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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being U? Me or DH?

113 replies

TryingSoHard2 · 07/02/2022 18:04

There is a huge backstory here so I won’t get into it, if that’s okay.

Tonight’s situation is that DD(5) has had some trouble cleaning properly after the toilet today. She is normally great. DH said to hand wash the pants in the sink before washing. I have a very mild OCD and will struggle to feel the sink had been cleaned properly if I do this. No amount of bleach will make me feel able to brush my teeth/wash my face at that sink again. I’ve suggested I just put them on a prewash cycle in the machine. It’s just marks on them, nothing more. DH has said he is categorically not okay with them going in the machine so I’ll need to bin them. I don’t want to bin them because it’s just wasteful. DH is now mad at me because apparently the compromise is binning them and I don’t want to.

I know this seems like the worlds most stupid disagreement but it’s literally like this daily and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the problem!

So who is BU?

YABU - they need hand washed in a sink first
YANBU - a prewash in the machine would be fine

OP posts:
Icantremembermyusername · 07/02/2022 18:47

If it's a rare event, bin them!
When DC was at nursery i once was handed a sandwich bag with a shitty pair of pants. I asked them to put them in the bin in future. Damp pants, fine, skid marks, fine, cold wet pants marinated in poo all afternoon? Nah, life is too short!

peboh · 07/02/2022 18:48

I think neither of you are being unreasonable. Both your feelings are as valid as each other's. Just bin them if you can't come to an agreement.

However you really need to look at addressing the ocd issues. You have children, meaning at some point your sink is going to get filthy with something that makes you uncomfortable, and you can't never use the sink again when that happens.

Guineapigssweak · 07/02/2022 18:48

Omg if I threw away my Hubby's pants Everytime he had a skid I'll be buying new every week Grin Just put in the washing machine that's what it's for.

peboh · 07/02/2022 18:50

@Gowithme

I can understand why you wouldn't want it in the sink but why doesn't he want them in the washing machine? Is he just saying that to be a controlling dick because you said no to washing them in the sink? I ask because it sounds like there may be a lot more to this - and also because if I was washing something my OH wouldn't be the least concerned where I did it, he'd just be glad he didn't have to.
That's not controlling. I always soak things that are stained (usually sick or poop) in the sink first, it's just something my mum did growing up that has stuck. I wouldn't put anything stained like that in my mashing before a pre soak and rinse.
bumblingbovine49 · 07/02/2022 18:53

I find you both bonkers. I would put them in the washing machine as a preference over washing on a sink where I washy face / teeth but I'm not really fussed as I'd clean it. wth bleach after If you both can't cope with washing machine/ sink, soak them in a bucket of hot water and wash them in that before putting in the washing machine

KateMcCallister · 07/02/2022 18:54

Outside tap?

I don't see the difference between sink and washing machine from a cleanliness pov as both will get washed but really if it's causing so much agg just bin them.

DappledThings · 07/02/2022 18:56

You're both being ridiculous. Just chuck them in the wash. If it's just a few marks they don't need any special treatment. And try not to let your child see the overreaction you have both had to an entirely commonplace event.

DS is 5 and has had bowel trouble for ages on and off. I have a bowl by the washing machine that nearly always has some pants in it soaking in a mixture of washing liquid, Dettol laundry cleanser and Zoflora. Then I have to hand-wash them before they go in the machine because they have actual chunks of poo on. Marks don't get any of that treatment.

Moody123 · 07/02/2022 19:00

I'm not sure it's worth an argument to be honest, you both have the same issue...just bin them

museumum · 07/02/2022 19:01

You’re both being precious. It’s only poo. I’d throw them in the machine but if pre-soaking / hand washing I’d do it in the kitchen sink.

Anniegetyourgun76 · 07/02/2022 19:02

You are both unreasonable, sink or washing machine is fine, how do you both make it through the day 😀

honeylulu · 07/02/2022 19:07

We used to have a nappy (later pants) bucket for this exact purpose. Soak in hot water and soda crystals for an hour. If a stubborn stain use a stiff brush (kept with pants bucket fur that sole pupose) to agitate away any particles. Pants then went into machine. Water tipped down toilet or outside drain.

If pants were very pooey, into the bin! Life is too short to scrape shit off spiderman pants.

UndertheCedartree · 07/02/2022 19:08

@Icantremembermyusername

If it's a rare event, bin them! When DC was at nursery i once was handed a sandwich bag with a shitty pair of pants. I asked them to put them in the bin in future. Damp pants, fine, skid marks, fine, cold wet pants marinated in poo all afternoon? Nah, life is too short!
Yes, I remember being given a bag with the entire poo and knickers in there! I also said bin them!

But honestly, throwing away every pair of knickers with skid marks on? I'd be buying new knickers every week!

Momicrone · 07/02/2022 19:10

You're other unreasonable, raising kids is a messy business get over yourselves

Magicandspiders · 07/02/2022 19:10

You are both being unreasonable!! Both solutions are fine and the fact that neither of you agree is madness. Why not just hand wash them in a bucket?

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 07/02/2022 19:12

Why is he making this isn't such a big deal?

Why does he get to tell you what to do? I don't get why he doesn't discretely soak/rinse them himself and put in the washing machine.

He sounds like a bit of a bully tbh

diddl · 07/02/2022 19:13

Are there no other sinks you could use or are they all unacceptable to you?

Lindaloo08 · 07/02/2022 19:14

Please tell me your DD is not listening to this row over her having an accident!

TheSpottedZebra · 07/02/2022 19:14

Either you could hand-wash anywhere else. If you don't have a bucket, you could use old packaging mushroom box, cut down a milk bottle...

It doesn't have to be sink or chuck.

LethargicActress · 07/02/2022 19:14

You can’t stand the thought of the poo going through the sink, and he can’t stand the thought of the poo going through the washing machine.

You’re the same in your unreasonableness until the point that you won’t agree to the compromise. He’s right that the compromise is that the pants go in the bin and because you won’t agree to that, you become massively more unreasonable.

GrendelsGrandma · 07/02/2022 19:15

You're talking about skids, or actual solid bits?

Solid bits you sluice off in the toilet. Hold under where the water comes out and it blasts the bits off. Skiddy ones I'd put in the wash without even thinking about it.

We used washable nappies, chunky poo went in the loo but liquid stuff got washed on the babycare cycle in the machine, no probs!

I think you're being a bit unreasonable to not want to wash them off in the sink, or at least the shower or bath where bums and associated muck go anyway.

It's a massive waste to throw pants away just because they've got skids on. We'd have no pants left within a week if we did that, two kids aged 2 and 5, bum wiping not always A1.

Whatthebarnacles · 07/02/2022 19:19

YANBU However.. whilst you two argue/debate over this, you might be giving your little one a bit of a complex over the accident.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 07/02/2022 19:19

If you are both so bloody ridiculous you can't deal with skidmarks like fully functioning adults then put them in the bin.
How will you get DD to adulthood without needing therapy I've no idea.

godmum56 · 07/02/2022 19:19

must be a hell of a backstory

KatherineofGaunt · 07/02/2022 19:20

We put nappies in the washing machine on a prewash with poo stains plenty of times. Your DH is being ridiculous. You can't stand the thought of them being in the sink, so he should just chuck them in a prewash.

BOOTS52 · 07/02/2022 19:20

Just throw them in the machine they will be fine. Give them a wipe before hand with a baby wipe or a cloth and throw away the cloth. The machine will clean them as I would not like them washed in the sink either.