To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

@Wallywobbles

The dwarf is going to make it I'm pretty sure so that's good.

Here's todays photo of the twins who were born a couple of weeks back with the white tufts on the tops of their heads. They are getting chunky.

All the slightly older lambs were having huge zoomies today. Shame I can't post video. Good for the soul are zoomies.

My you all have a good night.

Adorable!

[quote MrsGlum]@Tallisimo apologies for the late reply to your post. I really appreciate all the advice around celebrating myself and having a positive outlook. I want to, I really really do but at the moment my med withdrawal induced anxiety ridden brain just won’t let me. Everything feels very dark and frightening at the moment especially when I’m woken up by palpitations after just an hour of sleep.
Maybe in a few weeks when I hopefully feel a bit better, I can change my name to MrsNotSoGlum. Then once I feel fully recovered I’ll maybe ask the thread for some suggestions for a new name!
I do hope your sciatica gives you a break tonight and allows you some sleep 🤞🏻
Xx[/quote]
One small step at a time, my lovely, one small step x

@5YearsLeft I hope you are ok, I’ve been thinking about you today x

Welcome to the after midnight thread. If you’re stuck awake, this is the place for you.

@Tallisimo I’m still just too sick. It’s really not going well. I can’t even get to the toilet without help. Hopefully I’ll feel better later tonight after more sleep, or tomorrow. I have my doctor tomorrow.

@5YearsLeft

Welcome to the after midnight thread. If you’re stuck awake, this is the place for you.

@Tallisimo I’m still just too sick. It’s really not going well. I can’t even get to the toilet without help. Hopefully I’ll feel better later tonight after more sleep, or tomorrow. I have my doctor tomorrow.

Really hope some more sleep helps and that your current drugs cocktail starts rebalancing you. In the meantime, I’m wrapping you in a very gentle virtual hug x

@5YearsLeft you poor thing I’m so sorry you are so poorly tonight. I hope tomorrow brings some improvement 🤞🏻
X

@Tallisimo It’s just a living nightmare. I never thought dying meant that the lows would start being so much lower when I’m still supposed to have years and years to go. This is 200+% worse than last year. Thank you so much though. And I’m so sorry you’re going through so much with your sciatica. It’s no good.

@CheeseTown I’m so sorry no one was here when you were to tell you that sometimes these things happen, and it’s not your fault! You tried the best you could. If we were all blessed with knowing perfect timings in advance, we’d be out there saving the world, but since we don’t, we just have to do the best we can and accept that sometimes we get it wrong. And I completely understand still having the anxiety. Who wouldn’t? I guess you just try to get through it the best you can with the time you have. Colicky baby and all. Very, VERY best of luck to you!

@purpleme12 Thank you so much for the well-wishes.

@Wallywobbles I can see why you called her crevette! (As I type it, my phone offers emojis of shrimp with and without heads, ha). I’m so glad that it’s going well and the pictures are always amazing. And so glad about the news that you think she’s going to make it!

@MrsGlum Sorry you’re still suffering and not getting sleep. I know you’re still having such a tough time, so I hope it keeps getting a little bit better day by day&Yeah, I now have the opposite problem. As the crisis I have right now is my muscles are failing, all I can do is sleep and hope it’s enough to rest them, and if it’s not, then they’ll continue to fail, and I’ll end up on a ventilator, because they won’t power my lungs.

@sofakingcool That’s the way of it. You know exactly how to work it out, but DS and friends have to figure it out for themselves.

@Raindancer411 Sorry to hear that! Nothing worse than when you’re trying to get some sleep and everyone else is already snoring away!

@Dita73 Oh no! Not the return and attack of the the pancakes! AND a pulled neck. No good. I do hope you feel better by now.

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave COVID insomnia is absolutely no good. It makes a crap disease even more unpleasant. I used to read some cosy books in bed while coughing my way through it.

@Honeyishrunk What an absolutely terrible combination. Who wouldn’t be so beyond fed up with being ill that they couldn’t bear it after months of vomiting and heart burn and piles. It’s like you can’t enjoy a single meal.

@countrygirl99 I’m so glad to hear your horse is farting! Hey, we celebrate it all on the after midnight thread.

@Randommother it really sounds like you should be able to cancel some of that when you’re dealing with COVID and menopause and everything else. I believe everyone deserves a duvet day whenever they need one but it really sounds like you need one NOW. And COVID is no joke. Without the rest, you could end up with fatigue for quite a while.

