To call social services -aibu

[Kanfuzed123]

Right long one, so bear with will try not to drip feed. Will obscure a few details so it’s not too outing but here goes:

Do I call social services and say a former a friend has had another baby with former partner? Former partner was heavily abusing child number 1, there was even the possibility it was sexual (unlikely but couldn’t be ruled out to the nature of his behaviour). Child was under 3 and he’d be going into her room in the middle of the night and the child would scream, mother did nothing just rolled over and went back to sleep, next day child would have bruises in odd places, inner thigh and then bite marks and scratches.

I tried to empower her to leave him, it didn’t work she cut me out, he beat the crap out of her and then she called me sobbing so I called the police and told them everything, she then blocked me on everything. There is more to this, his family don’t know about this kids and there is a cultural chasm at play here too. But I’ve just been told by a mutual friend that she’s had another baby with him.

Social services were involved after I called the police and it was the case that under no uncertain terms were they to be together again, he refused to engage in the child protection conference so they said no contact. The bruises on that child were significant and quite shocking, even more so the mum let it happen.

Should I call SS and say he’s the father? I’m genuinely worried about the kids

You absolutely must report this. If Social Services believed that he was no longer in the picture and she was otherwise coping, there is every chance their involvement has ceased. They are not psychic, services are incredibly stretched and it is more important than ever they hear of serious concerns like this.

YES! oh my goodness what a horrific read. I just don’t understand how people could do anything untowards to a child. Children really are angels Earth. The mum is clearly unwell.

Please, please report to SS. He shouldn’t be anywhere near any children by the sounds of it.

I knew of someone who was allowed to go back to their ex partner who was abusive by social services. But both her and the partner had to go through quite intensive courses and touch wood, he hasn't absused her again so far. I've also known this to happen to other people- unless all parties are honest. So I'm not entirely sure if it's always the case where children get taken away if they stay with their perpetrators. But I guess it's a case by case basis

If she has has a child removed previously then any pregnancy going forward should result in a referral to child's services. Who knows if she has disclosed who the father is or how she is safeguarding. Call the MASH line and share your concerns. Safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility, and those in the community often know better than professionals what is going off. I hope that everything works out for the best

@tinyem77

If she has has a child removed previously then any pregnancy going forward should result in a referral to child's services. Who knows if she has disclosed who the father is or how she is safeguarding. Call the MASH line and share your concerns. Safeguarding children is everyone's responsibility, and those in the community often know better than professionals what is going off. I hope that everything works out for the best

Yes. If a child has been removed previously then it's every difficult to keep subsequent children. But I didn't read this in the opening OP, unless I missed it.

Please do report this, it’s horrific.

Thanks all!

I still have the initial case workers contact number( should I reach out to her?

Dear god OP. Just phone the main Social Services out of hours number now and get off mumsnet! So many people have told you what you need to do. Stop dithering and just do it! A quick google will get you the number.

FGS of course call.

Six hours you’ve been on this thread. No one has said anything other than report. You can do it anonymously. Just do it NOW!

Please report this! Those poor children.

I tried to post that message earlier not sure how it’s just come up now.

I called nspcc earlier this evening they said it will be passed over and I think someone will be in touch!

Thanks all!

Oh and also to the best of my knowledge no child has been removed, it was being debated when she blocked me but the initial case worker passed it over to someone else who believed the mum understood the danger and would keep the child safe, guess she was wrong

@Kanfuzed123

I tried to post that message earlier not sure how it’s just come up now.

I called nspcc earlier this evening they said it will be passed over and I think someone will be in touch!

Thanks all!

Why NSPCC and not social services?

@Kanfuzed123
Make that call, its not like you will be lossing a friendship you have not spoken to her in two years. But at the end of the day I would loss a friendship to keep her 2 children safe, so what if she kicks of she put the man before the welfare of her oldest dd so she does not care someone has to. #MAKETHATCALLSAVETHENBABIES.

If you don’t share what you know you will worry and rightly so- you would be partIally responsible for not trying to protect the child. If you report it, you pass on that responsibility, you will have done what you can.
It’s your responsibility to call the authorities. You are not responsible for what they do with the information you give.
You don’t need to tell anyone else what you have done and the authorities should keep your identity anonymous if you ask (or don’t actually give your name)

Keep calling and tell them everything. This monster sexually abused a young girl and it seems the mother allowed this to happen. Yes she may have been scared of him herself but those children need to be removed if she can’t protect them.

Report. This is about protecting the child.

You must call them. You can only hope they are able to take action.

I wanted to talk it through verbally too, there was more that happened in real life that I’ve not included. NSPCC said they’ll pass it on to ss in my area. I don’t know if she moved out of area, when I was in contact with her it’s what they wanted to ensure he couldn’t find them.

Also for the record @NoJaffaCakesAreKeptInThisVan it’s not definite that sexual abuse occurred, from how the events were told to me there was a question but a decision was made by authorities to not examine the child for it as it would be traumatic if she hadn’t endured it. However some of his behaviour was perplexing to say the least, going into a child’s room in the dead of the night and waking her to play and next day she has bruises

He definitely abused her.

Sorry, cross posted , last message took ages to post for some reason.
Well done. You have done the right thing.

I would write an anonymous letter with her details etc if you are worried about retaliation

I think it would be a positive in that sense for the kids, most likely he’d be forced to marry someone from ‘back home‘ or someone his parents see fit quickly.

@Kanfuzed123

Would they insist he break off contact with her and/or the children? If they are indeed wealthy, that may be a huge incentive for him to do as they say.

Glad you called the authorities. You've done what you can with that.

Is there someone who could safely 'drop a dime' on him with the family?