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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is being U? Me or DH?

113 replies

TryingSoHard2 · 07/02/2022 18:04

There is a huge backstory here so I won’t get into it, if that’s okay.

Tonight’s situation is that DD(5) has had some trouble cleaning properly after the toilet today. She is normally great. DH said to hand wash the pants in the sink before washing. I have a very mild OCD and will struggle to feel the sink had been cleaned properly if I do this. No amount of bleach will make me feel able to brush my teeth/wash my face at that sink again. I’ve suggested I just put them on a prewash cycle in the machine. It’s just marks on them, nothing more. DH has said he is categorically not okay with them going in the machine so I’ll need to bin them. I don’t want to bin them because it’s just wasteful. DH is now mad at me because apparently the compromise is binning them and I don’t want to.

I know this seems like the worlds most stupid disagreement but it’s literally like this daily and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem!

So who is BU?

YABU - they need hand washed in a sink first
YANBU - a prewash in the machine would be fine

OP posts:

MrsLighthouse · 07/02/2022 19:21

Bin …they grow out of pants so quickly and they are pretty cheap. Or soak in a bowl until the next wash and then pour the water down the toilet.

TheVanguardSix · 07/02/2022 19:22

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem!

If you're not getting help with managing your OCD, you're not the problem per se, but there's a lot of stress in your household, I bet... especially for you.
Do you have support for your OCD?

MrsClatterbuck · 07/02/2022 19:23

just put in a bucket with hot soapy water and some Napisan if you have some, Rinse off in toilet first if necessary as mentioned up thread. Then put in machine on a hot wash. Job done.

namechange30455 · 07/02/2022 19:26

Where is your poor DD while you're both getting mad at each other about dealing with her pants?

TheAverageUser · 07/02/2022 19:27

YABU just bin them.

ViaRia · 07/02/2022 19:27

Either option would be fine. You are both being unreasonable.

I don’t think you should bin them. Firstly because it is wasteful and secondly because if your daughter realises what’s going on you may inadvertently make her think that her perfectly normal bodily functions are something dirty to be ashamed of.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/02/2022 19:30

I think either option would be fine, but rinsing in a bucket would be a compromise.

I think you need to address your ocd though rather than acting like this is an immutable factor.

Littlepicker · 07/02/2022 19:31

I think you both need to get out more

GrendelsGrandma · 07/02/2022 19:32

Also: why is DH telling you how to do washing but not doing it himself?

Brakebackcyclebot · 07/02/2022 19:32

Do you own a bucket? Use that.
Although I would just chuck them in the wash.

Ragwort · 07/02/2022 19:37

This can't be serious ... surely it's the poo troll again?

Lucinda7 · 07/02/2022 19:38

If it's just marks then wash them in the washing machine. I always use laundry sanitiser as standard. I'm not squeamish, it just seemed like a good idea . Perhaps this would work for you and OH to save worrying about it?

AdviceOnLife · 07/02/2022 19:40

Both your feelings are valid.
Comprising between had to happen.
Either bin them or steep in the mop bucket, give them a Scrub then wash them as normal.

twinmum2007 · 07/02/2022 19:41

You're both being unreasonable. Soak them in biotex/vanish/detergent in a bucket for a few hours, empty that water somewhere that won't exacerbate your OCD, and then put in the machine. On prewash if you feel the need to. How do you think our parents coped with terry nappies?

Just10moreminutesplease · 07/02/2022 19:57

You’re not comfortable with them going in the sink. Your DH isn’t comfortable with them going in the washer. You both have the same issue about cleanliness and neither of your preference trumps the other.

Binning them is the compromise.

Nomoreporridge872 · 07/02/2022 20:01

You’re both being unreasonable. Either option is fine but you can’t agree so each get to exercise your rift of veto, which means the pants have to binned. It all sounds very petty tbh

mumofmonsters3 · 07/02/2022 20:08

Soak them in a bucket with Napisan first.
Then wash as normal

Meandthesky · 07/02/2022 20:10

Neither of you has more right to insist your way is right.

So just bin them if you can’t agree. They’re just a pair of pants that would be outgrown in a few months anyway. Stop wasting so much thought and energy on this. How on earth did you manage when she was potty training?

Lorieandrews · 07/02/2022 20:11

Blimey.

Does it really matter? Bin them. Wash them. Wash in sink. Wash in machine.

Why fall out over it? Is it that big of a deal?

Hankunamatata · 07/02/2022 20:12

Either is fine. Bleach the bloody sink if its that bad. How on earth did you cope with potty training and vomiting children

WimpoleHat · 07/02/2022 20:18

Where is your poor DD while you're both there arguing over a pair of skid marked knickers?

I wondered this - you’re going to give the poor kid a complex. Put them in the sink - turn the hot tap on the stain to get most of it out and then just stick them in the wash. I’m not great with poo, but we all do it! Kids have accidents and you deal with it. When your DD gets older, she will have period accidents and you’ll have to deal with that. It’s really not a big deal. Swish some bleach round the sink afterwards and have done with it.

beautifullymad · 07/02/2022 20:19

I use a bucket with a lid for soaking in pre wash solution or Milton, then after things are put in the wash, the bucket water is poured down the loo and bucket is bleached.

It's what was done before front loading washing machines and it works a treat. It's much cheaper too than a pre wash cycle.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2022 20:22

@beautifullymad

I use a bucket with a lid for soaking in pre wash solution or Milton, then after things are put in the wash, the bucket water is poured down the loo and bucket is bleached.

It's what was done before front loading washing machines and it works a treat. It's much cheaper too than a pre wash cycle.

Alright Bubble Boy.

Bleaching something that's had Milton's in it? Utter madness.

katepilar · 07/02/2022 20:23

Get a plastic bowl and rinse/handwash them in a plastic bowl or a bucket.
Sorry you have to argue about things that are so easy for others. Both of you are being unreasonable for no reason but if you have OCD try to work around it rather than make you fight.

KittenSpawnOfSatan · 07/02/2022 20:23

Next time your husband leaves a not pristine pair of his pants in the laundry - you know what I’m talking about - show him and say you’ve been putting these through the wash for years. What’s the difference.

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