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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry it’s eating me up inside

104 replies

Avelectra · 08/02/2022 20:40

I was in a serious car crash last week. It wasn’t my fault, the other driver drove through a stop sign into the side of me at 60mph. I ended up trapped inside the car for over 3 hours and had to be cut out by firemen, but somehow only suffered a few broken bones and extensive bruising. I know I’m lucky to be alive, but it feels so unfair
I can’t go to the toilet without being in pain
I can’t blow my nose or sneeze without blood pouring out
I can’t wear my glasses as my face is so sore from the airbag
I can’t lie on either side as my sides are so sore from bruising, but I can’t lie on my back as I’ve got a huge bump on my head that hurts every time any pressure is put on it
I can’t put my own clothes on, DP has to do it for me
Everything just hurts and I feel like I never want to leave the house again, let alone ever get back in a car

The other driver was able to get himself out of his car, had no injuries and just went home after talking to the police. I’m so angry. It feels so unfair and cruel that he’s fine and I’m left like this. I know I shouldn’t let it eat me up but it is and I don’t know how to get over it

OP posts:
Thenextmrsreacher · 09/02/2022 20:51

He’s very lucky he didn’t kill someone. It sounds like you’ve been very fortunate to escape with the injuries you have. They sound awful and you must be in a lot of pain.

There’s no way he won’t have some injuries if he’s collided with you at 60mph. He may have seemed ok at the time due to adrenaline, but he’s probably very sore now. You are are also guessing that he’s not having the same trauma that you are right now.

Have the Police taken a statement from you. They may be looking to prosecute him for driving without due care and attention.

Hope your recovery goes well. It will take time. Being angry is a very natural response from you. Be kind to yourself.

DoctorManhattan · 09/02/2022 20:58

What you’re feeling is entirely normal. It will lessen over time and you will feel better. You just have to focus on yourself for now and keeping your spirits up despite any debilitation from your injuries.

About 20 years ago, late at night on a main A-road, a young boy racer parked on the hard shoulder suddenly decided to do a U-turn just as I was almost passing him. It was a clear and dry summer night with a completely empty road, and as such I was slightly over the speed limit but not by much (maybe 70 in a 60) - I braked for a brief moment, my (older) car locked up as it had no ABS back then, I lifted off the brake and ended up swerving, avoiding his driver door but bouncing off the front of his car and hitting a tree at 65mph. I did some rally driving at the time and fortunately had fairly quick reactions behind the wheel, otherwise I’d have hit him directly and killed him. The front end of his car was destroyed, the engine lying about 100 yards down the road, and my own car was a complete write-off. I was quite open with the police about my speed but they said it would have made absolutely no difference if I’d been doing 60 given how close I was to him when he pulled out.

I remember barely being able to move for the next few weeks and being so angry at both the driver and the 3 passengers in his car, who were all cocky and not one bit apologetic. I had a real issue with them somehow not being grateful that I managed to avoid them and thus save causing them serious injury or death. With the benefit of age and hindsight, I realise now they were just young and prob in shock themselves from being in an accident that wasn’t their fault but the drivers fault.

Life is very unfair at times, but that’s just the way it is, we are sometimes dealt shit hands - how we deal with them is how we build inner strength and learn better how to handle the challenges thrown at us.

Dougt · 09/02/2022 20:59

I’d definitely expect the police to charge him with something, surely?! Have they not informed you about that? You are a victim of a serious crime which had left you with significant injuries, it’s no wonder you feel angry.

Marmunia999 · 09/02/2022 21:06

If he'd driven through a red light, he'll be on a dangerous driving charge, surely?

Gladioli23 · 09/02/2022 21:13

This sounds super frustrating and exhausting and I'm not surprised you're really angry OP!

Practically speaking, does not being able to wear your glasses mean you can't watch TV etc? If so is it worth seeing if you can get a free trial of Audible or some free eAudiobooks from your local library (you can join most online now)? Obviously it doesn't fix the problems or change the need to deal with insurance or how angry you feel but I find getting myself out of my head is generally the best way for me to feel better. Normally I would do that by going out but that sounds pretty hopeless at the moment so a good in home distraction might be the best thing.

Original poster
Avelectra · 10/02/2022 07:16

@Thenextmrsreacher @Dougt I haven’t actually heard anymore from the Police yet. They did tell my family they would be in touch, so I’m guessing I’ll hear from them some point soon

OP posts:
Original poster
Avelectra · 10/02/2022 07:17

@Gladioli23 I’ve been wearing my contacts instead, but audiobooks are a great idea. There’s only so much tv I can watch to keep me occupied!

OP posts:
Fetchthevet · 10/02/2022 07:24

It sounds awful, what a horrible experience. I would be angry too. I hope you feel better soon Flowers

tara66 · 10/02/2022 07:54

Have you seen a doctor to check your injuries? By now you should have a medical list of all of them as legal proof of what damage you sustained in the accident.
You don't know how serious they may be if you have not seen a doctor or been to a hospital.

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 08:03

You poor poor thing. I hope he is arrested but at least you and the police have his details for the personal injury claim, so that is a good start. If he went through a stop sign, I would have thought that disputing liability would be pointless. Start keeping a log of expenses for painkillers, cushions, stuff like that, and a diary of your symptoms and how you are feeling, physically and emotionally. All this will help you with your claim. I hope you feel better soon.

