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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if you sleep trained your baby

411 replies

babyjellyfish · 05/02/2022 11:12

What approach did you take, how old was your baby and how successful was it?

Looking for a range of views and experiences.

Thank you.

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 10:51

Does he have a cot?

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 10:52

@RandomMess

I think spare mattress in his room and reducing the length of his 2nd nap is the right way to start.

Have you considered a holiday in the opposite hemisphere to the one you live in to complete disrupt his pattern 🤣 sorry not helpful.

I'm assuming he doesn't get fed to sleep and self settles for nap and bedtime ok?

Ha! Any kind of holiday would be excellent right now.

I am leaning towards the mattress in his room approach too. We can't just leave him to scream all night but we really need to get him out of our bed because it's just not working for any of us anymore.

I do feed him just before bed but he doesn't usually fall completely asleep on the boob. He settles fine for naps with the childminder and isn't fed immediately beforehand. We struggle a lot more to get him to nap at home at weekends and more often than not my husband will nap with him. We probably need to be trying harder to get him to nap in his cot at weekends using the same routine as with the childminder during the week. Everything just feels like such a struggle at the moment though.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 10:53

@CrimbleCrumble1

Does he have a cot?
Yes he does. He doesn't spend much time in it though!
OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 10:55

I’d go for putting him in his cot at 8 and seeing what happens. You could try a mattress in his room for you to sleep in but I wouldn’t. The co sleeping plan isn’t working as none of you are sleeping so I would completely change tactics.

HorseInTheHouse · 07/02/2022 10:57

Personally I would have one of you sleeping in his room if your end goal is to have him sleeping in there by himself. I honestly don't know what I would do with a baby who could already fall asleep independently but was awake and happily alert for long periods in the night and I agree that it sounds like a body clock issue rather than a sleep crutch issue. It must be really hard and I sympathise with you and your husband.

I think while it is happening I would just be as boring as possible, avoid eye contact, don't speak to him, pretend to be asleep yourself, maybe just put your hand on him for reassurance and make shushing noises if he is getting very upset. There is not going to be a quick fix but I think you could probably make some improvements by following through with your plan for changing the daytime naps. Worth a try anyway.

RandomMess · 07/02/2022 10:58

I would get him used to only sleeping in his cot in his room.

Mattress or not is up to you.

Quite frankly can one of you also sleep 8-12 so that you can endure the 12-4 stint?

use257 · 07/02/2022 11:00

Yes. I didn't want to originally and I didn't with my first but I had to for my mental health with my second. I was close to being admitted to hospital but a week of sleep training changed my life. My baby is such a happier baby in the day now as well, I understand those against it as that was me once. But they won't have been in everyone's situation and I think those who strongly advocate 'gentle' parenting need to not be so aggressive about it sometimes. There's a balance to strike, like with everything in parenting

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:01

@CrimbleCrumble1

I’d go for putting him in his cot at 8 and seeing what happens. You could try a mattress in his room for you to sleep in but I wouldn’t. The co sleeping plan isn’t working as none of you are sleeping so I would completely change tactics.
What happens is he will last until midnight and then he will be awake for four hours. If he's on his own he will just scream and scream. If one of us is within touching distance then he will still be awake but at least he won't be screaming.
OP posts:
Myfootfeckinghurts · 07/02/2022 11:02

I think there is a link between sleep training and bottle feeding.
I believe you are less likely to sleep train if you are breastfeeding/co sleeping.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:03

Can you ask the childminder how she does the naps and completely copy the routine at your house for naps and bedtimes? The second nap is long. I did the longer nap at about 11.30 to 1.30 and a cap nap at about 3.45 ish.

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:03

@RandomMess

I would get him used to only sleeping in his cot in his room.

Mattress or not is up to you.

Quite frankly can one of you also sleep 8-12 so that you can endure the 12-4 stint?

We might be able to do that temporarily but not long term, so that 12-4 window really needs fixing!
OP posts:
Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:04

@Myfootfeckinghurts

I think there is a link between sleep training and bottle feeding. I believe you are less likely to sleep train if you are breastfeeding/co sleeping.
Breastfeeding and co-notsleeping at the moment!
OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:05

Did you feed him between 12 and 4?

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:05

@CrimbleCrumble1

Can you ask the childminder how she does the naps and completely copy the routine at your house for naps and bedtimes? The second nap is long. I did the longer nap at about 11.30 to 1.30 and a cap nap at about 3.45 ish.
I will talk to her again about what she does. I agree we need to be more consistent in terms of what is happening with the childminder and what is happening at home. But I also think maybe he is just napping too much.
OP posts:
Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:06

@CrimbleCrumble1

Did you feed him between 12 and 4?
I did out of desperation when my husband had left him to cry it out and he was inconsolable. But I don't usually. He isn't hungry and it no longer sends him back to sleep.
OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:06

Could you try singing to him, stroking him but minimal getting him out of the cot between 12 and 4 and definitely don’t crack and take him into your bed. Short term pain for long term gain.

Porcupineintherough · 07/02/2022 11:11

I'd say start as you mean to go on. So him in his cot and 1 of you in there with him as required.

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:13

@CrimbleCrumble1

Could you try singing to him, stroking him but minimal getting him out of the cot between 12 and 4 and definitely don’t crack and take him into your bed. Short term pain for long term gain.
That's what I was doing last night.

The trouble is, I can't be awake between midnight and 4am every night, and I know my husband doesn't have the patience for it. He managed about half an hour last night before losing his temper.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:15

I think I will have to just lie in there next to him tonight and hope that he is knackered enough to sleep a bit more after his reduced naps today.

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:19

But you won’t be awake between 12 and 4 every night, you will be for about three nights and then it could really work for you long term. You could get the 8-12 block of sleep or use annual leave if that’s an option. I’d give it a try, it’s got to be better than coming back in a years time to say you’ve cracked up through no sleep.

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:20

@CrimbleCrumble1

But you won’t be awake between 12 and 4 every night, you will be for about three nights and then it could really work for you long term. You could get the 8-12 block of sleep or use annual leave if that’s an option. I’d give it a try, it’s got to be better than coming back in a years time to say you’ve cracked up through no sleep.
Do you really think this approach will work to get him back to sleep if he just isn't tired at that time though?
OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/02/2022 11:22

Babies are designed to wake up. It's nature's way and it happens for good reason.

I didn't sleep train at all: it's not my style of parenting. But I'd never even consider doing so with a child under one.

Original poster
babyjellyfish · 07/02/2022 11:24

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Babies are designed to wake up. It's nature's way and it happens for good reason.

I didn't sleep train at all: it's not my style of parenting. But I'd never even consider doing so with a child under one.

Unfortunately I have a baby who is awake between midnight and 4am every night, and a full time job.
OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 07/02/2022 11:25

@MarieIVanArkleStinks and at 10 months what is this very good reason please? A 10 month old doesnt need food every 2 hours and is fully capable of learning to sleep unassisted.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:26

I don’t know but I would reduce the second nap, only use the cot and do the minimum at night and give it a go. . The nanny programmes on TV seem to work miracles with terrible sleepers within three nights. Or use one of the methods lots of previous posters have successfully used. For me three nights, ideally over a weekend of disruption had got to be worth trying.