To ask if you judge the parents of overweight children

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

At school pick up today I noticed a new girl in my daughters class was in the line waiting to be collected.

She is a very heavy set little girl, they are all in year 1, so still very young but this particular child looked far bigger and sadly really stood out. I found myself feeling so sad, wondering if she will settle in OK and then irrationally annoyed at her parents for putting her in that position.

I was quite a chubby child for some of my school years and recall the taunts vividly, it made my school experience pretty horrible so I think I have quite a skewed view on this in fairness, it hits a nerve.

I had a word with myself for being judgemental and not knowing the situation and I know it's non of my business, but I wondered if I'm just a horrible person or if anyone else feels a pang of sadness for these kids and (rightly or wrongly) finds themselves blaming/ judging the parents.

You just never know. I was an overweight kid, no underlying health problems to excuse it.

I comfort ate to cope with the aftermath of familial sexual abuse. Maybe my mum should have stopped that, but it would have been hard and I don't think either of us were up for more 'hard' after several years of trauma.

And of course, aside from family and teachers no one had any idea what was going on.

I don't judge individuals. We all know that of those overweight kids, most are due to poor parenting decisions. But you just don't know which ones are that, and which ones have something else going on. Safer to mind your own business.

As someone who was overweight as a child, yes I do. My parents let me develop a problem that could have easily been prevented if they'd have said no once in a while. I had to solve that issue by myself as a teen, went way too far the other way and will forever have slightly disordered eating.

Medical issues aside, parents who let their child get overweight are just landing them with a massive problem to sort out. There's no need for it.

@Jupitersmoonandstars

Imagine if people were as focused on being as healthy as possible rather than on the digits on a scale. FWIW, I am heartily sick of peoples obsession with weight. I wish everyone would spend half the time they're obsessing about their weight on concentrating on their health. Weight is only one indicator of good health and yet it appears to be the 'be all and end all' to some people. Health is also how nutritional your food and drink is, how well you're sleeping, how rich your social life is, how high your self esteem is, how active you are, yet people disproportionately focus on the numbers on the scales, and judge others by their weight

True, but it puts a huge strain on your body and your organs regardless of how healthy someone otherwise is.

[quote Arsewangry]@ReadySteadyTwins - perhaps this "tiny majority" of which you speak isn't as tiny as you think it is, because as you rightly say, you have no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️ so really, it might be as good idea to reserve your unkind judgement for something you do have your facts straight on. There's a thought. [/quote]
Tiny minority that should have said. But you get what I meant.

And it's exactly that. We're not all dim and just don't understand. The facts are, the vast vast vast majority of overweight people are as a result of their diet.

And when relates to a child within that vast majority, the diet is what the adult chooses for them. Make yourself fat to your heart's desire. It's appalling to do it to a child who has no choice what the adult provides.

No I wouldn't judge normally . They could have a health issue. If parents are overweight it could be a hereditary problem. If I see them all in an obese state in Mc Donald's I may do though...

I don't judge immediately often.

I have a few times. For instance the time I saw a hugely obese toddler in a buggy (barely being held in by the straps) drinking a bottle of full fat coke. That I judged the parenting.

I feel incredibly sad for overweight children, I was chubby as a pre-teen/teen and it was miserable, so to be obese at a young age I can't see how they'll avoid that.

I also judge a friend of mine who has two overweight children. One very much obese now. (Age 6).

It's non stop help yourself sweets in their house. If we take the kids for an ice cream after a walk on the beach they'll demand two scoops and moan if they don't get it so friend gives in. Same with if we eat out, moan unless they get an adult McDonald's instead of a Happy Meal. So she gets them Big Macs or big boxes of nuggets etc.

The whole family subscribe to the "puppy fat" mantra but it's clearly obvious it's not. Having to buy age 12-13 school trousers for a Y4 and turn them up. She blames the shops for their weird sizing..... It's so sad.

@SilverGlitterBaubles

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is. There are literally thousands of factors which influence weight, most of which are nothing to do with the food we eat.

@DollyDingleberry While I agree there are many factors that influence weight I think the food people eat will usually be quite a significant factor. It is well documented that rising obesity rates are linked to changes in modern diets and lifestyle.