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 08:04

@tara66

Have you seen a doctor to check your injuries? By now you should have a medical list of all of them as legal proof of what damage you sustained in the accident. You don't know how serious they may be if you have not seen a doctor or been to a hospital.
I'd assume she has if she was cut out by the fire brigade. I can't see them just sending someone walking off down the road after doing that.
ToInverness · 10/02/2022 08:04

Definitely find a good lawyer and claim on his insurance. I'm no expert but based on someone I know who got £10k for a broken hip you should get a good payout, particularly as it's clearly the other drivers fault. I know that in no way makes up for what you've been through but don't miss out!

Otherwise it sounds like counselling might help in the short term, if you can afford it - I think NHS waiting times are very long. What you're feeling is very normal but having somewhere to vent on a regular basis might get you through it and out the other side faster. It will fade on its own in time as you start to feel physically better.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 10/02/2022 08:16

OP, I am so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen.

Bit by bit, day by day, you will start to recover.

Meanwhile:
The other driver will probably face prosecution. Have the police asked you for a statement? Have they given you any reference?
He will certainly face a massive insurance hike
He probably had a good long period of terror not knowing if you were alive or how badly hurt you were, and will probably be having horrible flashbacks, while knowing it was his mistake.

Take photos of your bruising etc.

Ongoing Flowers for your recovery.

We expect life to be ‘fair’ but so often it is just random.

Original poster
Avelectra · 10/02/2022 09:18

@tara66 yes, I was taken straight to hospital by ambulance and kept in overnight. I’ve also been to my GP since then so there is a record of everything

OP posts:
FunnyGoingsOn · 10/02/2022 09:31

ThanksHope you feel better soon. I'd be feeling very angry too!

Vapeyvapevape · 10/02/2022 09:47

@ToInverness I claimed after my accident and I'm up to a 6 figure sum .

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2022 09:56

I'm so sorry about what happened, OP, and hope your recovery's complete and swift

It happened to me, with an idiot driver who "didn't see me", and though the fault was clear the police did nothing. In the circumstances I'd have thought it would be an easy win via the CPS, but no - they just mentioned making a private claim instead, which I'm doing

In my case it was lengthy orthopaedic surgery, a week in hospital and a LOT of recovery, but I'm getting there and so will you Flowers

Calmdown14 · 10/02/2022 10:06

To be fair, you don't actually know he's just carrying on his life. He could be having nightmares or panic attacks about it.
You could take escaped with cuts and bruises to be minor but it's clearly not.
I think any one of us could make a mistake at any time - and probably have but without such consequences.
Document the issues it is causing you and claim appropriate compensation.
It may also go through the criminal process later
Just because there was no need to handcuff him doesn't mean it won't be followed up

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 10:29

@Calmdown14

To be fair, you don't actually know he's just carrying on his life. He could be having nightmares or panic attacks about it. You could take escaped with cuts and bruises to be minor but it's clearly not. I think any one of us could make a mistake at any time - and probably have but without such consequences. Document the issues it is causing you and claim appropriate compensation. It may also go through the criminal process later Just because there was no need to handcuff him doesn't mean it won't be followed up
That is true. There are exceptions obviously but most people would be mentally scarred for life if they'd done what he had done. I don't know how I could live with myself and would be haunted by it forever (he's obviously still a massive idiot for running a stop sign). I'd take injuries over being responsible for someone else's suffering. Having said that, there are exceptions. I remember someone I knew as a teen who killed a couple when drink driving. The prick somehow managed to make it all about him and how his life had been destroyed by the pitiful jail sentence he got. Whereas if it had been me, I know that I wouldn't have been able to live with what I had done.
Sausagedogsarethebest · 10/02/2022 10:56

This sounds awful OP. I hope your recovery is swift.

Placate yourself by knowing this person is going to have a hellish time getting insurance for the next number of years. His premiums will go through the roof. Maybe he'll get prosecuted for driving without due care and attention and get, at the very least, loads of points on his licence. He may even get fined or disqualified. Going that speed through a stop sign is atrocious.

HelenRose1111 · 10/02/2022 11:25

Do you have legal cover on your car insurance (BTW worth every penny)?
If so speak with your insurance co and let them get on with pursuing his insurance for compensation for your injuries which sound extensive and also for loss of earnings and stress.
Let them deal with it.
If not - get a no win no fee or low cost solicitor involved as sounds like an ope & shut case.
This is why I always take Legal cover, so cheap for what you get.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/02/2022 12:10

get a no win no fee or low cost solicitor involved ...

Just to mention that you don't need one of these ghastly ambulance-chasing firms for this; well established, family solicitors work on exactly the same basis and sometimes actually charge less as a percentage (especially if you're already a client)

Original poster
Avelectra · 10/02/2022 15:47

@HelenRose1111 yes we have legal cover and personal insurance cover, luckily. So our insurance have said they can deal with it all if we want them to

OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 10/02/2022 15:52

Sorry this happened to you OP.

Focus on your own physical recovery for now, and then maybe consider getting some therapy to help you process your feelings about this.

And I would absolutely pursue a personal injury claim, once you know the extent of how you have been affected (both physically and mentally).

Wishing you a speedy recovery. Flowers

Original poster
Avelectra · 10/02/2022 15:53

I'm sure I will cone to terms with it in time, but I hope he is traumatised. In my eyes, there is absolutely no excuse for what he did. It's a well lit road, and the crossroads are clearly signposted from a distance until you get there. If you're going to be in charge of driving a large powerful sports car, then at least pay attention whilst you're driving it

OP posts:
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