To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

There's just a lot going on at the moment and everyone around me is in so much pain, either mentally or physically. We are all stuck and we are kind of stuck together.

@ForksAndSpoons I type incredibly fast, so don’t ever worry about it. And besides, this is the after-midnight thread! You bring your worries here, you lay them down (even if you yourself can’t lay down, ha), and we tell you that you’re not alone, because you’re not. Everyone feels absolute crap sometimes. Everyone feels negative sometimes. If it’s overwhelming you, then you DESERVE help. Everyone does. Please, just give it some thought. And like we discuss occasionally on the thread, remember, sleep deprivation is a form of torture and so are loud, continuous noises - if you are going through sleep deprivation and your baby won’t stop screaming then, as hard as you’re trying, your brain is effectively being “tortured.” We all need peace and quiet, and we all need rest. Life is so hard without them. So I do hope you get some.
NOW, onto music. I know you’re not going to enjoy me saying this… but it’s even interesting what you say about Liszt. I played piano for 8-9 years and mastering the Ave Maria was definitely not about worth, and I think Liszt would agree. Not being able to play it does not make one unworthy. He wrote it for those who were willing to practice and practice until they mastered it. Those who just magically happen to be masters of the piano by age 5 are one in a billion. Those who are masters of the piano by age 10… you’ll find a lot of times they’ve been forced to practice every spare hour since they were age 5. Now, admittedly, you couldn’t get every child to do this so it’s still extremely rare and obviously requires some talent, but… they say 1000 hours of practice will make you a master of something. I think it probably takes more than that, but… Imagine that you tried to practice piano for 1000 hours, BUT equally imagine you JUST practiced Ave Maria for 1000 hours. So, it’s not personal worth. It’s just… would you spend 100 hours? 1000? Ask a concert pianist who can play the Ave Maria to actually add up all the hours they’ve spent practicing in their lives and it’s much, much more than a 1,000. Probably more than 1,000 per year (that’s only 20 hours a week). I listen to a pretty wide range of music. For sleeping, I like Native American flute music (I prefer R. Carlos Nikai, but there are a lot of people who play it):

But I also listen to a lot of music that I don’t exactly know the genre of. Spotify claims it’s called “vapor soul” and none of us have ever figured out exactly what that is since it doesn’t really exist outside of Spotify. I listen to Rufus du Sol), Lastlings, Shallou, Henry Green, Lane 8, Tep No, Sol Rising, and a lot of others. Lastlings - Out of Touch (which I think you’ll like) Shallou - Begin Tep No - Breathe, Be Happy Lane 8 - Oh, Miles Henry Green - Ankther Light Rufus du Sol - No Place Sol Rising - The Journey

Anyway, you can never have too much music. I used to listen to more rock and harder things but as I got more headaches and got sicker, it became more difficult, so I listen to more stuff like this.

@Elsielouise13 Oh gosh, tough night for you, the horse, and the vet! Do hope the big guy is going to be okay and hope you’re able to get some quality sleep now.

@Confusedmeanderings Talk about how to tell you’re having a rough looking day!!! Ha.

@ForksAndSpoons Im sorry as it all sounds so difficult. I would disagree: no, you don’t owe it to them just because they’re your parents. Though I do understand this is a much more common thought in certain cultures and in certain generations. In a healthy parent-child relationship, the parents encourage the child to leave, form their own relationships, and then the parents stay out of those relationships and take care of themselves. Your parents raising you was not transactional - meaning you do not owe them just because they did it. They chose to have a child (you), because of that, they owed you a childhood in which they raised you (and it sounds like things have always been a bit backwards with your mother relying on you due to her anxiety and depression), and you do not now owe them because they raised you. It I would be like a landlord suddenly showing up and saying that a house you thought was free for 18 years has just suddenly had the rent come due. There are a lot of threads that talk about FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) in relationships between adult children and their parents, ie that it’s very difficult to escape the FOG. And it really sounds to me like you have a lot of FOG with your parents.

Like I said, the people you owe (and it sounds like you know this, as you want to overcome your slump for them) are your children and (to a lesser extent as he’s another adult) your DH. Especially if your parents are deeply negatively affecting your relationship with DH, and he needs you right now, as it sounds like he has chronic pain which is under investigation but without an answer or solution yet.

It sounds like your parents are living with you right now? Are they on some kind of extended visit? Can they not go back to their own home? It’s not your responsibility to host them indefinitely at the cost of your mental health or your relationship with your DH or happiness.

Hey all, I slept ! But then woken up just now by DH sticking his head out of then window. There's been some sort of car crash outside. He's gone out to see if any help is needed and will call me if he needs extra hands (we are both first aid trained and have hands-on experience). I'll keep you posted.

I am jet lagged! I will try and go back to sleep in a moment

@ForksAndSpoons

There's just a lot going on at the moment and everyone around me is in so much pain, either mentally or physically. We are all stuck and we are kind of stuck together.

Another night gone, didn’t even get my average 4 hours sleep. Forks and spoons, my doctor told me this week that you have to look after yourself if you are going to help others, talk to your GP before the depression swarms over you. My darling SIL has gone into a hospice for her final days.

