Oh My God! Why am I like this!!!!

[FrustratedProcrastinator]

I have a v.important piece of work that I need to have finished by 5pm today. It will take 2-3 hours if I rush it. I can do it no problem so why haven't I done it?

I intended to do it over the weekend (after telling myself for two weeks to get on and do it) when I had plenty of time but found other stuff to do so I didn't. I realised I'd fucked badly up so rang in sick to work today so I could do it . Won't get paid. Horrendous I know and a one off that will never be repeated!

I've spent most of today on here, doing housework which can wait, eating crisps and drinking coffee.

I am FURIOUS at myself . I do this time and time again and I swore I wouldn't do it this time.

Even if I do it now, which I have to, it will be rushed and a lower standard than it could have been.

I never used to be like this. I used to be organised and totally on the ball!

Tell me I am completely UR.

The short term relief from avoiding the task is too appealing....

You should google inattentive ADHD - previously known as ADD and much more common in woman then anyone realises. It gets missed because women with inattentive ADHD don't have any hyperactive behaviour.

I'm terrible at procrastinating as well. I think it's something to do with wanting to do a good job (ironically) so there's never a good time to start and you make yourself anxious about it so in the end the only time you can do it is when the deadline is looming.
I don't have ADHD and I don't procrastinate with things that don't matter so much.

I, too, am like this. It's making me quite miserable and I just can't seem to change my behaviour. There's another thread about this in mental health that I've been following. Really keen to know if anyone who has been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD has tried medication and whether it has worked for them. Willing to try anything at this point!

Another one here who is beginning to think I may have ADHD. I first noticed it in my son and then realised that he takes after me....and I take after my dad. My daughter and my husband seem to just be able to do stuff that takes us ages. It also makes me so anxious and has caused me countless problems with work - and yet I still can't seem to be able to do anything about it. I finished my PhD entirely thanks to pomodoro timers! (Although I could have probably finished it at least a year earlier if I had just applied myself....)

Procrastination falls into two categories to my mind; too boring or too scary. This rings very true!

I'm the same and it's the reason I will spend my life in a mediocre, unskilled job. And even in said job I put off things I had ages to do until it's time critical and has consequences on other things. I don't know why either.

This is a really excellent resource for procrastination:

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

I feel your pain. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up about it won't help you get this work done

I'm exactly the same OP. It sucks doesn't it! I'm sorry, I wish I had some advice

@Lucycb26

This is a really excellent resource for procrastination:

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

I feel your pain. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up about it won't help you get this work done

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Procrastination

I'm the same OP, I've always been this way - I was that kid who did their homework on Sunday night (or, more accurately - Monday morning before school in a mad panic).

Uni assignments: got given assignment hand in dates at the start of the semester, had to pull an all nighter for every single one.

I'm now 41 and still doing everything last minute - I wrote my wedding speech 2 mins before I had to give it. I've been procrastinating all day about prepping for a presentation I'm giving in the morning. I'll probably start it in about an hour.

I've resigned myself to the fact that this is how I operate but you're right, it makes life so much more stressful!

I do this with all things, not just tasks I dislike. I need to book up some activities at Center Parcs for DS’s birthday but I just keep not doing it. My life is constant, last-minute firefighting and I wish I could be different!

Think of how great you'll feel when it's finished, that delicious sense of relief and accomplishment.

@FrustratedProcrastinator

Thanks for the kind words all.

But now I'm going to have to research ADHD to see if I've got it instead of doing my work !

Great idea! :-) I'm like that too and also already googled ADHD and did some online questionnaire. There was no conclusion though and by the answers I think that it's not as bad (= I self-diagnosed not to have ADHD) and I'm probably just really useless.

That Tim Urban TED talk is brilliant. I’ve watched it about 5 times (instead of doing any work).

I found this really interesting

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

@IcicleIcicle

Can't remember where (probably here!) but I read something recently about 'pottering' and it's working really well for me after being a chronic procrastinator all my life. So I don't 'decide' to do the job anymore, I just sort of absentmindedly potter at it instead, almost like tricking my brain that I'm not doing it when I actually am. I have no idea if it makes sense to anyone else but for me it's that 'right I'm going to do it' moment that makes my brain rebel and find something else to do instead, so by avoiding that moment I find I can actually do the job.

