To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

@5YearsLeft oh I feel for your husband. I've had some days like that.. days that you just can't see a way through really. Along with your health issues and a house move things are stressful in the 5 years household... it's no wonder you don't sleep.

@jowly @catwomando
I ?think? he doesn't want me to see him so ill? (he's a proud person). I have to respect that. He sent a short factual email (very typical) but it was SO blunt (cancer, metastacised, 3-9m prognosis, leaving body to anatomy so no funeral for 1-3 years).

See, this is why working part time is useful, not childcare.

@52andblue that's hard. I guess all you can do is keep talking and make sure he has the practical support he needs.

How do you think he'd react if you said that you'd like to come and see him for you own peace of mind and a bit of fun ? You know. make it all about you vulnerability/needs, not him and his illness so he's helping you by letting you visit ? Kind of reverse psychology. It's honest as well because it sounds like you need and want to see him. Maybe you could offer to visit as you normally would, and agree terms up front with him whether he wants mention (or not) of his illness so you both know the ground rules ahead of time? "I don't want fuss or mention of the fecking cancer, but I'd still like to see you as we normally would. Can we just do that? ". He can then decide and take at his own pace any discussion of the illness.

@catwomando I DO need & want to see him yes. He said the 'hospital is pretty shut down with covid measures so nil chance of your visiting atm'. I don't think that can be true but I can't force it. I just have to accept it. But its hard.

@5YearsLeft Thank you so much for the reassurance. Unfortunately I did have to go cold turkey due to sudden horrible side effects from the medication so my brain and body are obviously in shock! I can only hope the sleep does come back soon. I can’t cope like this for much longer.

@MrsGlum Oh balls. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know that’s incredibly difficult and while there are a lot of people with insomnia on this thread, most of us (I think, maybe?) survive on cycles where hopefully we get st least a few hours of sleep. Last night and the night before were the most I’ve slept in yonks.

@jowly I know. I do wonder. Like you said, @catwomando, job stress when a job reaches a certain insane point is almost too much, but then you throw in his side of my problems - he’s still moving too (he’ll have to manage the day-of move since I can’t do that), he’s still got a dying wife which he doesn’t seem very happy about, oh, and his mother was suddenly diagnosed with severe memory problems so he has to try to take over her life without taking over her life (you know what I mean?), so she doesn’t overspend, or lose it all to scams, and finds some place to live as she can’t stay in her current apartment. But the drink can’t ever be the answer. He comes from a long line of alcoholics, and I just found him asleep in a bath he’d drawn. He could have drown. So. We’ll be having a very fun conversation tomorrow/today.

Oh SHIT I just realized that I used the toilet when I got up now because I’d been waiting for the toilet for so long. I was supposed to give a urine sample in less than an hour and it was supposed to be the first one when I got up. Dammit. I guess I’ll be doing my bloods for neurology on Monday after all. Sigh. Dammit.

@52andblue I’m so, so sorry to hear this. What a terrible thing to be dealing with. While it does sound like he thinks he’s trying to save you both some pain, I’d just make it clear that not being around him, not seeing him is making it worse. Or that you just want to be there, and it doesn’t have to be about the cancer at all. I wish I had better advice. I’ve seen people who don’t want to discuss their cancer with their loved ones; I’ve seen people who don’t want their loved ones to see them at the VERY end (final weeks), but I haven’t run into this where someone cuts off a relationship as soon as they get a diagnosis. Im sure you’re not the only one, though; this must have happened to others, and people deal getting with a terminal diagnosis in SUCH a wide variety of ways (some of us even post on MN ) that it’s probably impossible to know all the ways people handle it. But I’m so very sorry that the way he’s choosing to handle it is hurting you. I hope it can be sorted quickly.

@MinnieMountain So sorry you’re dealing with the crap of peri-menopause and it’s insomnia-causing joy. It really is a terror for quite a few in this thread. I swear, hormones are just there to cause problems half the time. I hope you can at least get some rest, even if sleep is elusive! Well, and maybe the 230am wake up call you didn’t order from the front desk didn’t help, ha.

Well, everybody, strange night. But! Sun’s up so thread is “shut.” However, we’re never really shut, so you can come back and reply or make comments whenever you want to or you’re exhausted and need support, of course.

I’ll be back tonight to actually open the thread at regular time, though of course, weekends are always weird - sometimes we have nobody on Fridays and sometimes we’re full up. Regardless, if you’re without sleep again tonight, the thread will be here.

And for everyone on the thread, you made it to another Friday! That’s something worth celebrating a bit, even if you did it with the bare minimum of sleep.

