnfire

Defo shoes off! Who knows what they've stepped on outside!! Especially during covid when dog owners got lazy cleaning up their dog shit, it was awful, am very mindful when walking outside but I know most people are not like me, so inevitably they would step on to it. My mil came round once, she usually takes her shoes off, they're easy slip ons, but one day she just walked in and didn't take it, stepped on my rug and then left very shortly after. I had the biggest anxiety ever as I know the path she walks tends to have dog shit. Cleaned excessively after she left. I honestly hate inviting anyone round to my house, for fear of them not taking their shoes off, or what they do, they take their shoes off and upon leaving they wear their shoes and go back walking around the house to say goodbye to the kids. Really pisses me off

@watchingrnfire
I feel every word of this- also my mil who has learnt to take them off, then puts them back on when she leaves and walks around. Or nips to the car. I'm so glad it's not just me, because I really hate it. I grew up in a damp awful house so I want my place clean, it pisses me off differently when people can't respect that.

notbeentoaBYOBevent · 09/02/2022 22:37

I find it really uncomfortable being without shoes as my feet get very cold at the best of times. I never ask anyone to take their shoes off and feel it suggests that their carpets etc matter more than their visitors comfort when people have a 'shoes off' rule.

sst1234 · 09/02/2022 22:38

@Bambi7

Shoes on in the house is disgusting. Just think about everything you walk on outside is coming into your house. Dogs poo and wee on pavement and pavements never get cleaned!
Exactly.

Really don’t understand why anyone would be ok with this.

sst1234 · 09/02/2022 22:40

@PlantMummy87

Wow there are some really rude people on here. I wasn't making this post to cause a debate and say anyone was right or wrong but some really have gone out of their way to call people disgusting names. I've literally just had a baby and my cat nearly died as so poorly, so no I don't want to be called mental, prissy, neurotic, undereducated, limited, unworldly, illogical, small minded, humourless, bedint, cleaning obsessed germophobe, prissy, prinky, cruel (for having a indoor cats) and that I'm a bad mum for even think of this as clearly I want my child to grow up in a germ free, sterile environment, which I never said. I clearly wanted to be as kind to visitors about this as possible hence why I was considering different options.

I also think most people that do not wear shoes around someone's house (unless they host is happy for you to wear them) are also considerate enough to wear or bring socks to pop on.

Don’t worry OP. Some people get defensive because it makes them feel like they are being called out for their poor hygiene standards.
Scianel · 09/02/2022 22:44

Shoes off in my house, we have cream carpets downstairs. I never have shoes on myself when I'm home, its not comfortable and I like to sit with my feet up on the sofa.

We lived in the Middle East for a bit and not taking your shoes off in the entrance area before going into someone's house would have been a massive, offensive faux pas.

Happy to keep them on or take them off visiting other people, depending on their preference.

Blossomtoes · 09/02/2022 22:47

Some people get defensive because it makes them feel like they are being called out for their poor hygiene standards

Yeah right. 😂

Momicrone · 09/02/2022 22:47

Shoes don't bother me, I have a hoover

Scianel · 09/02/2022 23:01

I'm not sure why anyone would be offended, the objection is to the soles of their shoes.

pigsDOfly · 09/02/2022 23:06

Shoes off in my house.

I find that anyone who comes to the house to do any sort of work nowadays always offer to remove their shoes.

When I was selling my last house the estate agents all automatically took off their shoes.

I think it's becoming very normal now for people to do this.

Many years ago I was giving a lunch party for quite a number of people. Everyone walked in with their shoes on and after a while I noticed the most disgusting smell.

Tracked it down to a friend of my, then husband, who had walked dog shit from my front door right through my carpeted house and was sitting at my dining room table with one of his shoes absolutely caked in the stuff.

RampantIvy · 09/02/2022 23:13

No, I don’t request it because the default round here is to take shoes off anyway. I would always ask when going to someone else’s house if they want me to take my shoes off.

I prefer to wear slippers in the house because they are far more comfortable than shoes. We don’t have pets or small children, and have a carpet in the living room and hall. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t take their shoes off. Friends often bring slippers to wear.

We haven’t had a shoes on/off thread for a while.

PerseverancePays · 09/02/2022 23:14

@Needdoughnuts

Is there a doormat shortage? I can't think why so much poo etc is being walked in to so many houses.
Have you not noticed the explosion of dog ownership recently? There is a lot more dog poo not being picked up and getting trekked about.
maddening · 09/02/2022 23:15

Yes, we remove shoes and visitors do anyway

sunflowerdaisyrose · 09/02/2022 23:17

I always take my shoes off when entering houses, but tell people they can leave theirs on downstairs in my house where we have hard floors. Most remove them anyway. Both sets of parents bring slippers (my mum leaves a pair here!)

Norgie · 09/02/2022 23:30

Shoes off in my home, and I alway take mine off at the door when I visit someone else's home.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 09/02/2022 23:36

@AllThingsServeTheBeam - I'll continue being rude. Can't abide sitting with my shoes on

Your choice. Presumably you have no issues with people choosing to leave their shoes on in your house then if that is their preference?

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 09/02/2022 23:37

@pigsDOfly
Urgh. How awful. Did you make him clean it up?

My father accidentally walked dog dirt in my house but it was confined to my door mat.

He was beside himself - so upset.

He offered to clean it up.

I put the mat outside and scrubbed it when they'd gone, then decided to replace it the next day. 🤢

I eventually caught the dog/owner responsible for the ginger turds left at the bottom of my driveway on a regular basis and reported them to the council. It didn't happen again.

TatianaBis · 09/02/2022 23:37

@Norgie

Shoes off in my home, and I alway take mine off at the door when I visit someone else's home.
Please don’t, I don’t want you walking around with smelly verruca/athlete’s feet.
OchonAgusOchonOh · 09/02/2022 23:44

@SpaghettiArmsMurderer - If someone asked me to keep my shoes on because they didn’t want to see my feet I would think they were a total weirdo!

And I would think someone who insists on others removing their shoes is equally weird🤷‍♀️. It seems a bit anal and very unwelcoming, particularly if the floors are hard floors.

The only time I would offer to take my shoes off would be if they were visibly dirty. If they were clean and I was asked to remove them, I would but I wouldn't be rushing back for another visit.

RampantIvy · 09/02/2022 23:56

Please don’t, I don’t want you walking around with smelly verruca/athlete’s feet.

Fine assumption to make that everyone has verrucas and athlete's foot. Surely, at this time of year people would be wearing socks?