To allow "chaos" for one day?

[Desperatelyseekingsanity247]

DS6months is unwell. Irritable, clingy and needs some extra attention. I also have DS2 who goes to nursery 3 days a week but not today. DH works from home and berated me for the "chaos" the house was in when he finished work. The house was untidy but both children were well looked after; fed, clean, been to the playground. No tantrums from DS2 that would have disturbed him working, but plenty of crying and whining from the baby all day. He didn't mention this however, he was only focused on the house.
The house was a mess because 1. Baby DS is really unsettled and needs constant attention so it's hard to do much and 2. Because I was in A&E with him last night so didn't get to tidy up and started today on the backfoot.
I told DH he could have helped by tidying last night but he said that's just an excuse, I need to get better control of the house. He did tidy up when he finished work while I was bathing DS6months.
AIBU that I prioritised my ill child and let the housework slip for a day? He's pretty hands on and helpful but very rigid in that he doesn't cope well when things deviate from the norm.

If he’s already got one foot out the door, tell him he needs to start practising for EOW and leave him with both while you sleep/have fun.

If he wants a traditional set up where you take care of the house, fine. He can do the traditional male role and pay for everything.

@Desperatelyseekingsanity247

You are all right. He apologised this morning but in the usual "sorry but let's draw a line under it now" way that means he has no interest in discussing it and just wants to sweep it under the rug with minimum disruption. I accepted the apology because I don't want a tense house but I am looking into getting back to work and planning my exit. In the meantime I'm going to insist he starts paying more towards the household so I don't use up my savings. Im not sure how well it will go down but I have to try. I'm going to leave this thread now but I am very grateful for all of your advice. It has made me feel validated and given me strength.

I'm glad the words in my earlier post resonated. And yes, you are doing the right thing by looking to start protecting yourself financially. Please see a solicitor asap. Educate yourself as to what you might expect during divorce proceedings as well as what it may mean financially. Forewarned is forearmed. And men like that generally don't go 'quietly'. He's not amassing his savings because he plans to give you half.

I understand not wanting to make it 'easier' for him to leave, just don't make it harder on yourself when doing so.

Best of luck to you.

Who died and made him king of the house? Baby poorly enough for an a&e trip, plus a toddler, and you still managed to get them to the playground today. He owes you a big hug and a strong drink. Fuck the housework.

This!

A man who thinks he’s your line manager of the house is a massive red flag. He does not come down from his palace and tell you what your shortcomings are. He should be so grateful to you for taking the a and e shift and then carrying on with the kids today!

Just one last thing @Desperatelyseekingsanity247

Do seek legal advice. Because probably the best time to end the relationship is when you are still the main caregiver (so he can't argue for 50/50) but have a job lined up (so you aren't screwed for money). Normally I'm one for fairness but this arsehole deserves to be squeezed.

Please assemble copies of any and all financials.
Please speak to Women's aid.

You are being financially abused by him.

I am glad that you are working towards a goal.

Copies of band accounts, payslips, pensions.

Reach out for support.

He is deliberately bleeding you dry as he shores up funds for his exit.

Please get advice from Women's aid.

This is not a good man.
He is not to be trusted.