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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

987 replies

5YearsLeft · 05/02/2022 11:24

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

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5YearsLeft · 09/02/2022 00:32

@Nsky It’s hard to want to sleep when you’re having bad dreams; I can understand that. I hope your appointment can sort out the vision problem for you as it sounds so frustrating AND I hope that the cat shapes up!

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Chichimcgee · 09/02/2022 00:45

Brew hello night owls!

Tallisimo · 09/02/2022 01:27

Hello fellow seekers of sleep! I seem to be here once again …

JaceLancs · 09/02/2022 01:30

I’m here again!
Everything is taking it’s toll on me and I’m too tired to even type about it
Hope we get some respite soon

Chichimcgee · 09/02/2022 01:53

Baby is being so active it’s making me feel sea sick, only 18 days until due date and I know I shouldn’t wish it away but I’m so uncomfortable

Tallisimo · 09/02/2022 03:30

Sending hugs x @JaceLancs

Tallisimo · 09/02/2022 03:32

@5YearsLeft good luck with the tests and stuff x

catwomando · 09/02/2022 03:47

Hello everyone

@5YearsLeft it's understandable that you're not looking forward to the appointment. With a chronic condition you kind of expect yourself to just get on with it, be matter of fact as we are so used to it (and we give others that impression so they don't worry) , but the reality is often different with catastrophic scenarios going round and round our heads, followed swiftly by attempts at self-correction that it probably won't be that bad. But then it might. or might not. And round and round. It's almost like admitting weakness if we actually say this out loud though and we chronic sufferers mustn't EVER show weakness because that's just not the rules of the game. We must always be stoic, brave and matter of fact about our appointments, procedures and any news we get. Our real moments of weakness are in the wee small dark hours when we feel truly alone. But the good news is even in those wee small dark hours you've got us lot (and we have you!). We, the ones who really 'get' it and with whom you can safely share (if you want to). I have the most wonderful, supportive DH and brilliant friends but I don't ever share my darkest fears about health with them.

I am keeping fingers crossed that your phlebotomist is the best there is, your doctors expert and empathetic, and your results the best you can hope for. X

I've said goodbye to a handful of my favourite colleagues today. Each of whom were very sweet, and a couple of whom are also miserable and thinking of leaving. They all said genuinely lovely things, which was lovely to hear. My head is still racing though - after so long in employment, walking away from a healthy salary is still a slightly mad thing to do, but it is the right thing, right now. I think. . But then again ask me in 6 months when energy prices are so huge I can't pay the bill, and we can't afford a holiday or groceries. Now that's me catasrophising in the wee small dark hours.

How's everyone else tonight?

Ps @Wallywobbles the lambs are the most beautiful things. I'd quite like to squash them 🤗 if that's allowed.

4catsaremylife · 09/02/2022 04:10

Met the hospice nurses that are going to be caring for my lovely mum in the last weeks of her life today. I went into work early and went back after and made up the time I missed. i was coping OK but then made the mistake of watching This is going to hurt { I loved the books} I work in health sector, although no longer in a clinical role, so the content was no surprise but I am overcome with sadness now and I realise that it was probably not the best idea.
I am laying in bed now thinking I have to be up in 3 hours to spend another day firefighting at work.
I can't take any time away from work because I don't get paid sick leave and can't survive on SSP and tbh working helps me distracted myself from mums illness and dad's increasing -"forgetfulness" but I am so tired of keeping up with the brave face and sad I am losing my lovely mum

5YearsLeft · 09/02/2022 05:07

@jacelancs I’m so sorry. It’s okay; you don’t have to type about it. I remember from last time. Running a charity is stressful even when everything runs smoothly. During a pandemic, when everyone is absolutely bricking themselves about money, and all the other issues society has right now that have pushed charities so far down the “priority list”? It must feel like you go in every day, trying to squeeze blood from a stone, just getting people outside the organization to think of you, much less fund you. And then there’s all the other things stuffed together in your mind to worry about; no one could hold it all in 24 hours a day, and you’ve done a smashing job holding it in until 3am. But you’re doing so much, you’re so far beyond capacity, that you just have to be gentle with yourself when something gives. You’re human. You’re doing the best you can every day. And it’s no wonder you can’t sleep. If you can’t sleep, maybe just try to get some rest (do whatever you find restful - your favorite book or TV show); it’s not sleep, true, but it’s a little better than nothing.

@catwomando Thank you for your words! Most of them are absolutely spot on about the wee small hours. Though admittedly I can’t hide the absolute worst of my diagnosis. I’d feel like a total shite if I hadn’t told DH I was dying, ha. But my problem, of course, is that progression shouldn’t be a surprise to me - I’m dying! Of course these things are going to progress! And yet, it’s always a nasty surprise and I’m always upset. It’s all so damn ridiculous. BUT I don’t think your feelings about your job are ridiculous at all! Your liked your job, the environment got toxic, you decided to leave, and that’s going to cause mixed feelings in anyone. And of course, even if you think you have everything planned out, at least one catastrophic worry that it’s going to be between paying for heating or living off cat food doesn’t feel far-fetched at that moment (which makes me absolutely disgusted with the government - there should be backdated windfall taxes for energy companies NOW). But you’re going to be okay; you’ve made the best decision for your mental health, and hopefully even your sleep, and once the initial jarring feeling wears off, hopefully you’ll find it’s nice to leave all the toxic BS behind. All my fingers crossed for you!

