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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry it’s eating me up inside

104 replies

Avelectra · 08/02/2022 20:40

I was in a serious car crash last week. It wasn’t my fault, the other driver drove through a stop sign into the side of me at 60mph. I ended up trapped inside the car for over 3 hours and had to be cut out by firemen, but somehow only suffered a few broken bones and extensive bruising. I know I’m lucky to be alive, but it feels so unfair
I can’t go to the toilet without being in pain
I can’t blow my nose or sneeze without blood pouring out
I can’t wear my glasses as my face is so sore from the airbag
I can’t lie on either side as my sides are so sore from bruising, but I can’t lie on my back as I’ve got a huge bump on my head that hurts every time any pressure is put on it
I can’t put my own clothes on, DP has to do it for me
Everything just hurts and I feel like I never want to leave the house again, let alone ever get back in a car

The other driver was able to get himself out of his car, had no injuries and just went home after talking to the police. I’m so angry. It feels so unfair and cruel that he’s fine and I’m left like this. I know I shouldn’t let it eat me up but it is and I don’t know how to get over it

OP posts:
AtlasPine · 08/02/2022 20:41

That sounds completely horrible and is incredibly unfair. I would feel angry beyond belief too I think. So sorry this happened to you.

DysmalRadius · 08/02/2022 20:42

You poor thing - that sounds awful and really scary. I think anger is perfectly justified, but as your bruising and swelling fades, hopefully your feelings will become more manageable as well. I hope that your recovery is swift and that you are able to focus on your own recovery soon, but sometimes anger is a good way of keeping us going and distracting us from the helplessness we feel when things are totally shit and unfair. Flowers

pumpkinpie01 · 08/02/2022 20:44

It is really really unfair but unfortunately this does happen a lot and sometimes the innocent victims don't come out with their lives . Please make sure you pursue an injury claim and I hope you start to feel better very soon .

Cissyandflora · 08/02/2022 20:45

You must be in shock. What a horrible thing to happen to you. Absolutely awful but you’re very lucky to be alive. I hope you get better quickly. I’m not surprised you’re feeling angry about the other driver. You’d have to be a saint not to. He could have killed you.

PrivateHall · 08/02/2022 20:47

I am so sorry this happened. I would be angry too. Do you have pain relief sorted? Have you tried Arnica? Have a chat with your GP too, you may need to see about some counselling when you are ready. How you are feeling is completely normal after such a traumatic experience, you are most definitely not unreasonable. But eventually you will need to find a way to move on Flowers

WelcomeEverythingIsFine · 08/02/2022 20:47

That’s so horrible, I’m really sorry. Life feels so terribly unfair in these moments, as you start to feel better it will weigh less heavily. You are justified to feel angry, let it out and feel it, call a friend and have a good rant. Hope you recover quickly and are being well looked after. Unmumsnetty hugs!

Knitter99 · 08/02/2022 20:49

YANBU
I got knocked off my bike once by a car. I saw it coming, I knew it was going to hit me but I was powerless to get out of the way. It was terrifying.
The driver turned up at my door that afternoon with a bunch of flowers from the local garage.
I told her I was too angry to accept them and she should just take them home with her.

I know she didn't do it on purpose, I'm sure she's a nice person, but she just drove on to work or home or wherever she was going and I had cuts, bruises, sprained wrist and a ruined bike. And a fear for months afterwards of cycling near cars.

Life is shit sometimes op, I'm sorry. I hope you heal.

MatildaTheCat · 08/02/2022 20:50

You’ve suffered a major trauma so of course you are angry and all over the place even without the pain and inconvenience.

This will, I assume, result in a claim for compensation and if, in due course you need therapy to process all of those feelings you will be able to claim for this. You can also claim for reasonable expenses such as domestic help, aids, comfortable cushions etc. plus expenses such as additional heating, taxis and pre prepared food.

For now, however I suggest you set your anger to one side and focus on getting well. Stress and anger will really increase your pain. Talk to your insurers and appoint a good solicitor ( you don’t have to use theirs). Then carry on with getting better.

Best wishes.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 08/02/2022 20:50

Write the idiot driver who caused the accident a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Let out all the anger. Then burn it. Or shred it into teeny tiny pieces and scatter them in the garden.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/02/2022 20:55

That sounds truly grim OP. I hear you. I once had an accidebt tjqt wasnt my fault that was life changing.

It is VERY early days... Can you use your anger with getting going on putting in a decent financial claim against the other driver...? Then at least you won't lose out further financially?

