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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so angry it’s eating me up inside

104 replies

Avelectra · 08/02/2022 20:40

I was in a serious car crash last week. It wasn’t my fault, the other driver drove through a stop sign into the side of me at 60mph. I ended up trapped inside the car for over 3 hours and had to be cut out by firemen, but somehow only suffered a few broken bones and extensive bruising. I know I’m lucky to be alive, but it feels so unfair
I can’t go to the toilet without being in pain
I can’t blow my nose or sneeze without blood pouring out
I can’t wear my glasses as my face is so sore from the airbag
I can’t lie on either side as my sides are so sore from bruising, but I can’t lie on my back as I’ve got a huge bump on my head that hurts every time any pressure is put on it
I can’t put my own clothes on, DP has to do it for me
Everything just hurts and I feel like I never want to leave the house again, let alone ever get back in a car

The other driver was able to get himself out of his car, had no injuries and just went home after talking to the police. I’m so angry. It feels so unfair and cruel that he’s fine and I’m left like this. I know I shouldn’t let it eat me up but it is and I don’t know how to get over it

OP posts:

Alldressedup · 08/02/2022 21:56

I would feel exactly the same you poor thing. I can just imagine how much you’re struggling with the shock coupled with the pain you’re in.
As others have said, you should make a personal injury claim for this. It’s not too early to start. The claim might take some time as a good solicitor will want to understand the extent of your injuries and any potentially ongoing issues caused by the accident so they will need to wait to see how your recovery goes. But they can get payments for any help or support you need, arrange for appointments with OTs, physios etc and even claim back expenses like taxi fares for hospital appointments etc. You should not be out of pocket because of someone else’s mistake. Good luck and hope you have a speedy recovery.

PostThenGhost · 08/02/2022 22:01

It’s only natural to feel that way. It will fade, but it will take time.
I hope your pain eases quickly. Wishing you a speedy recovery

WildPoinsettia · 08/02/2022 22:06

Definitely tell your insurance about your injuries. It takes time for the claim to be finalised, they have to wait until you recover or for about two years if you don't recover, to decide how much compensation you get. But you don't wait for that point to put the claim in, you do it now. They'll have their own doctors wanting to see you. I was in a car crash, the insurers got me a hire car whilst mine was off the road and the solicitors got me private physiotherapy, no NHS waiting list, all billed as part of the claim. I'm unsure exactly how the amount is decided, but I know I had compensation for the mental effects of the crash and to pay for the additional physiotherapy their doctor said I needed after the first course.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 08/02/2022 22:06

Your anger is completely justifiable and understandable. Keeping a journal right now would give you an outlet for these feelings. It is such early days, and there is a lot to process, and a lot of shock to get over. And it can't be rushed. Hopefully in the course of things there will be legal and other consequences for the other driver, like insurance. In a few months if you are still so angry then you may want to think about therapy but right now what you describe sounds like a really normal reaction. I am so sorry. What a shitty thing to happen. I hope you feel physically more comfortable soon.

DukeofEarlGrey · 08/02/2022 22:07

Oh OP, you poor thing. The way you are feeling is normal but the mental strain and physical pain will be compounding each other. You need time to rest, recover and process what has happened. @MatildaTheCat has given some excellent advice. I would echo the idea of counselling if you can’t move past the anger in time.

sweetgingercat · 08/02/2022 22:10

I understand you @Avelectra. This happened to my mother, husband, friend and I 20 years ago. We were about a mile away from our home when someone drove into us from the other side of the road. We were not injured as badly as you were but I remember feeling so resentful and angry when the driver from the other car came to our ambulance to say sorry. He seemed to have fallen asleep. At the hospital I saw him eating a plate of sandwiches which seemed odd. I came to the conclusion he had probably been drinking. The only thing that made a difference to my feeling of being injured, victimised and angry was a massive insurance payout which enabled both my husband and I to go back into full time education for a year and change the direction of our careers. Make sure you get as much as you can from this man's insurance company and if you can, use it to make a difference to your life.

MotherCupboard · 08/02/2022 22:12

It's not too soon to make a claim actually. Get yourself a good personal injury solicitor to pursue it. You may need physio or psychological treatment and the sooner you get a claim on the go, the better.

Vapeyvapevape · 08/02/2022 22:16

I'm so sorry you feel like this Op but it will pass . I was seriously injured in a coach crash and I would advise to start the claim for injury compensation now ( don't use Slater and Gordon) , I am 6 years post accident and am still waiting for a pay out.

MuffinStrops · 08/02/2022 22:22

This sounds horrible and I really feel for you. However , don’t assume the other driver is isn’t suffering because they have seemingly got away without a scratch.
I was in a very serious accident like this once. The other driver was very badly hurt and although I walked away without a scratch I think about that person frequently. It has traumatised me too. You don’t know what the other person is going through. I couldn’t drive afterwards for quite a long time and it affected my life quite significantly.

MuffinStrops · 08/02/2022 22:24

I should add that at the time I behaved as if I was unaffected. It was shock. The true impact of what had happened sunk in later.

DePfeffoff · 08/02/2022 22:53

When you're ready, contact someone from the Association of Personal Injury Lawyers. It will help your anger to be aware that you are putting the driver through a lot of hassle and will bugger up his premiums in a big way.

phishy · 08/02/2022 22:58

Did he not even try to check up on you?

