Page 10 | My name is not on the mortgage and I pay him £700 per month

Jmaho · 10/02/2022 14:30

@Nomoreusernames1244

*Can you imagine that's how your 'soon-to-be-ex-partner' might feel? You know the one that gave birth to your children and no doubt raised them?

Because I mean only a cold, hard-hearted mercenary cunt would have taken that money all those years, whilst doing his little calculations, and would now turf the mother of his children out onto the streets with nothing after a lifetime together.
And you're not like that are you?*

Read tft. Randomlondoner updated: the 25/75 split of household expenses enabled his ex to build up significant savings and pension. She’s just bought a 600k house which will be paid off when she retires.

Hardly turfing her out with nothing.

It wasn't a 75/25 split of expenses. She paid £700 a month for 20 years when there was no mortgage at all plus additional costs for the children. I imagine the £700 each month covered the vast majority of the household bills leaving the OP with a very nice lot of disposable income each month. He is claiming that overall he paid 75% taking into account the purchasing of the property and what he paid before she started contributing. He has obviously worked this out almost to the penny

YouDoYouHun · 10/02/2022 14:49

Im a lawyer myself. You need to speak to a legal professional asap re a potential TOLATA claim. Also, if you havent done already you need to take advice on wills. If you're not left the house under his will you could have a potential inheritance family and dependants act claim if anything were to happen to him.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/02/2022 15:17

I suspect Op has done what many other women have done. Moved in with boyfriend who owned a house. Got engaged, had 2 children. Not got around to marrying/can’t afford it/he says it’s only a piece of paper.
Then moved to family house but still in his name. She says children were 4 and 6. Maybe she wasn’t working and mortgage company said only he could get mortgage/go on deeds, maybe it was easier as he was transferring existing mortgage, maybe he was fully aware and deliberately wanted asset in his name. Op may not have been involved in dealing with solicitor etc.
Op certainly isn’t only woman in this position.
I suspect over years she’s realised and buried head in sand. Making out women like this are stupid doesn’t help. Lots of people wrongly believe cohabiting gives rights akin to marriage when it doesn’t.
She obviously urgently needs proper legal advice.
She can help herself immediately by collating documents, sorting her will, sorting who benefits from her pension/death in service.
Best wishes Op if you are still reading.

Plumbuddle · 10/02/2022 17:43

@Star54

I have been with my partner for 30 plus years, we have grown up children and I work full time in a high pressured role. I have always worked and paid towards the house and the bills. We never married although we got engaged. He is now retired and has been for circa 10 years, I give him £700 per month and pay a significant part of the food bill, I also pay when we go out for meals etc. I have left him before twice but returned in part because he refused to give me any money from the house to start anew. My name is not on the house deeds and there is no mortgage, if I raise it the issue always causes a row and he says that he is saving the family as I could walk off and take money from him. I am at the end of my tether and now fel I should leave. Am I being unreasonable given that he had a property in his own right when we first met (I was 21 and am now in my 50s). I am strong him my job but not assertive in my relationship as I have felt bad for leaving him before.

Sorry not reading the rest of this thread as am a family lawyer. Get legal advice immediately before you take any step whatsoever. It will cost you but to not pay for it is a false economy. Ask the solicitor to advise you on all fronts including regarding coercive control as well as property interests. If you don't know which solicitor to pick, get one from the Resolution website. Do not ask anyone but an expert about this subject, there are a lot of myths and ignorance about amongst the general population. There is no short cut to competent global legal advice.

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 10/02/2022 17:43

You can create a contract through behaviour. Nothing has to be written or agreed. If he is accepting monthly payments towards the mortgage then in court you will 100% be deemed to be "on the mortgage" for all intents and purposes. Keep doing it. Let him try to swindle you, he will be in for a nice shock.

I studied law.

dcthatsme · 10/02/2022 17:46

Go and talk to a solicitor immediately. I'm hoping that you can prove that you have been contributing £700 pcm towards the mortgage via bank statements, paper and online records etc. I think you need to sort out the legal position first and foremost. What right has he got to control the family finances? Surely you are in a partnership? If he can't see or respect your point of view and rights I think that is the sign you need to up sticks. I think you need to be careful too. Say he passed away, you would have to fight for a share in the house. It is incredibly important to protect yourself and the fruit of all your hard work.

Grayday · 10/02/2022 17:48

If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no rights to stay in the home if your partner asks you to leave. However, if you have children, you can ask the court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children. If you don't have children, you may be able to claim a beneficial interest in your home if you can show you contributed financially by, for example, paying for improvements or towards mortgage repayments. If you do have a beneficial interest in the home, you might be able to stop the other person from selling it. You will need to get legal advice about whether or not you have a beneficial interest.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-civil-partnership-legal-differences

PetuniaT · 10/02/2022 17:51

My eldest daughter is in a similar position with a man 15 years her senior - name on the mortgage and she pays it but she's not on the title deeds and it worries me dreadfully. He's got kids with two other women including twins of almost the same age as my daughter, one of whom had just presented him with his first grandchild at the same time as my daughter had her second child prematurely during lockdown. Why do women go for such lowlifes?

restingbitchface30 · 10/02/2022 17:53

If the mortgage is paid why are you giving him 700 a month? Surely outgoings can’t be any more than 700 a month including food for the 2 of you. You are a bit of a mug sorry. He’s well taking advantage.

