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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being U? Me or DH?

113 replies

TryingSoHard2 · 07/02/2022 18:04

There is a huge backstory here so I won’t get into it, if that’s okay.

Tonight’s situation is that DD(5) has had some trouble cleaning properly after the toilet today. She is normally great. DH said to hand wash the pants in the sink before washing. I have a very mild OCD and will struggle to feel the sink had been cleaned properly if I do this. No amount of bleach will make me feel able to brush my teeth/wash my face at that sink again. I’ve suggested I just put them on a prewash cycle in the machine. It’s just marks on them, nothing more. DH has said he is categorically not okay with them going in the machine so I’ll need to bin them. I don’t want to bin them because it’s just wasteful. DH is now mad at me because apparently the compromise is binning them and I don’t want to.

I know this seems like the worlds most stupid disagreement but it’s literally like this daily and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem!

So who is BU?

YABU - they need hand washed in a sink first
YANBU - a prewash in the machine would be fine

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 07/02/2022 18:07

Yabu

If you feel they can’t be washed in the sink, then they go in the bin.

1000yellowdaisies · 07/02/2022 18:07

I think your DH is being slightly unreasonable to suggest the options are sink or bin... as long as its just stains a pre wash is fine and that's what i do.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 07/02/2022 18:08

If it is just marks they can go in with sheets or towels or something no prewash required!

TheHoleNineYards · 07/02/2022 18:09

YABBU (you are both being unreasonable)
Bin them.

tinyt137 · 07/02/2022 18:09

Prewash!!!

TheHoleNineYards · 07/02/2022 18:09

(Oh, if just stains, like ‘skid marks’, just chuck them in the wash)

Fudgein · 07/02/2022 18:10

I think just bin them. Your points are the same - he doesnt want dirty pants in the washing machine, and you don't want dirty pants in the sink. I think if its causing both of you so much stress on this occasion you should just bin them. Its only one pair of pants I'm sure DD has plenty more and next time whoever helps DD deals with the pants if need be.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/02/2022 18:10

I used to use the garden tap, if you have one.

He’s more U than you though

RealBecca · 07/02/2022 18:11

Why doesnt he handwashing them in the sink? It's reasonable to wash in the sink...so why cant he?

RedskyThisNight · 07/02/2022 18:11

Well if you don't like the sink option and DH doesn't like the pre-wash option then I suspect the only compromise is to bin them.

Your need not to wash them in the sink does not trump his need not to have them in the washing machine.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 07/02/2022 18:11

God I'd just throw them in with a normal load of washing if it's just stains and not an actual pile of poo

RedskyThisNight · 07/02/2022 18:11

@RealBecca

Why doesnt he handwashing them in the sink? It's reasonable to wash in the sink...so why cant he?
It's OP that doesn't want them washed in the sink.
TempName01 · 07/02/2022 18:12

If my DC has a bit of a mess I would shower them (the child) down in bath and also give the pants a blast with the shower before chucking them in the wash. If they were particularly bad I would just bin them with the contents!

Chickychoccyegg · 07/02/2022 18:12

I'd just bin them rather than fall out about it.

Purple777 · 07/02/2022 18:12

You don't want them in the sink.
He doesn't want them in the washing machine.

The only 'meet in the middle' here is to Bin them. They are just pants!

Thatoldgumtree · 07/02/2022 18:12

Yabu

Why is your feeling towards the sink more important or legitimate than his feeling towards the machine?

I’d personally have no issue with a pre wash but the difference here is you believe your OTT views are more valid than his.

BrickByBoringBrick · 07/02/2022 18:12

Life is too short for not using the washing machine for stuff like this.

incognitoforthisone · 07/02/2022 18:12

Well ... to me it sounds like you both have OCD, to be honest because you're both being irrational (which I think you already know).

It will not be harmful to rinse your kids' pants in the sink and then give the sink a rinse with bleach afterwards. It will also not be harmful to put them in the washing machine. That is literally what a washing machine is for.

It's irrational of you to think your sink will never be clean again if you rinse some skidmarks of your daughter's pants, but it's equally irrational of your DH to think that putting the pants in the washing machine is somehow a problem.

So, yes, I would say that if neither you can overcome your respective fears/phobias, then binning them is actually the only compromise option.

SilenceOfThePrams · 07/02/2022 18:13

Biotex or napisan and a bucket - soak them in a bucket with one of the above (or other cleaner) overnight before tossing them in the machine.

Rinse the bucket outside if you can’t bring yourself to use the sink.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/02/2022 18:14

Is this the sort of thing you have arguments about? Can't you find something a bit more important? You've got 3 options. Toss a coin.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 07/02/2022 18:15

Either is fine but I really think the biggest issue is why you would never be able to use the sink again. You need to get that issue sorted or life with kids will be very difficult for everyone. That sounds harsh, I don't mean it to but come on, if it's been cleaned what is the problem? The washer would then be used for things that you wouldn't think twice about using/wearing..

Throckmorton · 07/02/2022 18:15

Either is fine, but are you addressing your OCD?

BrickByBoringBrick · 07/02/2022 18:15

I’m confused at how you both managed when she was a baby, surely you came up against this issue several times a week?!

Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 18:16

If it’s just staining they’d go in the wash with everything else Blush

Kbyodjs · 07/02/2022 18:17

Bin them is a fair compromise; why is it fair that you’re not willing to rinse them in the sink but he has to accept them in the washing machine.

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