Just popping in to say I was awake as usual but tried not to get too drawn into the MN rabbit hole 😂…. Sending love to all x

@5YearsLeft yes I think I’ve been so lucky to have been able to take good sleep for granted most of my life, that this is a massive shock to my system.
I’m glad you managed to get a good few hours the last couple of nights. Hope the same for you tonight too 🤞🏻😴

Argh, wrote a whole message and lost the damn thing.

@Tallisimo Sorry to hear you were still awake! I understand trying to avoid distractions when you can’t sleep; maybe it helps you at least feel a bit more rested, even if sleep won’t come. I hope it helped! We’re always here next day (like now) if you need to talk about the exhaustion but don’t want to fall down a MN rabbit hole during the night.

@MrsGlum Oh gosh, people don’t realize, even those who routinely go without sleep can never really get used to it. There’s just no such thing. Their reaction times, decision making, fine motor skills will always be less than those who are getting perfect amounts of sleep and the needed amounts of deep sleep, especially, as I know there are some who sleep, but still don’t get deep sleep, especially when suffering from pain or anxiety. DH used to fly helicopters and they would cancel a flight if the pilot hadn’t gotten a required amount of hours of sleep because when it came to the motor skills required for flying, being short on that sleep was the equivalent of drink driving. So DH always reminds me when I’m getting frustrated trying to remember things or do things after I’ve had a string of bad nights, that it’s like I’m trying to do maths while off my face Things will get better as your body adjusts without the antidepressants, but I understand that the amount of time it takes is INCREDIBLY difficult. Just know that you will come out the other side of this, and just be very gentle with yourself in the mean time, because you’re going through something that is very painful for a lot of people, you included. I mean, sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for s reason. Essentially, you’re being tortured. So you just need to be as patient with yourself the rest of the time as possible. And your doctor may have to give you something short term to help you sleep since this is a unique situation (having to quit antidepressants in a very harsh way because of the side effects). I think you mentioned maybe you have been taking something. No one wants to be reliant on something for sleep, but this is just a phase for you right now, while the drug gets out of your system, and then (hopefully) your sleep will return to normal, so don’t give up hope. And the thread is always here whenever you’re awake or exhausted and things are difficult. Or you know, if you’re just struggling with Wordle… those bastards…

@5YearsLeft
You’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head describing it as torture! In fact that’s how I described it to a friend. Also agree about the drink driving analogy - I definitely don’t feel safe to drive at the moment!
Thanks for your reassurance that it will hopefully pass as my body adjusts back to normal. I really hope it does but it’s comforting to know that I can join fellow insomniacs on here whilst I wait. It’s horrible feeling so alone in the middle of the night when everyone else is happily sleeping. Thank you.

@MrsGlum When insomnia is caused by medication, it really can be difficult and isolating. I do understand. I read somewhere (of course I can’t remember where) that those with “regular” insomnia (well, if any of this is regular) may still experience microsleeps where they fall asleep occasionally during the day or night for two minutes or five minutes or, if they’re lucky, ten minutes. It’s the body’s way of trying to stave off total breakdown in your mind when you can’t sleep normally. However, when medication is messing with your sleep cycle, it can really get bizarre. I have never felt absolute hysteria the way I felt when I was suddenly put on very high-dose steroids (from a very low dose) and I couldn’t sleep at all. Not a single minute. By I think day 3, I wasn’t even hungry but had to eat with medication so tried to make myself porridge, had my phone sitting next to a measuring cup, went to pour milk into the cup, and watched myself pour it right onto my phone instead (thank God for Otterbox cases! ha). My point is: what you’re going through would test anybody, it’s not natural for a human body, but when the medication gets fully out of you (and very unfortunately, I can’t say exactly when that will be), this crappy time will end. But yes, until then… the thread is here!

@5YearsLeft that’s exactly how it feels -just as if my brain is permanently switched on and will not shut down regardless of how exhausted I am. I so wish I’d never started the medication now. I really hope it’s not too long before my nervous system can reset itself. Thanks for the support

I think I might have peaked.. By that I mean I just cannot be more tired than this and not sleep surely. I'm grumpy, tearful, eating rubbish and tempted to drink myself to sleep.

I dread bedtime.

(So sorry to whinge).

How can I be sooooo tired and not sleep? I know it’s not going to get any easier when I have baby either and if ds is anything to go by I may never sleep again!

Have been listening to Jodi Taylor chronicles of st marys which is relaxing, not as good as sleep but better than tossing and turning and overthinking!

