To call social services -aibu

[Kanfuzed123]

Right long one, so bear with will try not to drip feed. Will obscure a few details so it’s not too outing but here goes:

Do I call social services and say a former a friend has had another baby with former partner? Former partner was heavily abusing child number 1, there was even the possibility it was sexual (unlikely but couldn’t be ruled out to the nature of his behaviour). Child was under 3 and he’d be going into her room in the middle of the night and the child would scream, mother did nothing just rolled over and went back to sleep, next day child would have bruises in odd places, inner thigh and then bite marks and scratches.

I tried to empower her to leave him, it didn’t work she cut me out, he beat the crap out of her and then she called me sobbing so I called the police and told them everything, she then blocked me on everything. There is more to this, his family don’t know about this kids and there is a cultural chasm at play here too. But I’ve just been told by a mutual friend that she’s had another baby with him.

Social services were involved after I called the police and it was the case that under no uncertain terms were they to be together again, he refused to engage in the child protection conference so they said no contact. The bruises on that child were significant and quite shocking, even more so the mum let it happen.

Should I call SS and say he’s the father? I’m genuinely worried about the kids

yes

Of course, don't hesitate. God that was harrowing to read, that will stick with me. Poor baby.

Call them. That child cannot speak for itself, so you must. Hurt feelings of the mother have no place in this, when her child is in danger.

OP I can understand when in the midst of this it is hard to distinguish how awful it is, especially as you’re at a distance. It’s one of the most sinister things I’ve read, being woken up from sleep to be abused and screaming but no one comes to help you. Let alone being a vulnerable child unable to communicate.

Re the cultural element the idea of women outside of the community being “less worthy” and subsequent children the same, might play into it. It doesn’t surprise me that you say his family is actually wealthy and progressive - it’s these entitled men who have no commitment or skin in their home culture who play the worst with women’s lives at the boundaries. I met a few like this at uni who espoused great traditional values, though had grownup non traditional family, but it was just a cover for being abusive and vile.

Yes of course you call the caseworker.

People doing nothing is exactly how we end up with these horrific stories being reported.

Just imagine for a second that this situation has the worst outcome imaginable (sorry, but it needs to be said)

How will you feel then knowing that you could have made someone aware of the situation but didn't?

I realise that that sounds very, very harsh and it is not written with the intention of having a go at you or judging - it's just reality.

Please let as many people know as possible so that these children/their mum can be safe.

I’ve spoken to a friend that was going to be involved in the court case, the police never took the abuse forward and neither did social services. Honestly the child had bruises that lasted months, i can’t believe this wasn’t progressed.

I can’t reach the initial case worker and I’ve been on hold with the la for 45 mins, hopefully this time it gets taken forward. Although I’m not holding me breath as I think she’ll just lie and say he’s not the new baby’s father.

If his family is that 'notorious' then I don't think you should contact them in any way. You don't want a situation of 'kill the messenger' (bad choice of words, but you get what I mean). Who really knows how much they know and are choosing to ignore as long as they aren't forced to recognize these children.

You've done what you can do anonymously. Nowhere is it written that we have to endanger ourselves or our own families to 'do right', not even for a child.

Apparently the child had a visit last week, so there must be concerns, just can’t believe they’ve not been acted on