@Fedupbuyer What a nightmare! I’m so sorry. It sounds like you might have to get a solicitor involved.

@Mother87 Oh, I’m so sorry! Of course you deserve a bit of TLC when you’re having COVID. And of course, it’s going to hurt a bit when someone YOU took care of them doesn’t even remember that you have COVID (and reconciling is kind of like dating again; think about these things along the way as you’re making the decision and don’t just consider the decision made if he’s STILL emotionally neglectful. I do hope you get better and can enjoy the DSs and DGS soon.

Sorry I’ve been so absent. I didn’t realize this “dying” thing meant that when I had a flare, it was going to be so much worse and more serious. This is terrible. I see my GP tomorrow, which I’m positive I already said?

In hospital, not the quietest place!

@5YearsLeft we’re all rooting for you. I pray this is just a nasty blip in your journey and that you can get back to better health and still get your expected years 🤞🏻

Feeling so so low my ex is makingy life hell and to punish me isn't seeing our child he's being so cruel to me and I'm juggling a full time job doing shift work with minding a toddler who has woken up at least twice a night for the last week.

My dad who's terminally ill is in hospital tonight so I'm trying to juggle this immense sadness and fear while working when I've had about 5 hours sleep and currently up the last 22 hours.

I thought today was the 2nd and text my best friend happy birthday at midnight only to realise it was the 3rd and I'd missed her birthday by a day...well actually missed it by 3 minutes, and to make matters worse I missed her birthday by 3 days last year because I mixed her birthday up with my nieces....making me the worst friend ever.

I'm failing at everything, I'm so exhausted that I'm not being my best at anything I'm failing at parenting, I've had to go home early from work cause I'm so sad and can't concentrate.

My family is so dysfunctional where my mam hates my sister even though my sister doesn't deserve it while my mam sees me juggling a mortgage and childcare and hands my brother house for nothing even though our brother does nothing for anyone. She does it out of guilt because my brother has severe mental health issue due to how we were raised.

I can't maintain normal relationships due to the trauma I suffered in childhood. I constantly hate myself I constantly feel anxious and not good enough I'm full of self hatred and I don't like as a person.

I feel so helpless

Woke up to a thought about DS two-year-long lack of school situation. Decided to check it out quickly but didn't get the answers I needed. Now off on a worry cycle again.
I'm supposed to be dealing with worries in a daily worry time but a) doesn't help with midnight worries and b) I haven't had time to do it.

@5YearsLeft you really are having g a time of it, are t you? Mind you it's been quite a demanding.couple of weeks for you what with the hospital shenanigans, the fierce French woman and a house move (which is up,there as one of the most stressful,things you can ever do). Your poor body is having a bit (!) of a protest. Hopefully this will be as @MrsGlum says, a blip. Living through this, and living with a life-limiting condition must be the hardest thing of all, know that you have support and are not alone xx

@2ndtimemum2 we are always having near misses with birthdays so have now coined a phrase 'boxing birthday' so if you miss a birthday you can wish someone a happy boxing birthday instead (and sometimes if you get it accidentally a day early, you can wish them a happy birthday eve). And if you remember in time, they get a happy birthday eve, actual birthday AND a boxing birthday which is even better  good friends will forgive you in the circumstances though, so try not to add that to your worry list.

@Wallywobbles beautiful baby sheep as always, Thankyou.

And for each and every one of,you, here is a bit of a frank Sinatra 'in the wee small hours' it may be a love song, and you may or may not be awake because of a broken heart, but to know that Frank shared the insomnia is a bit comforting. When I hear this I imagine being gently swirled around a near-empty dance floor, in a beautiful frock that rustles gently, delicately sparkling from the candlelight, my handsome partner (in a tux with his bow tie dangling undone) with his hand gently on my back p, the other with our fingers gently entwined Dawn is coming and a new day beckons. Aaaahhh. Sometimes it's lovely to be a romantic old fool living in a 1950s movie, in a beautiful dress ❤️

If you have Spotify the 'classic voices in jazz' playlist offers more similar gems, which are prefect for this time of night.

Rest easy my friends, rest easy. Dawn is coming.

