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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2022 16:08

"How is that logical? If the mum ate all the toast and brought a packed lunch, it would make absolutely no difference confused."

So you'd go to a restaurant with your own food on the basis that your friend was buying a meal?

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 07/02/2022 16:08

@Gwenhwyfar

"A single person is allowed to take up a table, who cares if that person also has a kid with them?"

I'd like to see a comparison of clearing up after a single adult and clearing up after a toddler!

I clear up after my toddler. I would never leave a nasty mess for a wait staff to clean up. I have even asked for dustpan and brush before. This is a whole other issue. I think that's incredibly rude to leave your child's mess on the floor and table for others to clean up.
SkipThisStep · 07/02/2022 16:08

YABU.
You can bring a puree for a baby. If they're on finger foods then you can share. A whole meal around 1st birthday.
A snack whilst waiting is okay for babies and toddlers (children under 3, I suspect you might be the type to think your 36 month old is a toddler). But bringing a whole meal?!
If my elderly grandmother isn't very hungry, she orders a side / light meal. She eats less than my 18 month old....

Cutesbabasmummy · 07/02/2022 16:09

I think it is fair. My just turned 7 year old is quite fussy so we make sure we go somewhere that offers food he will eat. I have never taken food into a cafe for him apart from when he was on pureed food as a baby.

crazyjinglist · 07/02/2022 16:09

Why is feeding your child off your plate and ordering nothing for them better than feeding them a little sandwich you've bought in?

Because the rule isn't 'you can't share food', the rule is not to bring your own food. There are all kinds of situations where people share from the same plate of food (sharing platters, sharing a dessert if you don't want a whole one, getting an adult portion to share between 2 kids etc). Whereas 'Don't take up seats in the café and sit there eating food from home' seems like a reasonable rule to me.

Otherwise where do you draw the line with it? Fussy eaters, 6 year-olds, people with allergies - should they all be able to bring their own food too, as long as they are with a paying customer?

Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2022 16:10

"I clear up after my toddler. I would never leave a nasty mess for a wait staff to clean up. I have even asked for dustpan and brush before. This is a whole other issue. I think that's incredibly rude to leave your child's mess on the floor and table for others to clean up."

People do though. Food all over the floor. My point is that there are two people using the facilities so both people should be consuming. It's not the same as a single person who only uses half the table and is less work.

CountdownToChaos · 07/02/2022 16:10

My son is a month older than yours OP and I wouldn't think twice about taking his lunch with me to a cafe (not that we eat out at cafes regularly). He doesn't have any allergies and isn't overly picky with food but I'm not spending £3/4 on 2 slices of bread with a sprinkling of cheese in the middle for him to take 2 bites of and leave. No chance!

TheWaterNokk · 07/02/2022 16:11

On my friend does this (her kids are 7 and 4 though) and I find it really embarrassing 🤦🏻‍♀️

Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2022 16:12

@TheWaterNokk

On my friend does this (her kids are 7 and 4 though) and I find it really embarrassing 🤦🏻‍♀️
I have a friend who brings her own snacks. A mutual friend told her to stop it as she was showing us up. She took against him ever since then. You should still say something though.
Staffy1 · 07/02/2022 16:12

@Gwenhwyfar

"How is that logical? If the mum ate all the toast and brought a packed lunch, it would make absolutely no difference confused."

So you'd go to a restaurant with your own food on the basis that your friend was buying a meal?

I think the point is it makes no difference to the cafe if one person is buying one meal to eat themselves, while a second person has their own stuff and one person buying one meal to share with the second person.
BertieBotts · 07/02/2022 16:13

I think it's fine up to about age 2 or 3, longer if they have allergies/ASD etc.

It's not a bad idea to start giving him little bits off your plate though to start getting him used to the idea of trying different food while out, and if there is something he will eat it's worth getting him his own.

Sausages are definitely fine too :)

Tulips21 · 07/02/2022 16:15

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

Sorry OP, you're a bit of a CF.

You are taking up time and space but bringing your own food. Fair enough if they were a baby and you were feeding them Ella's kitchen pouches or something, but at 18 months you can find things off the menu that they will eat.

Agree. I've worked in hospitality , Its really unacceptable to bring in your own food tbh- unless a weaning baby tbh or specific dietary needs. At my place of work, the regulations were quite strict also on food in the premises- eg nut allergies ect
Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2022 16:15

"I think the point is it makes no difference to the cafe if one person is buying one meal to eat themselves, while a second person has their own stuff and one person buying one meal to share with the second person."

It does though. In the first example, one person is not consuming and even worse, consuming something from outside which is usually against the rules and in the second example both people are consuming and even if one person pays for the whole thing, you could consider that both have paid.

