Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[TerribleTuna]

I'll go...

I've watched the same animated film every day for 2 weeks 🙃

My handbag constantly has a layer of what I can only describe as compost, formed by all the 'treasures' that get squirrelled away in there.

In the last 15 years I have not been able to have a drink on a Saturday night without making a 'My night in/My taxi is off tonight' booking at least a month in advance.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel at last. Give it 6 months and I'll be hitting the bottle at noon on Saturdays for the rest of my life.

@Catra

Sister finger, sister finger, where are yoooou?

"Here I am, here I am, how do you do?"

#ifyouknowyouknow

I try to save up going to toilet until I’m absolutely desperate and have no choice. This is because on each toilet trip, no matter how carefully I try to slip away, I can guarantee I’ll be followed upstairs, scrutinised for not using the toilet step/correct number of loo roll sheets etc and then spend 20 minutes messing about upstairs..every.single.time! It feels such a luxury when I’m at work to be able to just go for a wee and be back at my desk in under a minute!

There is a remote control poo on the dining table

Watching Peppa Pig but the kids have gone to bed ages ago.

@Catra

Sister finger, sister finger, where are yoooou?

It never leaves you. I have had no reason to sing that in anger for over 15 years, but it spontaneously burst out of me while driving to work last week. Coincidentally, all those years ago it was less inclusive: Tommy thumb, Peter pointer, Toby tall, Robbie ring, Baby small.

There’s a beanie boo staring at me as I type.

I had to go to a and e for a suspected fractured foot, I enjoyed the 3 hour wait, felt like a mini holiday!

I have to donate my nest egg for a deposit on a house I will never live in.

Oh and checking if my little humans have a temperature by kissing their forehead.

I just need 5 minutes to myself.

I'm a walking tissue

I have an hours sleep in 24 hours and can still run a tight ship of 5 people on fresh air....

Need I say more

I can recite the Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson. No matter how well we're organised we always end up leaving at least 30mins later than planned.

I once sorted lego while toy story three was on. I was the only person in the house, and it didn't occur to me it was a bit strange.

I've forgotten what my actual name is.
I can't remember the last time I had to cook only one type of meal for 3 people.
I have more fluffy toys in my house than an arcade of grabber machines.

I get unreasonably excited when I discover previously unwatched episodes of Henry Danger on the sky box

I couldn't understand why the toilet kept snelling so bad despite copious scrubbing and bleaching until I discovered a cereal bowl full of piss hidden behind the cistern and pipes 🤢 At least it was easier to tip it into the toilet unlike the waste paper bin full of piss I found in the living room a few months ago. I don't want to consider what sort of deep rooted issues this may indicate just yet.

I can hold three different conversations at once.

(DS: Work.
DD: DGS's dinner.
DGS: How to get Penguins of Madagascar on my TV.
I'm 72. I haven't lost the art.)

This morning I heard myself say (at a slightly elevated volume) “We don’t clean fire engines with our toothbrush!”

There's a small pile of 'swords' aka sticks in my porch that I'm not allowed to throw away

@Bali76

I had to go to a and e for a suspected fractured foot, I enjoyed the 3 hour wait, felt like a mini holiday!

This!! I had to have emergency surgery and the stay in the hospital was like being at a hotel. I got full nights of sleep and everything!

Washing my hair AND conditioning without any interruption feels like a spa day

@GypsyRoseGarden

I use the phrase "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed"

I used that on my teenagers. Ds2 clicked in his early 20's and now uses it on his own son.