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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 07/02/2022 15:35

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I think that’s weird unless a specific allergy / diet requirements and if I was a cafe owner I wouldn’t actually allow it
Why not? OP is a regular paying customer.

She is ordering food/coffee for herself, as she would if she were solo without DC. So I wouldn't be making any less profit than when she does have DC with her.

I'd be pleased she'd put thought into what her toddler likes to eat, as he's more likely to behave nicely when he has familiar food that mummy knows he likes.

JustBlethering · 07/02/2022 15:37

A train of thought starting from "what age should I give him sausage.. because I miss sausage casserole"

12 months is totally fine for sausages. Before that only small amounts due to the salt content.

CornflakeMum · 07/02/2022 15:38

Yes YA(probably)BU

But not as unreasonable as the people describing this as a "pack lunch" or "picky bits" Confused

Aaargh! Wink

BlueSaturn · 07/02/2022 15:38

I take a packed lunch for my 4 year old but he has ASD and ARFID so if anyone queries it I just explain and never had an issues.

I think for an 18 m a packed lunch Is ok it’s still really quite little. As long as you’re having food and drink I think it’s ok

ChargingBuck · 07/02/2022 15:39

@Casheeeew

Oh no!! They must hate me, I thought I was a regular that they liked. I have been so oblivious Confused
Of course they don't hate you.

You posted in AIBU, home to the Judgeypants Horde, who enjoy jumping on OP's for any reason they can find, & revel in setting arbitrary rules for strangers.

If worry about what the cafe folk think of you is bothering you - just ask them. I'm sure they'd rather host a happy toddler, & your snacks are working, so why not? It's not like you aren't spending money.

DappledThings · 07/02/2022 15:39

I couldn't be arsed bringing any food out with me as soon as it was possible not to. Which was pretty much straight away. I shared a lot of lunches. Bits of sandwiches and jacket potatoes. Why create extra work for yourself bringing your own food?

Cutesbabasmummy · 07/02/2022 15:40

Would you take a packed lunch for yourself and just order a coffee? Probably not. Same with your child. If you can't afford £4 fir a cheese toastie then go less often! Well cheeky!

Branleuse · 07/02/2022 15:41

At that age I would probably get myself something that he could share. Some chips maybe. I wouldnt take a full packed lunch. I think if he wasnt going to eat much then thats different, but if he will eat a packed lunch then thats clearly not the case. Lots of cafes will do a small kids meal.
Im sure they dont hate you, but if its a little independent cafe we should support them. Not take advantage

mewkins · 07/02/2022 15:43

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

You're taking up a table which could be filled by 2 paying customers and at 18 months you'll be taking longer than the average customer to eat the home-brought food and probably making a bigger mess too (regardless of if you clean this up after, you're still making the space 'unusable' for someone else in the meantime).
Realistically she is taking up exactly the same amount of table as if she were on her own. One-person tables are not normally a thing.

OP I'm sure the owners are glad of your custom. They may even have kids and know that 18 month olds can be really fussy.

Laiste · 07/02/2022 15:43

I used to bring a frube and a bit of cucumber/buttered cracker for DD4 when she was little as she wouldn't eat anything off a standard kids menu.

I would always order food and drink for me obvs.

Why is feeding your child off your plate and ordering nothing for them better than feeding them a little sandwich you've bought in?

Agree about the table for 2 thing. Again - why better for the business to have your child sit there and eat nothing rather than eat home bought bits?

And please - i do not think that allowing an 18 month old to have a few little bits from home is going to open the flood gates for 8 year old + 's to routinely bring in packed lunches Hmm

Emmacb82 · 07/02/2022 15:44

I don’t think it’s strange at all and I would do the same for mine who’s 20 months. As long as you are ordering food and drink for yourself then what does it matter what the toddler is eating?! If you were not eating/drinking and just using the table to feed him then you would be unreasonable.