@catwomando So glad to hear about your sleep!! Not so glad to hear about the car crash outside, so I do hope everyone’s all right.

@Hairbrush123 Jetlag is a tough one! I hope you were able to get a bit of sleep.

@Tinabn So sorry to hear you didn’t even get your 4 hours but not surprised if your SIL just moved into hospice; I’m sure that’s very “large” in your head and makes falling asleep even more difficult. So sorry you’re going through this, and I do hope she has a very peaceful last few days, even though I know the thought of it being the last days is so painful for those who will be left behind.

Well, sun is up (mostly??) so thread is done. But you can always come back any time if you need to talk or need some support in your exhaustion.

I managed to get a few more hours after putting an ice pack in my neck. I need to try to hopefully sleep well and headache-free tonight because tomorrow morning I have to go get those bloods done.

@catwomando I hope everything is alright and nobody was hurt.

@Tinabn my mum always reminded me that on a plane you put your own oxygen mask on first so you can help others.

@5YearsLeft I hope they managed to get some blood from you relatively easily and it wasn’t too bad.

Ah, I mean, the “tomorrow” which is Monday for my blood draw. Today (Sunday), I’m still in headache recovery mode and just woke up from a huge nap.

Sleeping stupidly badly at the moment despite having the bed to myself. Still waiting for the next 2 ewes to lamb (see photo). They had a couple of days inside in the expectation of action but there back to days out now.

Otherwise yesterdays photo of the littlest ones.

Sadly no more pruning due to rubbish weather, and no more sleeping for me.
Dreading bedtime again, but have decided gin is not the way forward 😞

Hey all - once again, it’s after midnight. Hope you’ve all survived Sunday and aren’t fearing going into Monday too much. As always, if you’re awake with grief, anxiety, pain, illness, other stress, crying babies, poorly children or pets or OHs, or just plain insomnia, you’re always welcome here. It’s a judgment-free zone.

For those of you keeping up at home, this will be the week:

• @chichimcgee tours her new house (fingers crossed) on Tuesday,
• @catwomando’s first week after saying goodbye to her job.
• We’re also sorry that @Tinabn is facing a possible loss this week - we’re thinking of you and your wonderful SIL.
• @wallywobbles still has a few ewes having lambs (thanks for the latest photos!!!)
• @jowly is still keeping on keeping on, apparently now without gin??

And I have my blood test in the morning. Argh. I do not want it.

@Wallywobbles Oh and while we all appreciate your adorable photos, I’m sorry to hear your sleep is complete crap. Sigh. If only you could count your sheep and that worked, eh? Alas. Hoping this new week brings you a restful night or two.

Hello, folks. May I join? I have horrible perimenopause symptoms which are manifesting in insomnia together with anxiety and depression, varying in severity through the month. Tonight I’m wide awake, vibrating with anxiety and on the verge of panic about everything and nothing. My sleep has been terrible for the past few weeks and I am utterly exhausted, to the point almost of dissociation. I have always needed plenty of sleep and I am ground down by the lack now. It’s great to know that someone is out there.

I can’t have HRT, and antidepressants made me freak out. So I’m trying to get through peri with only natural aids. DH and my close family and friends are providing totally amazing support and understanding, but there are times, like now, where I feel very tired, alone and scared. And I have to get up for work tomorrow.

Obviously bloods are Monday and not Sunday, I can blame sleep deprivation for thinking otherwise right?!

@Wallywobbles so ridiculously cute!! Hard work though I bet!

@MillyMollyMandyMaybe welcome to the club, everyone is so welcoming and lovely and I’m sure others in similar situations will have lots of love and advice for you.

Excited for Tuesday! Hoping that’s the only big thing happening this week, not sure what baby thinks she’s up to but very uncomfortable again and constantly feel like I need to pee but don’t, I’m blaming her big noggin squishing everything bless her.
DS really struggling, purely because he wants to play his minecraft map on the xbox. I’m sure he will be happy in the empty house as long as it has Xbox and tv!

@MillyMollyMandyMaybe Oh yes, anyone can join! So sorry you’re going through this! We have quite a few people suffering from peri-menopause on the thread, so you’re absolutely not alone (I think someone was just saying they woke up last night and had to change their top and it was awful). It’s only human to need to sleep, and going without it is so difficult. Of course you’re struggling. I’m sorry some of the common medication pathways aren’t an answer for you! That’s difficult. Have your doctors discussed maybe something like propranolol for the anxiety? It’s NOT anything to do with anti depression or anxiety meds; it’s just a blood pressure medication that they’ve found relieves some anxiety for people in small doses (smaller than used for blood pressure). It might be an option? But I know if you can’t have HRT due to blood pressure issues, then a lot of things might be off the table. It’s the only medication I know of for anxiety that’s not an anxiety medication. BUT that aside, if you can’t try it, and/or have already tried EVERYTHING, then yes, this thread will be here whenever you can’t sleep. So many of us know that awful middle of the night panicky feeling. It’s dreadful.

