Oh My God! Why am I like this!!!!

[FrustratedProcrastinator]

I have a v.important piece of work that I need to have finished by 5pm today. It will take 2-3 hours if I rush it. I can do it no problem so why haven't I done it?

I intended to do it over the weekend (after telling myself for two weeks to get on and do it) when I had plenty of time but found other stuff to do so I didn't. I realised I'd fucked badly up so rang in sick to work today so I could do it . Won't get paid. Horrendous I know and a one off that will never be repeated!

I've spent most of today on here, doing housework which can wait, eating crisps and drinking coffee.

I am FURIOUS at myself . I do this time and time again and I swore I wouldn't do it this time.

Even if I do it now, which I have to, it will be rushed and a lower standard than it could have been.

I never used to be like this. I used to be organised and totally on the ball!

Tell me I am completely UR.

I don’t have ADHD, so maybe I’m starting from a different place, but I always find it useful to really be honest with myself about why I’m putting a task off. Is it because you’re going to have to do something you aren’t confident about? Work with someone you don’t like? Even if you can’t fix it, I think it’s good to understand yourself what’s really going on.

In the end, though, I always find the best approach is JFDI. do it first, get it out of the way, give yourself a reward. The longer you leave it, the more it looms out of proportion.

@IcicleIcicle

Can't remember where (probably here!) but I read something recently about 'pottering' and it's working really well for me after being a chronic procrastinator all my life. So I don't 'decide' to do the job anymore, I just sort of absentmindedly potter at it instead, almost like tricking my brain that I'm not doing it when I actually am. I have no idea if it makes sense to anyone else but for me it's that 'right I'm going to do it' moment that makes my brain rebel and find something else to do instead, so by avoiding that moment I find I can actually do the job.

This is me to a T.

@Shitandhills

I was like this for years and years. Did some therapy and realised that it's perfectionism cause by having quite a controlling/critical mum. It came from a good place but she basically corrected/overguided me in everything and what I learned from it was that I couldn't do anything without guidance and that it was really important for everything to be right first time. I've worked very hard on consciously challenging those thoughts every time they pop up with 'it doesn't have to be perfect'. As long as you can get something down as a starting point, improvements can be made along the way.

This really rang resonated with me. I have a hobby I enjoy, I have all the stuff and I have the ability to do it perfectly (if it all went to plan), but I just can't get started. I'm anxious about actually making a start in case it's not perfect or I do something wrong, then it would be spoilt and ruined etc. I watch other people do the same or similar hobbies and marvel how accepting they are of the (many, sometimes) imperfections or how proud they are of their work that is less than perfect, because I put pressure on myself that a piece of work must be absolutely perfect... and so consequently I never even start it, for fear that it won't be.

I had an overbearing critical mum too with a much stronger personality than mine. Didn't realise it could be linked.

I use an app called Freedom to black apps and websites (yes, even Mumsnet). I found the timers that came with my phone don’t work because I just turn them off. You can’t turn Freedom off without contacting customer support, so I only block things for a short time, but it means for that short time, I definitely can’t get onto them.

I'm like this too! When I was studying I would do ANYTHING other than get on with an essay , like you I would start with good intentions but the essay would only be finished one minute to midnight on the day it was due to be submitted. Strangely enough I never missed any deadlines even though I often had to totally rearrange my whole life to get them in on time due to my chronic procrastination.

I used to be like this. Now I just accept myself as I am and plan to do this stuff I know I will avoid and put off last minute. I realised I cant change and without the added pressure and anxiety of feeling like I'm procrastinating I churn out some better work.

My boss is like this. I hate her for it. She then dumps the last minute tasks on me. So frustrating, and deeply unprofessional.

I was like this throughout school and uni. Thankfully the absolute dread of not doing the work would outweigh the dread of doing it before having to ask for extensions. I think I did my dissertation and two other long assignments within a month whereas others started their diss months in advance. There is nothing like that feeling of relaxing and having nothing immiment to do when its done and dusted though. Get it done and then treat yourself to a takeaway or something you've had on your wish list for a while!

@Boood that’s how I am now, just do it and treat myself ha also good point about wondering what it is about it.

I could have written this.

I don’t have ADHD, I’m usually very focused if I’m interested and engaged in something, but jeez if it’s sometime that’s boring or work I’d rather not do, I avoid it until I’m up against it.

I don’t know why, I will piddle around on mumsnet, have a biscuit, look up shite on the internet, anything at all than tackle the crappy task I don’t want to do.

I blame the internet for everything. Even when I think, I’ll have an hour to myself to read a book - it never happens, I always spend my time looking at total nonsense online on my phone or iPad and before I know it, my entire evening has gone past. I annoy myself, I really do.

I do this and I have ADHD

I have been like this most of my life too and at almost 49 and recently reading about adhd in adults (on Tik Tok 😳) I realise I have probably had it all my life.
Today I spent the morning on the internet, browsing crap and basically wasting precious time knowing there was loads to do on my day off. I had a blood test booked at my local hospital and suddenly realised I hadn’t given myself much time to get there, whizzed off a break neck speed only to then realise I had left the blood forms at home and they wouldn’t do it without them. Luckily, I managed to contact the haematology department who issued me with new forms and when I eventually got back to the blood testing department I took off my coat only to realise that I hadn’t changed out of my manky old sweatshirt I sleep in, it’s holey, faded and made me look like a right old tramp! I could literally waste a hole day doing nothing, I give myself so much unnecessary stress but just can’t help myself.

