To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected.

She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position.

I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve.

I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

Yes

@Hospedia

I've been given loads to think about because I'm capable of listening to others!

Sure you have...

Can't believe OP had to create a judgemental post to be able to learn some basic things like the many reasons a child may be overweight

5128gap

I am completely to blame for being overweight - I did it to myself. I was a very skinny child/teenager and it has crept up on me. (I’m also very tall so I can carry it, but I’m not denying I do need to lose weight) I can honestly say my family have a good balanced diet. I just love the biscuit tin.

Very overweight children are fed by their parents and can develop a lifelong unhealthy relationship with food.

@DollyDingleberry

I think you have every choice whether you are obese or not. I don’t think anyone actively chooses to BE obese.

Those 2 things are very different.

Ok. So.

If I decide to eat a king-size fry up every morning for the next year. A McDonald's meal for lunch. Fish and chips for tea. Chocolate bars throughout the day for snacks. Let's say 3 a day. All that, I choose to eat, every day for a year. And put on 4 stone.

You would say I hadn't "actively chosen" to be obese. What hell did I think was going to happen? I didn't choose it?

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is.

🤣😂

There are so many people with their heads in the sand. Reporting this thread because you don't like what you read?

I don't judge fat kids but I feel bloody sad for them and angry at their parents for letting it get that bad (obviously not if they have medical problems).

I'm just waiting for this thread to go poof, OP. I'm surprised it's lasted this long...

@DollyDingleberry

I think you have every choice whether you are obese or not. I don’t think anyone actively chooses to BE obese.

Those 2 things are very different.

Yes but the point is that adults may make their own choices regarding diet. Children may not.

It takes a lot of food to get obese. It is certainly lot more easily done if you eat a high carb, low fat (means high sugar) diet. The thing is, adults are responsible for their choices and what they eat. Metabolic disease has increased due to high carb diets but these are a function of people choosing to eat it. For thousands of years they did not. While there are some who have genetic predisposition to putting on weight, they can literally manage the effect of their genes by changing their diet.

It is better that children understand that not all food is equal, that some of it actually bad for them. In days past it was parents who did this task, now we have people who will talk of metabolic disease but not admit that their diet is key to their poor health and that of their children. There are exceptions but not enough to generate the kinds of problems we see with obesity.

For what it is worth I think there is a very cynical exercise with the use of takeaway food in shops and town centres. It is absolutely everywhere and people are eating in public. A few generations ago that would have been regarded as very poor behaviour. One of the striking things about the UK and the US is people eating in the street away from a table, on buses, at desks etc. Walking places. You often see children snacking with their parents. All of this is about how we are taught to consume food as children and what to consume.

No, you wouldn’t be choosing to be obese, you’d be choosing food to make you obese. Being obese wouldn’t be the goal there would it? There would need to be other reasons why you were choosing to eat those things in such quantities (also the narrative that that’s a typical diet for a typical overweight person is really inaccurate and damaging). Those reasons would need to overrule your fears of becoming obese.

Unless of course you genuinely were choosing to be obese because you wanted to be fat - but I doubt that’s very common.

It actually doesn’t take a lot of food to become obese. The equivalent of 1 apple per day above the calories you’ve burned will lead you to gain 4 stone in 7 years.

Also, the NHS ADVICE for what to eat if you’re trying to lose weight is a high carb diet.

The advice given to families on what to feed their kids to keep them healthy IS A HIGH CARB DIET.

As you rightly identified, high carb diets CAUSE metabolic disease especially in those predisposed to it.

@DollyDingleberry

It actually doesn’t take a lot of food to become obese. The equivalent of 1 apple per day above the calories you’ve burned will lead you to gain 4 stone in 7 years.

This is slightly misleading because the nature of obesity generally engages with a life that is not sufficiently active. You do not burn enough calories to maintain a healthy weight, and you have to maintain that weight with a lot of calories or do very little.

There is a show called It’s Your Fault I’m Fat on MTV and in every episode…it’s the parents fault!

@DollyDingleberry

No, you wouldn’t be choosing to be obese, you’d be choosing food to make you obese. Being obese wouldn’t be the goal there would it? There would need to be other reasons why you were choosing to eat those things in such quantities (also the narrative that that’s a typical diet for a typical overweight person is really inaccurate and damaging). Those reasons would need to overrule your fears of becoming obese.

Unless of course you genuinely were choosing to be obese because you wanted to be fat - but I doubt that’s very common.

Fucketh me.

I chose to eat the food that knowingly makes me obese. But I didn't choose to be obese.

Anything other than acknowledge the grotesque diet, that I know the effects it will have on my body are, is the reason I'm obese, eh.

If you choose to work in a mine, did you choose to get coal miners lung?