He is a fucking cunt. Start the injury process when you are able. Can DP take pics now?

I hope he wasn’t on his mobile. Did the police test him for alcohol intake?

Arabellla · 08/02/2022 22:59

@MuffinStrops

This sounds horrible and I really feel for you. However , don’t assume the other driver is isn’t suffering because they have seemingly got away without a scratch. I was in a very serious accident like this once. The other driver was very badly hurt and although I walked away without a scratch I think about that person frequently. It has traumatised me too. You don’t know what the other person is going through. I couldn’t drive afterwards for quite a long time and it affected my life quite significantly.

This man is not OP’s concern at all. No one cares if he is traumatised.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2022 23:00

I haven’t looked into pursuing him for injury yet as I thought it might be too soon for that?

You need to do this immediately. Make that idiot pay for what he's done.

Ozanj · 08/02/2022 23:08

@MuffinStrops

This sounds horrible and I really feel for you. However , don’t assume the other driver is isn’t suffering because they have seemingly got away without a scratch. I was in a very serious accident like this once. The other driver was very badly hurt and although I walked away without a scratch I think about that person frequently. It has traumatised me too. You don’t know what the other person is going through. I couldn’t drive afterwards for quite a long time and it affected my life quite significantly.

Did you cause the accident by skipping a red light / stop sign and driving into someone’s side? OP is lucky to have escaped alive - the driver involved doesn’t deserve a single bit of consideration. Careless and dangerous driving needs to be punished far more severely in this country than it is.

StCharlotte · 08/02/2022 23:09

My car was sideswiped on the M25 by some bastard who never stopped (and was never caught) and we crashed into the central reservation. We were so fortunate just to walk away but it was terrifying and a few days later the anger hit me like a ton of bricks and I think if I'd met the other driver I honestly would have tried to kill him.

I guess it was the shock and the injustice of it and I'm guessing that's where you're at now. It will wear off and I really hope you're feeling better soon

Christienne · 08/02/2022 23:13

I’m really sorry to hear about what happened to you OP and I hope you recover quickly.

This may be a useless suggestion so please feel free to ignore but would a rubber ring (the child’s swimming aid type) be any good for helping you sleep on your back, ie could you position the bump over the hole so it didn’t hurt?

Herewearestar · 08/02/2022 23:29

This happened to a close friend of ours when a driver crossed two lanes and drove straight into him as he came off a roundabout.

What was worse was the other driver lied through his teeth to his in insurance. It went to court and thankfully the judge saw through his lies. I was furious that after upturning our friends car and leaving him in hospital with permanent injuries, he lied in court.

But my friend did get better and did get a hefty amount in compensation. You’ll get better OP and hopefully get good compensation. You have every right to be angry but please for your own sake do not let it overcome you. You will overcome this.

Whatamesssss · 08/02/2022 23:32

@Christienne

I’m really sorry to hear about what happened to you OP and I hope you recover quickly.

I was going to suggest the same thing, or maybe one of those fabric donut collars for injured animals might be more comfortable.

Hope you feel better OP, maybe think of the lovely holiday you can have with the compensation.

Happymum12345 · 08/02/2022 23:35

I imagine you’re in deep shock still. It’s only been a short while since your accident, so be kind to yourself. You feel what you feel. You’re body will heal, make sure you get help with the trauma.

Original poster

Avelectra · 09/02/2022 20:11

The fabric donut/rubber ring is a great idea! Ordered one today so hopefully that will help at night

I certainly don’t wish the driver had been killed, or even inured. I just wish he’d been paying attention in the first place!

@Herewearestar that’s awful! I hope your friend is okay. Luckily he has admitted fault to the Police, but at the moment it’s not really helping me feel any better. I’m sure it will do in time, but at the moment I just want to punch him!

OP posts:

Original poster

Avelectra · 09/02/2022 20:14

@phishy he called 999, spoke to the Police at the scene and then left. I didn’t see him at all as he’d gone by the time I was cut out. He was breathalysed and wasn’t arrested, but I haven’t heard anymore info yet

OP posts:

NeesAndToes · 09/02/2022 20:16

I'm afraid I have nothing useful to add but your post moved me and I felt the anger and hurt. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

MsMeNz · 09/02/2022 20:21

You have been through a real trauma. It's all raw at the minute and hopefully most injuries will heal well for you over the coming.month or so.
A few things...

Get compensation if possible. Not sure how that works in the UK.
You should seriously consider some kind of therapy this kind of thing can lead to PTSD.
Know it's not fair. It's shit. But it has happened don't send yourself crazy thinking of what ifs and what is fair in this situation. Focus on recovery and the future, I think everyone gets at the least one big shiity event in life and this is yours, distract yourself with loved ones, watch some comedy and some uplift music, watch some nature programs anything to stop the wallowing as you mind may take longer to heal than your body if you let the what ifs fester. (Seen this happen to my mum)

Awalkintime · 09/02/2022 20:28

Anger and all the other things you are feeling are normal. You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

You will process and reprocess this due to the trauma, don't let people push you into things because they are uncomfortable (such as forgiving the driver or telling you to move on). People only tell others to forgive or move on for their comfort not yours.

You are justified to feel angry for as long as you want.

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