To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

@Itsjustamoment hope he is ok and you know what is happening now

Sympathies to everyone in pain as well

Hi all

I'm still around. Sorry so many are struggling with chronic pain or more x

I seem to have fallen back in to the dark hole that is grief. The pain is almost physical.

Hope sleep comes to you x

@Shmithecat2 I’m so sorry and do hope you tested negative today and were able to get some help.

@Iamsodonewith2020 and @Itsjustamoment I do hope both of you got more answers today as waiting while a loved one is in trauma can be just tremendously stressful and you’ll need rest to face the days ahead.

Oh @jowly I’m so, so sorry. I know it comes in waves sometimes like that, to steal your peace, your sleep, your equilibrium, and throw you back down into the dark hole. I don’t have any great advice for fighting it off. Just be gentle with yourself, do the things that bring you comfort, whatever they are, and let the grief come and go as it needs to because trying to deny it can just make it like a pot that then boils over.

Opening the thread a wee bit early tonight since I’m here. It’s (almost) after midnight. It’s you’re dealing with grief, loss, stress, anxiety, feeling poorly, facing chronic pain, or if someone you love is facing those issues, if any of it is keeping you from sleep, or if you have just plain insomnia (either to stop you falling asleep or to keep you from staying asleep), the thread is here for you to share.

Good luck on this Tuesday night, everyone.

I've just been up cos my daughter is so angry at the minute
All the time
Over any little thing
Disproportionately
I find it really hard to cope with
I don't think she's misbehaving I think she actually gets angry and can't control it
It drains me

@purpleme12 Ah. Purple, welcome back (sorry) to the thread. Of course, I hoped that sleep had found you and I still hope maybe it has for a while, and this problem with your daughter sounds so draining. No wonder it’s keeping you from sleep. I don’t know her age or anything but I’ve seen so many people recommend reading The Explosive Child to help deal with a child that suffers with explosive anger issues.

@jowly I think with grief, you just have to let it wash through you. I used to imagine the pain and memories of the death of my parents as being inside a wooden box inside my head. Every now and then, I'd lift the lid and cautiously look inside, think to myself "that still hurts" and slam the lid down. It kind of worked, but the trouble was that I never really came to terms with the grief. It was only when I had the courage to fling the lid open that I started to cope better.

@jowly I think grief causes physical pain, it’s indescribable and unfortunately the only thing that eases it is time, I have no words of wisdom, I miss my parents constantly but you’re not on your own.

@purpleme12 my ds was like that, he has a diagnosis of pda though and as soon as we were told it was like a lightbulb clicked on and after researching managed to get to grips with it.

I’m awake due to baby up for her nighttime disco in the womb.
Today was so frustrating. The guy couldn’t find the keys to the house, the taxi was an hour late, we went to the shop and the lady in front spent 20 minutes arguing about vouchers which in the end turned out to be out of date. I’m so tired but obviously that counts for nothing!

Tis me again with my sciatica!! Op now one week away! Tonight I had the temerity to move my leg a couple of inches the wrong way and now it will be searing pain for an hour or two. Sigh. @jowly am so sorry you feel as you do. That kind of pain is just as terrible and just as powerful. As others have said, time is what will ease it a little.

@chichimcgee Sounds liket the sciatica is being such a bear to deal with and keeping you awake in so much life our days may have been in league together! Though yours just sounds really rough and painful as well. Pregnancy just seems to add to the difficulty of everything, past a certain point, even though of course I’m sure it’s worth it in the end.

@Coroico97 What WERE you thinking, moving your leg a single inch like that?! Madness! But really, that’s just absolute crap that it hits so hard so from such a tiny movement and so completely unfair. I hope it eases off alittle but and your can get som rest, even if there’s zero chance for sleep.

Morning all. I woke briefly at 4 (of course) but got back to sleep (miraculous) . Yesterday evening I tried listening to music and that seemed to help. Mind you it was my first proper day of rest and freedom so that will have contributed too. I was SO tired yesterday, ended up sleeping on the sofa for a couple of hours with the cat snuggled in.

@purpleme12 do you have ideas to get the bottom of the anger? I found with my kids it was often that their emotions were huge, but their vocabulary to express them hadn't caught up so they ended up getting very frustrated and angry. I found chatting with them when they were calm , perhaps during a Lego session or something innocuous, to ask them what the explosion was like for them and whether they knew what had triggered it. It's impossible to talk about it in the angry moment, of course. Draining for you.