Same logic.

I've family and friends who have DC who appear overweight but really don't eat more than what's required (because they have mums quite like some people here who obsess over correct food portions). Despite this, their DC vary in weight and I can see it's a source of shame and embarrassment for some. Two mums I know have been told by health professionals that their kids should eat less. Both happen to be related to me and omg if they cut down their food any more, that'd be cruelty! Such a pity, kids aren't all made the same, and the examples of McDonald's etc isn't true for many of these kids (although I acknowledge there are many parents who do overfeed crap to their kids, I've got them in my family too). My son is a super fussy eater, doesn't go near most veg or carbs... Including biscuits, cakes, chocolate, fast food etc). I wish my son was a better, more varied eater, quite like these DC who I now know will be judged by other mums.

I find it appalling, what do you know about them, and what should they think about you?

Did I know I would get it if I worked in a mine though? Yes.

Or are we pretending now that we don't know cake makes us fat...

"I just wanted ten cakes. I didn't want to get fat "

Jesus wept.

@DollyDingleberry

If you choose to work in a mine, did you choose to get coal miners lung?

Same logic.

Making it seem like people don't have any choices over their own actions is patronising. You are not passive in your own life - you make choices and those choices have consequences, good and bad. Sometimes making healthy food choices is really hard for people, some people in particular. It doesn't mean that you have no agency over your choices. Unlike children, who have little control over their own lives.

@KittensTeaAndCake

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is.

🤣😂

There are so many people with their heads in the sand. Reporting this thread because you don't like what you read?

I don't judge fat kids but I feel bloody sad for them and angry at their parents for letting it get that bad (obviously not if they have medical problems).

I'm just waiting for this thread to go poof, OP. I'm surprised it's lasted this long...

Same here. Reporting it as fatphobia because people are having a discussion and it's clearly hit a nerve. The statistics of 1 in 4 children obese speak for themselves, 25% of primary school children and if you add in overweight it's another 15.4%. So 40.9% of children are overweight or obese. They aren't all medical issues.

@ReadySteadyTwins

Did I know I would get it if I worked in a mine though? Yes.

Or are we pretending now that we don't know cake makes us fat...

"I just wanted ten cakes. I didn't want to get fat "

Jesus wept.

Yes, people worked in mines well beyond the discovery of coal miners lung. My grandad was one of them. By your logic, they actively chose to get sick and die because they continued to work down a mine knowing it would cause them health problems.

Most people know cake makes them fat, they don’t know however that so does potato, pasta, rice, low fat products and even fruit. That’s because our NHS healthy plate advice tells them that the majority of their diet should be grains, potatoes and carbs. That goes for their kids diets too.

This thread is classic MN! Some of you need better hobbies.

I'm overweight and have PCOS. One of my kids is overweight (she's a teen, about size 16 and 5'9"). One is right on average and one is underweight. Weight is massively more complex than just diet--there's genetics and other environmental factors.

None of them are particularly sporty (nor am I or DH) but they all get physical activity and home cooked meals. Lockdown was hard on DD as her activities were shut. Underweight DS does not care about food and has to be reminded to eat.

to be quite honest I really don't care that much about their weight. I know far too many adults who still remember their parents making a fuss over how much they ate and they say it set up bad eating habits for them. I think we'd all be a lot better off if we stopped thinking other people's weight was any of our business.

Making it seem like people don't have any choices over their own actions is patronising.

Very much so.

Anything to try and excuse the vast vast vast majority of people are overweight because they overeat deliberately/with no care for health.

And when it's a child, shame on the adult making that decision for them.

@KittensTeaAndCake

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is.

🤣😂

There are so many people with their heads in the sand. Reporting this thread because you don't like what you read?

I don't judge fat kids but I feel bloody sad for them and angry at their parents for letting it get that bad (obviously not if they have medical problems).

I'm just waiting for this thread to go poof, OP. I'm surprised it's lasted this long...

It's turned into something so bizarre and ridiculous, just a handful of very offended and aggressive people shutting down conversation because they can't accept children can be overweight and there could be reasons outside of illness for that...

I think I'm beginning to see where a lot of the issues start, put it that way!

#Headinthesand

No one is saying you don’t have a choice - just thst people don’t actively choose to be fat. I think it’s far more patronising to treat all fat people like they live on greggs and cake, personally.

There's quite a lot of research saying obesity is a complex medical issue, but it makes people feel better to blame others for putting cake in their mouths.

Every news article on obesity will have researchers talking about how diets don't work and about complex feedback cycles controlling appetite and metabolism, and the comments will be full of "But diets work!"

Everyone here has been saying there are many reasons outside of illness that a child might be fat - just that not all of them are because the parents are abusers.