@4catsaremylife What an absolutely terrible time. I’m so sorry. Hospice nurses are usually great people, and they will care for your mum very well, but it’s terrible to have to need them. It sounds like being at work is taking a lot out of you, but I understand the idea that you have no choice - there’s no sick pay, when we all desperately need that safety net, and you’re not the only one who couldn’t survive on SSP right now. So while the “firefighting” aspect of it sounds too much, at least it’s some distraction from everything else. But I get it - night comes and then there’s no distraction, and sometimes you
think about all the bits of the day that were the hardest because that’s what your mind stumbles over. It’s so difficult. The point where you have to take care of your parents is absolute shite; it really is. Not because you don’t want to, but because there’s usually so much pain wrapped up in it, since there’s usually something like cancer or Alzheimer’s or dementia or the like. Your sadness is so, so normal.

@chichimcgee Ach, I suppose too active is better than not active, but not better for sleep! Only a few more days and you’ll be through this with a brand new baby. I know that doesn’t stop the discomfort now though, so I do hope you got some rest.

@tallisimo Sorry you were here again! But your pain sounds like enough to keep you up often so… I do hope the GP will listen about the MRI. All my fingers crossed for you!

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RaelImperialAerosolKid · 09/02/2022 05:16

Hi can I join - broke my toe yesterday and have been awake all night in agony and feeling very sorry for myself - there is no treatment so I don't even get a cool foot brace to illicit sympathy.

5YearsLeft · 09/02/2022 05:55

@RaelImperialAerosolKid That’s awful - agony so bad you can’t sleep AND nothing to show for it! What a terrible combo! And yes, everybody’s welcome here. If you can’t sleep, it’s the place for you. So sorry to hear about your toe. I hope maybe the throbbing (or stabbing?) dies down a bit in the next few days so sleep can return, but I can definitely understand tonight is a lost cause.

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Tallisimo · 09/02/2022 06:20

@RaelImperialAerosolKid

Hi can I join - broke my toe yesterday and have been awake all night in agony and feeling very sorry for myself - there is no treatment so I don't even get a cool foot brace to illicit sympathy.
Ouch! I broke my little toe and clearly remember the pain! Hope you can take some painkillers to help take the edge off things x
RaelImperialAerosolKid · 09/02/2022 06:33

Thanks - have just informed work that I will be WFH - should be ok but I feel guilty as well! The sun is almost up so have a good day to you all

5YearsLeft · 09/02/2022 08:35

Hey all - sun is up so thread is “closed,” but of course, we’re never really closed, so if you’re struggling or suffering during the day with whatever keeps you awake, feel free to come by and share. Or if you’re just exhausted and need to talk about it, the thread is here.

It’s Wednesday! That means that regardless of how well you’re doing at sleeping, you’re getting there, and we’re almost halfway through the week, so congrats!

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jowly · 09/02/2022 09:17

@5YearsLeft hope today goes as well as it can do..WineCake

JaceLancs · 09/02/2022 09:30

Thank you everyone - today is a new day!
Even after 3 hours sleep
DS has Covid
DP difficult work situation worsening
Elderly DM with Alzheimer’s is getting worse - just been trying private care agencies and they’ve all got long waiting lists
Personal issues amongst my staff (not their fault and I’m very sympathetic) are causing me more work stress and I’m having to pick up the slack
DDs MIL has taken a turn for the worse and is getting towards end of life
Just to add insult to injury - found out a few days ago the person who reversed into my car has no insurance

5YearsLeft · 09/02/2022 09:47

@JaceLancs I’m not any kind of professional (in anything but rhetoric, in which I do have a uni degree) and I’m not your mum, but having read that list… do you want me to write and sign a note saying, “This woman has permission to get under her duvet and stay there today as she is under our professional participation in a sleep issues group - signed, er, anonymous”?!? I mean, the after-midnight thread is TECHNICALLY a sleep issues group, well, sort of a non-sleep issues group. Maybe I should make a note everyone can use… That said, it doesn’t just rain; it pours. And I get that it’s always ONE more thing - your poor car! And of course, always the last thing you need. I don’t believe in pretending this will all get better in 24 hours. Maybe at the end of today, you could write the exact same list or maybe even slightly worse. But I do stand by my theory that… we just keep going. We can only keep going, and we eventually reach the other side. I won’t lie and pretend we might not be beat to hell and exhausted when we get there, but we do reach it. I have my fingers crossed you just make it through today; that’s all anyone can ask of you and all you can ask of yourself.