@jowly yes the pain is real for sure. I agree with @Confusedmeanderings re letting it wash over you and experiencing it, as hard as that is. Bottling is rarely the answer.

@Chichimcgee I do t know how you stay so calm. I'd have the rage with the man who couldn't find the key (was it typical man looks and can't find, woman looks and sees immediately situation? ). Have you started (dared to start) looking for furniture etc yet?

@Coroico97 oooh the countdown is on!

@5YearsLeft glad you had tea. It really is a miraculous substance. I've had to swap to decaf though but it still does the trick. One day some clever sod will invent a blood test that can be done through the skin (like they can with glucose/diabetes now) and then our lives will be easier. I read somewhere that the clever person who invented the vacuum blood vials that we now take for granted, was working for a big company at the time who snaffled the patent and he just got paid his normal wage, no share of the gigantic profits, nowt. Poor bastard - he helps millions and gets no reward. I hope it's not a true story but suspect it may be.

Anyway digression over, sending healing and soothing vibes to you all. See you later xxx

@catwomando I stood there for an hour while he faffed about, rang the office etc I said I’ve seen the downstairs through the windows can I not say I want it? But no I have to go inside. Have had about an hours broken sleep and feeling so rough today. Coughing and sore throat, headache and hot and cold. Hoping it’s a bog standard cold and not the lurgy!

Hope everyone got some sleep and has a good as possible day

Hey everyone. Sun’s up so thread is “shut,” for a given definition of shut that means we’re never really shut and you can leave messages whenever you want, especially if you’re trying to get through the day’s exhaustion. I do hope everyone’s got some rest even if they couldn’t get sleep. I’ve been up again with my teacup since 0530 (managed a few hours between 1ish and 5ish, I think?), already returned my 24hr urine test to the hospital (took the bus since I had no headache, so no Uber issues!), and now I’m having my oatmeal and laying back down with a book (my Kindle, really) because my fingers are swollen up like exceedingly painful sausages. Worst Gregg’s sausage roll advert EVER over here.

For those of you in pain, very, very best of luck today. And for those of you dealing with loss, nothing makes it better, I know, so have a very gentle day. Or, break some plates in the kitchen if it helps. Whatever works.

Thank you for your kind comments. I actually slept quite well last night, which has helped, and I made myself get up and get out this morning. A longish walk across the fields on my own has been one of the few things that have helped me get through this.

Losing my dad a couple of years ago after looking after him in his final years was hard, but expected. Losing my only sibling has left me feeling very alone and very vulnerable. I feel quite guilty as I have a lovely family of my own, but my childhood has been wiped out, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I hope you're all getting through your day despite your tiredness, and thank you again

X

Hello all and welcome back to the after-midnight thread. It’s now just barely after midnight in the beginning of a Thursday which means we’ve survived over half the week! Without sleep, that’s an accomplishment, and we should all be proud.

As always, if you’re awake, you’re welcome here. Whether you’re wrestling with physical or mental pain, grief, stress of all sorts, anxiety, people or pets in your life doing poorly, fears getting louder at night, work shifts, or just plain insomnia of any kind, or if you’re awake because this is the only time during the day you get quiet minutes for yourself - we get it, and you can join in and share here on the thread any time.

@jowly So glad you got some restoratives sleep and a walk across the fields sounds lovely and just the ticket. But I can completely understand the idea of your childhood “being wiped out” by your losses, even if you love your current family. Don’t feel guilt; you also love the family you came from and you’re bound to feel a very real pain from losing them, your father, and then your sibling dying what I’m assuming was a tragically early death is incredibly hard. It’s losing the people who know you when you were growing up, who share the same memories, and it can feel like losing that entire part of yourself or your childhood. I’m so sorry and I do hope that each day brings at least a tiny bit of rest from it all, even if no sleep.

I'd like to join the wide awake club. I'm in the process of breaking up with my partner, I'm happier on my own, do that says it all. It's just been one hurdle after another and I think it's time to say enough is enough. Don't get me wrong I love him, but sometimes that isn't enough. I've just told him not to contact me until Saturday as he's driving me insane with his indecisiveness and the fact he lets him family interfere as we both need some space!