Sorry I phrased that incorrectly - food choices are only a tiny part of the problem - much more influential are the choices that are made on our behalf regarding what we eat that we cannot influence (NHS healthy plate advice being a disaster, high sugar, low fat everything, the input of highly refined carbs into foods etc).

A little overweight no, they say some 70% children are overweight. My children were very small. Too small so we saw a dr. Because they were very premature and struggled to gain. I remember the dr telling me they so rarely see tiny children. Most deal with overweight children.

Very large children I don’t judge the child. I judge the parents for sure. It’s neglect.

Yes. If they’re not secret eaters or have a medical propensity for being overweight, their guardian is very obviously allowing them to eat too much. So they will be judged poorly.

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@DollyDingleberry

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is. There are literally thousands of factors which influence weight, most of which are nothing to do with the food we eat.

I’m sorry but I do disagree with most of what you said above. Most people are overweight because the food they eat.[/quote]
You don’t have to apologise for disagreeing.

‘Most people’ are poor because of the jobs they choose to do or not do. Nothing to do with systemic poverty, generational poverty, lack of opportunity etc etc.

It was Molly Mae wasn’t it who said you’ve got the same 24 hours is Beyoncé and she sounded like a total idiot too.

IMO, children way far too much crap, even the healthy looking ones. "Kids food"
"Beige food" it's all processed shit to make mealtimes easier.

I do think it can be a form of neglect. however, I will admit this is coming from someone whose child likes veg, if all He'd eat was beige then I'd likely not let him starve.

No, I know of several families where the parents are slim but one child is chunky and the sibling(s) are slim, the chunky ones were just born big and stayed big but had perfectly healthy normal diets. I also have a friend who was overweight as a child who turned out to have an undiagnosed health condition that was to blame. You can't really judge based on nothing more than appearance.

I did judge the parents I knew once who fed their toddlers greasy take-aways and fast food on a daily basis though.

Yes I do- I think parents of obese children should be held accountable. I think the issue should be addressed through offering the parents a programme for the whole family of support/education around food, cooking, healthy living and talking therapies. If parents refuse to engage voluntarily with this programme some sort of further punitive action should be taken, not sure what.

@Picklypickles

No, I know of several families where the parents are slim but one child is chunky and the sibling(s) are slim, the chunky ones were just born big and stayed big but had perfectly healthy normal diets. I also have a friend who was overweight as a child who turned out to have an undiagnosed health condition that was to blame. You can't really judge based on nothing more than appearance.

I did judge the parents I knew once who fed their toddlers greasy take-aways and fast food on a daily basis though.

Growing up my parents were a reasonable weight, siblings too but I was the chunky one.

I can assure you I ate far more than my siblings, I don't know why it was allowed but it was and like a PP basically has really made me form a really difficult relationship with food now.

If anyone judged me for my DC being overweight, which she is, would swiftly be told where to go.

We are well aware of her size, as is she. We have tried and tried lots of ways to get her to lose weight but now we are on the maintaining her weight instead so as she grows taller her BMI reduces.

We've no idea why she is like she is. We eat a healthy diet. She has child sized portions.

I'm overweight myself but I've been suffering from mental health issues for a long time and have overeaten in private for so long now. I do not want her to struggle from being overweight and the judgement from that

Overweight children grow up to be overweight adults because largely, the metabolic damage is done between the ages of 3 and 7 if you have a genetic predisposition towards metabolic diseases (insulin resistance has a genetic component according to research published in 2010, this isn’t new). You can accurately predict insulin resistance in adults based on observed reaction to insulin in the under 3’s. Those overweight adults become overweight parents and then you lot judge them because they pass their genetic predisposition towards metabolic issues on to their kids.

They’re told to feed their kids a high carbohydrate, fat-poor diet which is just about the worst thing you could feed someone who is predisposed to insulin resistance or metabolic diseases like t2.

@Blackmagicqueen

If parent/s are slim and just the child is overweight I would think there must be a medical issue. However if the whole family is obese, I would be thinking it is down to diet and then feel sad for the young child.

I agree.