@RaelImperialAerosolKid Don’t feel guilty! You broke your toe; WFH is a great compromise considering that you could have just called off sick completely, so realize that (like so many of us on this thread) you’re doing the best you can.

@jowly Thanks. It’s not until 16h. I don’t know why I’m being so ridiculous. I know my consultant really well, I’ve seen her for absolutely ages, we’ve probably had worse conversations, but I suppose I just don’t want to have to go through it all with her, you know? My eyes seem to do this strange thing where they well up with water when I talk about getting more sick.

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jowly · 09/02/2022 11:34

@5YearsLeft it's the saying it all out loud isn't it. Actually verbalising your fears and worries make them more 'real' and it's sometimes easier to just keep them to yourself. Yet once said, discussed, and a plan is made you feel better.
As for tears, well if facing our own mortality isn't enough to make us cry then I don't know what is.

I'm really sorry you're facing this, but as is often the case, it won't be as bad as you fear.

Deep breaths, best foot forward x

catwomando · 09/02/2022 20:35

Evening all. I'm
So knackered that I've just come to bed. Like a baby. 👶

Chichimcgee · 09/02/2022 20:58

@4catsaremylife
I’m so sorry about your mum, the hospice carers for my mum at Loros were incredible and although it’s the most awful situation they made things as happy and comfortable as possible for us both. I hope your mums carers are just as wonderful.

@5YearsLeft you’re so brave, my dad was given 3-6 months. Held out for 2 years and while he could he was so upbeat and positive and then said he was ready to go. I’d be curled up under my quilt feeling sorry for myself if it was me.

I finally got housing approval and strangely how they do the week is from Thursday to 11.59pm Wednesday so I snuck in there. I’m currently number 1 and I’m desperately hoping tomorrow they offer it and we can move rather than waiting weeks for short listing or whatevering.
I think I’ve upset the people here though who have been waiting months but I was once told the squeakiest wheel gets the oil so I messaged the housing people direct as well as getting the case worker to email them and emailed every day, even if it’s just ‘a quick question’ about the process so they don’t forget me Grin

5YearsLeft · 10/02/2022 00:18

Welcome to the after-midnight thread, ha. We’re open since it’s after midnight. Whatever is keeping you awake, you’re welcome to share it on the thread, and chances are, someone somewhere is going through something similar. And if none of us have, we can still sympathize with the best of them.

@jowly You’re exactly right. It’s the act of saying it out loud. Somehow… that just feels like it makes it more real? Even though obviously, it’s happening whether I talk about it or not.

@Chichimcgee Great news! I hope they offer you a place tomorrow! As for feeling guilty about those who have been waiting months, it is really unfortunate that there aren’t enough spots for everybody, since the need is so great, but even if you were calling every day, I don’t think they’d be giving you a place if they didn’t think you really need it and you need it NOW. Your baby is coming in barely a few weeks, and you have a 12-year-old DS with ASD who probably really needs space if his own and very stable surroundings. I’m sure a lot of people have important needs too, but equally, they may just want you housed before it becomes you, a baby, and a pre-teen in one room at the refuge.

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5YearsLeft · 10/02/2022 00:19

Oh and @catwomando you must just be exhausted! Let the bed take you and hopefully it will lead to sleep.

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Chichimcgee · 10/02/2022 00:48

I’m here with my brew!
House I bid on isn’t there so it’s going to be offered to someone (hopefully me please!) it takes up to 3 days to find out so I will email as soon as it’s daylight obviously!

I think the others here as well as having different circumstances have kind of just accepted that things happen slowly? So 4 weeks for application to be reviewed normally, whereas I found and emailed the housing people direct to really make the point that where we are living isn’t suitable. Trying to get things we left behind and settle into somewhere having to wait for furniture and things and setting up all the new bills etc is a headache but as long as there’s a roof, 4 walls and a door that’s ours I can cope with everything else!

catwomando · 10/02/2022 00:57

Hello, and thanks 5.

@5YearsLeft how did the appointment go? Was it as bad as you'd feared or just more of the same? I was thinking of you today.

I agree with what @Chichimcgee says. You are very brave (and also very kind and wise) . You may not,like us saying it, but you are 😘

I'm awake now (woken up by a hot flush. DH tried to cuddle me but I was all sweaty and wet and sticky Envyso he rolled over and went back to sleep - who can blame him ) but slept a bit so that's good.

Saw the physio today and have tennis elbow, possible carpal tunnel , definite median nerve problem (caused by degeneration in cervical spine which I've had for years). It's all my own fault because i stopped yoga whilst I was ill with covid and long covid so my inflammation-prone body has decided to protest, seize up and get all hot and bothered. Lots of food with turmeric , and some gentle yoga and wrist exercises are called for. Plus the bloody HRT when I can get it. I don't know about you @5YearsLeft but there are days when I can literally feel the inflammation moving around my body. I tell it not to Grin but it just zings in my joints.

How's everyone else tonight?