I'm very similar, and agree that this can work really well. Another trick is trying to do something even worse than the thing you're avoiding - at which point, the thing you have been putting off miraculously seems more attractive.

There are some upsides to being a procrastinator - I'm awesome in the face of a tight deadline, because I've had so much practice 😉

I read about this on a leadership course recently, there was a worksheet with headers about how certain times of day you feel more switch on (zooming) and other times you might zone out or feel lethargic (like after lunch) so put the hard tasks in the zooming time and work the day from there. Yeah simple stuff really I know but it helped me stop faffing about.

Break it down into micro actionas and ask yourself: do I mind...?
e.g.:
Do I mind sitting down at my desk?
No. Sit at desk.
Do I mind turning my computer on?
No. Turn computer on.
Do I mind iopening the document instead of sneaking off to MN?
Yes. the thought of opening the doc makes me feel sick.
But if you open it, will you feel less sick for having done that?
Yes.
Open the doc

etc.

Coding your brain to get into the work.

Also some bits I read in stoic books, decide you will do 5 minutes ie just start the annoying thing, before you know it you’ve done it. Think the guy is called Donald Robertson on YouTube, stoic based tips for work etc

Yep @gingerhills sort of what I mean too. Just do it. Decide on 5 minutes or one bit of the task then keep going.

Delete mumsnet for a start!

@Shitandhills

I was like this for years and years. Did some therapy and realised that it's perfectionism cause by having quite a controlling/critical mum. It came from a good place but she basically corrected/overguided me in everything and what I learned from it was that I couldn't do anything without guidance and that it was really important for everything to be right first time. I've worked very hard on consciously challenging those thoughts every time they pop up with 'it doesn't have to be perfect'. As long as you can get something down as a starting point, improvements can be made along the way.

Sorry about your experience 🌺 🌺 I can really relate - I’ve had a similar experience.

I actually have the answer you need, 100% will take less than two minutes to read and you'll never do this again. Tell me when you've finished this project and I'll send you the link

@rifling that’s the classic route to diagnosis in adults; our child is assessed for ADHD and it dawns on us that they have been given a diagnosis as a chip off the old block. It was certainly the case with me and my DD. I have to say it was me that spotted it in her (whilst missing it in myself!). Her school was hopeless and just said “no ADHD isn’t a thing, she’s just lazy”. They were wrong.

@Flamingpantoufles I’ve mentioned my inattentive ADHD upthread and on other threads. For me, and for others I’ve spoken to, medication is at first a revelation as it’s often the first experience of a quiet and focussed brain, but it isn’t a magic bullet. It’s important to seize the medication induced clarity to put in place strategies for managing time and chunking down tasks to avoid overwhelm. Without doing that the effects of medication can be overridden by behaviour - that’s my personal experience.

The diagnosis of ADHD looks at your childhood history as it is present in childhood though not necessarily exhibited in obvious ways. As well as looking at Co-morbidities from ASD to depression (there are many), any diagnosis will be on the basis of hyperactivity, impulsiveness or inattentiveness, or a combination. The inattentive type is more common in young girls and therefore is missed as it’s generally less disruptive to others, less noticeable and nothing to do with intelligence. As we get older we form strategies to deal with the difficulties which obscure things further. There is also Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in the mix which is a difficulty in coping with criticism or rejection. Of course no one likes experiencing those things but an extreme (but again often internalised) reaction has been noted in those with ADHD. I think it can account for procrastination about the “scary” things to avoid criticism or rejection. It’s certainly true for me. This problem with emotional regulation means that a lot of ADHD women are misdiagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (Borderline as was).

@CocoPancakes there are a lot of ADHDers who don’t reach their potential.

I’m sure @FrustratedProcrastinator is scribbling away. Sorry to hijack your thread with talk of ADHD, I know it’s not every procrastinator’s problem.

Once, I was so embarrassed I had to work late because I had been procrastinating, that when I sent the finished work over at 8pm, I pretended I had had a power cut which prevented me sending it earlier.