Sprucewillis · 10/02/2022 17:53

What about a trip to Vegas?

Mumontour85 · 10/02/2022 17:53

umm..... what now?
Get yourself a lawyer, I would say you are more than entitled to half of the house at LEAST given you pay for most of it. You have proof that you paid into the equity, and you have lived together long enough to certainly have some rights.
He is literally blackmailing you into staying - that is also illegal.
Get out of there, live your life for you and definitely, definitely take what is your on your way out the door!

Fluffyhairteddy · 10/02/2022 18:00

I’d be looking to register a charge on tbe house

yrellim · 10/02/2022 18:04

You are 50, welcome to the club. Lifes too short.

See a solicitor as advised for proper legal advise.
And start looking around for your own home to buy too- look int shared ownership perhaps or over 50, 55 years places tend to be cheaper or simply move area get a 10-15 year mortgage-temporary lodgers.

Do not be held hostage for a house he may never give or leave it to you anyway so you may be in a worse position at 67 if you stay.

All the best

pomers · 10/02/2022 18:04

@Fairylightsongs

Op, if you rented for thirty years do you feel you’d be entitled to the house. This is no different. It’s his, yoire not married, you have no entitlement, it’s just like paying rent.

Completely untrue. You will be given ‘consideration’ for your contribution both financially and in kind. This is part of contract law. Do not let I’ll informed comments such as this make you afraid to seek advice or leave

CairoLiverpool · 10/02/2022 18:07

If you want to leave him you have the right to do so without worrying about money. More importantly, your first responsibility is towards yourself, you can’t stay in a relationship that is unhappy/unfulfilling out of guilt. I don’t know what the law would say but it seems this is a common law marriage and you have rights. Talk to a lawyer and do what makes you happy.

Fluffyhairteddy · 10/02/2022 18:14

No such thing as common law marriage. Ongoing contributions to upkeep of house/mortgage over long period may mean you’ve got an equitable interest which needs to be registered as a charge on the house. You need proper legal advice here to get this going.

Fluffyhairteddy · 10/02/2022 18:17

www.rlb-law.com/briefings/family/establishing-beneficial-interest-property/

racingnowhere · 10/02/2022 18:19

@Fairylightsongs

Op, if you rented for thirty years do you feel you’d be entitled to the house. This is no different. It’s his, yoire not married, you have no entitlement, it’s just like paying rent.

No its not. When you rent a place its yours whilst you live there. You also have legal rights.

Its clear this man has deliberately set up this situation as a means of coercion - he even says it - he keeps the family together by financially making it difficult for her to leave.

YDBear · 10/02/2022 18:20

@Fairylightsongs

Op, if you rented for thirty years do you feel you’d be entitled to the house. This is no different. It’s his, yoire not married, you have no entitlement, it’s just like paying rent.

Normally when renting you don’t have to have sex with the landlord and bear him two kids, though.

cherish123 · 10/02/2022 18:22

Effectively, he has been charging you rent. You should consult a solicitor. Not sure what you are entitled to. Maybe you could prove you paid for most of the running of the home costs/costs involved in bringing up the children.

Helloevans3 · 10/02/2022 18:23

Legal advice is the only way to go. Can you prove the contributions. From you bank to his? You have a lot of rights as a common law partner. But you need a good solicitor. Do it know or you will end up a poor pensioner with nothing. And if the mortgage is paid what is the £700 for now?

Diana2022 · 10/02/2022 18:23

You’re paying for his mortgage and he can throw you out any time you should have put both your names in the mortgage now he’s in full control and is taking you for a fool you shouldn’t have done it but not much you can do now other than move out and get your own mortgage stop paying it and stop paying him. Try save your own money I’m sure he won’t give you a penny he’s happy taking your money probably why he stays with you tbh sounds like a p*ss take

Xenia · 10/02/2022 18:25

You need to listen to the lawyers on here above, not non lawyers. I am a lawyer too. Go to see a solicitor for an initial appointment to get a good idea of your legal rights. The law will differ eg if you are in Scotland or England.

It possible your biggest asset is your pension and that by not marrying you have avoided him making a claim on it for example although it does sound like the house of which you are not on the title is the bigger asset.

Fluffyhairteddy · 10/02/2022 18:37

Excellent point from Xenia - need more details re assets in the round not just the house. As this area of law is complex and very much depends on the facts of the case to establish any equitable interests you really do need to speak to a solicitor. And I’d do that without leaving the house for now.

ThistleTits · 10/02/2022 18:43

When I got my house after a divorce, my 16 year old dd had to sign an affidavit. This stated she had no claim on the home. This was at the request of the mortgage company, in case she claimed "she had been paying the mortgage or contributing to it". I know it's a slightly different scenario but there must be some legal route for you.