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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being U? Me or DH?

113 replies

TryingSoHard2 · 07/02/2022 18:04

There is a huge backstory here so I won’t get into it, if that’s okay.

Tonight’s situation is that DD(5) has had some trouble cleaning properly after the toilet today. She is normally great. DH said to hand wash the pants in the sink before washing. I have a very mild OCD and will struggle to feel the sink had been cleaned properly if I do this. No amount of bleach will make me feel able to brush my teeth/wash my face at that sink again. I’ve suggested I just put them on a prewash cycle in the machine. It’s just marks on them, nothing more. DH has said he is categorically not okay with them going in the machine so I’ll need to bin them. I don’t want to bin them because it’s just wasteful. DH is now mad at me because apparently the compromise is binning them and I don’t want to.

I know this seems like the worlds most stupid disagreement but it’s literally like this daily and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem!

So who is BU?

YABU - they need hand washed in a sink first
YANBU - a prewash in the machine would be fine

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 07/02/2022 18:18

@Chichimcgee

If it’s just staining they’d go in the wash with everything else Blush
Same here but is agree with what a PP said.

Why is her OCD tendencies more important than his?

He doesn’t want them in the machine without rinsing

She doesn’t want them rinsed in the sink

Therefore, disposing of them is a fair compromise

Chely · 07/02/2022 18:19

You're both a bit pathetic in your own way.

I have OCD and cleaning some shitty pants in the sink is not a big deal, you wash your hands after toileting in the sink.
Shitty pants can't go in the washing machine, seriously the thing is made for cleaning mucky clothes. So long as there are no lumpy bits it will handle them fine.

FatFredsFriedEgg · 07/02/2022 18:20

Well I'd just chuck them in the washer but if your DH doesn't want that then do you not own a bucket to soak them in and give them a couple of squeezes before sticking them in the washer?

Imposteramongus · 07/02/2022 18:21

Where is your poor DD while you're both there arguing over a pair of skid marked knickers?

Who helped DD in the bathroom? Why didn't the adult doing that just make a decision without having to involve the entire household and ending up with it resorting to an argument?

I'm guessing the backstory is a everyday is spent over ridiculous arguments between the two of you trying to control situations that you can't. My mum had OCD, she tried to control absolutely everything in our lives and I've ended up with anxiety as a result. Get help OP.

labazslovesliving · 07/02/2022 18:21

Cant, they are washed in a bowl or bucket? agree seems a waste to throw them away and hope your daughter has not heard anything of this or that will cause issues for her

Sally872 · 07/02/2022 18:24

You can't face them being in sink, he doesn't want them in machine. Both options would be fine but you can't say they have to go in machine but cannot go in sink.

I think running a washing machine pre wash for one pair of pants is as wasteful as binning them.

NetflixAndSauvignonBlanc · 07/02/2022 18:26

I'd just throw them straight in the wash if it's just a mark. If something more is required then either rinsing in the sink or putting them on a pre wash are good suggestions. You are both being unreasonable.

Namechangehereandnow · 07/02/2022 18:26

You’re both silly and unreasonable.

Put them in a normal wash like everything else - the washing machine will wash and clean them - you know that’s it’s job.

What I’d do first though, is sort out your toxic sounding relationship - that’s not a healthy environment for children.

UndertheCedartree · 07/02/2022 18:27

Bloody hell - how would he cope with cloth nappies? A pre-wash is fine, although for a bit of staining not really necessary. But if you did hand wash then use the kitchen sink at least not the basin you brush your teeth in! Would he be ok with soaking in a bucket first. But honestly he is being ridiculous to have an argument over some kid's knickers!! Who has time for that? Just chuck them in the wash!

bembridge11 · 07/02/2022 18:27

Bin them.
Pick your battles. This isnt one of them

FatFredsFriedEgg · 07/02/2022 18:28

Bloody hell - how would he cope with cloth nappies?

My thoughts exactly. The smell of the buckets came right back to me. Grin

UndertheCedartree · 07/02/2022 18:29

By the way when my eldest was a baby the midwife told me it is not necessary to soak or pre-wash baby clothes with sick/poo etc on them as washing machines are so could these days a normal cycle will wash them properly.

Changechangychange · 07/02/2022 18:32

You are both being unreasonable. A rinse in the sink is fine, a wash in the machine by themselves would be fine. Nobody needs to bin any pants.

What did you used to do when your DD was still in nappies? Surely you sorted this one out when she was being potty trained?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 07/02/2022 18:34

Think the only compromise is to bin them. Seeing as you say your DD is normally great and assuming they aren't a £100 pair of designer pants (unlikely for a 5 year old) then I wouldn't consider this the biggest waste of an item. Given the early voting split as well it seems you both have a point so again the compromise is the best option.

WorriedGiraffe · 07/02/2022 18:35

YABU, I wouldn’t want them in the sink either, but binning them is the compromise and you won’t accept it. Your feelings about the sink arnt more valid than his about the washing machine. But ultimately you are both being abit ridiculous. Did you never have a poonami when she was a baby? This can’t be the first time in 5 years you’ve come across poo in clothes.

Theoscargoesto · 07/02/2022 18:40

The cost of a divorce far exceeds the cost of a pair of pants. Compromise. Bin the pants. If this row is ongoing make sure your DD isn’t aware.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/02/2022 18:40

How much does a single pair of knickers cost? £1.40?

Just shove them in the bin.

Gowithme · 07/02/2022 18:41

I can understand why you wouldn't want it in the sink but why doesn't he want them in the washing machine? Is he just saying that to be a controlling dick because you said no to washing them in the sink? I ask because it sounds like there may be a lot more to this - and also because if I was washing something my OH wouldn't be the least concerned where I did it, he'd just be glad he didn't have to.

queenMab99 · 07/02/2022 18:42

I hope the poor child doesn't know about this discussion, it could scar her for life!

pictish · 07/02/2022 18:42

I’d probably bin them…and have done.

Retrievemysanity · 07/02/2022 18:42

You both sound crazy.

mugglenutmeg · 07/02/2022 18:43

Pre wash in the sink
Pre wash at outside garden tap
Or bin them

PostThenGhost · 07/02/2022 18:43

@Fudgein

I think just bin them. Your points are the same - he doesnt want dirty pants in the washing machine, and you don't want dirty pants in the sink. I think if its causing both of you so much stress on this occasion you should just bin them. Its only one pair of pants I'm sure DD has plenty more and next time whoever helps DD deals with the pants if need be.
^ your need for clean sink is the same as his need for a clean machine.

Bin them.

mrsm43s · 07/02/2022 18:45

Skiddy knickers? Just shove them in the wash with everything else. No prewashing or special treatment required, and they definitely don't need to be thrown away.

Washing machines are for cleaning dirty clothes. Skiddy knickers will come out clean, washing machine will have done the job its designed to do, no remaining germs on knickers or machine.

Honeyroar · 07/02/2022 18:46

You both sound a bit inflexible and unreasonable.