AnybodyAnywhere · 07/02/2022 15:45

Why not just ask the Cafe if they mind? They might think that selling a couple of adult lunches and hot drinks a week is worth allowing you to bring a packed lunch for a son…

If they say they’d rather you didn’t then apologise and don’t do it again!

withlotsoflove · 07/02/2022 15:45

I love this type of thread - they usually run to about 12 pages! 😂
op l think you’re actually ok to do this. Not forever, obviously - but till around 2/3.
Like you said, just buy something for him to have along with his packed food.
They have gained a customer as you’re in there eating
You sound sensitive to the cafe’s needs & a responsible person 🙂

Laiste · 07/02/2022 15:48

So - unless we're talking a heaving packed costa in Oxford st what will they gain by telling OP she can't come and eat there unless she's buying something for her little son as well?

Result is she doesn't come anymore = they lake less money.

gingerhills · 07/02/2022 15:48

Start buying some token food for him - a glass of milk and a banana or a scone or bag of pom bears.

withlotsoflove · 07/02/2022 15:49

@gingerhills

Start buying some token food for him - a glass of milk and a banana or a scone or bag of pom bears.
Very specific! 😂
Lalala1 · 07/02/2022 15:50

Has the cafes you eat at said something? Most place have notices that say only food purchased here to be consumed but if you have been going to those place and they haven’t pulled you up on it I don’t see the issue.
Wether people think it’s unreasonable or not is irrelevant it’s up to the cafe owners discretion imo

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2022 15:50

@CMOTDibbler

YABU. Until they needed a whole portion of their own, I just shared with ds - jacket potato, sandwich, whatever. Fair enough to take a breadstick to tide them over if getting hangry, but a full packed lunch esp if they sell anything in there is CF
How is giving them some off your plate any better though? They're still not making any money from the toddler.
Gizacluethen · 07/02/2022 15:50

Depends how much they eat. If it's literally just half a sandwich then not too bad. But if it's more than that then no.
What I do though is just buy more for me and share so he gets a variety

Original poster
Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 15:51

@Cutesbabasmummy

Would you take a packed lunch for yourself and just order a coffee? Probably not. Same with your child. If you can't afford £4 fir a cheese toastie then go less often! Well cheeky!
Look come on, that's not fair. I bring a pack lunch so he can have a varied diet of things I know he will eat. It's not to save money. Confused
OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/02/2022 15:51

The problem is, in the past on here there have been threads from people who are furious that they were asked to leave a cafe because they or someone else in their group was sat eating a subway sandwich or a McDonalds, even though they had bough a coffee from the cafe.
Like PP says, you sat there with a home-brough packed lunch for DS may encourage others to follow suit and suddenly the cafe isn't making enough money.

Obviously some cafe's don't mind and have set rules in place such as over 2s must eat from the menu or similar. But as a blanket rule, I don't think it's fair to assume that you can bring your own food without checking with the staff first.

londonrach · 07/02/2022 15:52

Yabu. He not a baby and eats food. It's abit rude to do that in a cafe that selling food. I don't know anyone who did this at your son's age.

Original poster
Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 15:52

@withlotsoflove

I love this type of thread - they usually run to about 12 pages! 😂 op l think you’re actually ok to do this. Not forever, obviously - but till around 2/3. Like you said, just buy something for him to have along with his packed food. They have gained a customer as you’re in there eating You sound sensitive to the cafe’s needs & a responsible person 🙂
Thank you Smile
OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/02/2022 15:52

I think it's cheeky and a bit rude. I wouldn't allow it if I owned a cafe.

BeanyBops · 07/02/2022 15:52

Wow I have a two year old and have thought nothing of ordering coffee for myself and then giving her a snack from my bag. Sometimes I buy her something, other times she demands banana bread and the cafe doesn't sell it. To be fair this is normally at a child friendly city farm cafe. This weekend we are going out for Sunday lunch and I am 99% certain she won't eat any of it. I did think that in a pub environment I couldn't not order anything for her and feed her snacks, so I've ordered her a child's Sunday lunch purely so that the pub don't get upset and then I will probably end up giving her pom bears and bread anyway. She's fussy