Have a viewing on Tuesday, when we move it won’t have anything at all so I’m going to try and order same day delivery of mattress and bedding and order a cooker (just so I know it’s safe and installed by people who know what they’re doing!) then going to try and get everything else from Facebook market place or in dribs and drabs. So won’t be an easy situation to be in but hopefully because it’s not shared me and ds will sleep better?

Hope everyone gets some rest tonight ♥️

Ugh I’ve been doing so well getting to sleep and the three nights on sleeping pills, three nights off has been working wonders - last night I was asleep before 10:30 completely naturally but tonight it’s just not coming.
Also I decided I wasn’t hungry properly earlier and just had some broccoli and now I’m really hungry but would rather stick pins in my eyes than get out of bed and go downstairs right now

After midnight (almost), so the thread is open. It’s Friday night which means we all survived another week; you’re all doing wonderful, for people with no sleep!

As always, if you’re up with pain, worry, grief, stress, babies, children, pets, OHs, or just insomnia without reason, this thread is here for you, whether you only need it for one night or you become a “regular.” Feel free to share now during the night, or come back during the day if you need to talk about your exhaustion.

@jowly Oh, it is SO okay to whinge. Who wouldn’t. Like I said earlier to @MrsGlum, I’ve never felt more hysterical than when I went three days without I think a single wink of sleep. I felt just beside myself. This current iteration of sleeplessness leaves me constantly on edge, I admit. None of us are meant to live like this. Our bodies need to sleep; it’s when your brain “resets” your memory, and heals all the little hurts of the day, and everybody needs that. Whinge as much as you need to. While I don’t usually support drinking as an answer to problems (but by that I mean when you’re angry or upset over something in particular), if having a few might actually get you to sleep, it’s Friday and tomorrow is Saturday, so why not?

@Chichimcgee A question I’m sure we all ask ourselves: why the hell doesn’t being this tired equal sleep! I wish I knew. BUT! At least your housing is moving along, with the visit Tuesday, and you’ll be in very soon! I hope all the deliveries work out and you can get it easily scheduled tohave the things you need.

Hi @5YearsLeft. Hope you are okay. And hello @Tallisimo! I wonder how your sciatica is doing?! I now have Dihydracodeine to take in the two weeks before my op. Doesn’t help with pain at all but I think helps me sleep a bit better. Am having pre-op blood test on Monday. Have two teens at home this weekend. Both have dodged covid so far by some miracle. I am so hoping they don’t pick it up and pass it on as my surgery would be cancelled!! Have had to drive a lot today so my lower back feels like it has been kicked by a horse right now! Sending good wishes to all awake now it’s officially past midnight!

@ImNotDancing

I’m hungry too and would get up but with it being a shared house I’m scared! I’ve never lived in a shared house before clearly! and don’t know the rules!
We keep to ourselves, go to the kitchen for food and clean up after ourselves. Chat to people if we see them. We were waiting for food to cook and sat in the dining room and overheard one of the women talking about us, DS said it sounded mean but it was just that we tend to stay in our room really and that we don’t want to be here. Which I thought was a bit odd because as lovely as it is and as nice as the staff are etc who wants to have their children long term in a refuge?

@Coroico97

Hope your back settles down, that’s the last thing you need! Can you swaddle teens up and keep them in a big hamster ball just to be safe?!

@catwomando
Leeches? Is that an old wives tale.

@5YearsLeft
Sorry to hear you have illnesses but very pleased the blood is of service to you. It was a pleasure and I will be looking forward to next time. I might just go in my PJs ready. :)

52andblue
I am so sorry! Sending virtual strength to you

Oh @Chichimcgee thank you. I would LOVE a big hamster wheel for them both. That’s a brilliant idea! They would be safe, out of the way so I wouldn’t pick up their bugs, and they would have plenty of exercise!!
That sounds so tough for you both. Of course you don’t want to stay there. Staying in your room sounds exactly the right thing to be doing. You and DS hopefully feel safe there.

@Coroico97 we do feel safe, it’s weird because I didn’t realise how unsafe I felt until I was here but it’s been 12 years of my ex getting me to this point where I didn’t see it as abuse, getting the help and support now and I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I know I can’t change the past so try not to dwell on it but it’s infuriating that I didn’t see what was right in front of me

Hello, lovely people.
Sadly I’m awake and in pain. I think I maybe did too many stairs today …. My brother and sister in law came to visit and helped with some DIY stuff for me, we went for a walk and a drive too … I do seem to be paying for it now.
I’m glad I’ve nothing I need to be doing tomorrow, when I do eventually get to sleep, it won’t matter what time I get up!

Hugs to all who are awake, for whatever the reason.