@WilsonMilson

I could have written this.

I don’t have ADHD, I’m usually very focused if I’m interested and engaged in something, but jeez if it’s sometime that’s boring or work I’d rather not do, I avoid it until I’m up against it.

I don’t know why, I will piddle around on mumsnet, have a biscuit, look up shite on the internet, anything at all than tackle the crappy task I don’t want to do.

I blame the internet for everything. Even when I think, I’ll have an hour to myself to read a book - it never happens, I always spend my time looking at total nonsense online on my phone or iPad and before I know it, my entire evening has gone past. I annoy myself, I really do.

I'm the same. I even put off things I know I actually enjoy doing such as booking a holiday or reading or doing a workout etc. Basically anything that requires more effort than eating or scrolling online. Wtf is wrong with me?

Arghhh this is me too!

I’m wondering if I have ADHD too, or if it was the overbearing critical mum wot did it in my case. Possibly both!

Does anyone have any good tips on how NOT to be an overbearing critical mum? I have a horrible feeling that I might be turning into one… I have been known to get angsty about names spelled wrongly in birthday cards etc (to borrow a PP’s example).

I hope it’s not too late - I really don’t want to pass this on to my children! Are there some activities they can do to help them learn it’s OK to try and fail, or just to have a go, and not everything has to be perfect?

I'm the same. I read a thing that I thought "oooh this is the thing that will make me change". It was: Procrastinators only ever hand in their first draft.
It makes sense but it did not change me or make the slightest bit of difference to me leaving every pigging thing to the last possible second. I really have wasted a lot of my life.

No wonder people want permanent restrictions to enable permanent wfh

@actiongirl1978

OP i had a boss once who said that with least favourite tasks, one should 'just f**in' do it' and I've largely lived by that since. The sooner tasks like that are done, the sooner you can relax

Definitely my approach. I used to be a terrible procrastinator but wanted rid of the stress so just force myself to get it out the way now.

Hope you've got it done OP.

I've always been like this with EVERYTHING and I got as far as PhD level of education. I was still editing my PhD on the morning of the hand in and nearly missed the deadline as I couldn't get the thing to print (library had a fire alarm and the file refused to send to the printer). I had to run about a mile across campus to another library via computer services to get it to print (500 pages x2 so not a small job!!) and handed in with about 30 min to spare before the building closed at 5. My undergrad dissertation was the same, my printer broke printing it an hour before hand in and my masters I was trying to get the thing bound with 1 hour to go. I'm now in a professional job and often find myself popping for a brew when I have to do some work with a fast turnaround. I also think I like to make my life difficult and realise I'd have done the work to a much higher standard if I wasn't so last min! So you aren't alone, I'm exactly the same!! I tell myself all the time I won't be last minute, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to start anything until I know I can only just get the thing finished with no time to spare.

I do this, university was a real struggle for me because of this.

@WilsonMilson

I could have written this.

I don’t have ADHD, I’m usually very focused if I’m interested and engaged in something, but jeez if it’s sometime that’s boring or work I’d rather not do, I avoid it until I’m up against it.

I don’t know why, I will piddle around on mumsnet, have a biscuit, look up shite on the internet, anything at all than tackle the crappy task I don’t want to do.

I blame the internet for everything. Even when I think, I’ll have an hour to myself to read a book - it never happens, I always spend my time looking at total nonsense online on my phone or iPad and before I know it, my entire evening has gone past. I annoy myself, I really do.

I'm not saying you have ADHD but this:

I don’t have ADHD, I’m usually very focused if I’m interested and engaged in something, but jeez if it’s sometime that’s boring or work I’d rather not do, I avoid it until I’m up against it.

...is classic ADHD.

The ability to focus when you're interested is called hyper-focus. Some of us with ADHD think of it as our superpower.

@Anna783426

When I read the title I thought, ha, I bet this person isn't like me who's left a major piece of work to the last minute because instead she's distracted herself with every possible thing going! I'm so reassured I'm not the only one! Good luck!

Please can I pull up a chair and join in? You have no idea how much better I feel knowing it's not just me.

Right. Now to write those first few words and JFDI!

@Newrunner29

I do exactly same thing and its very much a adhd thing, ive watched a lot of videos on youtube channel called 'how to adhd' its been so helpful

@Newrunner29 which channel please?

@ZZTopGuitarSolo... Oh my goodness. This is basically me (I couldn't quote you, as it wouldn't let me)... I can hyper focus or do lots of bits of 700 things, plus investigate rabbit holes, depending on how I feel!

How do I know whether or not I have ADHD?

@Butterismylife

No wonder people want permanent restrictions to enable permanent wfh

Nah, I used to procrastinate brilliantly in the office too. Admittedly I wasn’t open plan, that might have changed things.