Really hope healing is quick!

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/02/2022 21:00

It’s completely natural to be fucking furious!

The changes are this will reduce as you feel better. In the meantime the write a letter idea is a good one - and presumably you have some role to play in charging him. Other than that take a proper dose of pain killers and try and find something ti distract you.

I hope you’re on the road to recovery soon.

Original poster
Avelectra · 08/02/2022 21:09

Our insurance are currently dealing with the car side of things and have been great. I haven’t looked into pursuing him for injury yet as I thought it might be too soon for that? I will start having a look if it’s something I should get started with

I really like the letter idea, think I’m going to give that a try. I know it’s all so recent and I’m probably still processing it all, but I hate him. Not only for the pain he’s inflicted on me, but also for what he put my partner and parents through, not knowing whether they were turning up to find me dead or not

OP posts:
Original poster
Avelectra · 08/02/2022 21:10

@Knitter99 it’s horrible isn’t it. He was there for a while talking to the police, then his dad turned up to get him and off he went to carry on his life

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 08/02/2022 21:12

It’s normal to be angry, but at the same time, you could have died. You’re going to recover. You’re going to be OK. I think the rage is partly coming from the trauma of the event that you’re still processing. Could a few therapy sessions help?

MatildaTheCat · 08/02/2022 21:15

It’s too soon to put in a claim but certainly not too soon to look into what you can reasonably claim for ( as I’ve detailed above). Keep records and receipts and don’t be afraid to ask for all the help you need. Psychological care, physio and household assistance should all be very reasonable claims.

LakesandSnow · 08/02/2022 21:17

Presumably you've taken photos of your injuries and documented every single aspect of it including how it affects your life? That's what I'd be doing. Put the anger to work. Document every time you have to take painkillers, every instance it is to the detriment of both you and your partners life.
I would also look into the charity Brake for victim support and or counselling.
I hope you feel better soon xx

WingingItEveryDay7 · 08/02/2022 21:18

Sounds like you had a lucky escape!! Whatever car you were driving definitely did its job and protected you good!!

Check your policy as you may have legal expenses already included and they can start a personal injury and uninsured loss claim for you. It's not too early at all, and make sure any time off you've had from work, medication, public transport you've had to take as no car etc is all documented and you keep receipts!!

Wishing you a swift recovery!! x

scoobydoo1971 · 08/02/2022 21:20

I had a life changing accident in lockdown. Whiplash injuries led to terrible and life long disability. I have arm and hand paralysis, and major vascular damage. I had four surgeries last year and all failed. I have been medically retired from my career and ponder my life expectancy. Most days are a battle of wills between body and mind. I went through the emotions of anger, fear, withdrawal, fight and now I am finally at peace with the outcome. Sure it hurts, but once you find acceptance then it helps you to move on. I hope you feel better soon and don't rush to get better because you are dependent on others. Body needs time to heal.

anniegun · 08/02/2022 21:21

I suspect there will be consequences for him if the police were there and the fault was clear. Also you will be able to make a claim on his insurance for your injuries. That is not something to rush as you need to know if anything will be long lasting as the compensation may need to reflect that. But it is entirely reasonable to feel like you do, you have my sympathy as it sounds awful

BlackeyedSusan · 08/02/2022 21:21

yeah, you are lucky to be alive, but you should never be in the position where you know you are lucky to be alive as you should have driven through the junction and been getting on with normal life. but also being angry at the fuckwit other driver is totally normal as well. It is still really early yet to be over that phase.

KittyKel · 08/02/2022 21:28

You’ve been through terrible trauma but you can’t change what happened. Would you feel better had he died? Or been terribly injured? Better to focus your efforts into what you can control - recovery and getting the right financial outcome for your injuries.

Ozanj · 08/02/2022 21:34

Don’t get mad, get even. If you can start calling insurers / solicitors to claim compensation. Get all the evidence in a row. Make sure to tell the police you want to press charges and get all the admin out of the way. It won’t help you get better any faster but it will certainly make you feel less helpless until you’re ready to see a therapist.

WetLookKnitwear · 08/02/2022 21:45

I’m glad you’re alive op. I hope you recover soon, it sounds really painful.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/02/2022 21:49

Be angry! Embrace that anger I say. Embrace it, then ride it out.

You will feel better @Avelectra. I'm so sorry you're in pain, but you will feel better.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/02/2022 21:50

Ignore the 'but' in there. You will feel better, and in time, will get over this.

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