To be so angry it’s eating me up inside

[Avelectra]

I was in a serious car crash last week. It wasn’t my fault, the other driver drove through a stop sign into the side of me at 60mph. I ended up trapped inside the car for over 3 hours and had to be cut out by firemen, but somehow only suffered a few broken bones and extensive bruising. I know I’m lucky to be alive, but it feels so unfair
I can’t go to the toilet without being in pain
I can’t blow my nose or sneeze without blood pouring out
I can’t wear my glasses as my face is so sore from the airbag
I can’t lie on either side as my sides are so sore from bruising, but I can’t lie on my back as I’ve got a huge bump on my head that hurts every time any pressure is put on it
I can’t put my own clothes on, DP has to do it for me
Everything just hurts and I feel like I never want to leave the house again, let alone ever get back in a car

The other driver was able to get himself out of his car, had no injuries and just went home after talking to the police. I’m so angry. It feels so unfair and cruel that he’s fine and I’m left like this. I know I shouldn’t let it eat me up but it is and I don’t know how to get over it

OP, not long ago I was walking home at night and I walked past the scene of a nasty crash. A car was pointing the wrong way on a one way street and a motorbike had gone right under it. Two people who I assume were the driver and passenger of the car were sitting on the kerb looking completely traumatised. There was an ambulance at the scene. I didn't see whether the motorcyclist had been transferred to the ambulance or was still under the car. Either way, it wouldn't surprise me if they had been killed.

You are alive. You are shaken and you are in pain, but you are alive and you will get better.

@Avelectra

I'm sure I will cone to terms with it in time, but I hope he is traumatised. In my eyes, there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. It's a well lit road, and the crossroads are clearly signposted from a distance until you get there. If you're going to be in charge of driving a large powerful sports car, then at least pay attention whilst you're driving it

You are 100% right on this. I hope he is traumatised for a long long time. There is no excuse for what he did and if I were him, I'd not drive again.

OMG how horrible, for you, your DP and your parents. The shock must be awful for all of you, in different ways.
Don’t underestimate the effects of shock, it affects you both physically and mentally. Make sure you keep talking about how you feel, let others know if you’re struggling.
And sue the arse off him. Check solicitors that have a good record of success and specialise in traffic injuries. Start a diary & record all the pain, everything that’s difficult to do, how you feel each day.
There are pain charts online you can print, I’ve found it helpful to score my pain according to a chart. It’s easier than trying to explain.
Be very kind to yourself, your anger is a stage of this and it will change as time goes on.

Poor you.

Your injuries, pain and terrible fright are playing havoc with your body chemistry . It's been flooded with stress hormones . Your body had a near-death experience and automatically fired up every nerve ready to attack, defend or escape the threat. But you were trapped for hours, couldn't do any of those, leaving an unspent chemical overload which feels like rage, fury, self defence. Drink lots of water to pee those toxins out of the system.

If you feel up to it, I recommend cushion-punching and a good loud long roar/scream into the cushion to release tension safely and harmlessly.

Otherwise, know that despite all the damage it suffered, your strong healthy body and mind instantly responded the way we are designed to. That's good, not bad. In a few days time as stress hormones and chemicals regulate back to normal levels; you'll still be sore, but your feelings will become calmer and less agitated.

You're safe, you're doing fine, you will be well.

@Vapeyvapevape

I'm so sorry you feel like this Op but it will pass . I was seriously injured in a coach crash and I would advise to start the claim for injury compensation now ( don't use Slater and Gordon) , I am 6 years post accident and am still waiting for a pay out.

Ha ha good advice. Useless bunch

@Allpenguinsarepingus

Write the idiot driver who caused the accident a letter telling him exactly how you feel. Let out all the anger. Then burn it. Or shred it into teeny tiny pieces and scatter them in the garden.

Nah, keep it for if and when there is a court case or insurance claim.

There's some really stupid bollocks comments on this thread.
OP your legal cover has probably kicked in already. Your insurer will have notified them immediately if you told them you were injured. Whether the other driver is charged or not makes no difference to your claim so don't worry about that.

You have 3 years to submit your claim so no need to rush. Hope you feel better ❤️‍🩹

Oh my god, you poor thing! I'm furious just reading about it so no wonder you are angry!! I can't offer much advice, but take things slowly and be kind to yourself, it's OK to feel the way you do.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Give yourself lots of time, body and mind need time to recover. If I were you, I would get ready to press charges. What was he thinking ignoring stop sign at 60mph? This is beyond my imagination. He could have killed you.

So sorry this happened to you.
When the police contact you please ask them to check the driver’s phone records to see if he was using it. It will be important for any court case.

I used to work in NHS and saw too many lives wrecked by idiots using phones or even texting! while driving. Usually (but not always) they were ok but those they hit suffered. Anyone who does this is a selfish idiot and needs to be done for dangerous driving.

My DM was killed in a car accident. Her partner was driving and lost concentration. She was 69. He also killed a woman in her 40's. He survived and was given a suspended sentence and a fine. He now claims her pension too. Angry doesn't cut it, six years on.
I'd feel exactly the same as you. The anger may not fade but hopefully your injuries will.
It just makes you realise how life can change in an instant and how other peoples incompetence can have such devastating consequences on innocent people.

