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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To call social services -aibu

108 replies

Kanfuzed123 · 09/02/2022 15:25

Right long one, so bear with will try not to drip feed. Will obscure a few details so it’s not too outing but here goes:

Do I call social services and say a former a friend has had another baby with former partner? Former partner was heavily abusing child number 1, there was even the possibility it was sexual (unlikely but couldn’t be ruled out to the nature of his behaviour). Child was under 3 and he’d be going into her room in the middle of the night and the child would scream, mother did nothing just rolled over and went back to sleep, next day child would have bruises in odd places, inner thigh and then bite marks and scratches.

I tried to empower her to leave him, it didn’t work she cut me out, he beat the crap out of her and then she called me sobbing so I called the police and told them everything, she then blocked me on everything. There is more to this, his family don’t know about this kids and there is a cultural chasm at play here too. But I’ve just been told by a mutual friend that she’s had another baby with him.

Social services were involved after I called the police and it was the case that under no uncertain terms were they to be together again, he refused to engage in the child protection conference so they said no contact. The bruises on that child were significant and quite shocking, even more so the mum let it happen.

Should I call SS and say he’s the father? I’m genuinely worried about the kids

OP posts:
Comedycook · 09/02/2022 15:26

Yes you should

Ifeellikedancing · 09/02/2022 15:26

I wouldn't hesitate to call them.

indecisivewoman81 · 09/02/2022 15:26

Yes you definitely should

EducatingArti · 09/02/2022 15:26

Personally I think you should call them.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 15:26

Yes, absolutely call them right away. The children are at risk of harm. I wouldn't think twice about reporting this.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/02/2022 15:27

Of course you should call them.

DramaAlpaca · 09/02/2022 15:27

Yes, I really think you should.

peachgreen · 09/02/2022 15:27

Without a doubt.

Kanfuzed123 · 09/02/2022 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/02/2022 15:28

Definitely should call them.

SisterRuth · 09/02/2022 15:29

You're looking out for those poor children. You're not a gossip. Call SS.

sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 15:30

Another example of the foul "Karen" trope silencing women and making them second-guess themselves Sad

kazillionaire · 09/02/2022 15:30

Yes, yes and yes again - today.

Kanfuzed123 · 09/02/2022 15:31

I got such a tirade of abuse from her before with regards to calling the police and then telling her family the extent of the abuse, made me doubt myself.

Christ, i can’t even believe this happened how did this slip through the net

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 15:33

I think you have to think of her as having reduced capacity unfortunately - you can have sympathy for her, she's obviously been through hell, but she's not capable of making safe choices for her children at the moment. They come first. Flowers

Sedai · 09/02/2022 15:35

Yes, call them. I know if I was you I'd sleep easier with her thinking I'm queen bitch rather than something else happening to that poor child or the baby.

Kanfuzed123 · 09/02/2022 15:37

@sadpapercourtesan

I think you have to think of her as having reduced capacity unfortunately - you can have sympathy for her, she's obviously been through hell, but she's not capable of making safe choices for her children at the moment. They come first. Flowers
Maybe she does, but a lot of what happened came out later, ultimate drip feed, she was letting him abuse her little one and did nothing. It wasn’t as clear cut as her being a totally innocent victim wanting to leave. They didn’t even live together and it wasn’t the first time her hurt the child, the child had been hurt as a baby and denied medical attention.

I took the child in for a while and they begged me to adopt them. It was heartbreaking. Ss knew l this, I’m not sure she has custody of the older child. I do hope not

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 09/02/2022 15:39

Sorry, I didn't mean to make excuses for her! I just meant that you're doing the right thing regardless of how angry it makes her. She can't make the right choices at the moment so you're absolutely right to step in and do it for her. I've been in a similar position and I know how horrible it feels to have a friend regard you as a betrayer, so I was trying to say that you're right (and brave, and decent) to do it for her children.

EishetChayil · 09/02/2022 15:42

Definitely call them.

Standing up for what's right isn't being a "Karen".

FantasticFebruary · 09/02/2022 15:43

Definitely call them.

Poor kids x

Kanfuzed123 · 09/02/2022 15:50

Second question: will they actually do anything. This will be the third time they’ve been involved due to him, first two times clear FA has happened

OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 09/02/2022 15:51

Please call children's services within your local authority. However, please also ring the NSPCC helpline as they can give you more advice and support.

Kroot · 09/02/2022 15:54

Surely SS should already be involved?!

Borderterrierpuppy · 09/02/2022 15:54

Please call, child protection if everyone’s responsibility

timewillhealabrokenheart · 09/02/2022 15:58

Oh yes you must inform anyone you can think of. It must be hard, but how much harder for the LO to be abused by an adult male.

I wouldn't hesitate and take any flak that came my way, as I'm an adult and have a voice; the child doesn't

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