@jacelancs I’m so sorry. It’s okay; you don’t have to type about it. I remember from last time. Running a charity is stressful even when everything runs smoothly. During a pandemic, when everyone is absolutely bricking themselves about money, and all the other issues society has right now that have pushed charities so far down the “priority list”? It must feel like you go in every day, trying to squeeze blood from a stone, just getting people outside the organization to think of you, much less fund you. And then there’s all the other things stuffed together in your mind to worry about; no one could hold it all in 24 hours a day, and you’ve done a smashing job holding it in until 3am. But you’re doing so much, you’re so far beyond capacity, that you just have to be gentle with yourself when something gives. You’re human. You’re doing the best you can every day. And it’s no wonder you can’t sleep. If you can’t sleep, maybe just try to get some rest (do whatever you find restful - your favorite book or TV show); it’s not sleep, true, but it’s a little better than nothing.
@catwomando Thank you for your words! Most of them are absolutely spot on about the wee small hours. Though admittedly I can’t hide the absolute worst of my diagnosis. I’d feel like a total shite if I hadn’t told DH I was dying, ha. But my problem, of course, is that progression shouldn’t be a surprise to me - I’m dying! Of course these things are going to progress! And yet, it’s always a nasty surprise and I’m always upset. It’s all so damn ridiculous. BUT I don’t think your feelings about your job are ridiculous at all! Your liked your job, the environment got toxic, you decided to leave, and that’s going to cause mixed feelings in anyone. And of course, even if you think you have everything planned out, at least one catastrophic worry that it’s going to be between paying for heating or living off cat food doesn’t feel far-fetched at that moment (which makes me absolutely disgusted with the government - there should be backdated windfall taxes for energy companies NOW). But you’re going to be okay; you’ve made the best decision for your mental health, and hopefully even your sleep, and once the initial jarring feeling wears off, hopefully you’ll find it’s nice to leave all the toxic BS behind. All my fingers crossed for you!
@4catsaremylife What an absolutely terrible time. I’m so sorry. Hospice nurses are usually great people, and they will care for your mum very well, but it’s terrible to have to need them. It sounds like being at work is taking a lot out of you, but I understand the idea that you have no choice - there’s no sick pay, when we all desperately need that safety net, and you’re not the only one who couldn’t survive on SSP right now. So while the “firefighting” aspect of it sounds too much, at least it’s some distraction from everything else. But I get it - night comes and then there’s no distraction, and sometimes you
think about all the bits of the day that were the hardest because that’s what your mind stumbles over. It’s so difficult. The point where you have to take care of your parents is absolute shite; it really is. Not because you don’t want to, but because there’s usually so much pain wrapped up in it, since there’s usually something like cancer or Alzheimer’s or dementia or the like. Your sadness is so, so normal.
@chichimcgee Ach, I suppose too active is better than not active, but not better for sleep! Only a few more days and you’ll be through this with a brand new baby. I know that doesn’t stop the discomfort now though, so I do hope you got some rest.
@tallisimo Sorry you were here again! But your pain sounds like enough to keep you up often so… I do hope the GP will listen about the MRI. All my fingers crossed for you!