Water flooding through the ceiling to downstairs set off the smoke alarm, which woke us up and alerted us. A pipe has literally sheared in our newly fitted bathroom. Water off, electric off and towels everywhere. Not much we can do until plumber comes in the morning but I doubt I’ll get back to sleep now. I swear we are bloody jinxed. Just one bloody nightmare after another.

Checking in on @5YearsLeft
I hope you are ok?

How did it go with the GP @5YearsLeft

Welcome to the after mid forg thread. If you’re awake, this is the place for you. Feel free to share whatever’s keeping you awake.

@MrsGlum I’m still struggling. These flares can last anywhere from a few days to two weeks. @bloodywhitecat I saw the GP and he was really kind. He wants me to try an antidepressant because he says I sound like I’m not coping mentally anymore (with dying and constantly being in pain), and my idea of being high as a kite in exchange for a shorter life span apparently does not exist. Which makes sense or every dying person would try it. Im already on some heavy duty painkillers and that’s that, I guess, and there’s nothing.

I’m still just so so so tired and aching.

I can’t get any sleep at the moment, applied for a promotion at work today and didn’t get it. Didn’t help being told I was second and I was very close. Just dreading going into work tomorrow and irrationally I can’t stop crying. It’s a job I’m already doing at the moment in an acting capacity, and I have been assured I was doing really well

@5YearsLeft I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling but I hope this will be a short flare not a protracted one. It sounds like you have a very supportive GP.

I’m still feeling pretty rubbish with my AD withdrawal. Terrible insomnia. Brain will not switch off and am really trying to avoid using a sleeping tablet every night as they bring their own problems. Got lots of things on my mind as well which doesn’t help. I really miss falling into a cosy natural sleep. 😢

Hello all,

@bloodywhitecat hello to you too. How are you doing? Been thinking about you

@5YearsLeft what are your thoughts about ADs? Are there any other support options for you to complement the drugs if you take them? I know you mentioned having done support work yourself in the past, and wonder if you are allowing yourself to access that kind of help, or whether that feels like a step too far right now. What you are going through would be impossible on your own, so I hope that you've got someone else (other than your DH who sounds lovely: and doctors who are focussing on the physical illness) that you can talk to?

There's a lady i follow on insta - Bowel babe - who has aggressive cancer and posts very openly about her disease, crises and treatments, and who on the surface seems to cope incredibly well (as do you my dear). despite that she never really seems to show or talk too much about how the illness is affecting her mentally. Fair dos though as I wouldn't want strangers knowing all the ins and outs of the crazy stuff in my head, but it seems to be the way we expect our dying to conduct themselves; be brave , battle on (yeah like you have a choice?), keep smiling and doing incredible work for charity! It somehow seems unacceptable to rant and get angry and to talk openly about how we really feel. It's almost like the last taboo - we must have a stiff upper lip at all times, especially when facing our own mortality and suffering ion the way.
It must be profoundly difficult and scary to go through such things but it does seem sometimes that bowel babe is just a little too cheery and coping a little too well if you see why i mean. I hope that she allows herself some times to let it all out, as I hope you do too.

I nearly died with my crohns once early on when it was neglected by a shit locum GP, I was naive and got critically ill with multiple organ failure. it took years to come to terms with the shock of that and talk about how it actually felt. To the outside world I looked brave and coped well with all,the medical shit, always a smile on my face and a joke on my lips (bowel disease gives one a brilliant opportunity for lots of bottom jokes and scatalogical humour ) but inside was a different world which, if I dared to show it, was told to 'look on the bright side, be positive, you are looking so much better etc etc'. No one wanted to face the scary ness of it, they just needed reassurance that one can get through such horrors. I guess they didn't want to be removed of life's fragility or that it may happen to them too so,they went -kindly - i to full-on ostrich mode. Mind you I love an Ostrich, and maybe they do have a point.

Sorry that was a very long way to say I hope you are letting it all out -here and IRL.

My fat 🐈‍⬛ has just chirruped and plonked herself gracelessly down on the bed and is purring wildly. I should be asleep as last night I woke at 3am and then stayed up until 10.30 pm. A long day. But here I am, wearily, and predictably awake, spilling my blurry consciousness into an over-long post (sorry). GP appointment next week re HRT and I've started a new exercise regime to try and get more fit and more sleepy.

Maybe I'll be out of everyone's hair soon. 

Hoping that @mum11970 has dried out a bit now. That sounded very, very stressful indeed.