Sorry to resurrect this on a day plagued by zombie threads but just thought I would update, and also wanted to rant again without starting another thread

Has nearly been 6 months since this happened now. I've just finished 18 weeks of twice weekly physio sessions, which has really helped. I've still lost some grip/movement in my hand and they're not sure if that will ever come back now, and my neck isn't great but is much better than it was. I've been able to start driving again, although that took a long time to happen I'm also just over halfway through a block of counseling sessions for PTSD symptoms

I recently had an update from the Police, and unfortunately the driver isn't being prosecuted. He was reported for dangerous driving, and driving without due care and attention, but it was decided there wasn't enough evidence and no further action is being taken. If I want to appeal this decision, I have to provide more evidence. Which I obviously don't have because I was unconscious in my car which was upside down in a field. He was the only other car involved, no passengers and no witnesses. How can that not be enough evidence!? He drove through a stop sign and was over the speed limit, it was clear that he hit me and that I had been travelling safely and correctly

I had been really holding onto hope that at least there would be some kind of justice, and that I would get closure by knowing exactly what happened, and knowing that he would get some kid of punishment

That's shocking, I'm so sorry to hear that! Are there implications for your insurance?

@picklemewalnuts my insurance have been really good, they got it all sorted within a month or so. It did put my premium up a bit, but I think that was a combination of having a non fault claim, and also having to buy a new car at a time when they were really expensive.

I had a similar accident, the other driver accepted a driver awareness course. I was unimpressed, but recognised we all make mistakes/have lapses in concentration. We are generally extremely lucky that those lapses have no ill effects. We were unlucky that, this time, it mattered. Mine came too fast round a corner on the wrong side of the road. Luckily I was going very slowly, as I was looking for a turning and on an unfamiliar road. Pretty much head on, shunted my much bigger and heavier car up onto the kerb. Trashed my perfectly serviceable car, which wasn't worth a great deal but would have lasted many more years. Still, no point holding on to the anger as it has nowhere to go and just makes us ill. Sigh.

Don't rush to settle the financials for your injury though. I did, because we wanted the money for something.
I was later diagnosed with fibromyalgia which is chronic, and quite possibly triggered by the accident. I think mine would have been a larger award, had that been taken into account.

Sorry to hear that @Avelectra

The CPS make charging decisions on dangerous driving, do you know if the case was sent to them or whether the police felt it didn’t meet the threshold? The process to appeal is different depending on who made the decision.

Police are able to charge driving without due care and attention, but only within 6 months of the report which won’t be possible now. Do you know if this was considered as an alternative and what the reasons are for not progressing this charge instead?

Glad to hear you're on the mend, but that's really appalling of the police.

Very glad to hear you’re recovering.

Have you considered a civil case against him for damages - for which the burden of proof is lower - the case would be judged on the balance of probabilities rather than having to be proved beyond reasonable doubt.

Hi OP, I hope you'll be better soon.

Did you put in the injury claim? They will send the fucker a copy and it should give him some bad moments.

Do you have his address to write him a letter?

I would have thought t-boning a car at 60 mph would have been enough for careless driving at the least.

My husband when he was a longhaired student was hit by a very elderly man who didn't see a stop sign. My husband was on a motor bike and the car smashed his leg between the bike and the car. His ankle was in pieces and the driver did not even get out of his car to check on him. When the police arrived he told them he couldn't stay long as he had an important engagement - he was going to play bridge. Apparently as my husband was carted off in an ambulance, he was preparing to drive off. They didn't charge him either. My husband hopes that at least they might have suggested he stop driving because that was all seriously odd behaviour. My husband was in traction for ages and they were fairly grim about the ankle's tendency for arthritis and he was never able to play any sport that had a serious running component.

You have to appeal this, how the hell can he get away with this? Am guessing his family are police or have contacts.

Your anger is understandable. You were hurt by someone else being inconsiderate, and you're suffering because of that. But, and this might be easier said than done, you'd only be helping yourself by letting go of the anger. It's not as if the other person suffers when you are angry. Au contraire, you're poisoning yourself due to their misdeed.

I would also say it make a difference whether an act was done maliciously or carelessly. I'd have far more trouble letting go of anger when someone was malicious, but if I'm being honest with myself, sometimes I'm careless or act selfishly, so what if I'd been the one to hurt someone else.

Practically speaking, really shop around before going for a personal injury claim, as some companies will really screw you and not even care, while others will get you a decent settlement. It might be worth going to someone small, perhaps your car dealership if they have any experience with that.

@MrsGarethSouthgate I’m actually not sure, I didn’t realise they were two different things, just assumed it would be the CPS? I’m waiting for the man dealing with my case to call me back as I asked for some more information, so I’ll ask him that too

@Meraas I did yes, it’s still ongoing now. My solicitors are being really good and thorough, so at least I might get something from that. I was never really bothered about the money though, just wanted to make sure he never did anything like that again. I don’t have his address, only his car details and his insurance

@IrisVersicolor how would I go about that? I don’t have any of his details, only his car and his insurance but no name or anything. The Police dealt with all that and passed it over to us, but understandably they wouldn’t give his name

Go and speak to your GP, you may need counselling for PTSD. Hope the physical injuries heal soon but make sure you take care of your MH too