In any case, I was in a restaurant last Saturday (not in the UK) where I was forced to have a main meal. Just a starter wasn't allowed so I suppose sharing wouldn't have been either. I get it. I'm taking up a space and creating work for them so I need to pay my way.

ChillysWaterBottle · 07/02/2022 16:16

I used to work in a cafe and I think this is absolutely fine. If the staff had a problem with it they would say something.

blyn72 · 07/02/2022 16:17

Mine used to love eating in a cafe at that age and always had something from the kids' menu. That's how they learn to eat out. It wouldn't have occurred to me to take a packed lunch for him. However, if the restaurant staff don't object and you order for yourself from the menu, why worry? It seems odd though. I'm sure mine would have wanted to nick food from my plate.

womaninatightspot · 07/02/2022 16:17

I often would take snacks at that ageas they have no patience. You put them in the high chair and food needed to be instant. I had twin escape artists so you could barely blink before they'd attempt to hurl themselves to freedom. I limited myself a lot though so church ran community cafe had a nice soft play so you could order food go for a play and sit them down when it was ready.

BrambleRoses · 07/02/2022 16:18

I remember sitting in the Waffle House in St Albans and a woman I knew doing this with her then-three year old - just got a full packed lunch out and we were told nicely to put it away. Bit embarrassing.

RozHuntleysStump · 07/02/2022 16:19

Lol. Just get him some chips to chomp on.

EmpressSuiko · 07/02/2022 16:20

I’m in the minority too! I used to take my children a packed lunch wherever we went until they were about 3! They have sensory issues so food has always been really tricky, I still pack snacks that I know they’ll eat now as most places still don’t seem to cater for bland diets!

Icantgetalifeifmyheartsnotinit · 07/02/2022 16:21

Ha. I bring my 3 year old his own snacks and sometimes a sandwich to a cafe. I will always order him
At least a drink and some fruit / a sweet and myself a full lunch, but I'm not paying £4 for a cheese sandwich (all he will ever eat for lunch) when I can make one for nothing!! I figure if I'm spending probably £15 there then they don't care!

Silverswirl · 07/02/2022 16:22

@RainbowGlass

I work in a cafe. Our rule is only food bought in the cafe can be eaten there. Sorry YABU.

Formula, breast milk (even if in a bottle) or similar is fine though.

One mum comes in and buys 2 slices of toast and just gives her similar aged son half a slice, that's fine as she's paid for it.

Oh how gracious of you to accept breast milk in a or even milk from a bottle in your cafe. Ffs. OP you’ve done nothing wrong. As long as you are eating and drinking at the cafe. I always took packed food for my young kids because often they wouldn’t like anything on the menu or the very small thing they would like was non nutritious and contained sugar. I didn’t introduce my kids to larger amounts of refined sugar until they were almost 3- no need to.
HardbackWriter · 07/02/2022 16:22

I think the point is it makes no difference to the cafe if one person is buying one meal to eat themselves, while a second person has their own stuff and one person buying one meal to share with the second person.

Sometimes I go to a cafe with a friend and we get one slice of cake between the two of us. By your logic it'd be fine for me to have a slice of cake and for her to sit and eat a cake she'd bought from elsewhere because it's the same thing. But it isn't, is it?

HardbackWriter · 07/02/2022 16:24

I always took packed food for my young kids because often they wouldn’t like anything on the menu or the very small thing they would like was non nutritious and contained sugar.
I didn’t introduce my kids to larger amounts of refined sugar until they were almost 3- no need to.

Then you needed to only eat at places that served food that met your exacting requirements! You can't take your own food into a cafe on the grounds that it's healthier than their food - you just don't eat there if their food isn't good enough. Obviously.

BrambleRoses · 07/02/2022 16:25

I'm not paying £4 for a cheese sandwich (all he will ever eat for lunch) when I can make one for nothing!! I figure if I'm spending probably £15 there then they don't care!

I think they probably do …

Silverswirl · 07/02/2022 16:26

@HardbackWriter

I always took packed food for my young kids because often they wouldn’t like anything on the menu or the very small thing they would like was non nutritious and contained sugar. I didn’t introduce my kids to larger amounts of refined sugar until they were almost 3- no need to.

Then you needed to only eat at places that served food that met your exacting requirements! You can't take your own food into a cafe on the grounds that it's healthier than their food - you just don't eat there if their food isn't good enough. Obviously.

Their food was good enough. For me and whichever friend I was with. Giving my 1 or 2 year old some carrot batons and a goodies biscuit or two really isn’t a problem. If it was a problem then we simply wouldn’t have eaten there and neither would any of the mum friends I know. I’m sure they would rather have the custom of 2 regular paying adults eating a drinking than worry about food for a 1 year old.