So sorry to hear of everyone's difficulties. I'm awake ruminating (again) about our situation, work life balance and possible relocation. Finding it very tricky to be positive atm. Really fed up with single parenting with no support (ex long gone). I am terribly lonely. I know this is very small in comparison to the difficulty others are experiencing but it does seem very unfair that terrible absent fathers still manage to have new shiny relationships, lovely holidays and big houses while pretending their own child doesn't exist. I am v grateful for my child but I am struggling with being on my own so much of the time. I didn't realise how many friends become distinctly less friendly when your partner leaves. I feel really tearful about our lovely dog. He has been gone for nearly a year. I don't think I quite realised how much I relied on him for comfort and to get me out of the house regularly. I feel so so low at the moment.

Despite Zomorph, Naproxen, Amitriptyline and Paracetamol, I’m wide awake and in pain. I’ve been on three different hospital wards this week and now my fourth ward is in a different hospital! It’s quieter, which is nice but I’m weepy and angry and generally mardy. Stupidly I always refuse visitors, (I’m autistic and worry about putting people out and I feel vulnerable). But, I’m bored and would probably appreciate a visit,especially if they brought food!
Ah well.
Sorry for all you folks going through hell. 💐

Hello everyone.

@5YearsLeft normally welcomes everyone to these threads but she's having a horrible time of it, and needs sleep to heal I think, so on behalf of @5YearsLeft** would it be OK to welcome everyone who needs it to this insomniac thread?

For anyone who can't sleep because of pain, stress, hormones, babies, snoring partners, domestic crises, whatever your reason - this is the place for you.

Sending healing and soothing vibes to you @5 . We miss your kindness, humour and wisdom but hope that you are sleeping soundly and focussing on feeling better 😘

@belle40 that sounds like a lot to deal with x judging by the number of posts I see on MN you are certainly not alone in being left to fend for your kids by a wayward ex who has moved out, moved on and seems to have forgotten his responsibilities. Unconscionable bastards they are. On the plus side it will no doubt strengthen your relationships with your children and they will love you for it so much.

@Gilead pain is just such a bastard isn't it? Can they up your painkillers for the nights? Any possibility of using deliveroo to have some decent food sent in? The last time I saw hospital food when my mum was in, it looked pretty grim, so I can't blame you !

@Wallywobbles any new lamb updates ? They always bring a cheer to us all in the middle of the night 

@MrsGlum how are you today?

I'm here unusually early (it's normally 3 or 4 am ). Made the mistake of going to,bed early as I was pooped so woke up at 1.11 precisely. Now wide awake. Ffs. I'm aching too but self inflicted as I had a gym session yesterday for the first time in 2 years. It's all part of a campaign to get back to fitness after long covid. So it will be all worth it. Won't it

Hi @catwomando, congratulations on your gym session. I’m seriously impressed (& quite envious since I can just about manage a 10 minute stroll right now). What were your symptoms of long Covid and how long was long?

Sorry to hear that @5YearsLeft is still so poorly. Sending her big feel better soon hugs 🤗

I only got 1.5hrs sleep last night (sleeping tablet) so was hoping that my mirtazapine addled brain might do me the favour of switching off by itself tonight and the heart palpitations would abate, but no such luck and here I am again wide awake with all my anxious thoughts!

Am going to try and get off again now, but chances are I’ll be back..!

@MrsGlum Long covid. Horrible. Lasted in full swing for about 6 months ,the cough and wheezing, palpitations, no energy, brain fog, breathlessness, heart racing, mild depression, joint aches, only able to walk short distances, no concentration. All small things but together debilitating. I can now walk a decent distance, am off the inhaler and can stay awake for a whole day (wooo!). Memory improving and getting my long lost mojo back. What a relief. At times I thought I'd never be myself again (i know you can relate to that !). I'm not working at the moment and have made getting fit again my project whilst I decide what to do work-wise. It will be a financial stretch but the right decision.

1.5 hours sleep,is better than none and a step in the right direction. Keep,it up. Baby steps

It's so quiet on here tonight. Hoping that everyone is sleeping soundly.

Just got home from A&e trip with ds2’s girlfriend - think she has got pneumonia. Literally just starting thawing and ds1 rings from uni town to say he’s in hospital with tight chest and difficulty breathing (has had a bad cold all week and a heart problem). Am now utterly wide awake and talking him down from the ceiling via text.