A new worry, DS’s relationship is over- a good thing- but now he has to find all the money for the flat and utilities, there is nothing cheaper where he is located, it is going to bad when prices rise.

@Tinabn finances are so stressful in regular situations never mind a break up. Hope he can figure it out

I'm up because I woke up to visit the loo and it interrupted a dream I was having about my son (18). Don't need a psychology degree to interpret it (my son going somewhere expecting to do an activity he had rehearsed over and over and finding out he had to stand up in front of an audience and do something totally different off the cuff) as something similar did happen which shattered his confidence and he's been suffering for months and months since. Ive been supportive and as encouraging as I can but he seems really stuck and not able to get back and try again (he needs this for his career progression). He has been knocked back a few times in recent years and this was the one thing he was confident about so it is heartbreaking to witness. Fortunately he seems ready to see a therapist and I hope that will help.
Once the mind starts twirling it's hard to get back to sleep, and now that I've opened up the MN app even harder!

My DP is still dead and I haven't slept a full night since I had an empty bed

@onedayoranother I have lost so many nights sleep over my DC and the night time trip to the loo gives an opening for all the worries.

@ holdontomykite I am so sorry

@onedayoranother I’m sorry to hear about your son facing such a stressful situation - it would be enough for it to happen in a dream, but for that to happen in real life would definitely knock someone’s confidence. But it sounds like if he’s agreed to see a therapist then maybe he’s on the right track, as hopefully that will help him overcome this incident and gain back some of his resilience that took a beating. But of course, the middle of the night is when it all comes up.

@Tinabn Oh no! Well, the last thing you need is more worries. I’m sure he’s a clever lad and can either figure out a roommate or moving further out and commuting maybe? Neither are ideal, but unfortunately, sometimes breakups leave you trying to figure out the best alternatives of less than ideals. I really do hope maybe a perfect situation comes along (a mate seeking someone to live with if their city is just too expensive to live alone, etc).

@holdontomykite I’m so sorry. Grief is… like a monster that lives with you. It follows you around all day. It’s with you when you’re trying to make the first cup of tea in the morning and brush your teeth at night, and then it feels like it stands next to the bed pointing at the big empty spot so there’s no way you could ever ignore it or get off to sleep, even if it was possible to try. In time, you notice the monster a bit less, maybe you’re able to smile a little more again, but no one is going to deny that it’s still a monster. It sounds like you’re still in the very fresh sleepless stage of grief which is one of the hardest (we often see people here going through that - whether they check in for one evening or several) because anything without sleep is harder and grief is already one of the hardest things you’ll face. I wish you luck getting through today, and if you can’t sleep tonight, the thread is here.

As for me, looks like tomorrow (Tuesday) is going to be blood draw day because I’m STILL having this damn headache on and off (it’s been three days now). I’ve been wrestling with it all night.

It’s a little early but sun’s up here and I imagine it’s sunrise there so thread is “shut,” but of course we’re never really shut as you can post whenever you like. And we’ll all be back tonight.

@MillyMollyMandyMaybe so sorry to hear you are suffering.

Apologies if this is inappropriate (and ignore if you already know this) but I went through meno without HRT owing to increased cancer risk of taking it. Now a few tears on and lovely friends tell me that HRT is now 'body identical' with an entirely different cancer risk (I.e. negligible) and with far fewer issues than older man made hormones (which made me go quite mad). So I'm now asking to go on it. Many GPs still don't know this and are woefully out of date. I was recommended to read the website below.

Newsonhealth.co.uk Dr louise Newton

she's a pioneering menopause doctor on a bit of a crusade to get better treatment for women. There are specific info sheets on cancer risk and HRT.

I hope this helps.

@5YearsLeft I hope the blood tests go OK today. Thinking of you.

An update on the crash that woke DH (and then me!) up. A young lady had inexplicably wiped out the central road bollards. Wrote off her car but she was fine. She came in for a cuppa whilst waiting for the police. Luckily she was unhurt. I then stayed awake for the rest of the day so was knackered!
First day of non-working freedom today. Off to visit my mum as a surprise. I've had a few hours sleep which is lucky as I have lots of driving, followed by intense time with mum and then a 2 hour dance lesson when I get back.

Lovely to see the new lambs  @Wallywobbles

@Tinabn there seems to be a huge demand for housing at the moment, hopefully he will be able to find a replacement flat mate soon.

@holdontomykite 

@MillyMollyMandyMaybe gah! Just seen that your not being able to,have HRT is because of something different. Might still be worth looking at that website as there is a bit on high BP and meno. Information is power and all that

I'm off to do some restorative yoga to ease my painful joints. Oh, and a squash of the cats if they will let me.

Have a good day everyone, take it easy and be kind to yourselves. A day without sleep is a challenge for all of us, even if we do have superpowers. 😘

Popping in to send hugs to all. I was awake on and off during the last two nights (toast and marmite at 5am seems to be a ‘thing’ at the moment) but I’ve been seeing if staying off social media helps reduce the awake time. Not sure it’s making a difference but worth a go.

Due to get a telephone consultation this afternoon with the GP to see what’s next for the sciatica journey.

XX