@anothermansmother Welcome! And ugh, I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes even when it’s absolutely the right decision for you and you know you’ll be happier, just the sheer act of trying to finish the relationship and get everything separated can be so draining. And it sounds like some of the exact reasons why you know you’re better off alone (his indecisiveness and his inability to tell his family to jog on) are coming up when you’re trying to separate and making it much mor difficultly. If it keeps you awake, totally understandable, and the thread will be here.

I can't sleep cos I had to have a word with my child's teacher this morning about my child having an issue with another boy. It's really bothered me how this teacher reacted. And it's all I've been able to think about all day and it's really got to me.
And now I'm mulling it over so bad

@5YearsLeft

How are you?

@purpleme12 Oh gosh, that’s such a pain when it sticks in your mind and you just can’t let it go. What a mess. And it doesn’t sound like it was a very pleasant meeting so no wonder you can’t stop thinking about it.

Oh, I’m trying to reach all my doctors (rheumatology consultant, neurology consultant) because the lab (I hope?), or I suppose maybe my neurologist, badly bungled my bloods, and appear to have only done a single blood test, and not even a particularly important one. For some reason, there’s no complete blood count, no immunology panel that was supposed to get checked post-COVID, no liver function tests that need to be checked and… yeah. I just can’t understand what happened. So I know I need to reach SOMEONE so they can run these tests before I can change my steroids (we have to have something to compare me too: and also, we do kind of need to know if my liver is okay and how inflamed I am). What a pain. And a nurse comes to my flat tomorrow to help me with my injection because I’ve been having trouble with it.

Oh no they sounds shit 😡☹️
I hope you manage to reach someone and get it sorted tomorrow!

Oh @5YearsLeft these pesky bloody bloods! You must be so upset/raging. FFS and grr and bloody hell, and good grief, and aaaagh , and all of those really. Hopefully they will be able to get it sorted quickly.

I'm typing mid hot-flush, which has just woken me up (the flush, not the typing ) . Just opened the window above my bed and it's blowing a gale. Am now worrried that there are things in the garden that will blow away

Took my DD for her very first driving lesson today. She's a fantastically energetic person, which was reflected in her driving style

Now to try to get back to sleep. Am meeting friends for a big walk first thing so need the energy. Had physio today with ultrasound so am feeling a bit more comfy -hurrah! Now if only I can get my bloody madly%active brain to quieten down for a few minutes I might even be able to sleep.

Oh bloody hell the fat, furry demanding , meowing cat has just turned up, demanding attention. 🐈‍⬛ , and I think I need a wee.

@purpleme12 I know; the last thing I want is another person trying to find one of my absolutely rotten veins, but I really need this, because almost all my systems are crap, but at least my liver and kidneys claim to be fine on blood tests (despite the mysterious blood in my urine) and I need them to stay that way because no way would I survive something like dialysis. I’m just so tired, which I’m sure you know, and I’ve already been to the hospital three of the last five business days now.

@catwomando Ah, the peri-menopause. I can’t remember if you were having HRT to shell with these hot flushes or not? And even so, I suppose nothing works 100% of the time.

I’ve gone from raging to snicking in laughter at “She's a fantastically energetic person, which was reflected in her driving style.” I can only imagine exactly what that means so can I just be the first to say that we’re all so glad that you’re still here with us in the land of the living

So so glad to hear the physio helped and it sounds like it might even be conducive to help with some sleep tonight except… CAT. Ha.

Just a quick wave hello ♥️

Wish I could tell the difference between labour, braxton hicks and general coeliac discomfort you wouldn’t think I’d had a baby before I’m so clueless.

Have been reading this thread for the last few nights when I couldn't sleep and finally venturing to post! Have always had pretty bad sleep because of the delayed sleep wake phase thing or whatever it's called and my body clock just not lining up with the rest of the world, and lifelong anxiety, but we moved country for my husband's job seven months ago and insomnia has gone to a whole new level. I hate it here so much right now, all I can think about is moving home, but we've committed to three years here and not even done one yet. DS and DH happily sleeping of course and have to get up in three hours to get DS off to school. I give up, I'm breaking all the insomnia rules and watching TV.