Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[TerribleTuna]

I'll go...

I've watched the same animated film every day for 2 weeks 🙃

Look! A digger!

I make myself cups of coffee but I never get to drink them until they are stone cold.

I usually cross the road when there's a dropped kerb ( I'm 57 ffs!)

I have not picked up a coloured pen today, yet somehow my hands are covered in green felt tip.

There are people in my house who don't speak much, but grunt a lot.

We go through a LOT of Man-sized hankies

I have a gunt
I drink too much
I can listen to opinionated teenagers without rising to a response
I dont find other peoples children cute
There are 75 pairs of shoes in our house

I never, ever get to eat the last roast potato.

@Luhou

I hide in the kitchen if I want to eat a bag of crisps in peace.

I used to have this problem too. I've solved it by buying salt and vinegar or mildly spicy flavours (neither of which my DS likes ).

I recently paid £250 for a really generic-looking black puffer jacket with a small logo.

I must remember to look for some more cheap leggings next time I'm in the charity shops, the pair I'm wearing are going dangerously thin at the crotch.

These two statements are related

I haven't had a bath by myself since 2018.

@Luhou

I hide in the kitchen if I want to eat a bag of crisps in peace.

To be fair, this might just mean you have a dog 🤣 That’s what I have to do!

@sadpapercourtesan

I recently paid £250 for a really generic-looking black puffer jacket with a small logo.

I must remember to look for some more cheap leggings next time I'm in the charity shops, the pair I'm wearing are going dangerously thin at the crotch.

These two statements are related

My best friend was discussing this just the other night. She has 3 of these creatures.

I’m currently picking dry Play-Doh out of my rug

I have to ask the same thing 26383737392 times before it gets done (get your shoes on….).

I’ve just voluntarily spent my afternoon in a room with 30 other screaming children high on sugar.

During the summer I stay awake until the last person to come home at night does.

anyone: 'thank you'
Me, singing: 'what can I say except, you're welcome!'

Sometimes I find small bite marks in the easy peel oranges

I seem to have inadvertently paid for a new kitchen roof on someone else’s house, a new sofa that was delivered to someone else’s living room and someone seems to be using my spare bedroom as a WFH office space because their house is too cold 🤣🤣🤣

How lovely would it be if parents could not tell you that they are a parent?! Ah, bliss.

#missingthepointofthethread

I have to pair a minimum of 84 socks a week but it is often more.

I can read the Three Billy Goats Gruff, without the book.

@booplefloof

I have to pair a minimum of 84 socks a week but it is often more.

Just buy identical socks then you don’t need to pair them 🤣

I’m lying on the floor trying to steal a handbag from beneath someone’s sleeping body without waking them, and I’m not a burglar.

I repeat myself constantly say the same shit over and over again and still nobody bloody listens

I’m hopelessly in love with someone who becomes inconsolable when I don’t let them press all the buttons on the washing machine (mid cycle) or allow them to delete everything and call random people play with my iPhone and whose kisses can be best described as latching onto my forehead and dribbling.