My daughter was always large from when she was a baby. She slimmed out in puberty and while she will never be very skinny she has the most beautiful, enviable figure. She never ate snacks or had fizzy drinks. Her school friends were all handed crisps and biscuits leaving school and she had nothing. We saw dieticians many times over the years because we hated the judgement from parents and thought we must be doing something wrong and how awful we must be for Making her that way. I feel really guilty about putting her through that because of arseholes like many of the people here judging away in their high towers. The dieticians consistently told us she ate the right sized portions and all the right foods, always home cooked and healthy. We were chastised for not giving her the odd treat. Nothing we did caused our eldest to be fat, it was just how she was meant to be. She is now extremely tall and her build as a child was just preparing her for stretching out.

My youngest who has the same diet look like he’s starving. He’s all skin and bones and we get judged for that too.

Can’t fucking win

@Joystir59

Yes I do- I think parents of obese children should be held accountable. I think the issue should be addressed through offering the parents a programme for the whole family of support/education around food, cooking, healthy living and talking therapies. If parents refuse to engage voluntarily with this programme some sort of further punitive action should be taken, not sure what.

You think normal, loving families should be punished for feeding their kids?

Social services? Kids removed and placed in families that have skinny kids? What?

I judge everyone because I'm human. But do I think badly of the parents of fat children? Sometimes - yes, if I'm in a negative mood I might privately think they're ignorant and neglectful.

But mostly .....I think it's very sad. I believe parents are often blind to their child's weight and in denial (aren't we all to some degree).

We have this stupid idea in our culture that sweet things are a type of love.

@QualityTweet

A close family member has 2 obese children. In fact the whole family are obese. Im a few stone overweight myself, but I’m the only one in my household. It’s very frustrating as I worry about the children, one has health issues related to their weight and the other has been bullied. MacDonalds and pizza are eaten many times a week. The parents are in complete denial. These are very capable adults with no financial issues at all. Older family members with no filter unfortunately, have tried to offer advice but to no avail. In fact it has caused a rift.

I absolutely judge them.

Genuinely curious, how do you reconcile judging them with being overweight yourself?

I do. I know a family that let their child eat 2 litre tubs of ice cream in one sitting, huge meals. Snacks larger than my lunch. Their child is very large. They laugh at what the child eats, in a weird bragging way (like they think it’s something to be proud of) and nickname the child ‘Michelin man’. It’s disgusting. I feel very sorry for children who are large when it is diet related and not a medical condition. The parents are setting their children up for a lifetime of ill health.

You think normal, loving families should be punished for feeding their kids?

Yeah.... That's what she said....

And whether a parent qualifiies as "normal" or "loving" when they are stuffing their dependent child to obesity and the related health issues, is debatable.

@Fl0w3ry

I do. I know a family that let their child eat 2 litre tubs of ice cream in one sitting, huge meals. Snacks larger than my lunch. Their child is very large. They laugh at what the child eats, in a weird bragging way (like they think it’s something to be proud of) and nickname the child ‘Michelin man’. It’s disgusting. I feel very sorry for children who are large when it is diet related and not a medical condition. The parents are setting their children up for a lifetime of ill health.

That truly is bizarre and terribly sad. It baffles me that not every parent wants their child to be happy and healthy, sociable and live a long life. Perhaps some people just don't link diet and health and starkly as others 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don't know what to think.

@DollyDingleberry

My 10 month old is 91st centile for weight, 60th for height. He’s never eaten a crisp in his life, everything he eats is packed with veggies, his only exposure to sugar is through fruit (once a day) and all his meals are home cooked. I have a friend who feeds her 1 year old on jars of baby food, baby crisps and puréed fruit/ baby porridge and he’s 30th centile for weight and 46th for height.

Both me and DH dad are obese. DH is a type 2 diabetic and I have PCOS, so both insulin resistant and metabolically challenged.

The only thing that worries me is that people like you lot pedalling the idea that obesity is a character flaw still exist. Piss OFF. Just shut up and keep your horrific, judgemental attitudes to yourself.

Obesity in adults is no more a ‘choice’ than being poor is. There are literally thousands of factors which influence weight, most of which are nothing to do with the food we eat.

Absolutely anyone who thinks being fat is a choice and actively judges CHILDREN because of it needs to read Gary Taubes and then fuck the fuck off.

Well medical guidance says you need to lose weight if you have PCOS. But yet you say you’re obese? So actually you don’t understand health anymore than the posters you’re moaning about.